REAL HOUSEWIVES OF ATLANTA RECAP
Season Five, Episode Twelve… “Battle of the Booty”
by Sandi Duffy
I know there are those who will argue with me, but after much soul searching, I have decided that I like Kenya Moore. Oh, sure she’s batshit crazy, but I think she is one of the few housewives who gets the joke. She knows it’s an unreality show and she is playing a part for the cameras. So few housewives have that insight–no one from the OC or NJ. I think Lisa Vanderpump gets it; I also think Ramona Singer gets it and puts on the cray cray for the cameras. Atlanta, though, holds the record. Phaedra, Kandi, and Kenya all get it.
So in the episode we have “Stallion booties” competing with “Donkey booties”. Kenya is going to make her own workout video to compete with Phaedra, but really the most shocking revelation is that Kenya and Cynthia are now friends.
Nene and Greg are babysitting Nene’s granddaughter, who is adorable, but let’s be real. The poor little girl’s daddy is a loser with a capital “L”. I hope now that he’s a father he gets his act together, but I have my doubts. I can’t believe any woman would have gotten involved with him and had a child with him. He’s not good-looking; he doesn’t have money; he has no personality that I can see; he has a criminal record. Yep, sounds like someone I would want as my baby’s daddy. Well, maybe Nene and Greg can be the stable influences in her life.
Kandi’s hairdresser spills the dirt that Kenya is making a stallion booty video. Hairdressers are the best at spillin’ the dirt. Kandi immediately calls Phaedra from the hairdressers. This is ridiculous. Both videos are going to end up on the $1 discount rack at Walmart.
Kandi says she wants to stay out of it because it’s not her thing. Too late. You already called Phaedra. I love these housewives who “stay out of it”. Doen’t Kyle on Beverly Hills and Caroline on New Jersey always claim to “stay out of it”?
Cynthia claims business is booming at her modeling agency. Riiiiigggghhhht. She is casting a bunch of kids for a runway show to benefit kids with AIDS. Phaedra brings Aidan and that kid is adorable. Aidan is having none of it. Why the hell would anyone want their kids to be in a fashion show?
Everyone’s favorite dummy, Porsha arrives. Porsha is on the wrong show. She should be on the Real Housewives of New Jersey because I’m sure if you tested the women in each of the cities, NJ would average the lowest IQ points.
Porsha brings up the stallion video. How did Porsha know about it? Phaedra was not stabbed in the back by a long time dear friend. She knew Kenya for about 10 minutes. They are acting like she was betrayed by her BFF. Phaedra thinks Kenya is bipolar. I can see that. There’s Miss USA Kenya and Miss America Kenya.
Kenya takes Kandi to her production designer to help Kandi decorate her daughter’s bedroom. Geez, just paint the walls her favorite color and call it a day.
Kandi and Kenya get into videogate and I’m bored to tears over this. I will not longer comment on videogate.
Oh holy hell, Hanoi Jane is Phaedra’s inspiration and the “Godmother” of all workouts. I am old enough to remember her workout videos and anyone in the industry claimed she had no idea what the hell she was doing and her exercise videos could cause injury. Ok, NOW I will stop commenting on videogate.
Phaedra and Porsha are having lunch to get to know each other. Phaedra claims to have had a very difficult pregnancy. I saw no evidence of a difficult pregnancy. Porsha doesn’t think she will have a difficult pregnancy because she’s been a housewife at home for the last year. Yeah, that will guarantee you a good pregnancy.
Talk turns to Kenya. I’m over it.
Cynthia is backstage drinking a diet coke at her kiddie fashion show. She has her daughter walking. You know who I miss? I miss Noelle’s dad. Now there’s a fine looking man. Phaedra shows up with little Aidan. Nene and Greg show up. And of course, Kenya is there. The kids are really cute walking and Cynthia’s daughter is beautiful. Nene claims that was her back in the day. Wasn’t Nene a stripper with bad teeth?
Apollo walks with Aidan. Apollo kept his mouth mostly shut this episode, so he’s back on my hot list.
Kenya is hilarious when she TTCs about Phaedra and Porsha now hanging out. I’m telling you, this woman is in on the joke that is the Housewives.
Kenya discusses videogate with Nene. Phaedra joins the conversation and all hell breaks lose. Well, Phaedra is a bit more of a lady than SOME housewives, so it’s not a Mob Wives smack down or anything.
From Bravo… On next week’s RHOA…