CARLTON GEBBIA: CarltonTheDoorman’s BravoBlog… Says DumbJoyce Should Stick With BaseballBats Instead of Guns

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I had my girlfriends Ancorneil, Tara, and Elizy audition dancers with me for our upcoming Americana pool party — which we usually do every other year along with our Halloween party. When David and I have parties, it’s something that we refuse to do half-arsed, otherwise we don’t see the point. Our friends always leave having had a great time, there’s nothing worse than a dull party, and god knows I’ve experienced those. Why inflict that kind of boring pain?  NOTE:  It is required of all party guests of CreepyCarlton to fill out a comment card after attending one of her par-tays.  The comment card consists of one question with one block to be checked:  Did you have a GREAT time?  Check here.

The girls were great, but I really needed a wow factor. My gorgeous friend Lanny made a recommendation — and in walked Diana Diaz! I swear I heard the angels sing! Could not believe how beautiful and talented she was — and her insane core strength. When I think of pole dancing, I don’t think of sashaying around the pole. If it’s done right it’s a true art form that is inspiring. Anyone can spin around a pole, even me, but Diana is the real deal. She’s a trained dancer and was a pole aerialist with Cirque du Soleil in Vegas and that’s the kind of quality I wanted for our party. David and I were in Vegas this weekend at a club called Surrender in the Wynn Hotel and saw the same type of pole dancers literally holding themselves up with one bloody hand with their bodies extended horizontally. It was truly amazing!!!

As far as the gun scene: Waiving your personally loaded gun around like a hairbrush speaks volumes. Oh Tom, the pistol range manager, did not look happy with you as you repeatedly pointed it at him. You should honestly stick to baseball bats. There is such a thing about having respect for a gun and not thinking that you’re in your own bad action movie. Guns are not a joke.




It’s lovely seeing families embracing their religious traditions. It reminded me of David’s grandmother Edith, who was a Russian Jew. She has now since passed, but she loved her celebrations. Every religion seems to have such interesting and unique ways of honoring, and every religion has something beautiful and positive to offer spiritually. No matter what your religious or spiritual beliefs are, one should never be judged based upon that.

It was nice seeing Brandi with her book signing in Sacramento with the support of Yolanda and her family.  Although I don’t always agree with some of the things she says I do think Brandi has a good heart and it was lovely seeing her reuniting with her Dad.

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Going to the MMA gym was so much fun! Wasn’t quite sure what to expect but everyone seemed to be in really good spirits. Lars was our trainer and showed Yolanda how to choke out, which was hysterical. She definitely has some major strength. He may have turned blue for a second I’m not sure.



Tamara and Lars gave us a quick demonstration. She’d kick most men’s arse I think. In I went and it was so exhilarating to throw punches. The last time I was in a fight was about 17 years ago thank god, but I’d love to take one of these classes. They really are empowering. Every woman should know some basics.

I think the highlight was watching Lisa having such a fun time, she looked amazing as she snuck in a jab at Lars. And then Brandi who had some really hard punches connected badly and broke her hand. That is such a horrible pain when you break a bone and she totally hid it.

Other than that it was a surprisingly fun day, wish we had had more.

Another week done. . .

Next week our wonderful Americana pool party and yet more “innocent” insults and judgements about my faith.

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28 comments on “CARLTON GEBBIA: CarltonTheDoorman’s BravoBlog… Says DumbJoyce Should Stick With BaseballBats Instead of Guns

  1. I would not qualify to be Carleton’s friend. I’m not f***ing gorgeous and I don’t have an interesting name. I don’t people dance and buy my underwear at Target or maybe Victoria’s Secret if there is a sale and I have a gift card. I don’t have any tattoos (don’t object to others having them). I don’t tan and I own 2 pairs of high heels. I would not want to help audition dancers for the pool party but I wouldn’t mind swimming in her pool or jumping on the trampoline in her backyard. I do cook so maybe she’d like me. (Please take this with a grain of salt)

  2. What do pole dancing skanks have to do with an ‘Americana’ themed party. Is this what Gnarlton thinks exemplifies American culture. I find that insulting. I wish that wizened old crone would go away and take her house elf/sex slave nanny with her.

