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REAL HOUSEWIVES OF ATLANTA RECAP: Season Five, Episode Nineteen… “Donktabulous!”

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REAL HOUSEWIVES OF ATLANTA RECAP   Season Five, Episode Sixteen …  “Donktabulous!” by Sandi Duffy Here we go again with the terribly boring Real Housewives of Atlanta.  We are back at Kandi’s housewarming and Kenya has her panties in a … Continue reading

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REAL HOUSEWIVES OF ATLANTA RECAP: Season Five, Episode Twelve… “Battle of the Booty”

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REAL HOUSEWIVES OF ATLANTA RECAP   Season Five, Episode Twelve… “Battle of the Booty”   by Sandi Duffy I know there are those who will argue with me, but after much soul searching, I have decided that I like Kenya … Continue reading

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REAL HOUSEWIVES OF ATLANTA RECAP: Season Five, Episode Six… “Hold On To Your Weave”

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REAL HOUSEWIVES OF ATLANTA RECAP:   Season Five, Episode Six… “Hold On To Your Weave” By Sandi Duffy Before I start my Atlanta recap, I want to admit that I watched part of the Leann Rimes interview on E and … Continue reading

REAL HOUSEWIVES OF ATLANTA: Recap/Review of RHOA… From Closet__Freak!!

November 26, 2012  Our friend, @Closet__Freak (remember, it’s a DOUBLE underscore!!) has a new review of last night’s Real Housewives of Atlanta!

 

 

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REAL HOUSEWIVES OF ATLANTA RECAP: Season Five, Episode Four… “Unmoved”… AND Preview of Next Week’s RHOA…

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REAL HOUSEWIVES OF ATLANTA RECAP   Season Five, Episode Four… “Unmoved” by Sandi Duffy If Atlanta doesn’t step things up, this may be my last recap.  This show is boring me to tears and I’m really finding these women unlikable…and … Continue reading

Real Housewives of Atlanta Recap… Weekend at Kramers

Another week until the finale of the Real Housewives of Atlanta…this week Kandi and Kim’s tour bus pulled into Miami with Nene still finger pointing and threatening Kim with various sorts of bodily injury…  It’s not even three minutes into this and I’m wishing that Kim would get up and give Nene a huge punch in the face.

nene-kim-fight-rhoa.jpgNene still messin’ with Kim

Moving on…We start with a continuation of the bus ride and Nene is thinking up new ways to dispense of Kim… oh, no! Just strangling Kim isn’t gonna do it, now Nene wants to toss her out the window.

Sheree, Phaedra and Cynthia are waiting for the bus to arrive when the bus rolls into the driveway of Kim’s friend, Thomas Kramer, and the assault inside the bus is still going on.  Kim gets off the bus… inside the bus, Nene is still talking about Kim!  Really, Nene is getting on my nerves… bad.

Kim is telling Sheree, Phaedra and Cynthia about Nene’s behavior when Nene steps off the bus.  Nene starts to tell the group about the fight, Derek J joins in to give his version and then Nene starts up with Kim again… really, Nene… give it a rest! Again, throwing Kim off the bus isn’t good enough… now Nene wants to snap Kim’s neck, pop her eyeballs out and says that Kim is a monster full of trash.  Nene really got some hate in her for Kim… oh yeah…  it’s spewing out of her mouth like a water bursting from a run over fire hydrant.

RHOAflyabove.jpgBitchy, bossy, big-mouth Nene still clashing with Kim

Where is the star of this tour, the queen of wheels, the princess of popology??? Kandi’s smart… Kandi stayed on the bus until Sheree and Phaedra poke their heads in the bus and asks Kandi about what went on in the bus.  So… of course, the entire fight gets reinacted AGAIN…

In the meantime, standing outside the bus, Nene is still going after Kim and Kim is just not acknowledging her.  Finally, Kim’s rich real estate mogul friend, Thomas Kramer shows up and asks, “Do you want to fight or have a good time?”  and, he says it in a German accent… not like Ahnuld, ’cause Ahnuld’s Austrian… but Jehrmin, like the country… hear the difference???   OK.  Good.

Kim and Kramer

OMG!  Nene continues to get up in Kim’s face while entering Kramer’s house and then announces that she’s not staying.  Oh, goodie!  Nene has already shown her blatant jealousy of Kim and it’s not even 20 minutes into this episode… I’m hoping that Nene will go away or Kim suddenly morphs into a hulk-like persona and decks Nene… ’cause you know how Kim rolls… she ain’t gonna even move, let alone really get into it with Nene unless she gets paid, so she’ll have to morph into something that doesn’t require payment…

Kramer greets all of his guests and shows everyone the expanse of his estate and where his neighbors, P Diddy and Gloria Estefan live on 5 Star Island… just a little boat ride away.  OK… maybe I’m confused.  I thought PDiddy, Gloria, etc, all lived on Fisher Island, but maybe he was pointing out their houses from his house on 5 Star Island… doesn’t matter… but really, I’m pretty sure they all live on Fisher Island… now that’s gonna drive me crazy until I find out…

