Damn those non-English speakin’ party helpers! This is my chicken salad bowl! What’s so hard about understanding the words “Mia el Pollo salade el bowlo”? Yolanda better be here next time.
My sister makes THE best chicken salad ever! Really… try it! I just busted my tooth! What the hell did you put in your chicken salad, Kim?
Thanks, Kyle… so nice of you to tell me that Kim is on a “no waste” kick and makes her chicken salad outta the entire chicken! And… you coulda warned me that she throws in all her leftover prescription pills! How long will I be zonked out?
Don’t listen to her, Kim! We ALL love your special chicken salad… you really outdid yerself with this batch!
Dear Friends: Thank you all for signin’ the 87-page waiver to gaze at my new nose. After yer all done lookin’ at my nose, please watch out for Marisa… she ate my chicken salad and might just drop off right on top of you. And, in case she does, it’s not my responsibility. Just a lil warning in case anyone thinks they got a lawsuit goin’…
…didja hear that, Adrienne?? Adrienne?
Any pain, Kim? Does this hurt? How about this? Or this? Keep perfectly still. I will ask you again… why you dit-ent get Paul to chisel your face? Oh, does THIS hurt? OOPS!
You look perfect, Kim! Just perfect!! We gotta take advantage of any free plastic surgery we can while we’re still doin’ this phony baloney “reality” show. Can you get outta our shot, Magoof? You’re gonna have plenty of screen time later…
(Quick note to Paul: RUN PAUL… RUN!!! Just RUN for your life!! No, Paul.. run the OTHER way!!)
Look, Adrienne! It’s a fire! Just like we seen in the pitcher books! A real fire! Right on our street! With firemen, sirens, firemen’s hats, hoses and shooting flames!!
For God’s sake, Adrienne! Of course this whole scene will make it to air! We’re talkin’ hoses and
flamers flames… MissAndy will LOVE it!
I told you, Adrienne… I **huff** told **puff** you!!! These are REAL firemen, they will NOT show their butts; and they never heard of MissAndy!
That fire is NOT going to upstage me, Paul! I’m leavin’ with all the kids… ALL the kids. AND… I’m pickin’ up all the ready-and-waiting-for-our-next-kid surrogates, too! All 93 of them… and we’ll be at the bugout location. You remember our bugout place… at the Palms.
Adrienne! I thought our bugout place was in a tricked-out school bus buried under the HardRockHotel parking lot?! Everybody will find us at the near-dead Palms!
NO, Paul! How many times do I have to go over this with you?! The HardRock is for the surrogates. You, me and Bernie are buggin’ out at the Palms…
PALMS… “A Maloof Casino Resort”… and official EOTWAWKI bugout location of Adrienne Magoof! No surrogates allowed…
Is that a meteor, Glen?
Do you actually know what a meteor is, Kyle? SORRY!! I meant to ask: “Do you know what that thing is that is flyin’ around up there in the sky… my beautiful, sexy, perfect mother-of-my-kids-splits-doin’ wife??
You forgot to say that I also have the most beautiful and perfect HAIR that you’ve ever seen… you should NEVER, EVER forget the most important part of my being, which is my HAIR!!
You have totally embarrassed me, MO-reese! TOTALLY! You know what happens when you embarrass me, don’t you MO-reese!? You don’t get to tote around any of my purses! Put my purse BACK in your closet… NOW!
Welcome, everyone to my White’s Only Party!!
Damn you, Paul!! You just got my spray-tan special mix all over your brand new Philippines shirt! Did you bring the baby wipes… or how about somma that anesthesia? Either one will work…
We did not bring that chick with no face… let’s just make that clear!
Hey, Kyle… you always got FrontPorcha witchu. Ain’t it past her bedtime.. or somethin’?
You havin’ fun, Paul?? Well, enjoy it… ’cause I’ll be rippin’ you up at the Moroccan restaurant tomorrow night! OH! You didn’t get that memo??
OH, MO-reese… I’m gettin’ kinda tired of FrontPorcha. Ain’t it time to have another one? Don’t you wanna have a little MO-reese… just so we can keep this clip goin’?
Adrienne just asked me if I wanted to settle the lawsuit… like right now! AND, she wants to give me five of her surrogates!
I told you, Adrienne… I’m not goin’ to settle with you. I didn’t do nuthin’ and I don’t have nuthin’! You can have my toaster if you want it!
Oh, really, Blabbermouth? That’s all you got is a toaster?
We just wanna know how did everyone know about my thirteen… uh, make that THREE… kids?
THIRTEEN kids? You said thirteen kids! Uh… we only have THREE kids, Adrienne!
Not YOUR kids, Paul… the ten extra kids I have with Bernie! YES! Bernie TheInsultChef!
Come on, Ken… don’t be such a bloody old prude! If Adrienne can have kids with her cook, then maybe you could finally give in to poor Brandi!
I love you, Lisa… I really do. But, bloody ‘ell can you git this BrandiGirl away from me? Pay off her lawyer’s bill… I just want to go home and go to sleep. Just make sure you git that toaster…