The Brainy BeverlyHillBillians Advice On How To Find Happiness

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RHOBH Premiere Episode: HagfaceKyle Meets PumpMyStomach For The Required Luncheon Sit Down

The required “two Housewives meet in a restaurant for a sit down” scene… with HagfaceKyle and PumpMyStomach.  It doesn’t get any better than this…

RHOBH Premiere Episode: The White Party… Stale, Dull And Moth-Eaten

HagfaceKyle’s WhiteParty begins… and it doesn’t get any better than this:

JenniferGimenez ROBBED!! Goods Can Be Found At DrunkOtis House!

DID WE EVER?  I FORGOT...

I HATE THESE STELLA BAGS… JENNIFER HAS NICER ONES

brandi jennifer

Reality “star” Jennifer Gimenez, shown above with DrunkOtis and the love of DrunkOtis’ life, Darin Harvey, will be wearing the finest Forever21 dresses for her next fancy event … because all her good stuff has been stolen.

Law enforcement sources tell TMZ … the actress came home to her L.A. home Monday afternoon and found her front window wide open and the screen thrown to the ground.

Sources close to Jennifer say that she went inside and, to her horror, found several rooms torn apart and $20,000 worth of jewelry, Gucci and Louis Vuitton handbags missing. It happened in broad daylight, yet as far as we can tell there were no witnesses.

NOTE:  If Jennifer would take a ride on over to DrunkOtis’ rented redone house, she would find all Jennifer’s Guccis and LVs.  DrunkOtis is sick and tired of lugging around those Stellas…. too bad, DrunkOtis sold the jewelry to buy three chicken pot pies at Maries.

drunk otis

HOUSEWIVES STUFF…

 

KYLE

adrian brody

john turturro

YODA

lisar

FELDMAN

ANOTHER DUGGAR DOES IT!!  NOW THAT THEY KNOW HOW TO KISS, THEY’RE READY TO BE HOUSEWIVES… JILL AND DERICK ARE MOVING TO NEW JERSEY!  MICHELLE AND HORNDOG JIMBOB ARE OFF TO ORANGE COUNTY!

DUGGAR

 

(Thanks “anonTW”!!)

BLIND ITEM REVEALED! It’s A Housewife From Atlanta!!

kenya aunt boyfriend free gas

From CDAN:

This Real Housewife was in Vegas over the weekend (July 2014) and was not shy about making it clear she was available for the night or week or longer for the right price.

IT’S Kenya Moore!

(Thanks “chameleon”!!)

NOTE:  Kenyan may have obtained a $20,000 cashier’s check, but the DPSF has yet to cash it, ’cause Kenyan didn’t give it!  So, neither Kenyan nor NayNay have come through with their promised donation!

kenya check

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YOLANDA FOSTER: The RHOBH Are “A Bunch Of Clowns”! Just Using RHOBH To Get Her Own “Lifestyle” Show!

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From December 2013:  David Foster blabs to a TorontoPaper about his career goals and then talks about Yolanda Foster and her REAL reasons for being a clown on the RHOBH!  In an interview re David Foster’s quest to win a … Continue reading

RHOBH … A Synopsis Of Tonight’s Season Five Premiere

After a sudden and secret departure from Puerto Rico at the end of last season, Lisa Vanderpump is still wary of her formerly close friends, but is beginning to reconnect with Yolanda and Kyle. She has no interest in making amends with Brandi, who is also struggling to move past her own hurt. The ladies all come face-to-face at Kyle’s annual White Party and the over-the-top event is bigger and better than ever now that Mauricio’s real estate agency is selling houses upwards of $50 million.

HAVE I TOLD YOU LATELY THAT I'LL DITCH HAGFACE KYLE IF YOU'LL MARRY ME?

HAVE I TOLD YOU LATELY THAT I’LL DITCH HAGFACE KYLE IF YOU’LL MARRY ME?

