Season Three, Episode Eleven… “Stars and Strips”
by Sandi Duffy
Yolanda is always cooking and preparing food for the cameras. Raise your had if you think Yolanda really prepares her own food. Yolanda also is critical of everyone in Beverly Hills who is botoxed, like Yolanda isn’t botoxed.
Ugh, the annoying Suzanne Somers who doles out medical advice and does she even have a high school diploma? Lisa has no idea who Chrissy Snow is. Haha. I loved on Kathy Griffin’s My Life on the D List, when she was hiding diet soda from Suzanne.
Kyle is a big fan of her books. Yeah, Kyle is into Kabbalah, too, so I take her opinions with a grain of salt. Lisa TTCs about swallowing pills and other things. She is hilarious. I love British humor. Suzanne doesn’t get that Lisa is making fun of her because she takes herself way too seriously. I wish someone had walked into Yolanda;s house with a Big Mac.
Brandi TTCs that her ex husband bought her a stripper pole. I’d kick my husband in the nuts if he bought me a stripper pole. How the hell did Brandi get hired to do a stripping class in Vegas if she never stripped? I guess that qualifies me, too. I wish someone in Vegas would hire me to do something I have never done before.
After all the workout video nonsense on Atlanta last night, why doesn’t Brandi do a workout video? Not that I would buy it. As a rule I won’t buy anything Housewives related, except Skinnygirl Cosmos. Those are good. The margarita, not so much.
Oh holy hell, Kyle is having a sixth grade graduation party for her daughter. No one actually “graduates” sixth grade. They simply move from fifth grade to sixth grade. The morally corrupt Faye Rancik is there. So are Paul and Adrienne and Paul asks where Kyle’s sisters are. Kyle gives lame-ass excuses. The real answer is her sisters can’t stand her because she is sh-t-stirring bi–ch.
There is all kinds of talk about how Faye had Adrienne’s back. Too bad Faye didn’t have Nicole Brown Simpson’s back. Look out, Adrienne, if history is any predictor, Faye will write a book about you.
Kim is home organizing pictures. I wonder if that’s why she missed Kyle’s party. I can’t blame her. I’d rather organize my socks than go to any of Kyle’s parties.
Kim wants to get a nose job. I don’t know if it’s a good idea for an addict to undergo elective surgery that requires pain medication. I know her problem is alcohol, but addicts typically replace one addiction for another. I know this from watching Intervention and Celebrity Rehab.
Brandi has a friend named Adrienne, but not THAT Adrienne. Brandi needs help packing. Give me a break. I go once a year to Vegas with my girlfriends and I don’t need help packing. I pack every slutty dress and shoes I own along with all my bathing suits. Easy Peezy.
Marisa is packing with her mother and her mother kind of reminds me of my mother, lacking boundary issues. My mother never hesitates to tell me what to wear, how to decorate, what to cook. And her mom is right, that dress was ugly.
Lisa is asking Ken’s advice about what to bring. These women need a lot of help to pack. And I’m with Ken, how the hell does stripping empower women?
Marisa’s mom is angling for an invitation. That’s pretty funny.
Ken asks the 20 million dollar question–are they staying at The Palms?
Why is Kyle doing Turbo Tax commercials? It’s bad enough I watch her once a week on Real Housewives, now I have to see her on Turbo Tax commercials. Am I going to be subjected to her until April 15?
Let’s not forget HagfaceKyle’s Nourage!!
The ladies are staying at the Four Seasons, which is connected to Mandalay Bay. There’s an ice bar in Mandalay Bay called Minus 5 and it’s a lot of fun. The put you in a parka and boots and gloves and the entire bar is made of ice.
Yolanda skipped the trip, and we get to see her prepare more food that we all know she doesn’t really prepare. And we all know Yolanda never eats chocolate soufflés.
Yolanda TTCs that her and David are going to stay married forever. Hasn’t David been married like a half dozen times?
David Foster with his first wife… walkin’ on the beach and all that…
The ladies have dinner in Vegas and there is talk about Kyle’s stupid store. Are all the clothes there three sizes too small for the customers?
Brandi tells Marissa she felt bad for Dean at dinner when she was talking about him. Kyle is ruining the entire trip so far. No one in Vegas is on your side Kyle. Lisa doesn’t trust you. You treated Camille like shit in season one. Jennifer is Brandi’s BFF and Marisa hasn’t once taken your side since she joined the show. You are not the Queen Bee here, Kyle. It’s nice seeing her not comfortable.
Marisa points out that Leeann Rimes is trying to be Brandi. I really like Marisa (and her husband).
We discover that Lisa prefers the word “p*ssy” over vagina.
Kim meets with her plastic surgeon to get her nose done. Kyle brought up doing her nose. Kyle is the worst sister in the world.
The ladies are all at the pool the next day in what looks like evening wear, and Yolanda shows up in denim shorts. It reminds of when they were in Ojai and Yolanda was the only one dressed casually.
Lisa asks if Adrienne is mad that Brandi isn’t supporting her business by stripping at The Palms. I would never stay at The Palms. It’s beautiful and has great restaurants and clubs, but it is way off The Strip. I don’t like to be stuck in one place. That’s why I don’t like cruises or all -inclusive resorts.
On next week’s RHOBH…