SH “HIT AND RUN” MONDAY: Vicki Gunvalson “Takes A Header”… Peggy Tanous “New Shows”… NayNay Leakes “Marryin’ Gregg”… Cynthia Bailey “Has Wine”… Melissa Gorga “Vote For Cousin!”… Alex McCord “New Reality Show”… Kim Richards, Kyle Richards “Diving Show On Two Days From Today”… Lisa Vanderpump “Vanderpump Rules”

I could never be in a drinking contest.  I could never guzzle down a beer.  I could never compete with anyone on a drinking dare.  I have learned my lesson over the past week. I have consumed more alcohol during these last seven days that I have the entire year of 2012.  The after effects of the enjoyment of my favorite drink are simply not worth it.  Feelin’ woozy-boozy, but in a good way, is great if you have nothing else to do; however, feelin’ woozy-boozy takes up all the space in your brain.  There is no additional space for those synapses to spark between other cells in the brain to think up words; even more difficult is to find the brain space to put those sparse words which took twenty times longer than usual to find… and keep them there to thread together to form a sentence.

There has to be an inherited gene which makes one attracted to booze.  I’m convinced of it after watching the last 15 minutes of a DiscoveryHealth program yesterday.  A 27-year-old guy could not go five minutes without a drink.  He needed it to live “normally”… when he talked with a shrink to determine if he had mental problems (he self-diagnosed himself as schizophrenic), he could not sit still enough to converse with the doctor; the doctor instructed the guy’s girlfriend to go out and get the guy a bottle of booze.  The girlfriend returned with a small bottle… to the guy’s disappointment.  It was more than disappointment, the guy was kinda gettin’ in the girlfriend’s face for not bringin’ him the proper larger-size bottle.  But, the girlfriend knew that he wouldn’t be happy with the small, pocket-sized bottle and also had purchased the required big bottle of booze, which was still in the bag… the pocket-size was for him to literally carry around in his pocket to have booze conveniently on hand!  The conversation with the shrink continued and the shrink determined that the guy was not schizo, but DID need to get into a rehab facility immediately, as the guy’s organs were shutting down.  It was shocking and very sad to see this under-30-year-old guy seemingly very happy to enter rehab… and then a written blurb saying that after 17 days in rehab he died.

How is it that some people don’t care if they ever have a drink and are affected by light consumption for days… yet, there are people, like the poor under-30 guy, who needs to drink to function “normally”?  How does that happen?  Apologies for goin’ a bit OT from the moronic Housewives, but had high hopes for the alcoholic guy.

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ALL of the following Housewives items can be placed in the “We Don’t Care” category!

vicki skiing

Vicki Gunvalson went to the hospital ’cause of a skiing accident.  OH, we just give Vicki a big ol’ “Thank you, Jesus; sign of the cross; kisses to the sky” that she didn’t meet up with Sonny Bono and is still here on this Earth to continue her phony baloney role on the skankiest of the Housewives shows… the Real Housewives of Orange County!

vicki rhoc

Slade Slimey was sendin’ his get well wishes to Vicki… subliminal get well messages!  Seems that Slimey is not lookin’ forward to another YAWN-worthy season of the RHOC… ‘specially ’cause Tamballs stole his and Wretched’s “let’s get engaged so Bravo will pay for our honeymoon… and we’ll probably get a “watch how we live happily ever after spin off show from Bravo” story line!

slade pg

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Peggy Tanous has many irons in the fire… including MORE “major” networks developin’ for her!

peggy tweet

NOTE TO PEGGY:  Take notes from KooKooKellyB… see below!

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nene small  nene leakes 2008

Nay-Nay spouts of some DonCaro-like cliche… if you don’t stand for something, you’ll fall for anything… as the answer as to WHY she’s “remarrying” Gregg.  We all know (said like Phaedra) that NayNay divorced Gregg not because she fell outta luv, but it has been rumored that the divorce was necessary for very practical reasons… so now we all gotta listen to her BS about how she and Gregg “got back together”?  PUH-LEEEZE!

Not surprisingly, NayNay named the sub-human RHONJ as her favorite Housewives franchise… after her own.   Yes, NayNay said that since KimZ is gone that she feels that she OWNS the ATL franchise.  Well, NayNay can keep her show.

RHOA Nene Gregg wedding pg

Those Neilsen ratings may show that the RHOA is a winner on Sundays, but honestly don’t know anyone who categorizes the RHOA as “appointment” TV.

RHOA Cynthia Dummy arrow

AND… as for last night’s episode… now Cynthia has a wine!?  When will it stop?

