REALITY CHECK: How Far Is Beach Access From Yoda’s LemonHouse?

YODA

Yoda and DrunkOtis took a walk from Yoda’s lemon house to the Malibu beach. They left Yoda’s lemon house; walked down Yoda’s looooong driveway; from the driveway down CarbonCanyonRd to the PCH; across the PCH to the beach.

RHOBH yolanda house

Certainly for filming the RHOBH, one of the beachfront homeowners permitted Yoda and DrunkOtis easy access to their beachfront property.  But, in reality, how long does it take to walk to one of two public beach accesses from Yoda’s house??

Add another 10-15 minutes just to walk down Yoda’s driveway and back track down CarbonCanyonRd to the PCH.

The closest beach access to Yoda’s lemon house is Carbon Beach…

yolanda house

yoda to beach

(Thanks “Chriss”!!)

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RHOBH Preview…

DrunkOtis meets up with Adrienne, jokerfaceRinna meets up with someone(?)… and more producer-induced scenes, including KingDave bestowing his presence upon the biggest clown on the RHOBH!

This preview gets 37769987634,0037443 JudgeJudys…

judge-judy-dont-pee-on-my-leg

WHATEVER WEDNESDAY: Whatever Happened To HagfaceKyle’s Lollipop Kids?

Whatever happened to HagfaceKyle’s “charity”?  WHY did HagfaceKyle abandon her Lollipop Kids?  WHY did Adrienne abandon her “good friend” DrunkOtis? 

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DrunkOtis’ Ghostwritten BORING BravoBlog: PumpMyStomach Still Doesn’t Like Me!

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Hi everyone! It is finally here: the new season of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. It seems like it’s been forever, but I’m glad we are back. As you know with these blogs, we write them as to how … Continue reading

RHOBH Premiere Episode: The White Party… Stale, Dull And Moth-Eaten

HagfaceKyle’s WhiteParty begins… and it doesn’t get any better than this:

RHOBH … A Synopsis Of Tonight’s Season Five Premiere

After a sudden and secret departure from Puerto Rico at the end of last season, Lisa Vanderpump is still wary of her formerly close friends, but is beginning to reconnect with Yolanda and Kyle. She has no interest in making amends with Brandi, who is also struggling to move past her own hurt. The ladies all come face-to-face at Kyle’s annual White Party and the over-the-top event is bigger and better than ever now that Mauricio’s real estate agency is selling houses upwards of $50 million.

HAVE I TOLD YOU LATELY THAT I'LL DITCH HAGFACE KYLE IF YOU'LL MARRY ME?

HAVE I TOLD YOU LATELY THAT I’LL DITCH HAGFACE KYLE IF YOU’LL MARRY ME?

The social event of the season brings original Beverly Hills housewives Adrienne Maloof, Camille Grammer, and Taylor Armstrong back together. As unresolved issues come to the surface, Brandi is faced with making amends with both Lisa and Adrienne at the same event.

WHERE'S THE FATBURGERS??

WHERE’S THE FATBURGERS??

All hell breaks loose at the white party when Kim Richards’ dog sneaks through HagfaceKyle’s back door and proceeds to  bite all the Housewives, returning to bite PumpMyStomach several times, as she smells of Eau de VillaFlankSteak.  Pandemonium ensues as Kingsley cannot be contained… until he discovers the Fatburger stand, where the servers quickly abandon their stations and Kingsley is given free rein to eat all the Fatburgers he can find.  The Fatburgers seem to calm Kingsley.   HagfaceKyle takes over the deserted Fatburger stand to feed Kingsley more Fatburgers, but is secretly petrified with fear each time she feeds Kingsley, knowing that if she forgets a pickle, Kingsley will rip her hand off.

IF I TAKE YOU TO HAGFACE'S HOUSE DO YOU PROMISE NOT TO BITE ANYONE??

IF I TAKE YOU TO  AUNT HAGFACE’S HOUSE DO YOU PROMISE NOT TO CHOMP DOWN ON ANYONE’S LEG OR TEAR OFF  FINGERS??  JUST PROMISE ME THAT YOU WON’T LUNGE FOR  FACES… YOU’LL BE SICK FROM FORMALDEHYDE FOR WEEKS!

Panicked guests are screaming for HagfaceKyle’s hunky husband to remove Kingsley, but Morris cannot be found.  KimRichards leads the remaining guest in a search party for Morris.  MO-ritz-eo is found cowering in FrontPorcha’s closet protecting CamilleGrammer… the only Housewife who still has real estate to sell!

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PumpMyStomach On WWHL: MissAndy Begged PMS To Return… PMS Is Done With DrunkOtis

MissAndy begged PumpMyStomach to return to the RHOBH… that’s the story and they’re both sticking to it!

And BLEEECH! PumpMyStomach is done with DrunkOtis…at least for this season.

NOTE:  Maybe the Housewives shows wouldn’t be so terrible if they were labeled truthfully… as night time soap operas.  The phony friendships, hard-to-believe connections and scripted lines are tiresome to watch and are turning people off.

