MELISSA GORGA: MeGo’s Amazon Customer Reviews… The Gift That Keeps On Giving!!!… “Useless Marriage Advice”… Joe Gorga Had To “Break Her Down” To Marry Him!

RHONJ TREE CHUCKY BOOK COVER SH II

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Here’s the right one…

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The number of customer reviews for MeGo’s “love and marriage” book on Amazon has jumped from 48 to a new total of 86!   Yes, there were only 48 yesterday!  FORTY new reviews in 24 hours!

66…SIXTY-SIX… outta that eighty-six are ONE star reviews!  Those FIVE-star reviewers are attempting to keep up with the total annihilation goin’ on at Amazon, but they may as well accept defeat!

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Some interesting categories!!

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These are just a few of the NEW customer reviews:

  • I can’t believe this book was actually published! Don’t publishers check the work first? I thought the title was cute and wasn’t expecting a master piece, just some simple entertainment. After reading the first chapter, I had to go back and read it again. I couldn’t believe how it had been written! Very choppy and no continuity. Don’t get me started on the grammar. I felt like I needed a red pen to start correcting things! Kind of like my kids middle school book reports. I never did finish the book, my head was killing me. Life is too short to waste time on this book. I feel cheated out of fifteen bucks and my time for someone else’s gain.
  • I think that the publishing house should be ashamed and called out publicly for publishing this tripe. I do believe that this may be the worst book I have ever read. There is no shame in meeting your husband while you worked in a Gentleman’s Club that he frequented. There is no shame in marrying a man for his money and then falling in love with him. But, even the true version of her life prior to being on RHONJ would have been boring. I was not expecting a literary masterpiece. But, as a teacher, I wanted to slash nearly every sentence with a red pen, until I got so exasperated I could read no more. How in the world did this woman get into college. She mangles the English language as if she was angry at it. As to the content of the book and her hot and happy marriage. I am surprise a woman with three children could be so immature, shallow and vapid. If she really believes this idiocy that she writes about, which is the antithesis of feminism and reality in 2013, then she won’t be married much longer. She truly does not know what love is. And that is very sad.
  • Shame on whoever green-lighted this book as a favor to Bravo. Have some standards.
  • This book is ridiculous. Everything she says contradicts what she said on Tv & in Magazines. She didn’t get married until 2004 & met Joe in 2003. In the book she says she married Joe in 2000. She is so fake & is the biggest liar I know. There is nothing in this book that is even true. It is a work of fiction. Her marriage is a joke. Don’t waste your money on this farce of a book!!
  • She sounds like a cat in heat but even her singing is better than this garbage. I think maybe one of her kids helped her to write it because it appears it was written by a 5 year old. She is in love, I will give her that, but not with Joe the worm. She is madly in love with herself. I am still trying to figure out how she got a publisher to publish this nonsense. Stick to being a wife and mom Melissa, you have no other talents. Don’t waste your money on this. I could barely get through it but I read it in an appropriate place, the bathroom. Too bad I couldn’t flush it.
  • You want some essential newly wed advice from this fabulous book? POOP!!!! Yes, poop. Apparently you aren’t supposed to let your husband know you do it, nor are you supposed to let him know you grow hair on your legs and armpits. Human women are so last year! Why have a breathing female when you can have a fake one, right Melissa Gorga? Don’t forget not to poop!
  • This book made my IQ drop 20 points!!! I never liked her on the show and thought she was a big fake but got her book just to see if I can find another side to her and maybe she can b honest in her book…guess not all boring crap that I didn’t care to read ! U can tell that everything she writes is just as fake as she is on the show! Whoever gave her a book deal is crazy! The language and grammar is that of a 8th grader ..with all her money she should have paid for some1 to write the book for her! Good thing I read the book in an hour because I’m bringing it right back to the store ..I refuse to pay for crap !
  • Since I’m just learning to read books with lots of pages, my tutor thought this would be a good starter book for me. Before I started, I shaved my pits & legs, gave myself a good bikini waxing, threw on some yoga pants, and put on a super hot top over my to small push-up bra. I also ordered Chinese food & put it on a plate for when my man came home. I wrote a quick note to my “King” on the napkin next to the Chinese food. The note said, “Dear King, This is your queen, I’ve shaved, haven’t pooped , and prepared this meal for you. You can find me in my recording studio, reading my first book with lots of pages. Your Devoted, Queen.”   I don’t understand all the hateful reviews. For a first time reader, I found the sentence structure to be very simple. Perhaps this book should be required reading for middle school girls. My favorite part of the book was, “Loin & The Ram: A Wild Love Story”. Who doesn’t love a great zodiac story! I hope Melissa Gorga’s second book with lots of pages in it, has more zodiac stories.   If you haven’t read this yet, download some of Melissa’s iTunes songs, strap on some headphones, and engross yourself in the tale that Melissa Gorga wove. Just be sure to properly groom yourself and put some Chinese food on a plate for your “King”.

 

SH reader @JenGotClassNass contributed to the literary lashing…

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Just to be fair, a sampling of the FIVE star reviews:

  • I love Melissa and Joe and I read this book in a day. Their marriage is similar to mine and I agree with most of what she says. I enjoyed it. Not sure why there is so much hate going on. If you aren’t happy in your marriage you should take some pointers instead of saying nasty things. Hmm…
  • They are a perfect couple! In addition to all the fascinating background information, Melissa also shares fashion and beauty tips and advice. I love getting the inside scoop! So fun that Melissa included her make up artist in her book! (I hope he writes his own book one day…soon!)   I was also happy to find the book is completely in Melissa’s voice. It sounds like her when I read it.   I didn’t get the feeling there was a ghost writer involved with this at all.

