REAL HOUSEWIVES OF MIAMI: Joanna Krupa, Lisa Hochstein, Marysol Patton, Lea Black, Ana Quincoces, Karent Sierra… RHOM Reunion Show Recap

RHOM reunio

After watching the mess of a Miami reunion, it has increased the disdain I have for these women and ALL the Housewives franchises.   NOTE:  Word of the day for the Miami Housewives is “gratuitously”… if you recall, the NJ Housewives word was “malicious”!  There will be a pop quiz immediately after reading this post!

Let’s review!

Joanna Krupa Foot Fetish Movie                                                             SkankyJo when she first got to LA did “tickle” foot fetish movies…

Joanna Krupa is a shrieking, uneducated skank shrew with sh*t for brains.  It is very apparent that Joanna only got where she got by “connecting” with… in her mind… “important” people.  One of them being … allegedly… Joe Francis, who… allegedly… introduced her to “important” people in LA… and Joanna’s “modeling” career took off!  Joanna is nothing to look at … her appeal is a mystery.  Joanna has shown it all for Playboy and was an internet swimsuit favorite, who got a gig on “Dancing With The Stars”… how this all happens for a girl who immigrated from the Polish ghetto to Chicago on her OWN **cough, cough** ‘beauty’, is a mystery.   NOTE:  Lucky for Joanna that she picked up that “DWTS” stint BEFORE signing on to the RHOM… ’cause DWTS don’t care for “reality stars.”  Kate Gosselin was the exception… and she ruined it for the “reality star” genre!

Lisa Hochstein barely said much.  However, Lisa proved that she may have even less brain power… if that’s at all possible… than Joanna.  MissAndy read a question from a viewer who described Lisa as a “fembot.”  Lisa kinda took that as a compliment… and very obviously had NO idea what a “fembot” is!

If you don’t know what a “fembot” is…

Allusion to the movie “Austin Powers,” where very stereotypically beautiful women were actually robots designed to entrap the main character with their physical appeal and then kill him. Used to describe women, particularly in media, who fit beauty standards to an unrealistic degree and are presented as objects of sexual desire, yet bear the accompanying “bubbleheaded blonde” stereotype of low intelligence.

fembot

NOTE TO LISA:  Yes, you ARE a fembot!

RHOM on tonight pg

KarenT Sierra was as dull as her silver-sequined dress was shiny.  KarenT continued her uber-boringness on the reunion show… and continued her blind ignorant support of her BFF, skanky Joanna.  Hmmm…. WHY would KarenT, the dentist to the stars, the Miami Housewife who is the most “highly educated” outta the Miami group (“Doctor” BEFORE her name, even though it’s DDS… still trumps “JD” AFTER Ana’s name!) cling to Joanna? That’s an easy one!  KarenT will glom on to anyone who will assist her in obtaining more “celebrities” who need some teeth cleaning.  More photos of celebs posin’ with KarenT who will adorn her office walls.  KarenT also is very smart in supporting Joanna, as SkankyJo has no qualms about fighting dirty; no qualms about “going there”; no qualms about HOW she “gets there”; just no qualms!   KarenT does NOT want to upset any perceived qualms which SkankyJo may have about her!

LEA BLACK TEETH PG

Adriana de Moura was Adriana de Moura.  Adriana, IMO, is an opportunist… an extremely lucky opportunist!  As we all know, Adriana was sleeping on an art gallery floor with her son, when found and befriended by Lea Black.

lea miami adriana

Lea supported Adriana by purchasing her artwork… and, as had been rumored (I have to say that until I can find the video where either Lea or Adriana makes that statement… and honestly, really don’t have the interest in finding it, but it’s around somewhere!), assisting Adriana’s sons’ education at the same private school where Lea’s son attends.  Adriana gave as good as she got during the reunion… especially when SkankyJo tried to use her dirt mouth as a Sawsall when attacking Adriana.

RHOM PG

Ana Quinquinquineeeooo…. whatever the hell her name is… had one objective on last night’s RHOM reunion.  That objective was to cut Lea Black down to the peon which Ana has in her mind that Lea Black is!  According to Ana, Lea Black got to where she is on her back… that is, AFTER she was selling cold cream outta the trunk of her car back in Texas in the 80’s.   Ana described how SHE got a seat at the reunion show:  her immigrant parents put Ana through school; then law school; then Ana was married for 23 years and raised two beautiful, intelligent daughters.  Now… HOW this makes Lea any worse or Ana any better or more worthy to have a reserved seat at the reunion show was never explained.  Ana wanted nothing more than to speak ill about Lea.  We all know that it’s a kill-or-be-killed Housewives world… and the producers tell the Housewives that they MUST “bring the drama.”  However, these Housewives simply go for the jugular with no reasoning behind their vitriol.  WHY does Ana have issues with Lea in the first place? Never explained.  WHY does Ana take offense at Lea being called the “Mayor of Miami”?  Never explained.

