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REAL HOUSEWIVES OF ATLANTA RECAP: Season Five, Episode Thirteen… “Make an Ass Out of a Donkey”

REAL HOUSEWIVES OF ATLANTA RECAP  

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Season Five, Episode Thirteen… “Make an Ass Out of a Donkey”

by Sandi Duffy

In Atlanta we have Videogate, the most boring plotline ever.  Kenya tells her personal trainer all about it.  Not a good start to this week’s episode.

Then Phaedra goes to her photo shoot for HER video.  Does Phaedra get her lips done?

gretchen phaedra donkey booty pg

Ok, in the battle of the workout video, I’d be more inclined to buy Kenya’s over Phaedra’s when it comes to which body I would rather have.

phaedra apollo donkey booty dvd

Of course, Phaedra has the advantage of having Apollo in her video, so maybe I would buy hers.  Oh, I just can’t decide.

Cynthia’s “modeling agency” is now going into the pageant business.  No one saw that coming.  The pageant guy asks if she is covering little girls to married women.  OK, I watch The Soup, so I know all about Toddlers in Tiaras, but grown-ass married women enter pageants, too?  Why is there not a reality show about this?  I demand one right now.


The pageant guy wants Cynthia to MC.  Then there’s a flashback to when she did MC a fashion show.  I kept waiting for Phaedra’s TTC, “Everyone knows that people want to look at models, not hear them speak.”

rhoa porsha kenya

 

Why are Kenya and Porsha having lunch?  They hate each other.  Kenya  tries to turn Porsha against Phaedra.  This is so middle school.

My 8-year-old son just came out from his bedroom and saw Nene and asked me if she was a guy.

RHOA nene

Greg and Nene go furniture shopping.   Nene decides to hire an interior decorator to decorate her rented house.

Cynthia and her pageant planner meet Porsha at the pageant location.   When the pageant planner asks how many contestants Cynthia has lined up for the pageant, her answer is none.  All Cynthia has is a name.  No venue, no contestants, nothing.  That is one sharp businesswoman.

Cynthia is STOOPID…

I am now ordering books on Amazon.com a friend recommended because I am so bored with this episode.  In case anyone is curious, I bought Heft, by Liz Moore and This Is Where I Leave You by Jonathan Tropper.  Bet you all thought it was one of those stoopid Housewives books.

Oh shocking.  The Housewives are at a Moroccan restaurant with belly dancers.  Cynthia has a bug up her ass about Phaedra and TTCs that she doesn’t think it’s right for Phaedra to talk about Kenya.  Cynthia brought it up by asking about videogate.  Kandi has the same question I do when Porsha discusses her lunch with Kenya–why go to lunch with this woman?

Cynthia, being the awesome businesswoman she is, has Porsha singing at her pageant.  It’s not like Cynthia knows any professional singers….oh wait.

Nene is going to an acting coach so that she can win an Emmy.  I would laugh, but a lot of people have won awards for playing themselves–Angelina Jolie in Girl Interrupted is one such example that comes to mind.

NayNay don’t need no acting coach as long as she got herself Ryan!

Kenya and Cynthia meet for golf and Cynthia can’t wait to tell Kenya everything that was said about her.  Yet, not once, did Cynthia ever say anything to anyone at the actual dinner.

Kandi is designing a bedroom for the baby she is not yet having.

Kenya and Miss Lawrence have drinks.  Kenya says that Phaedra is manly.  WTF?!  Phaedra is extremely curvy and feminine.

 

nene leakes shoe

Nene designed a shoe and is donating the proceeds or part of the proceeds to charity.  Some really tall attractive woman from the WNBA tells Nene she is a huge fan.  Maybe she should be a housewife, along with Kenya’s cousin, the chef.

 

Kenya walks in looking way over-the-top, and if her goal was to show people that what Phaedra was saying about her isn’t true, she failed miserably.

kenya rhoa

 

Nene TTCs and she is hilarious.  Phaedra is funny, too.