NOTE:  Nice try to quash those ghostwriter questions!  ‘Cause everybody knows that MeGo slaved away, writing EVERY night curled up in a corner of her sofa from exactly 10 pm to 2 am!  

Maybe that last reviewer didn’t get the “FEELING”… but, as EVERYONE knows, MeGo’s book was written by the same ghostwriter who wrote Snooki’s Pulitzer-prize-winning books… Valerie Frankel, as mentioned on SH back in December!  Val’s dream is to write a NYTimes Bestseller.  YO!  Val!!  Creep on over to TreeJoodice’s marble mausoleum…heard she’s looking for someone to collect more recipes for her next cookbook!   Somehow it always winds it’s way back to Tree… poor MeGo!!

 

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JoeyMarco Gorga has been in love with PoopyPiggyMeGo since he laid eyes on her…  AAWWWWW.  Raise your hand if you, too, fell in love with MeGo since layin’ eyes on her.   Thank you, Johnny… you can put your hand down now.  We can see your hand… the room temp has dropped 15 degrees  from your hand wavin’!  Down, Johnny… down!!

JoGo had to “break her down” to marry him?  What an accomplishment!!  When there’s wife #2, JoGo will know better…     

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(Thanks to SH readers “PMG” “@JenGotClassNass” and “HousewifeHoe”!!!!)

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HOUSEWIFE NEWS: Peggy Tanous “Knew” That Night!…Carole Radziwill…Cynthia Bailey Book…PT Housewife HouseTour…Melissa Gorga New Management.. PeteGiudice Pissed!

Former Orange County Housewife, @PeggyTanous, just “had that feeling” when she shared the BravoClubhouse with MissAndy and Sean Avery!   (See Sean and Peggy’s June 2011 appearance… )

RHOC Peggy Tanous tweet re Sean Avery Andy

KKKelly Bensimon is sick and tired of BFrankel’s BS!  “I just want the record clear: Bravo hired me for a job, I did the job, I promoted it and I moved on. I don’t want my reputation defamed for one more second. She’s never even made an effort to have a conversation. This is real life now, this isn’t a storyline.”  How interesting that KKKelly uses the words “real life” and “storyline”!!  

OH NO!!!  ANOTHER Housewife has a book to sell!!!  RHOA Cynthia Bailey’s book has a twist… she “wrote” the book with her HouseHubbend, PeterThomas.  Good ole Peter has assured himself a place on that book signing tour… can’t allow Cynthia to go off by herself now, could he?  Look for Cynthia’s book to be in the DollarStore quicker than DonCaros!

PT Housewife will be showin’ off her brand new RENTAL tomorrow morning on NBC.  Obviously, PTHousewife does not rate with Bravo!  Bravo usually does an official Housewife Housetour.  What the hell is “OpenHouseTV”???  Has PT sunk to a new low??  Don’t forget… PT is another “highly educated” Housewife!!!

 

 

That lousy boozy NY Housewife… Carole Radziwill, believes in psychics!  “I don’t put a lot of weight into what psychics say, but one told me I’d meet my next husband in Europe, while I was wearing a flowery dress.  I bought one straight away.”  Note to Carole:  You  will meet your next hubbend whilst playing Scrabble with Tripp…really. 

THIS is the dress!!!

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We love us some DuckDynasty!  Terry Bradshaw explains how he became QB at U of LA… Phil Robertson had more interest in duck hunting than bein’ a QB.

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Melissa Gorga’s NEW manager, Johnny Wright, is all proud of his brand new “singing” protege...@JohnnyWright wants everyone to watch him on Sunday’s RHONJ.  Somma his twitter responses were not encouraging!

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@PeteGiudice is pissed… at Penny and JTG!!!

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MELISSA GORGA: Singin’ and Prancin’ and Stumblin’… AND Mumblin’ When Asked How She Got Johnny Wright As Manager…

Is there sunnthin’ goin’ on wit Melissa Gorga and her new management, Johnny Wright? When asked how she got Johnny as her manager, MeGo really doesn’t answer… watch how she stumbles.  She blabs sunnthin’ about AKON… and tries to think of sunnthin’ else to say.   What does JoeyMarco Gorga think about Johnny Wright?  Hmmmm….

And then, be prepared for her latest “Never Let MeGo”… is “MeGo” readin’ SH?  Of course!!  **Warning** **Warning** Before listening to MeGo, please locate your closest ER facility… have them prepare that morphine drip!!

Taken down by request…

(Thanks to SH reader “Mel”!!!)

Gallery

MELISSA GORGA: It’s Back! MelissaGorga RAWW!!!… Really Astonishingly WretchWorthy Singin’ and Dancin’

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FIRST:  The underground, never-to-be-found original version, which was quickly banished to float around in the intrawebby atmosphere.  This version was Melissa Gorga RAWW… Really Astonishingly WretchWorthy!  (MeGo DID say that she was a wretch… who wanted to be saved… but, … Continue reading