ANOTHER DUGGAR DOES IT!! NOW THAT THEY KNOW HOW TO KISS, THEY’RE READY TO BE HOUSEWIVES… JILL AND DERICK ARE MOVING TO NEW JERSEY! MICHELLE AND HORNDOG JIMBOB ARE OFF TO ORANGE COUNTY!
After a sudden and secret departure from Puerto Rico at the end of last season, Lisa Vanderpump is still wary of her formerly close friends, but is beginning to reconnect with Yolanda and Kyle. She has no interest in making amends with Brandi, who is also struggling to move past her own hurt. The ladies all come face-to-face at Kyle’s annual White Party and the over-the-top event is bigger and better than ever now that Mauricio’s real estate agency is selling houses upwards of $50 million.
The social event of the season brings original Beverly Hills housewives Adrienne Maloof, Camille Grammer, and Taylor Armstrong back together. As unresolved issues come to the surface, Brandi is faced with making amends with both Lisa and Adrienne at the same event.
All hell breaks loose at the white party when Kim Richards’ dog sneaks through HagfaceKyle’s back door and proceeds to bite all the Housewives, returning to bite PumpMyStomach several times, as she smells of Eau de VillaFlankSteak. Pandemonium ensues as Kingsley cannot be contained… until he discovers the Fatburger stand, where the servers quickly abandon their stations and Kingsley is given free rein to eat all the Fatburgers he can find. The Fatburgers seem to calm Kingsley. HagfaceKyle takes over the deserted Fatburger stand to feed Kingsley more Fatburgers, but is secretly petrified with fear each time she feeds Kingsley, knowing that if she forgets a pickle, Kingsley will rip her hand off.
Panicked guests are screaming for HagfaceKyle’s hunky husband to remove Kingsley, but Morris cannot be found. KimRichards leads the remaining guest in a search party for Morris. MO-ritz-eo is found cowering in FrontPorcha’s closet protecting CamilleGrammer… the only Housewife who still has real estate to sell!
In this chat with LisaRinna last year, it was clear that she was either in talks with MissAndy to be a BH Housewife or had already signed the contract… as she coyly tries to wriggle out of answering. But, she says that she would fit right in, as she knows them already:
But, we all know how this goes! LisaR will give BS answers and not say the real reason (easy “reality” show $$$ and the free all-expense-paid trips) why she changed her mind and upped with the RHOBH. Just like the rest of the Housewives, LisaR has something to push and is using her HWs “platform” to do some extra hard pushing for viewers to buy her stuff… just in time for Christmas!! Does anyone STILL believe anything that comes out of the Housewives’ mouths?? Does anyone STILL believe that the Housewives are real??
Kim’s prone-to-biting pit bull has been sent to a farm to live his life happily and freely! Awwww, that would have been a nice story, but Kim doesn’t want Kingsley to go away forever and has found a way to keep her deadly dog. Kim has sent Kingsley off to doggie rehab. The dog will stay with a trainer who will wear a full metal mesh body suit while teaching Kim’s dog that it’s not nice to
attack people by opening his huge jaw and clamping down on soft tissue until it hits bone bite anyone. TRAINER TO KINGSLEY: Do you promise to never bite anyone ever again? KINGSLEY: Yes, I promise. TRAINER: OK, you’re cured.
HagfaceKyle tries her best to conquer that lizard-lip-licking habit of hers, but she just can’t… as she talks glowingly about her upcoming white party (stolen from Truman Capote) and all of her kids. Little does her kid Alexia know that she’s months away from being viciously attacked by a pit bull!
We just hope that THIS guest at HagfaceKyle’s annual white party makes it this year!
DrunkOtis makes her way to Yoda’s hilltop lemon house… which is STILL for sale… only to agree to take a walk with Yoda on the beach, which is ten miles away from Yoda’s lemon house. But, before they start their five-hour hike, KingDavid performs a sampling of the musical that he’s STILL working on… BettyBoop. Honestly, who the hell is going to see a musical about BettyBoop??? This must be KingDavid’s only way to get that backing for BettyBoopTheMusical, which he mentioned in one of his many interviews… the same interviews in which he states that the RHOBH are not real!
After the near-death-LymeDisease-ridden Yoda and DrunkOtis prance around to KingDavid’s piano playing, they start their long hike to the beach, but along the way, Yoda discovers a squatter on her property!!
NOTE: Amazing that LymeYoda had such a conniption fit over pictures of her lemon house on SH showing that it was no where NEAR the beach… it’s obvious that no one wants her hilltop hacienda for $25 million!!
If you missed LemonYoda’s conniption fit about her lemon house… HERE…and Yoda’s nasty twitter attack HERE. Back in March, Trulia listed LymeYoda’s property as consisting of 3.18 acres, but the acreage is not mentioned In the updated listing.
Yoda apparently wants buyers to think they’re getting FOUR AND A HALF acres…why is Yoda lying about acreage??
Yoda and DrunkOtis take a ten-mile hike down from Yoda’s lemon house, dodging traffic and then spending six hours knocking on doors to get permission to access the beach…where Yoda chats about her “model” daughter, Alana, and the other sad drunk “model” daughter, Lemon.
DrunkOtis has tons of business opportunities and all kinds of other stuff going on, but she still can’t find a house to buy. At least DrunkOtis has her new RangeRover to love…
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PumpMyStomach gives her totally middle-of-road opinion of TreeJoodice. PMS really says nothing that Tree’s rabid fans won’t just love her for! Yes, PumpMyStomach barely touches on the fact that Tree knowingly committed a felony, but PMS knows that Tree is … Continue reading
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Just in time for the RHOBH season premiere…PumpMyStomach is now pushin’ her lifestyles living line at PopCultureLiving. VanderLumpRumpJumpDumpClumpBumpFrumpDonaldTrumpForrestGump products also include wine and martini glasses, a cocktail shaker and coasters. Why would anyone buy this stuff??? Among the offerings, PMS … Continue reading
Bravo somehow got the impression that people are bored with the house and closet tours of the Housewives and want to see more, so they’ve added another voyeuristic dimension…Housewives cars. DrunkOtis and PumpMyStomach explain their vehicles and, of course, DrunkOits is
in love sexually attracted to hers:
Kim Richards’ dog is reported to have bit four people. Three are accounted for… the dog trainer, the housekeeper and the niece. Who is the fourth??
Could the fourth dog injury be Kim herself? Kim was mysteriously in the hospital three months ago, as no explanation was given as to why she was there! Kim also posted a message to her dog while she was in the hospital…
Kay Rozario, whom Kim calls her “second mother, says she was in Kim’s bedroom in March when she reached over the bed and Kingsley attacked her, biting through her hand all the way to the bone. The dog also went for her face but she blocked it with her arm, which was also injured. Rozario tells TMZ … Kim’s first reaction was, “Please don’t tell anyone. I’ll lose my show.”
Paramedics came and wanted to call animal control, but Rozario talked them out of it and said Kim would handle it. Rozario tells us Kim has refused to pay any of her medical bills. So she’ll file a lawsuit next week. NOTE: It’s no wonder Kim’s nephew didn’t want this dog…and pawned it off on her.
(Thanks “romo” “FLPhil” and “anon”!!)