The social event of the season brings original Beverly Hills housewives Adrienne Maloof, Camille Grammer, and Taylor Armstrong back together. As unresolved issues come to the surface, Brandi is faced with making amends with both Lisa and Adrienne at the same event.

WHERE'S THE FATBURGERS??

WHERE’S THE FATBURGERS??

All hell breaks loose at the white party when Kim Richards’ dog sneaks through HagfaceKyle’s back door and proceeds to  bite all the Housewives, returning to bite PumpMyStomach several times, as she smells of Eau de VillaFlankSteak.  Pandemonium ensues as Kingsley cannot be contained… until he discovers the Fatburger stand, where the servers quickly abandon their stations and Kingsley is given free rein to eat all the Fatburgers he can find.  The Fatburgers seem to calm Kingsley.   HagfaceKyle takes over the deserted Fatburger stand to feed Kingsley more Fatburgers, but is secretly petrified with fear each time she feeds Kingsley, knowing that if she forgets a pickle, Kingsley will rip her hand off.

IF I TAKE YOU TO HAGFACE'S HOUSE DO YOU PROMISE NOT TO BITE ANYONE??

IF I TAKE YOU TO  AUNT HAGFACE’S HOUSE DO YOU PROMISE NOT TO CHOMP DOWN ON ANYONE’S LEG OR TEAR OFF  FINGERS??  JUST PROMISE ME THAT YOU WON’T LUNGE FOR  FACES… YOU’LL BE SICK FROM FORMALDEHYDE FOR WEEKS!

Panicked guests are screaming for HagfaceKyle’s hunky husband to remove Kingsley, but Morris cannot be found.  KimRichards leads the remaining guest in a search party for Morris.  MO-ritz-eo is found cowering in FrontPorcha’s closet protecting CamilleGrammer… the only Housewife who still has real estate to sell!

john turturro mauricio pg

PumpMyStomach On WWHL: MissAndy Begged PMS To Return… PMS Is Done With DrunkOtis

MissAndy begged PumpMyStomach to return to the RHOBH… that’s the story and they’re both sticking to it!

And BLEEECH! PumpMyStomach is done with DrunkOtis…at least for this season.

NOTE:  Maybe the Housewives shows wouldn’t be so terrible if they were labeled truthfully… as night time soap operas.  The phony friendships, hard-to-believe connections and scripted lines are tiresome to watch and are turning people off.

THE TRUTH! From FiremanBobby…

PhonyFireman Bobby is threatening to tell the TRUTH… the whole truth and nuthin’ but the truth…about Ambuh and LawsuitJim!  Hope he explains all that contract stuff and tells everyone his and Nicole’s wedding date!

bobby truth

SaintZina’s daughter would love for Harry Styles to “get in my pants”… how zen.

lexi dina

$35 PLUS that HWs shipping fee… for 80 cents of beads:

laurita bracelet

What happened to JoeyOrgan?  Looks like he could wear MeGo’s clothes… comfortably.

gorga

ALANA pirelli

YODA’S other “model” daughter arrested for DUI, Jello…

YODA MODEL

(Thanks “anongirl” and “JustN”!!)

TeresaGiudice Kid Begging For YOUR Money! Needs Cash For New Video…

Obviously, TeresaJoodice ran out of money OR her attorney had a “talk” with her after she spotted her daughter’s girl group $10,000 to make their video.  The girl group is now begging for donations for their next video!  If they don’t get $7,500 by December 12, they’re threatening to not make a video!!

Their manager doesn’t have $7,500?  Their parents can’t come up with $7,500?  AuntSaintZina can’t help them out??   Maybe Teresa can grab $7,500 from the money she’s collected from hundreds of appearances where she demanded $25 CASH for a signed cookbook!

GIA

3KT loves our fans! We want to give you an awesome original Christmas music video in time for the holiday! Join us! <3 Gia Lex Lil Cee

WE LOVE OUR FANS! We are still so overwhelmed by the buzz and support over our first music video. So many of you had amazing words of support for us on our new journey. We were born to perform and entertain, and we are so lucky to be able to do this in such a big way. We want to empower and inspire other young performers to FOLLOW YOUR DREAMS AND NEVER GIVE UP!