Phaedra, Kim, Kramer, Sheree and Kandi

Moving on… Kim and Sweetie are sitting on the stoop in front of Kramer’s house, taking drags on their cigarettes and going over the Nene altercation.  Sweetie says… big drag on cig…that slaves don’t get paid, Nene you dumbass.  Cut to Nene holding court with the girls at an outdoor table, explaining the fight… again! Nene says to just put a chain around Sweeties neck and drag her around like a dog.  I get the feeling that Nene has done that already with Gregg… Cut to Sweetie and Kim back on the stoop.   Kim says… big drag on cig… that she forgave Nene for strangling her the first time, but…big drag on cig… she’s not taking any more of Nene’s crap… big drag on her cig… Kim says that she understands that Nene’s anger is more than just about Kim and she’s totally over it with Nene.  Kramer appears and Kim… big drag on cig… apologizes for Nene’s behavior. Kramer says he’s known Nene for two minutes and doesn’t like her.   Cut to Nene complaining about Kim and talking about going home.  Kandi wants everyone to stay and have fun for Cynthia.  Everyone’s staying… so far…

Moving on… Everyone is sitting around Kramer’s huge hunk of wood-en dining room table to be served lunch when Phaedra looks up and notices the mural on the ceiling composed of centaurs  Kramer’s place is a bit strange… in the foyer stood a life-like sculpture of a butler holding a tray and Kramer also has his stuffed childhood dog guarding the entrance.  How did he keep the dog until he was old enough to make the decision to have him stuffed? The girls start chatting about Cynthia’s wedding and Cynthia says that she doesn’t want to talk about the wedding, but it’s still moving forward.   Nene again says that she would rather be somewhere else in Miami.    Nene, puh-leeze get on the bus, start it up and drive yourself to the nearest Days Inn… PUH-LEEZE!! Nene feels alone because Kim has Sweetie and Kandi has Derek J and everyone has someone else along with them on this trip and it’s only supposed to be the five girls and no one else is supposed to be here this weekend because it’s not fair to Cynthia as it’s Cynthia’s bachelorette party and Nene is making a huge deal out of Lawrence and Sweetie being with them this weekend.   Just as Nene finally shuts up, Kramer walks in with Lawrence and Sheree grabs him to be with her.     Oh, poor Nene is still all alone… you know she’s either gonna through with her threats to Kim or something else with her is gonna break out…  I’m exhausted.

Moving on… The next morning, Nene and Cynthia are outside talking about this being Kim and Kandi’s final show of the tour and that Cynthia has to go immediately from the music festival to her modeling gig.  Nene drops the bomb that she invited her friend Diana for the weekend.  Cyn just wants Nene to have fun and be happy this weekend and if Diana coming will make Nene happy, then come on in.  I just KNEW it!  Day-um…

Meanwhile, Kim walks out to the pool area ’cause she has to spend time with the man of the house,and explains that Kramer is a successful, super busy guy, so he’s not going to be there too much over the weekend and then catches herself in a mirror hanging on a wall near the pool and starts talking about how good she looks.  As far as I’m concerned, Kim can look at herself in the mirror and talk about herself for the rest of the show, as long as she doesn’t go near that loud-mouthed, loose-lipped, thunderous Nene.  While Kim’s lookin’ in the mirror, in the background,  Kramer is being lifted from the lounge and carried away…

Moving on… In the car going to the music festival with Kim, Sweetie, Phaedra, Derek J, Kandi, Lawrence and …  Kandi tells Kim that they’re running late and Kim has to cut out a song, so she can only sing ‘Tardy For the Party.’    They exit the car and Kim gets up on stage.  Kim’s really into the intro music and getting the crowd amped up… ‘Tardy for the Party’ starts and Kim is singing her little heart out.  Nene is standing in the background while Kim is on stage and everyone else is up front enjoying themselves, cheering on Kim. Nene only has bad things to say about Kim, “Tardy For the Party,” and Kim’s singing. Nene, you a hater… Kim’s song goes over well and Kim introduces Kandi… Kandi comes up on stage, the crowd is very enthusiastic and Kandi sings “I Fly Above.”  Kim says that Kandi wrote “I Fly Above” about Kim.  Huh?  I recall an episode or maybe it was a talk show, where Kandi explains that the song was written right after AJ’s death and she wrote it about herself and how she ‘flies above’ things going on in her life… whatever! Kim joins the other girls down in front of the stage.  Good grief, Nene keeps up her jealousy of Kim.  The concert is over and Kim and Kandi’s tour manager, Don Juan, make up and everyone congratulates each other for a great tour.  Oh, look!  There’s Kramer standing behind the SUV…

Back to Kramer’s:  Sheree and Phaedra sit down for lunch at a shaded outdoor table; Kim and Kandi come out and then Nene and her friend, Diana.  Sheree asks where Diana is staying and Nene informs everyone that Diana is staying with her for the rest of the weekend.   Sweetie is pulling her suitcase out to the patio to say goodbye and Kim tells her not to leave because Nene broke the rules when she invited Diana, taking the focus off of Cynthia.  Another twit battle goes on between Nene and Kim… Nene tells Kim that she’s going to end up in the ocean… Nene… not very imaginative. Kim calls Nene out for making a huge deal out of having other people around for the weekend and then turning around and inviting Diana…Diana starts yapping at Kim for even mentioning Diana’s name… Nene is sitting back with a grin on her face…Kim says that Nene is rude inviting someone to Kim’s friends’ home. Kim is correct on this one!