Kenya confronts Phaedra about Phaedra saying she thinks Kenya is bi-polar.  Phaedra admits it and says she does think she’s bi-polar.  Kandi jumps in and takes Phaedra’s side.  Cynthia, being the coward she is, says nothing.

 

miss lawrence rhoa

On next week’s RHOA… Kenya has a medical scare…

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110 comments on “REAL HOUSEWIVES OF ATLANTA RECAP: Season Five, Episode Thirteen… “Make an Ass Out of a Donkey”

  1. Wow! Kenya is truly insane and she will probably end up committed somewhere. What a freaking idiot walking in to the charity event dressed in that….bathing suit???? After tonight I will officially begin changing the channel when ever I see Kenya’s face. The rest of the episode was just stupid…and boring.

    • Kenya can say what she wants to about not being bi-polar, but I remember clearly Walter asking if she had taken her medication. Perhaps it was some Tylenol, but I don’t think so. Who shows up to a charity event to make a point to someone who isn’t even the reason for the event? Kenya truly has a problem, whether it is organic or chemically induced.

      • Lmfao I remember Walter asking if she took her meds in Anguilla also. And has anyone heard of a pageant agency? I certainly haven’t. No wonder the bailey agency is closed. Wtf is on Kenya’s butt slices of bologna? I wouldn’t want Phaedra or Kenya’s body. Phaedra because she’s too curvy for me (I’m skinny and prefer it) and Kenya because she has butt implants eww. Cynthia is stupid the girls are gonna put two and two together to figure out she’s the one giving info to Kenya Bensimon.

  2. There is no way Keyna is going to convince anyone she isn’t crazy when she’s done nothing but act like a lunatic all season

    • I have to agree, I think Kenya is crazy. After that disgusting outfit she wore to Shoedazzle, she should have beenshown the door. If she is working out, I will eat my words cause that butt is 2 ax handles wide and looks like 2 basketballs back there. She is acting more like a lunatic each week. I think Phaedra is right. I think she needs meds.

    • And as I recall, she slandered Phaedra ever since they talked about her video. I would sure like to see someone call Cynthia out for all the running to tell she does. It really is getting old.

  3. What is with Lawrence again with now a bump on the right side of his hairline on his neck.He had one under his left jawline a few weeks again.Now he he another one and NO it is not acne like a poster said for the 1st one.He looks really sick in his eyes and has lost some weight.That orange lipstick was too much.We all know why you do with them lips so dont make a bill board out of them.His long term friendship with Kenyuk is about as believeable as Kenyuk and Walters storyline.
    Videogate has run its course like diarrhea.I would not buy either ones.

      • He only looks bad because he isn’t using the right shade of foundation. It’s about 10 shades too light. Those bumps look like ingrown hairs to me.

        • Other then what might be a boil on his scalp near his lower ear, which is not unusual in men with curly hair who keep it short, I STILL only see acne on Lawrence and do not get what anyone else is seeing.

    • I’m tired of ugly Lawrence blown up on my tv screen desperately kissing the butt of anyone that will have him in order to get air time.

      • I know I am going to catch crazy hell for this, but everytime I see “Miss” Lawrence with that bright red lipstick, crazy colored contacts and silly blousy outfits, I think of those circus monkeys from the 50′s, 60′s, 70′s that are all painted & dressed up – it’s just not a good look for him! And speaking of messy looking hairdressers, that big roll of neck fat on Derek J isn’t exactly winning style points in my book neither!

      • You’re not the only one. He’s just painful to watch in every way. The only purpose he serves is to humor his current BFF and their delusions of grandeur. Before Kenya, it was Sheree. And if it weren’t for the abrupt end of his “aspiring singer” storyline, he probably would’ve managed to latch onto Kandi.

      • Me, too….I certainly hope those people he is talking about aren’t using him to do their hair. If he wants customers, he needs to learn to stop talking about the women on camera. He needs to zip it…even those who might want to go to him would be scared to because of the way he gossips.

