Real Housewives of New Jersey: Teresa Giudice Advice for Under 50!

MARK YOUR CALENDARS AND SAVE THE DATE!!!!

Tree Joo-dice is ‘teaching’ all she knows at The Learning Annex from 7 to 9 pm in midtown Manhattan on January 12, 2011 for $44.95!

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Tree will be ‘instructing’ attendees how to:

  • become a reality star
  • be a faithful wife,
  • know the difference between marble and onyx,
  • be a dependable friend,
  • walk the red carpet,
  • avoid jail time,
  • lift recipes,
  • hide stacks of cash in a Fendi clutch,
  • pose cockheaded,
  • live your entire life with abnormal eyes,
  • throw away cookies given by your relatives,
  •  cover your hairline,
  • make your children look better with humongous headbands,
  •  scream,
  • attack your boss,
  • make millions with a stucco company,

AND…

  • fake your degree,
  • get free trips to It-ly,
  • sign real estate documents,
  • avoid court-ordered auctions,
  • make your husband think he’s handsome,
  • get free clothes,
  • believe your husband’s DUI stories,
  • sprint in a country club,
  •  hide your parents in the basement,
  • know your tanning machine settings,
  •  make pizza dough,
  • accept a canary diamond ring,
  • scam the federal government,
  •  make your friends babysit,
  •  try to speak I-talian,
  • avoid bill collectors,
  •  drive an architect insane,
  • get discounts for paying cash,
  •  find hideous door ornaments,

AND…

  • cheat a business partner,
  • smile while your car is repossessed,
  • be your sister-in-law’s worst nightmare,
  • know the exact time of the month to crush tomatoes,
  • hide a canary diamond ring,
  • get your ‘fans’ to buy anything,
  • max out credit cards,
  • deny knowledge of owning property,
  • start a fight,
  • lie through your teeth on a daytime talk show,
  • let your friend take the blame for starting a fight,

AND…

  • build an ugly house,
  • keep calm when your 6-ft vase shatters,
  •  push out a baby by saying ‘ouch’,
  • think you can model clothes,
  •  copy another reality star’s book title,
  • make your friends walk up Mt. Vesuvius,
  • dress your children in distasteful but expensive clothing,
  • correctly walk into a courthouse,
  •  show off your designer dinner plates,
  • announce that you will be appearing on Dancing With the Stars (but you know you won’t)
  • …and much more.

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Tree’s seminar will be moderated by Rob Shuter of Popeater, Tree’s personal PR puppy. I’m sure Tree needs a ‘moderator’ to ‘evaluate’ the questions before presenting them for Tree to answer… you know, all the really good stuff that you would pay almost $50 to ask Tree, like what’s going on with the bankruptcy, is Joe drunk all the time, did he like jail and does he have a love child?… those types of questions will be tossed out by the ‘moderator’. However, she WILL be sharing some details about what goes on behind the scenes of RHONJ….WOO-HOO!

According the The Learning Annex, “Teresa is a hero to modern women because of her fabulous style, her positive attitude, and her effusive love for her family. Even in the chaos of childrearing, working, and filming a television show, she still makes time to make homemade meals.

Well, Tree must have some brain for time management, because I cannot understand how she will do all this in a 2-hour period! If anyone can shed some light on how she does all this, please share.

Tree’s Learning Annex class… here.

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