  3. I just can’t with this show anymore. I really am allergic to this skank, and I cannot listen to her stupid voice without getting sick. I saw the previews for next week’s episode, and she is beyond disgusting. She is an anti-semite because she blows a gasket when Kyle mistakes her pentagram for a Jewish star. we already know she hates Catholics because she uses their sacred objects as sex props in her house, I just can’t. Not only is she is she a filthy old whore, but she is despicable and a hypocrite. She has no religious tolerance for others. Between her and Brandi’s child molestation remarks, I don’t think I can watch this show anymore. Maybe if it was exciting i could subject myself to it, but it is as boring as hell. If this is the best that Evolution media can do with hundreds of hours of footage there isn’t an ounce of talent between the cast, crew, producers or network. It’s truly awful, and for me, I am done with them all. I enjoy the discussion of them, but not the shows themselves.

    • Don’t see how she’s an anti-semite because of Kyle’s ignorance. Considering last night’s episode with VyleKyle stressing how Jewish she is and we get to see her Shabbat dinner she supposedly cooks once a week, why isn’t she familiar with the star of David?

    • My exact feelings gessie! After watching the previews last week, I was done. I can barely make it thru the previews on here. She is so disgusting….I would even have to use the word icky. Obviously from Sandi’s recap, I am not missing anything. I am happ

      • Meh, I had a bunch of Jewish friends who knew I wasn’t Jewish mistake a necklace of the the arch de triumph for some sort of Jewish religious symbol (I forgot the name of it). I mean, from far away it did sorta look like it, but still. So I don’t think Kyle’s mistake is that awful. Stupid, but not insulting.

      • Yeah. I don’t think that Jewish religious law allows tattoos. So, I don’t know think there is much of a market for Star of David tattoos.

  4. What’s with Creepy Carlton’s friends voice? She sounds like shes been sucking on helium. Can’t take much more of Carlton and her rude, disgusting , better than thou behavior. Kyle should have told her to be careful who you put spells on #itch!

    • Creepy Carlton’s friend is Tara Strong. She does cartoon voices for Rugrats, Fairly Odd Parents, etc. She’s prolly just using those voices trying to audition, hoping to pick up some voice work. Or maybe she does it ‘cuz it turns Carlton on. It’s possible. She’s that gross.

      • Umm, okay, then why does she have an English accent????????? She’s not even English–she’s Canadian.

        • I take that back–I was mixing her up with the babysitter. LOL. Tara Strong’s voice usually doesn’t sound like her characters, so I was surprised to hear her sound that high-pitched.

          • Baby talking at their ages, especially about watching the girls, and getting “nakey”, please that really was the low point of Carlton’s story line, and repulsive, in my opinion. I just can’t with that anymore and her friends–everything thing revolves around sex and leering at other women. Enough already.

            • Melinda, I agree. Old Leatherface is grating on my last nerve with her salivating toward women and constant talk of sex. She is the worst person to ever happen to any housewife shows. She honestly does make my skin crawl.

            • It was really stupid. Big deal!! If she’s into lesbian flings, let her have fun, but do we have to be shocked by it? Bravo is really beyond stupid now and these women should be embarrassed!!

            • I totally agree done! I think it is more boring than anything. To me Carlton is selling herself short. I can not believe that she can not come up with something more interesting to share about herself than all of this over sexualized stuff.

            • I remember reading the Wiccan info initially and I wondered how they’d make it interesting. Who cares???? These shows are just so done.

  5. The “celebrating women” story line is boring and has no substance. It looks like Carlton’s talking heads are recycled week after week.

    • Ugh, if she really was about women’s natural beauty then why does she and all of her friends have plastic tits, hair, nails, etc. Why do all the “beautiful” women she likes fall into 1 type of look? Carlton is so insecure. LOOK AT ME! LOOK AT ME! I LIKE SEXY LADIES! ISN’T THAT COOL? Ugh.

  6. RHWBH was a guilty pleaser but no more. Who had the idea to bring Carlton on board? she is very offensive. So long housewives. I would have posted this on Bravo board but I couldn’t find a place where they take viewers opinions.

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