RHOBH Sneak Peek: Girl Fighting, Wine Throwing, Face Slapping … All The BOOOORING Housewives Stuff… And Taglines

Bravo has enhanced the sound of the “SLAP” across PumpMyStomach’s face.  PMS knew it was coming…

RHOBH Preview SneakPeek: Yoda And DrunkOtis Prance To KingDavid, Run Into Crooks, Yoda Lies About Acreage

DrunkOtis makes her way to Yoda’s hilltop lemon house… which is STILL for sale… only to agree to take a walk with Yoda on the beach, which is ten miles away from Yoda’s lemon house.  But, before they start their five-hour hike, KingDavid performs a sampling of the musical that he’s STILL working on… BettyBoop.  Honestly, who the hell is going to see a musical about BettyBoop???  This must be KingDavid’s only way to get that backing for BettyBoopTheMusical, which he mentioned in one of his many interviews… the same interviews in which he states that the RHOBH are not real!

After the near-death-LymeDisease-ridden Yoda and DrunkOtis prance around to KingDavid’s piano playing, they start their long hike to the beach, but along the way, Yoda discovers a squatter on her property!!

crooks brooks pg

It’s Crooks!!  Selling Vicki’s old clothes from 1989!!

NOTE:  Amazing that LymeYoda had such a conniption fit over pictures of her lemon house on SH showing that it was no where NEAR the beach… it’s obvious that no one wants her hilltop hacienda for $25 million!!

If you missed LemonYoda’s conniption fit about her lemon house… HERE…and Yoda’s nasty twitter attack HERE.   Back in March, Trulia listed LymeYoda’s property as consisting of 3.18 acres, but the acreage is not mentioned In the updated listing.

Yoda apparently wants buyers to think they’re getting FOUR AND A HALF acres…why is Yoda lying about acreage??

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RHOBH Preview: Sneak Peek… Yoda And DrunkOtis Walk And Talk After A 55-Mile Hike To The Beach!

RHOBH yolanda house before lemons RHOBH yolanda house  RHOBH Yolanda house

Yoda and DrunkOtis take a ten-mile hike down from Yoda’s lemon house, dodging traffic and then spending six hours knocking on doors to get permission to access the beach…where Yoda chats about her “model” daughter, Alana, and the other sad drunk “model” daughter, Lemon.

YODA

DrunkOtis has tons of business opportunities and all kinds of other stuff going on, but she still can’t find a house to buy.  At least DrunkOtis has her new RangeRover to love…

 

RHOBH Premieres Tuesday, November 18…

rhobh cast

DrunkOtis is missing from the RHOBH photos… she was tweeting and skanking it up in Australia.

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CARS Of The Housewives…Seriously.

Bravo somehow got the impression that people are bored with the house and closet tours of the Housewives and want to see more, so they’ve added another voyeuristic dimension…Housewives cars.  DrunkOtis and PumpMyStomach explain their vehicles and, of course, DrunkOits is in love sexually attracted to hers:

RHOBH Preview Ad…

RHOBH New Season Preview…

KingDavid makes an appearance with the clowns of Beverly Hills, who are just as ridiculously disgusting as their NJ subhuman counterparts.  Not even interested in watching this dreckish garbage…

KingDavid has said numerous times that his wife is ONLY on the RHOBH to slide into her own lifestyle show and that she is the voice of reason among the clowns with which she’s forced to appear.

RHOBH david yolanda clown pg mags

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THE HOUSEWIVES SHOWS ARE OVER…

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The article from EntertainmentWeekly asking if we’re tired of “reality” TV is not at all surprising.  We’ve been saying the very same, but specifically about the Housewives franchises for at least a year. With the Bravo debacle, the RHONJ, wrapping up … Continue reading

DrunkOtis Looking For Dates…

DrunkOtis is on the loose and is looking for a date… AGAIN.  Doesn’t SteveHarvey know that DrunkOtis is only doing this bit on his show for a bit of PR for the RHOBH?  DrunkOtis already has a date and his name is DarinHarvey!!

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RHOBH Same Old Same Old: Kim v HagfaceKyle

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It’s time for the RHOBH to start their PR campaign to drum up interest in their next season premiering in January.   There will be tons of planted items based on that mysterious unnamed “inside source” and this is one … Continue reading

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DRUNK OTIS’ NEW BOYFRIEND IS HER “THIRD CHILD”! DrunkO’s Wine Has Been Named!

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As mentioned previously on SH, DrunkOtis got herself a boyfriend.  DrunkOtis is in competition with AdrienneMagoof for having the youngest boyfriend among the RHOBH …and DrunkOtis won. Drunky’s new boyfriend is 23-years-old; he’s the clear winner over the aged 24-year-old … Continue reading

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SH “HIT AND RUN”… HWs Items That Don’t Deserve Full Attention! … Questions Answered!

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Some Housewives items which don’t deserve full atten-shun: Heather Dull-BRO voices her opinion about Teresa Giudice… and asks if Bravo is harboring a criminal: “Even on the day of their sentencing, they were hiding jewelry and they didn’t tell the … Continue reading