ALEXIA ANA RHOM SEASON ONE SH WM Alexia EchoWhatever and Ana QuiWhatever… RHOM Season One… when it was NOT the RHOM!   The RHOM was a continuous dinner party… Ana was displaying her culinary talents.  THIS season, however, her story line ditched the cooking aspect…

What is interesting is the fact that Ana was featured on Season One of the RHOM… there was no vitriol then!  What happened between last season and this season…. except for the fact that Ana was boosted up to “Housewife” on the show, after Larsa Pippen and Crispy Rice were eliminated?  Was Ana pissed that her occupation was changed from last season of “culinary” genius to this season’s being a lawyer?  Does Ana think that Lea, being the Mayor of Miami, had anything to do with the change in her story line?  Put yourself in Ana’s shoes… you WANT to get away from being an attorney and be known for your cooking.  You even have plans for MORE cookbooks… and being slated as a full-time Housewife on the RHOM will certainly boost those cookbook sales.  But, wait!  You have been relegated BACK to being a miserable attorney, waiting for your ‘husband/law partner’ to divorce you.  Makes for a much better story line, but puts the nail in the coffin of making the rounds of the NYMediaMafia to push your cookbooks!   NOTE:  IMO, anyone who sat through the FIRST RHOM reunion show cramped in MissAndy’s Clubhouse deserves some credit!  YO!  Ana!  Some R-E-S-P-E-C-T for the one-shoulder-satin-dress-clad Lea!

RHOM MARYSOL PATTON SH MUGSHOTRHOM philippe marysol mugshot

Poor, poor, poor Marysol Patton!  Marysol was convinced that the Patton Group was the reason for the “Black’s Gala” success.   Really, Marysol?  Really?  Marysol also mentioned her marriage to Philippe Pautesta was over.   Marysol is another B-O-R-I-N-G Housewife.  HOW Marysol got another golden ticket from Bravo for season TWO of the RHOM is simply amazing.  There are only two connections which would explain Marysol’s inclusion on this season of the RHOM.  The first would be her continued story line of her “fairy tale” wedding to Philippe… which we all knew was phony.  During season one of the RHOM, Lea (jokingly… but, not really) said that Philippe was marrying Marysol for his green card.  As mentioned during the reunion, as soon as filming was over for season one, Philippe took off.  Philippe did, however, leave his state-of-the-art wine cooler in Marysol’s dining room!

RHOM ELSA PATTON SH MUGSHOT

The second reason for Marysol continuing on as a Miami Housewife is MissAndy’s bewildering obsession with Marysol’s mother, Elsa Patton.  MissAndy even gave MamaMumbles her very own web series, HavanaElsa… which details MamaMumbles creating her very own coffee and selling the liquid from a truck.   Uh… yeah, like THAT’S believable!   WHY MissAndy is entranced by MamaMumbles is beyond comprehension.   There is simply no explanation… this is as close to an explanation as any!

RHOM elsa xanax

Yes… MissAndy probably took the favored prescription drug of the Housewives and went back into the closet!

RHOM Wizard of Bravo pg

Lea Black felt compelled to stand up to respond to any of the Housewives barbs during the reunion show.  Can’t blame Lea for making herself taller when responding to allegations!  That’s something Lea must have learned from her husband, Roy Black!  Yes, Roy Black, the person who defended William Kennedy Smith against rape charges… and got him off.  If you didn’t know by now, the Smith trial is where Roy and Lea first laid eyes on each other.  Roy Black also recently defended drunk-driving-polo-player-owner, John Goodman… who, while driving intoxicated, slammed another car driven by a 22-year-old into a Florida canal.  The young man died… John Goodman left the scene of the accident.  Roy Black did not get John Goodman off; however, John Goodman has yet to see the inside of a jail.  In John Goodman’s case, he got what he paid for, an EXCELLENT attorney in Roy Black… and Roy Black continues his defense of Goodman.

We’re taking a bit of a detour here re Lea Black’s performance on last night’s Miami reunion to make a statement re the Black’s Annual Gala.  It is VERY ironic that the Black’s throw this huge shindig where the proceeds go toward keeping the young people of Miami out of the very legal system where Roy Black is one of the most sought-after and highly paid criminal defense attorneys.   Ironic in the fact that the people whom the Blacks are “helping” are the very same people who could NEVER afford to hire Roy Black as their legal counsel.  Ironic, indeed!   IMO, the Black’s Annual Gala should be re-named the Black’s Annual Guilt Gala…

RHOM BEAUTY SALON PG

In order of each Miami Housewives’ BLEEEEEECH! factor on last night’s RHOM Reunion…

In FIRST place is Joanna “SkankyJo” Krupa!  “SkankyJo” will do anything, go anywhere and say anything for attention…

joanna krupa boobs

SkankyJo is so far ahead of all the remaining Miami Housewives… that the others will never catch up to SkankyJo’s BLEEEEEECH! factor, but will put them in descending order, just for the hell of it!

Ana QWhatever… for her inexplicable allegations against other Housewives.

Adriana de Moura… she was apparently told to bring the drama and she did.  Adriana, however, did tone it down a bit from last year’s RHOM reunion show.

KarenT Sierra… for just being boring.

Marysol Patton… for actually thinking that people didn’t know that she and Philippe were no longer together!   And for putting out phony “frolicking in the ocean” photos with a look-alike Philippe to throw people off!

Real+Housewife+Miami+Marysol+Patton+Rocked+EQ33YnwCvMRl                                                                          They’ll never know you’re not Philippe!

Lisa Hochstein… for being a fembot and not knowing it!

Lea Black… we’ll see if Lea’s BLEEECH factor changes after seeing Part II of the Miami reunion.