  4. Great recap, Sandy! I was about 20 minutes in to the episode and my husband asked “This is really boring. Do we have to watch this?” For one of the first times in RH history, I had to agree. I have no strong feelings regarding any of the Atl HWs. I’ve been catching up on my RHONJ gossip (Meho and Bulldog) ;)

  5. Was Phaedra pregnant during this filing? Kendra is right that she does not have the right body for a workout video. I don’t know anyone that wants a donkey or stallion bottom. Butt I loved Kenya’s outfit with fishnet and fake glubes. Loved it and too funny and please….Dumb Porsha has got to go so they need to quit talking to her!

    • Considering the number of very overweight women living in the South, to them Phaedra looks like she works out several hours a day. Again while Porsha is no Rhodes Scholar is not so dumb that she doesn’t know when she is being played. Kenya underestimated her, and Porsha simply allowed her enough rope to hang herself.

      • Kendra is definitely a mesomorph and Phaedra is more of an endomorph or an apple (just how her body holds the fat and builds muscle). I think Phaedra looks great, particularly after having a child. Apollo is a big sell and he is well toned. It markets to individuals and to couples that might wanna work out together.

        I LOL when Phaedra and Apollo were posing and she made a grunt face and said “Nasty!”

        • My lustrous fundament is about to slap you (lightly acrost the face) with a glove and challenge you to a duel with weapons of your choice. Afterwards, of course, we can sit on the back porch and have some sweet tea and ham biscuits.

          • :D I googled ham biscuits and if they are what the internet says, I’d love them! My sister lives in NC and when I visit I love to eat at the fish camps. They turned me onto putting slaw on sandwiches. Grits and greens is another favorite of mine.

      • Whoa- hold up! The number of very overweight women living in the South? You didn’t just say that……..Really?

          • One reason the south is the fattest region is we have the BEST food. Another reason for outrageous obesity in certain areas is that a lot of families are on government assistance (long-term) and cheap food is fattening food. Of course, exercise is free.

            • I’m born and raised “yankee” (hehe) and I absolutely love southern food. I do not know what all of it is, but I’ll eat anything that tastes good. I am a serious foody. Gotta enjoy life and all the joys of it, including great food, drink, family and company :D

              • Arguments get heated over the best fried chicken and biscuits, but it’s fun. People bond over food. It’s just what we do. Maybe you were raised “yankee,” but you’d fit in fine.

      • Grrrrrr. What a silly stereotype! I will have you know that most of my friends and myself are in good shape. I do love my fried foods, but in moderation. The south breeds good- lookin women ;)

        • Stereotype? It’s statistically true so it’s not a stereotype. Since I don’t know you and I didn’t say “everyone” in the south is overweight, I obviously wasn’t referring to you.

      • Phaedra’s body is too chubby. She looks like a fat 12 year old. Kenya’s body is much better, minus the butt implants ofcourse.

    • There is a whole market out there for people who want larger behinds. That’s why there are so many people getting fix-a-flat injected into their posteriors.

      • Or, the booty pads Kenya wore tonight….something I still believe she has more experience with then shew ants to admit.

        • I suspect she wore those butt pads because something wacky is going on under there. When they zoomed in on it you could kinda see the edges were not all that aesthetically pleasing.

    • Wrong……….PORSHA has a husband don’t have to work………..get my drift…….Housewives of Atlanta name o the show……get bipolar off also get Cynthia off.

      • So what was up with all the back hands talking head BS with Cynthia. That would could not be any more passive aggressive if she tried. Of course I also think Cynthia set up Porsha with this pageant for Nene and Kenya’s viewing pleasure, so we’ll see how this goes.

    • Kenya’s butt looks like basketball sized implants to me, nothing real looking about it. At least Phaedra’s looks real, and as she told the man, after she had the baby, her butt changed shapes and she wanted her old one back. She never claimed her butt was good now, that’s why she wanted to do a video workout for her butt. I like Porsha, she may not seem too smart, but she’s new and not used to being filmed so some of it may be due to that

  6. Cynthia is such a good friend that she will sit back and listen while you are being smack talked, then run back and tell you what is said. She will not defend you but hey, what are friends for?

    By the way, SH. There is the Mrs. America pageant. I’m surprised that Andy hasn’t sewn up the rights to a reality show for those women yet!

