REAL HOUSEWIVES OF BEVERLY HILLS RECAP
Season Three, Episode Thirteen… “Game of Scones”
by Sandi Duffy
I had to DVR RHOBH because my son had to watch the beginning of WWE Raw. Some big announcement was going to be made. I expected to see the Pope there tendering his resignation. He was really cute, though, my son, not the Pope. He was all worried I’d get fired from writing my blog because I would miss the beginning of Housewives. Like anything every happens on these shows anymore. All they do is rehash the same crap over and over. I am wondering where I can get a gig recapping WWE Raw because that shit is awesome.
Ever notice that Kyle is always in front of her make-up mirror? It’s not helping, Kyle.
Kyle arrives at Lisa’s house to try to fix their friendship. If I were a betting woman, I’d bet this isn’t going to work. Lisa’s house is made of awesome. Lisa tells Kyle she should have backed her up when Camille made her ridiculous accusations. Lisa, Kyle didn’t defend you because you are done buying homes and Camille may still buy or sell a home, so Kyle has to be nice to her. Brandi can’t afford to buy a home, so Kyle will never defend her and Kyle already stole Kim’s house, so she doesn’t have to be nice to her.
Yolanda claims to only have enough money to buy one horse for her daughter and I’m all like WTF?! First, I can’t even afford half a horse. Second, you are married to David freakin’ Foster, Give me a break.
The problem with Yolanda’s storyline is that it doesn’t belong on this show. Yolanda needs her own lifestyle show, where we can watch her exercise and grow her lemons and ride in her private jet and all watch her fabulousity life, even if her daughter only has one horse.
With that said, Yolanda tells Brandi that Adrienne is a very insecure woman who uses her money to intimidate people. I have no strong feelings about Adrienne one way or another, but Yolanda may have hit the nail on the head, and I only say that because I think only a very insecure woman would date a man so much younger with absolutely nothing going for him. Now if I dated Justin Timberlake, that wouldn’t be pathetic because he has his own thing going on. Ok, it would be a little pathetic, but a girl can dream.
Lisa gets another plug for her other show at her tea party when she has her bartenders from SUR serving at her party. And why the hell are they wearing jeans and wife beaters? Brandi shows up first and Lisa gives her the advice to keep her mouth shut.
Ugh, after two weeks, we get Trailor back. It was so nice without her. Trailor brings a sex toy as a gift and claims to have been single for a whole year. Except for her married lawyer boyfriend I guess.
Lisa’s closet is the size of my entire house. We are then treated to naked pictures of Lisa displayed in Ken’s closet.
Marisa arrives and while I think I like her, I REALLY like her husband. Where is he? He has replaced Paul in my househusband heart. I can’t believe Marisa said after 16 years of sleeping with her husband, she’d like to sleep with someone else. If she does, can I sleep with her husband?
Damn, Kyle just parades out one ugly outfit after another. Where does she find them? At her new clothing store because if what she’s wearing is any indication of what she’s selling, you can keep that store.
Even worse than Trailor, the morally corrupt Faye Resnick is coming to Lisa’s party. Why the hell did Lisa invite Faye? Oh, that’s right. Bravo was going to try to make her a housewife, but we, the viewing public, flipped out.
Trailor tells Lisa that Adrienne is selling stories to the press.
Adrienne tells the morally corrupt Faye Resnick she is “such a lovely person.” Yes because lovely people hinder the prosecution of their BFF’s killer and then write a tell-all book with all the evidence she withheld from the prosecution. Lisa claims to not have invited her, but I kind of doubt that. Lisa seems like the type of woman who wouldn’t hesitate to ask someone to leave, ala Cedric at her SUR opening.
Thanks to the morally corrupt Faye Resnick, Trailor is not the woman I dislike the most on this show.
Camille has the nerve to show up after accusing Lisa of not owning SUR.
Kim calls with another one of her crazy excuses as to why she can’t make the party. She got hit in the face by her dog. Ooooookaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay.
Lisa has little gifts for everyone and that’s proof that the morally corrupt Faye Resnick was invited because she wouldn’t have a gift for Faye if she didn’t know she was coming.
MY EYES! We just got a replay of Trailors ass in Ojai. Everyone wants Trailor to do her gymnastics. Then she says since everyone likes to sue everyone she can sue Lisa if she gets hurt. Kyle brings up her white party and Trailor slurs her way through making it about her getting thrown out of it last year. And Kim is supposed to have the drinking problem.
Lisa gets Brandi and Trailor away from the table and tells Trailor to stop the innuendos and to cut the crap. THAT’S the Lisa I like.
Adrienne tells the ladies left at the table that she isn’t suing Brandi. Trailor is trashed and looking for trouble.
I can’t believe Trailor is on Brandi’s side. Frankly, Trailor is the last person in the world that I would want sticking up for me. Trailor won’t let it go. She is disgusting. Now I can’t decide who I dislike more…the morally corrupt Faye Resnick or Trailor.
Then they show on twitter where Brandi accuses Adrienne’s chef, Bernie of attacking her. Ok, THAT one I believe. What is the deal with Bernie? I kind of found him amusing when he was snide to Lisa and Lisa gave it back by pretending not to know who he was at her SUR opening, but it seems like this guy wants his 15 minutes and will do anything for it…or he is secretly in love with Adrienne.
Does anyone else feel sorry for Marisa?
Once again, Brandi is leaving a party. This is actually all Trailor’s fault. Or Teresa’ Guidice’s.