Tonight’s RHOBH: No Bratty Kids Allowed!

The fact that HagfaceKyle is making her kid a story line is contributing to her brattiness… 

However, HagfaceKyle may be overcompensating with FrontPorcha because HagfaceKyle was adopted!!

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WHICH HOUSEWIFE??? Will Go For This “BeautyTrend”?

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WHICH HOUSEWIFE WILL BE THE FIRST TO JUMP ON THIS NEW “BEAUTY TREND”…NEON ARMPITS????  This “beauty trend” is supposedly a sign of empowerment…  YODA already displayed her hairy armpits… will she be the first to go full-on neon?? (Thanks “ChrisH”!!)

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HagfaceKyle’s “Filled With Guilt” BravoBlog… Lots Of “Fan Pandering”

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This week we see Brandi moving into her new home. I know she was really excited about this house. It’s lovely and after much bopping around with her kids, she was relieved to finally feel settled. HagfaceKyle’s “guilt” blog begins…….. … Continue reading

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PUMP MY STOMACH’S Blah, Blah, Blah BigBunchaNothing BravoBlog…

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Hello, sorry I am a day late with this. Been extraordinarily busy with the restaurants for the holidays, decorating, etc. Yes, it looked a little spoilt this week, having shirts made and shopping for jewelry, and I loved every minute … Continue reading

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YODA’S INSANELY INSIPID BRAVO BLOG… Wants to keep her kids “humble, grounded, and hungry”

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Since ALL of the RHOBH’s BravoBlogs thus far are filled with self-congratulatory words and even more vapid thoughts, will be spotlighting the most vapid and ridiculous… although HagfaceKyle has yet to submit hers.  So, here we go with Yoda: Woo-hoo, … Continue reading

DrunkOtis Tours Her Rental House

DrunkOtis cannot get by without mentioning Eddie… and her constant quest for men has been overdone.  We all know that her true love is Darin.  DrunkOtis’ running after JR was as phony as Shana’s Birkin bag!! 

DRUNK OTIS CLOSET TOUR…

DrunkOtis blames her Stella addiction on PumpMyStomach…

What BH Housewives Think Of “BigLipsLisa”

These opinions on new Housewife BigLipsLisa were obviously filmed prior to PumpMyStomach’s plastic surgery.  Translation:  blah, blah, blah… blah, blah, blah… big lips… blah, blah, blah

We give this opinion piece 736499374364,33333333 Kens!

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PumpMyStomach Says It’s Time To Leave RHOBH … Suddenly Doesn’t Like “Nastiness”!! PUH-LEEEZE!!

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PumpMyStomach is laying the groundwork for her departure from the tanking RHOBH.  PMS claims that she doesn’t like the “nastiness” or the “aggression”… especially since PMS got that phony baloney set-up slap in the face from DrunkOtis.  PMS was happy … Continue reading

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REALITY CHECK: How Far Is Beach Access From Yoda’s LemonHouse?

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Yoda and DrunkOtis took a walk from Yoda’s lemon house to the Malibu beach. They left Yoda’s lemon house; walked down Yoda’s looooong driveway; walked from the driveway down CarbonCanyonRd to the PCH; across the PCH to the beach. More … Continue reading

A Totally Filler Piece On The RHOBH … DrunkOtis Meets With AdrienneMagoof

Included in tomorrow’s RHOBH, is the required “let’s have lunch so we can move forward” scene, explaining the return of Magoof.  DrunkOtis wants to settle her phony baloney differences with AdrienneMagoof left over from last season… or was it the season before or the season before that… or was it from two seasons ago on the RHONY? These boring shows are so much alike, it’s hard to tell which zip code you’re watching…

 We’re givin’ this preview 88937453534,999999999999 Kens…

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RHOBH SNEAK PEEK: Kimbecile Visits DrunkOtis’ Newest Rented House

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DrunkOits has never looked skankier as she welcomes professional packing expert, KimRichards, into her new rented house. DrunkOtis and her new crew take time out for the required scene of the young movers flashing their abs… DrunkOtis and Yoda have … Continue reading

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RHOBH SNEAK PEEK: More of PumpMyStomach v HagfaceKyle

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While selecting fabrics for her shirt order, PumpMyStomach gives the full run down of how she picked up her newest employee… who just happened to be walking to her job interview when PMS picked her up and the rest is … Continue reading

DrunkOtis’ Friend, Adrienne…

Who is the mysterious friend who now lives with DrunkOtis… Adrienne?  She loves to help DrunkOtis pack her suitcases… from last season of RHOBH:

NOTE:  A sure sign to tell if someone has not traveled is their brand new suitcases and their brand new monogrammed luggage tags.  A waste if flying commercial… 

RHOBH Preview…

DrunkOtis meets up with Adrienne, jokerfaceRinna meets up with someone(?)… and more producer-induced scenes, including KingDave bestowing his presence upon the biggest clown on the RHOBH!

This preview gets 37769987634,0037443 JudgeJudys…

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WHATEVER WEDNESDAY: Whatever Happened To HagfaceKyle’s Lollipop Kids?

Whatever happened to HagfaceKyle’s “charity”?  WHY did HagfaceKyle abandon her Lollipop Kids?  WHY did Adrienne abandon her “good friend” DrunkOtis? 

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DrunkOtis’ Ghostwritten BORING BravoBlog: PumpMyStomach Still Doesn’t Like Me!

