REAL HOUSEWIVES OF ATLANTA RECAP: Season Five, Episode Thirteen… “Make an Ass Out of a Donkey”


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Season Five, Episode Thirteen… “Make an Ass Out of a Donkey”

by Sandi Duffy

In Atlanta we have Videogate, the most boring plotline ever.  Kenya tells her personal trainer all about it.  Not a good start to this week’s episode.

Then Phaedra goes to her photo shoot for HER video.  Does Phaedra get her lips done?

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Ok, in the battle of the workout video, I’d be more inclined to buy Kenya’s over Phaedra’s when it comes to which body I would rather have.

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Of course, Phaedra has the advantage of having Apollo in her video, so maybe I would buy hers.  Oh, I just can’t decide.

Cynthia’s “modeling agency” is now going into the pageant business.  No one saw that coming.  The pageant guy asks if she is covering little girls to married women.  OK, I watch The Soup, so I know all about Toddlers in Tiaras, but grown-ass married women enter pageants, too?  Why is there not a reality show about this?  I demand one right now.

The pageant guy wants Cynthia to MC.  Then there’s a flashback to when she did MC a fashion show.  I kept waiting for Phaedra’s TTC, “Everyone knows that people want to look at models, not hear them speak.”

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Why are Kenya and Porsha having lunch?  They hate each other.  Kenya  tries to turn Porsha against Phaedra.  This is so middle school.

My 8-year-old son just came out from his bedroom and saw Nene and asked me if she was a guy.

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Greg and Nene go furniture shopping.   Nene decides to hire an interior decorator to decorate her rented house.

Cynthia and her pageant planner meet Porsha at the pageant location.   When the pageant planner asks how many contestants Cynthia has lined up for the pageant, her answer is none.  All Cynthia has is a name.  No venue, no contestants, nothing.  That is one sharp businesswoman.

Cynthia is STOOPID…

I am now ordering books on a friend recommended because I am so bored with this episode.  In case anyone is curious, I bought Heft, by Liz Moore and This Is Where I Leave You by Jonathan Tropper.  Bet you all thought it was one of those stoopid Housewives books.

Oh shocking.  The Housewives are at a Moroccan restaurant with belly dancers.  Cynthia has a bug up her ass about Phaedra and TTCs that she doesn’t think it’s right for Phaedra to talk about Kenya.  Cynthia brought it up by asking about videogate.  Kandi has the same question I do when Porsha discusses her lunch with Kenya–why go to lunch with this woman?

Cynthia, being the awesome businesswoman she is, has Porsha singing at her pageant.  It’s not like Cynthia knows any professional singers….oh wait.

Nene is going to an acting coach so that she can win an Emmy.  I would laugh, but a lot of people have won awards for playing themselves–Angelina Jolie in Girl Interrupted is one such example that comes to mind.

NayNay don’t need no acting coach as long as she got herself Ryan!

Kenya and Cynthia meet for golf and Cynthia can’t wait to tell Kenya everything that was said about her.  Yet, not once, did Cynthia ever say anything to anyone at the actual dinner.

Kandi is designing a bedroom for the baby she is not yet having.

Kenya and Miss Lawrence have drinks.  Kenya says that Phaedra is manly.  WTF?!  Phaedra is extremely curvy and feminine.


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Nene designed a shoe and is donating the proceeds or part of the proceeds to charity.  Some really tall attractive woman from the WNBA tells Nene she is a huge fan.  Maybe she should be a housewife, along with Kenya’s cousin, the chef.


Kenya walks in looking way over-the-top, and if her goal was to show people that what Phaedra was saying about her isn’t true, she failed miserably.

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Nene TTCs and she is hilarious.  Phaedra is funny, too.

Kenya confronts Phaedra about Phaedra saying she thinks Kenya is bi-polar.  Phaedra admits it and says she does think she’s bi-polar.  Kandi jumps in and takes Phaedra’s side.  Cynthia, being the coward she is, says nothing.


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On next week’s RHOA… Kenya has a medical scare…