REAL HOUSEWIVES OF BEVERLY HILLS RECAP
Season Three, Episode Twelve… “Kim Nose Best”
by Sandi Duffy
This episode should be called “Beating a Dead Horse.”
I’m so over the Beverly Hills Housewives, but let’s see what I can come up with tonight. Marisa is right when she says she doesn’t get how stripping empowers women. Kyle TTCs that this could be fun or she will make a big ass out of herself. I put my money on the big ass. You know Camille is going to be good at it because she was an MTV dancer back in the day.
Adrienne is now selling handbags, along with her stupid shoes. I guess now that her basketball team is gone and by staying a weekend at The Palms, I would officially own about as much as she does in it, she needs to find other ways to make money. All these idiots think they are going to be the next Bethenny Frankel. Not happening, ladies.
Although, I have to admit that if I ever became a housewife, I would subject you all to a crockpot (I had a Superbowl party where I cooked everything in four crockpots) and a book or two.
One is a book I started a few years ago about being a widow and since I didn’t marry a Prince/Kennedy relative, my experience is quite different from Carole Radziwell.
Oh, back to the show. The ladies all look like idiots on the pole.
Kim calls while Kyle is in Vegas and announces that she is getting a nose job. I said it last week, but everything I’ve learned from Celebrity Rehab tells me that an addict should not get elective surgery that would require pain killers. Of course, I’m like 99% sure a recovering addict shouldn’t be on a reality show, too, and that includes Celebrity Rehab.
Kyle flips out and I love when Yolanda tells her that Kim is telling her she is getting a nose job, not asking her. I am way too distracted by Kyle’s glitter false eyelashes.
I really don’t care about Kim’s plastic surgery and why does she have a life coach, a houseboy and an assistant. I’m pretty sure her only “work” is being on this show, and her kids are basically grown, so why does she need all the help? You know what I want to see? I want to see the real Kim–the Kim who goes to AA meetings and has a sponsor, not this BS nose job.
Adrienne is polishing her nails in her husband’s office–like Adrienne polishes her own nails. Watching these two snipe at each other is uncomfortable. How much humiliation is Paul supposed to take on this show? We’ve seen him get a colonoscopy and now we see him getting his back hair removed.
Kim comes out of surgery and she pretty much seems the same coming out of anesthesia as she does in everyday life. I mean, the woman is spacey on a good day. Kyle TTCs that she would have liked to have been there for her. Yeah, right, Kyle, so you would berate her?
Yolanda looks so much younger without her hair pulled so severely back off her face. Brandi makes a joke about Camille doing porn and Camille takes it well. Yolanda took the stick out of her ass and is drinking Tequilla. Marisa spilled red wine on her white dress. Marisa, NEVER drink red wine when you are wearing white. That’s why I’m totally against all the White Parties everyone has on these Housewives shows. That’s also why I always wear black. I’m a sloppy drunk.
I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I’m with Kyle’s original thought. Why have dinner in private room when you are in Vegas?
Talk turns to Kim’s surgery. Jennifer, who is on Celebrity Rehab, says what I’ve been saying…the pain medication is not a good idea. Kyle is an idiot, and has obviously never watched Celebrity Rehab, and doesn’t think the surgery so soon in her recovery is a problem. Of course, we need to remember the surgery is all Kyle’s fault, since she told Kim to get her nose fixed.
Camille feels badly that Adrienne isn’t there. Uh oh. Here it comes. Jennifer confirms what Brandi has been saying about Adrienne trying to turn everyone against Lisa. Camille says Adrienne was upset about Lisa calling her shoes “The Maloof Hoof”. Really?! THAT’S what made Adrienne turn on Lisa. Wow, Adrienne needs to head over to Walmart, stat, and purchase a sense of humor. Camille denies that Adrienne called a meeting. We get a glimpse of Season 1 Camille. Camille leaves the table, calling Brandi a liar. Kyle goes after her and convinces her to come back. We are back to Lisa not going to the Palms for Pandora’s bachelorette party. Brandi says Adrienne only owns 2% of The Palms. Kyle is mad that Brandi said that. WE ALL KNOW THAT THE MALOOFS ONLY OWN 2% OF THE PALMS. And, like I’ve said in about a million previous posts, The Palms is way off the strip.
Planet Hollywood, where Pandora’s bachelorette party was, is on the strip. That’s why I stayed there the last time I was in Vegas. If these are the reasons Adrienne throws away friendships, the woman needs some serious therapy.
Camille then drops the “Lisa doesn’t own SUR” bomb, which I’m pretty sure isn’t the case. Camille, Camille, Camille, I was really liking you after Season 1. Even during Season 1, I was always suspicious of Kim never confirming Kyle’s claims that she never said who cares about you without Kelsey, but going after Lisa is a BIG mistake, especially when I’m pretty sure you are wrong in your accusation.
I do feel the need to interrupt this blog to say that we are now on Week 2 with no Trailor and I find it refreshing.
Camille somehow compares Adrienne owning only 2% of The Palms to Lisa owning 51% of Sur. I know Camille isn’t that bright, but really.
Yolanda TTCs that Kyle likes to stir it up and I want to reach through the television and hug her. Where is Marisa’s husband? Who wants dessert?
David Foster sent a private jet to pick up Yolanda. I want Yolanda’s life for just one week. One week is all I ask.
OMG WTF is Kyle wearing? That is the most hideous thing I’ve seen. Kyle, get thee to a stylist ASAP! Kim, laying in bed with bandages on her face looks better than Kyle in that ugly green jumpsuit. Where is Marisa’s mother when you need her? Kim starts smoking an electric cigarette and it’s just plain weird.
Kyle tells Kim the whole story of what happened at the last dinner in Vegas. Kim looks like she just wants Kyle to leave so she can take her pain killers and go to sleep.
Hell, I want to take pain killers and go to sleep listening to Kyle.
Lisa is telling her side of the story to her husband. For some reason that doesn’t annoy me as much. Maybe it’s the British accent and the fact that I can fool myself into thinking that I’m watching PBS instead of this crap.