    • Cynthia is the Traylor of this franchise, maybe even the Kyle. Starts drama and sits there silently enjoying the chaos she creates.

      • ITA. is it just me or does cynthia have a hard time keeping her eyes open? to me she always looks half asleep and not quite present.

  7. Thanks for the recap! I was majorly bored by this episode. The highlight was Kenya showing up with that fishnet body stalking and but pads begging for booze.

    • I think those bunion pads Kenya had on her Stallion boo-tox were fantabulous! I think she’s on her way to starting a new fashion trend for church too. Big hats, fishnet and bunion pads. Yessirreeeeeee. I think that should be her video cover. (Except, I think she had Becky’s butt pads.)

    • I agree. I fell asleep! Since it ran twice Sunday night I had the opportunity to watch it again (or at least try) but I opted for Trains, Planes, and Automobiles” instead. From the sounds of it I made a great choice! This show has become SO boring!

  8. Ken-uck is a loone! Most insecure women. Cynthia, instead of two chains, she is two faced. Another fun night watching HotLanta and Shas………………

  9. Just watched Plastic Wives oi TLC.What a bunch of entitled women that are all about their husbands and ‘his” money.Dana Devine’s husband said she was not on Extra because of her age.I think it is more because she if a full blown bitch and thinks she is all that because she hooked a plastic surgeon.Gold diggers all of them.Dana talked about her “meat curtains” at the dinner table and Frances had a jar of her “labia” skin.So gross and petty.Dana got a new belly button too.All about their surgeries and who looks the best.

  10. I’ve been to that Moroccan restaurant. It is called “the imperial fez” and it is quite an experience they have belly dancers and serve you a 5 course meal. It is eally fun, but really expensive, like $50 and up a person!!!

  11. Seems like ATL and BH’s did the same restaurant theme.Moroccan and belly dancers.Bravo repeats scene on all the HW shows.

  12. Is that picture of Gretchen B-hind from back in her 140lb days. Was that the photo that jumped off her bulimia?

      • I think its an old cheerleading picture of Gretchen that had been doctored.The colors are the same as the Athlete’s jacket she had on in an old picture where she was a bit heavier that she is on the show and she mentioned at reunion when Alexis was trying to hijack her ED storyline that she was about 140 back then. I know her butt was never that big but I just never saw that particular pose from all her Before They Were Housewives pictures.

  13. I know that the HWs have been boring lately, but is this just going to be the ‘Crazy Kenya Show’ from now on? I don’t know if I can stomach much more of her theatrics.

    • I have been saying that all season. Reruns of Atlanta were on this a.m. Remember when some of the women were actually friends? Sheree spent over 6k on shoes and her shoe guy said she owns more than 1000 pairs. She is probably living in them now. Nene wasn’t a star of a show…more likable. All this cast are fake and one season away from financial troubles. Why did Kenya take over this show and the others are only bit players?

      • I think that Kenya is doing what the baby judges on Idol(Minaj) and Xfactor(Lovato) did. Making sure to run their mouth constantly especially when they have nothing of value to say. Its irritating.

          • It sure hasn’t been popular at my house,,,, I’ve started waiting until it reruns a few days later before I watch….then I read the blogs, and really get angry….then by the time I read a few of the comments, I’m just disgusted with the entire thing, NayNay is running the show, letting crazy Kenya do her dirty work with Phaedra and Kanda, and then her fans come in to praise her and insult the heck out of Phaedra and Kandi. NayNay fooling them all, she is wanting her own show and they won’t be in it, and then they gonna wish they’d not have kissed her butt so much,

  14. Go Porsha for shutting cray-cray down! I’m no fan of P’s wedge sneakers but her hair is pretty and believable. CraCra is weave dependent. I love Porsha calling her ashy. Cracra needs the lotion she mentioned. Being two-faced won’t help Cyn. She doesn’t know the “high road” and two faced are different. Did I imagine Nene looking embarassed for Kendra? And Cyn just laughed at her. I think the dial tone is really a “mean girl.”
    Best line of the night-Greg said goat wasn’t “baaaad.”