Sheree has the brilliant idea of everyone exercising to relieve some of the stress of the weekend.  Kim is opts out and decides to watch while lounging and smoking a cigarette and besides that, she has her period.  Hey!  There’s Kramer sitting behind Kim…

Moving on… Cynthia is at the show getting her makeup done.  She tells her makeup artist that she’s back to working on the runway… Cynthia feels pressured to get back to work and continues to tell the makeup artist that she’s getting married next Saturday.

Cynthia as a ModelCynthia modeling

The fashion show begins and Cynthia walks out with a black laced-front swimsuit and some strange headgear.  Sheree says that Cynthia would never fit into She by Sheree samples, ’cause her samples are a size 4-6 and Cynthia has a size 12 booty.  Yow-ouch! Everyone comments on Cynthia’s rear, ’cause they didn’t realize that she had junk in her trunk.   Hey!  There’s Kramer in the back of the audience…

Back at the house...  Everyone is at the dining table for lunch and Phaedra asks if everyone wants to stay another day… Cynthia says she has to go to tie up a lot of things and that she may be leaving this evening.  Sheree asks Cyn how she’s feeling and Cyn says she’s anxious because of emails and payments for the wedding.  Kandi asks Cyn about her honeymoon and Cyn starts to cry.   Cyn leaves the table, and prompted by Kandi, Nene goes after Cyn.  Nene is with Cyn in the bathroom where Nene suggests that they leave tonight or after lunch while everyone back at the table is chit-chatting about whether Cyn should go through with her marriage to Peter.  Kandi says don’t rush the marriage if money isn’t right…   Nene and Cyn come back to the table and Cyn apologizes for her breakdown and says that there probably won’t be a honeymoon because Peter’s club, Uptown, is closed and they were counting on the money from Uptown to pay wedding bills and to pay for their honeymoon.  Note to Cynthia:  he ain’t for you… move on.

Cynthia and PeterPeter and Cynthia

Nene announces that Cyn and Nene are going home tonight.  Sheree says that Cyn needs to get out from under Nene’s ass and woman up.  Everyone tries to talk Cyn out of leaving because they all flew down to Miami for Cyn and want to spend time with her this weekend. Who cares whether Cyn, Nene and Diana go home or not… Kim wants to see strippers and some penis.

Nene and Diana are in Cyn’s room talking about leaving when Sheree knocks at the door. Cyn tells Cheree that says she’s just not into this; Sheree is talking Cyn into have a good time this weekend and despite Nene’s insistence to leave, Cyn says that they all came here to be together, so let’s have aparty… everyone is staying the rest of the weekend.  This guy Kramer must have tons of house guests… there was a hotel/motel sign instructing house guests what to do with their keys upon leaving and a first-aid kit hanging on the room door.  What is this place, a Miami Marriott??

That evening, everyone is seated out on the patio for Cynthia’s party and Lawrence breaks the ice by doing impressive imitations of everyone and we find out that Cyn’s relationship dealbreaker is bad breath.   Phaedra says that she has a present for for Cyn and “as an entertainment attorney, she represents a  very diverse clientele, including ‘entertainers of the night’ … these men are my clients and are my gift to Cynthia.”  A ripped policman approaches Cyn and tells her that she has violated penal code 6969… and male stripping ensues.  Dollar bills are flying about and another stripper joins in.  Kim says that she knew Phaedra had an entertainment law practice, but she didn’t know it was adult entertainment and wants to know what kind of an attorney has strippers for clients…. You know, Kim, your appearance during this show was almost perfect.  Nene was being a complete bellicose biatch and you kept your cool, actually acting somewhat like a lady… but you had to say something really dumb.  Don’t you know that attorneys will take just about anyone on as a client as long as there’s an nice upfront fee paid… they don’t care that you’re a stripper or ‘entertainers of the evening’ … honestly, Kim… you should know this… didn’t you see an attorney the first time Nene strangled you?

Cynthia is ready to get back to Atlanta to deal with all the drama coming up.

After watching this episode…

Nene deserves to be smacked, Cynthia deserves a nice honeymoon, Diana needs never to be seen again and Sweetie deserves to be left alone…  like really, what did Sweetie ever do to Nene!?

Oh, look!  Kramer’s back in his lounge…  where he belongs.  

FYI:  Kramer might be a “generous” host, but if he didn’t have big bucks, he’d be in jail.   The Miami New Times had a very revealing story about “TK” in 1995… here.