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KimR Kyle diving

David Chokachi, one of HagfaceKyle and Kim Richards team mates on their “Diving For Danger” or “Diving With The Stars” or “Let’s Watch ‘REALITY’ Show Hangers-On Who Will Do Anything” has said that doin’ a “reality” show is totally beneath him!

“First thing you have to know is that it’s not a reality show because that’s the last thing I wanted to do,” Chokachi, 44, told the Track. “It’s an athletic competition — it’s all real, there’s nothing fabricated or scripted.”   NOTE:  They ALL insist that it’s all REAL! 

KimR Kyle diving

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lisav adrienne pg

“VanderpumpRules” premieres tonight… LisaVanderpumpRump tells RobinLeach:

Lisa Vanderpump of “The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills,” at Lavo in the Palazzowearing a glamorous evening gown, told me her spinoff “Vanderpump Rules” will be a behind-the-scenes look at her hot mess young Hollywood restaurant staff and showcases her business and matriarchal sides.

NOTE:  Did anyone make the delicious-looking bacon wrapped turkey, which was highlighted in Lisa’s last DivineAddiction newsletter lifestyle handbook?

LisaV Divine Turkey

These bacon-wrapped hot dogs shoved into hamburgers look more appetizing that Lisa’s lame “throw some bacon on that turkey” turkey!

grilled turtles with bacon

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Ya just know that Alex McCord and Simon van Kempen CANNOT keep away from their “reality” TV roots!   Look for Silex starring on various “reality” shows… now that they got their mess of a marriage all fixed up when they were on whatever that VH1 show was that had Dourtney on it!   In fact, we heard that Silex was gonna be “starring” on THIS “reality” show…

RHONY alex simon pg

Alex DID have one of the best scenes ever on a “reality” show… when she stretched her acting chops to the max on the VH1 “Dourtney” show.  Alex was upset with Simon for some lame reason and told him so!   Watch how Alex collects all of her inner anger for the camera…. and watch her take a tumble!  Why is it that I just LOVE clips of people fallin’ down… especially models on the runway?

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Melissa Gorga schedule pg

Melissa Gorga’s COUSIN…. the one person in the Marco fambly that can actually sing… is also lookin’ for votes to be crowned “Miss Mt. Airy Casino”!   So, hey, give her votes!  MeGo can’t be the only person in her fambly gettin’ attenshun!

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sin city cast blocked arrow

What started out as so promising for several reasons:

  • this “reality” show was another produced by EvolutionMedia, who brought you the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills and OC;
  • this “reality” show seemed to have some interesting “characters”;
  • story lines of this “reality” show had been “leaked” to Las Vegas media, which caught our attention (especially the leaked “IBS” story line, which was taken directly from the RHOBH… )
  • Yes, as predicted after watching ONE episode… Sin City Rules was CANCELLED.

kelly big feet

There are some “reality” people who can take their demise in stride, like boat feet KooKooKelly Bensimon… and there are some “reality” people who simply cannot… Hello, JillZ!   Really, Kelly Bensimon has been totally rational since gettin’ da Bravo boot… which only goes to show how well she was brought up (Go, KeithCountryDaySchool!) and what her “real” personality is!  That is not to say that we should not expect something out of the ordinary again from Kelly… it’s just that since her bootin,’ Kelly’s been behavin’ like a pretty normal human being!

There is one “reality” **cough, cough** “star” from SinCityRules who expected SCR to be a huge hit, but was cut off at the knees and plans for her further gettin’ fame and, of course, sellin’ all her “mob”-related merchandise was put to an abrupt STOP when TLC cancelled SCR.  This particular “star” is doing anything to get attention… and we were NOT going to participate in giving this particular “star” any further attention.

HOWEVER… as a public service to other “reality” stars who might be pinnin’ all their hopes and dreams when they jump on that “reality” train and things don’t go as they planned… is the entire staff of VanderpumpRules listening?… we present to you how NOT to go about tryin’ to get attention.

NOTE TO POTENTIAL “REALITY” STARS:  This is an example of the depths to which one “reality” star has sunk.  She is difficult to understand… ’cause she talks in circles and her ‘little-girl-squeeky’ voice is utterly annoying; leaves a lot of what she talks about unanswered… ’cause she wants the mystery to continue; and is truly pathetic.  

If you are a potential “reality” star OR if you are an already-booted “reality” star, take the high road like KooKooKelly has!  THIS is the downside of bein’ a booted “star”… there will be no further items which will include this person and she will receive no further attention on SH.  Again, this is simply to provide an example of what NOT to do!

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All of the Housewives-realated items were brought to you today by the classic words of Ken!

(Thanks to SH readers “Jason” “DSP” “MikeD” “PMG” and “PDM”!!!)