    • Oh, I LOVE wedge sneakers and have two pair in different colors. And as long as Cynthia has Nene behind her, she will continue to be two faced. If I had been Nene I would have been upset when Kenya showed up dressed like that, but since Kenya is her protege it seems she is willing to over look any crazy behavior, especially when it makes her look like a nice person.

      • Also, when it comes to Phaedra or Kandi, Nene doesn’t care how someone treats them since she seems to me like she hates them both. Had that been Cynthia Kenya pulled that on, you can bet Nene would have showed out big time.

      • I kind of look forward to seeing Greg. He talks just enough. His joke about a train running over a monkey’s tail a few episodes ago reminded me of something my dad would’ve said.

        • Yeah his banter with NeNe is cute. Even though I know everything is rehearsed and planned what to say for some reason he doesn’t bother me like the other househusbands this season.

  15. Kenyuk has definately taken over the show with her fake BF storyline and antics.The rest are just going along for the ride/paycheck.Bravo needs to make some serious changes on the cast of ATL.
    Cynthia and her bubbend need to go.Both are making up businesses to look like serious business people.Nay Nay needs to go so the ass kissing will slow down.She mentioned she wanted this remarriage to Gregg/ her lapdog that she never really divorced let alone moved out of their “leased” home to be her “fary tale wedding”.At her age and history!!! Really!! Looking for Bravo to pay and vendors to donate service like trashy Kim did.Take your ass on to LA and fall flat on your face.She can only play herself/a black or brown woman with attitude.

  16. If I had to choose whether I would want to look like Phaedra or Kenya based on a video, I would pick Phaedra since her body is realistic, where Kenya’s would require plastic surgery to achieve.

  17. Lets be real – Phaedra was born chunky with fat thighs and huge butt and flat chested. Don’t like to discuss another woman’s body but she has set herself up to be critiqued. No amount of exercise will “give” another woman that butt. She is so delusional and definitely narciscisstic. Jailbait Apollo, sorry Ms SH, achieved his body tone from constantly working out at the Big House. Crazy Kenya has a a much attractive body for a 40 yr old woman but she has never had children or been stuck at home cooking for her man. Such silliness that I am glad Kenya is having fun with those idiots; she is smarter and has more confidence than anyone on RHOA.

    • I HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATE how Phaedra always pushes her AAA’s up as far as they can go. She has to be using tape and 3 wonderbras. And for all the money she pays for her clothes (much of which are lovely), you would think she would get them tailored properly for her pear shape. Nothing she wears fits right. She has that Kyle-syndrome – always wearing things 2 sizes too small.

    • Phaedra could have boobs like all the rest of them if she wanted them, maybe she doesn’t want implants and had rather use what she has. I know some of those ladies go overboard with the boobs. I think Kenya’s body is fake from one end to the other, except for her bad skin, and she needs to change her face products or something. She has a horrible complexion that looks like she doesn’t wash her face enough. And those booty pads she had on, imo, were to cover up the signs that shes got implants in her butt….it’s not like her butt isn’t big enuf without adding the pads to it…..she was covering something up!

  18. Did yall notice how whata big head Todd has? Laws a mercy they need to keep him in tight shot from now on.

    • OMG one of my all time favorite movies!! this show is boring I have more fn reading the recaps here and the comments then watching the show.. And please whne is someone going to calll out Cynthia for being sucha s**t stirrer?

      • I agree. She is. Looking back now I suppose she always has been but its more noticeable this season. Not sure what she is fixin to pull with Porsche but I don’t think its gonna end well for her. She offered to lend her help and family name. HELP not do all the dang dirty work Cynthia. Way to get the most bang outa your charitable contributions Cynthia. Poppa Smurf is rubbing off on her in a big way.

        • I agree. I’m done defending Cynthia. I really thought she had some class but when she ran off to tattle to Kenya-after Kenya disrespected her SO much-I lost all respect. Just another wanna-be. Dern.