NOTE:  How exactly is begging for money an example of “following your dreams”? 

The group is obviously suffering from backlash about their “look”.  Their “begging for money look” is one of three little girls who love their lollipops… and not their usual “hooker video look”!

AA gia

Look what you get for each donation!  You’ll get followed on instagram and for $1,000 you even get a producer credit!!

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LisaRinna on WWHL…

In this chat with LisaRinna last year, it was clear that she was either in talks with MissAndy to be a BH Housewife or had already signed the contract… as she coyly tries to wriggle out of answering.  But, she says that she would fit right in, as she knows them already:

Lisa Rinna Says She Would Never Join RHOBH

From ChristyReports:  LisaRinna said she would never join RHOBH…

But, we all know how this goes!  LisaR will give BS answers and not say the real reason (easy “reality” show $$$ and the free all-expense-paid trips) why she changed her mind and upped with the RHOBH.  Just like the rest of the Housewives, LisaR has something to push and is using her HWs “platform” to do some extra hard pushing for viewers to buy her stuff… just in time for Christmas!!  Does anyone STILL believe anything that comes out of the Housewives’ mouths??  Does anyone STILL believe that the Housewives are real??

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Lisa Rinna Tells WHY She Joined The RHOBH … Well, Not Really…Just Some BS From Lisa

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 LisaRinna at Adrienne Magoof’s Zing party March 2013…campaigning to be a Housewife  From NYPost: NEW BeverlyHills Housewife LisaRinna was asked why she signed on to the RHOBH and doesn’t answer the question… other than saying that the RHOBH is just … Continue reading

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HagfaceKyle Is NOW Spokesperson For Dry Eyes!

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You just KNEW this was coming!  HagfaceKyle has FINALLY gotten herself a spokesperson job, not with Pantene… but with Restasis.  Kyle has been whining about her dry eyes affliction for months, even though she states in interviews that she’s been … Continue reading

APOLLO VISITS DIVORCE ATTORNEY…

On the next RHOA, Apollo seeks counsel from the official RHOA divorce attorney… while Phaedra watches their kids in the pool.  For some reason, Phaedra just isn’t believable.  Watch for a Phaedra’s upcoming Bravo spinoff… “How I’m Living Single With Two Kids.”  And Juicy’s Bravo spinoff… “How I’m Living Single With FOUR Beautiful Daughters.”

Those “highly educated” Bravo people are soooo intelligent.

ATL

Kim Richards Sends Her DeadlyDog to DoggyRehab…

Kim’s prone-to-biting pit bull has been sent to a farm to live his life happily and freely!  Awwww, that would have been a nice story, but Kim doesn’t want Kingsley to go away forever and has found a way to keep her deadly dog.  Kim has sent Kingsley off to doggie rehab.  The dog will stay with a trainer who will wear a full metal mesh body suit while teaching Kim’s dog that it’s not nice to attack people by opening his huge jaw and clamping down on soft tissue until it hits bone bite anyone.   TRAINER TO KINGSLEY:  Do you promise to never bite anyone ever again?  KINGSLEY:  Yes, I promise.  TRAINER:  OK, you’re cured.

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BLIND ITEM REVEALED: Which Housewife Needed Backstory To Push Her Stuff?

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From CDAN: This east coast Housewife had to spend an entire day in a hotel conference room memorizing a back story about how she created a new line she is selling. She had nothing to do with it or the … Continue reading

SH WITTY WEEKEND! Caption This… Captioned!!

kyle caption

“Hoolrah” will receive a gift certificate to HagfaceKyle’s speech therapist!  FinePrint: HagfaceKyle’s speech therapist’s earliest appointment is March 29, 2031…therapists’ appts are devoted to curing HagfaceKyle’s lizard lip licking!