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Hi everyone! It is finally here: the new season of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. It seems like it’s been forever, but I’m glad we are back. As you know with these blogs, we write them as to how … Continue reading

RHOBH Premiere Episode: The White Party… Stale, Dull And Moth-Eaten

HagfaceKyle’s WhiteParty begins… and it doesn’t get any better than this:

RHOBH … A Synopsis Of Tonight’s Season Five Premiere

After a sudden and secret departure from Puerto Rico at the end of last season, Lisa Vanderpump is still wary of her formerly close friends, but is beginning to reconnect with Yolanda and Kyle. She has no interest in making amends with Brandi, who is also struggling to move past her own hurt. The ladies all come face-to-face at Kyle’s annual White Party and the over-the-top event is bigger and better than ever now that Mauricio’s real estate agency is selling houses upwards of $50 million.

HAVE I TOLD YOU LATELY THAT I'LL DITCH HAGFACE KYLE IF YOU'LL MARRY ME?

HAVE I TOLD YOU LATELY THAT I’LL DITCH HAGFACE KYLE IF YOU’LL MARRY ME?

The social event of the season brings original Beverly Hills housewives Adrienne Maloof, Camille Grammer, and Taylor Armstrong back together. As unresolved issues come to the surface, Brandi is faced with making amends with both Lisa and Adrienne at the same event.

WHERE'S THE FATBURGERS??

WHERE’S THE FATBURGERS??

All hell breaks loose at the white party when Kim Richards’ dog sneaks through HagfaceKyle’s back door and proceeds to  bite all the Housewives, returning to bite PumpMyStomach several times, as she smells of Eau de VillaFlankSteak.  Pandemonium ensues as Kingsley cannot be contained… until he discovers the Fatburger stand, where the servers quickly abandon their stations and Kingsley is given free rein to eat all the Fatburgers he can find.  The Fatburgers seem to calm Kingsley.   HagfaceKyle takes over the deserted Fatburger stand to feed Kingsley more Fatburgers, but is secretly petrified with fear each time she feeds Kingsley, knowing that if she forgets a pickle, Kingsley will rip her hand off.

IF I TAKE YOU TO HAGFACE'S HOUSE DO YOU PROMISE NOT TO BITE ANYONE??

IF I TAKE YOU TO  AUNT HAGFACE’S HOUSE DO YOU PROMISE NOT TO CHOMP DOWN ON ANYONE’S LEG OR TEAR OFF  FINGERS??  JUST PROMISE ME THAT YOU WON’T LUNGE FOR  FACES… YOU’LL BE SICK FROM FORMALDEHYDE FOR WEEKS!

Panicked guests are screaming for HagfaceKyle’s hunky husband to remove Kingsley, but Morris cannot be found.  KimRichards leads the remaining guest in a search party for Morris.  MO-ritz-eo is found cowering in FrontPorcha’s closet protecting CamilleGrammer… the only Housewife who still has real estate to sell!

john turturro mauricio pg

PumpMyStomach On WWHL: MissAndy Begged PMS To Return… PMS Is Done With DrunkOtis

MissAndy begged PumpMyStomach to return to the RHOBH… that’s the story and they’re both sticking to it!

And BLEEECH! PumpMyStomach is done with DrunkOtis…at least for this season.

NOTE:  Maybe the Housewives shows wouldn’t be so terrible if they were labeled truthfully… as night time soap operas.  The phony friendships, hard-to-believe connections and scripted lines are tiresome to watch and are turning people off.

RHOBH Sneak Peek: Girl Fighting, Wine Throwing, Face Slapping … All The BOOOORING Housewives Stuff… And Taglines

Bravo has enhanced the sound of the “SLAP” across PumpMyStomach’s face.  PMS knew it was coming…

RHOBH Preview SneakPeek: Yoda And DrunkOtis Prance To KingDavid, Run Into Crooks, Yoda Lies About Acreage

DrunkOtis makes her way to Yoda’s hilltop lemon house… which is STILL for sale… only to agree to take a walk with Yoda on the beach, which is ten miles away from Yoda’s lemon house.  But, before they start their five-hour hike, KingDavid performs a sampling of the musical that he’s STILL working on… BettyBoop.  Honestly, who the hell is going to see a musical about BettyBoop???  This must be KingDavid’s only way to get that backing for BettyBoopTheMusical, which he mentioned in one of his many interviews… the same interviews in which he states that the RHOBH are not real!

After the near-death-LymeDisease-ridden Yoda and DrunkOtis prance around to KingDavid’s piano playing, they start their long hike to the beach, but along the way, Yoda discovers a squatter on her property!!

crooks brooks pg

It’s Crooks!!  Selling Vicki’s old clothes from 1989!!

NOTE:  Amazing that LymeYoda had such a conniption fit over pictures of her lemon house on SH showing that it was no where NEAR the beach… it’s obvious that no one wants her hilltop hacienda for $25 million!!

If you missed LemonYoda’s conniption fit about her lemon house… HERE…and Yoda’s nasty twitter attack HERE.   Back in March, Trulia listed LymeYoda’s property as consisting of 3.18 acres, but the acreage is not mentioned In the updated listing.

Yoda apparently wants buyers to think they’re getting FOUR AND A HALF acres…why is Yoda lying about acreage??

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RHOBH Preview: Sneak Peek… Yoda And DrunkOtis Walk And Talk After A 55-Mile Hike To The Beach!

RHOBH yolanda house before lemons RHOBH yolanda house  RHOBH Yolanda house

Yoda and DrunkOtis take a ten-mile hike down from Yoda’s lemon house, dodging traffic and then spending six hours knocking on doors to get permission to access the beach…where Yoda chats about her “model” daughter, Alana, and the other sad drunk “model” daughter, Lemon.

YODA

DrunkOtis has tons of business opportunities and all kinds of other stuff going on, but she still can’t find a house to buy.  At least DrunkOtis has her new RangeRover to love…

 

RHOBH Premieres Tuesday, November 18…

rhobh cast

DrunkOtis is missing from the RHOBH photos… she was tweeting and skanking it up in Australia.

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