  19. Everybody can praise Kenya’s bootie all they want but that chicks tt’s need help. She wants to crow about her Miss USA title being a part of history.. well so are her boobs. I was not that all fire impressed with her tummy region either…especially for someone who has never had a child. So .. yeah I said it. Porsha has the best body.

    • Exactly. She has seriously sagging boobs, a lipo stomach and the most disgusting butt I have ever had the displeasure of having to look at.
      Her mannish horse face somehow completes the look.

        • The thing that’s funny to me, she actually reminds me of an episode of Seinfeld. The one where Jerry dates the girl ‘with two faces’.
          She looks almost okay once in awhile, but then, the mouth opens, the crazy comes out and there you have her other ugly face.

          • I thought the same thing last night when she ws talking to Porcha. She gets that nostril flare thing a going and all da makeup in da world will not mask that danger. Odd too that she was soooo offended by Pheadra’s bipolar assertion. Protesting too much perhaps?
            Pheadra was being generous with the bipolar diagnosis becuase Kenya sorta told on herself with the comments about the knives(at the restaurant) and stabbing someone(the show.) Pheadra just put it down succinctly when she said “I dont know any bipolars that would do that now”
            See Kenya could only dream of a chemical imbalance being her problem. She is way more warped than that and she knows it.

            • I so agree with you.

              She’s not the ‘fun crazy’ that some people can be.
              She’s the ‘scary crazy’ where you just don’t know what frightening thing could happen and everyone’s on pins and needles until the crazy person leaves.

  20. MY EYES!! MY EYES!!!

    OK, God, I’m sorry, I’m SORRY, I AM SORRY for watching this show!!

    Way to represent the USA, Miss Can Ya See I’m Cray Cray?!!

    I need a drink.

  21. The pageant must be a bravo production. There is no way you can put a pageant together in 3 weeks. Loved it that when asked how many girls had signed up the answer was none.

    • I agree. Cynthia sure aint making the most lucrative use of her modeling school. This is second time she has dropped that ball and failed to exploit the hopes and dreams of some of her students. When it comes to pageants, getting the contestants is never the problem. Its all the lil knick knack patty whack things that go with it that is hard. Of course I gather that she is gonna try to stick Porsha with that work.

      • I’m beginning to wonder if this school is even real or just for filming? If it is real she needs to find someone to run it for her because she has no business sense.

        • Its prolly just for the show. I think she had intentions of it being real but then her sister jumped ship on her and Cynthia realized quickly that she would not be able to do it for real without Mal’s help

      • I wonder what has happened to Peter’s club, and why they’ve managed to not go have drinks there at some point during the show? I don’t think his place is doing good, either, and those nasty tweets to Lisa were just horrible. He sounded so jealous of the fact that the SUR was being filmed and Bravo didn’t do that for him. Just when I had decided Peter was acting better, he went and showed his true colors with those tweets. And Cynthia is a two faced butt licker.

  22. We can see a blow out coming with Cynthia and Porsha over this pageant.Porsha working for “Free”.Her daddy I mean husband Kordell will step in and crush that deal.Hate to hear when he growls like an old man.He is trying to steal her thunder on the show.She needs to reel his old ass in.The HW husbands get too much into the the women’s business.

    • I missed what he told Porsha, did he say no ‘freebies’? Maybe he knows more about Cynthia and Peter than we do….even though he does seem very grouchy at times bossing her around.

  23. I think Cordell says she needs to “check” Cynthia. Overbearing or not-it’s good advice. He certainly won’t kiss up to anyone. Maybe he’s protective of Porsha since she is gullible. I’m sure he can spot a user a mile away and has their numbers-Cyn using Porsha’s familiy’s name, Peter’s man crush.

    • It take a ton of work to put on a pagent. With the stack of work it sounds like Cyn is expecting of her, I see this friendship cracking.

  24. Yes, the defintive way to show your not crazy is to wear that cray cray outfit. Seriously, this is an event for someone that doesn’t have a problem with you, that is celebrating her product launch and is promoting a charity and you show up in a fishnet dress, swimsuit, and ass pads? Yup, not crazy at all.

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