BRANDI GLANVILLE: DrunkOtis Says Gays “Date” Her To Get To MissAndy… Guess Her **cough, cough** “Suitors”

From TheDish:

RHOBH Brandi DrunkOtis book cover pg pg

“I’ll let you on a little secret: I…hate being alone.  I think putting on a front was a way to help me get through the days and nights when I was so depressed and pathetically sad.”   NOTE:  What is sad is that DrunkOtis has never learned to be pleased with herself… pleased enough to be alone with herself.  Will this be a story line?? Featuring the return of Dr.NoSocks???

She’s been used for her fame.  “More gay men than I care to count have asked me out because they’re hoping dating me would allow them access to all things Housewives…and Bravo,” she writes. “Maybe they were really after Andy [Cohen]?”

NOTE: DrunkOtis had “suitors”???

Her hook-up stories are better than blind items in Page Six.
Part of the fun of reading about Brandi’s exploits isn’t the exploits themselves—but figuring out the IDs of her suitors. (She assigns fake names to them throughout the book.)  NOTE:  Anyone having “fun” with over-40 DrunkOtis’ “exploits” yet??

  • There’s the famous actor, described as the biggest television actor of the ’90s, who had an “incredible appetite” for pleasing Brandi.    NOTE:  90′s TV stars:  Drew Carey, Kelsey Grammer, Jim Carrey, Scot Baio, Dustin Diamond, David Hasselhoff, George Clooney, John Stamos, Richard Dean Anderson, David Schwimmer, Alec Baldwin, David Duchovny, Ray Romano, JAMES GANDOLFINI, Al Bundy, Will Smith, Paul-Mark Gosselar and Bart Simpson.
  • There’s the sober, A-list movie star named “Marty” who has “sparkling” eyes but wasn’t so great in bed.  NOTE:  Could this be Gerard Butler?
  • Then there’s the “actor/rapper/political hopeful” and Oscar-winner with “chiseled abs” and “luscious lips” who “has to special order condoms just to fit him.”   NOTE:  The X-Small were too big…
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LUANN DE LESSEPS: LuAnnie On The Loose!!… David Schwimmer Finally Free!

RHONJ Luannie Johnny Depp pg

Well, who didn’t see this comin’??  Countless LuAnnie is doing her part to push the Real Housewives of New York’s new season by participating in the usual pre-season PR work.

NOTE:  If you are new to all this Housewives stuff, all the Housewives start buzzing around approximately six weeks prior to their new season beginning.  The RHONY’s season six will start in February.  Therefore, watch for the NY Housewives to pop up in all the usual places aka MissAndy’s NYMediaMafia… and any other media outlets which will have them… to drop some hints which will attempt to entice you to watch!  All of this pre-planned PR work never, ever proves to equal the actual episodes which make up the franchise’s season!  

All this to say this:  the RHONY Housewives are climbing out of hibernation… a sure sign that they are springing into a new season!  

While we’re talkin’ about the RHONY… we did a complete “Everything you ever wanted to know” item about the alleged newest addition to the RHONY, Kristen Taekman.   If you wanna read everything about Kristen, see SH November 23, 2013.

OK… back to Countless Luannie.  There was nothing more for her boyfriend, Jawks, to do… nowhere to take that story line.

rhony luann de lesseps boyfriend is really david schwimmer

 

Luannie and Jawks’ pregnancy story was a joke… simply so NOT believable that the producers were probably laughing when they were sittin’ around before season five started as they were bouncing off story line ideas for each of the Housewives!  HAHAHA!!

Let’s see if viewers will go for Luannie gettin’ pregnant… if they do, we’ll keep Jawks; if they don’t, Jawks will have to marry Luannie and if he don’t wanna marry Luannie, then he’ll just have to get used to no more Bravo paychecks!  Oh, this is so much fun!! A-HAHA-HAAH!!!

Needless to say, Luannie is no longer with Jawks.  That leaves Luannie on the loose!!

I'LL DATE ANYONE!!  AS LONG AS CAMERAS ARE THERE… AND I'M GETTIN' PAID!!

I’LL DATE ANYONE!! AS LONG AS CAMERAS ARE THERE… AND I’M GETTIN’ PAID!!

As part of Luannie’s pre-season PR work, Luannie agreed to have a blind date filmed.  The date was arranged as part of the SteveHarveyShow… ’cause if you’re a Housewife, you must have everything you do filmed!   After all, it IS their “real” lives you’re supposed to be watching!

OK… now that I’ve caught my breath from laughing so hard at that last sentence… about the Housewives bein’ “real”… let’s watch Luannie on her date!!   NOTE:  Didn’t Martha Stewart already do this?? 

What will happen next to Luannie’s quest for men on the RHONY??

Now that there are THREE New York Housewives with no HouseHusbands… will these single Housewives be fighting over the ever-available PoopyPiggyDisgustingDaddy (PT Housewife’s father)??

RHONY  PT HW Father George pg

Oh, never mind that story line… the RHONY producers already have PoopyPigggyDaddy lined up with a much younger woman!   BLEEEEECH!!

Let’s take a look at one of the funniest scenes from the RHONY… Luannie on a camel!!

(Thanks to SH readers “LB/GF” “PMG” “Jozy” and “PDM”!!)

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REAL HOUSEWIVES OF NEW YORK RECAP: Season Five, Episode Seventeen… “Don’t Make Room For Daddy”

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REAL HOUSEWIVES OF NEW YORK RECAP   Season Five, Episode Seventeen… “Don’t Make Room For Daddy” by Sandi Duffy As this episode of RHONY starts, I am hoping St. Barthsgate is over, but that is too much to wish for.  … Continue reading

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REAL HOUSEWIVES OF NEW YORK Recap: Season Five, Episode Eleven… “This Party Is Toast”

This gallery contains 5 photos.

REAL HOUSEWIVES OF NEW YORK Recap   Season Five Episode Eleven   “This Party Is Toast” by Sandi Duffy When the show opens and I see Carole, I think oh shit.  I like Carole as a person, but her storylines … Continue reading

The Real Housewives of New York: LuAnn Sings with Natalie Cole

On the season finale of the Real Housewives of New York…

Countless invites Natalie Cole to her one-year with David Schwimmer Jacques anniversary party…

But… Natalie will only accept if Countless will sing with her…

 

The Real Housewives of New York: LuAnn de Lesseps In The Studio… Attention! This is the Countess Speaking!

Countless LuAnnie, her producer, Chris, and JillZarin were just hangin’ out at the recording studio one afternoon listening for the first time LuAnnie latest single that is about to drop…

After hearing Countless’ record, already Jillz is giving Countless and her producer some of Jillz expert music advice…

Note to Jillz:   stick to the stuff you’re good at, like being a doctor, dentist, shrink and painting walls in apartments (you’re really good at painting walls!) … but dance music, that’s a little out of your realm.  OK, Jillz? Thanks!

 

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LuAnn’s Loose Lips… Talkin’ on the Talk

LuAnn de Lesseps of the Real Housewives of New York was on a bad version of The View The Talk with Leah Remini (we’re so over the New Yawk tough-girl thing that you do…), Sharon Osbourne (she needs to stop … Continue reading