REAL HOUSEWIVES OF BEVERLY HILLS RECAP: Season Three, Episode Seven… “Oy, Faye”

REAL HOUSEWIVES OF BEVERLY HILLS RECAP  

RHOBH by Maya SH

Season Three, Episode Seven… “Oy Faye”

by Sandi Duffy

This show would be a lot easier to watch if we knew WTF the big secret was that Brandi revealed.  I’m also trying to figure out why Adrienne is getting the bitch edit.  What did she do to piss of Andy Cohen?  Did she make anti-gay comments, ala Joe Guidice or Alexis Bellino?

Adrienne accuses Brandi of being on drugs.  Can’t Brandi sue for that?  Kyle is pissed that Kim told Adrienne at her husband’s event.  Methinks this was payback on Kim’s part for Mauricio and Kyle stealing her house.

Mauricio refuses to admit that Paul was wrong for getting aggressive with Brandi.  That’s because Brandi doesn’t have any money to buy a house and Paul and Adrienne do.  Mauricio is going to side with the people who have money. That’s why he didn’t hesitate to kick Trailer and Russell (RIP) out of his White Party, but never took his wife’s side over Camille in season 1.

Trailer makes it all about her. She brings up Camille outing Trailer’s claims of abuse.  STFU, Trailer.  As Camille TTCs, Trailer was telling everyone she was being abused.  Apple and oranges.  Kind of like Trailer’s book vs. Brandi’s book.

While all this is going on, I can’t help but notice how ugly Brandi’s faux fur vest is.  Ew, girlfriend, who told you to wear that?

No one cares when Brandi leaves Mauricio’s event because she doesn’t have any money anyway.

Lisa is home getting her gates fixed at her house.

gates

I have to get my electric gates fixed all the time.  It’s so hard being really rich and having a gated home.  I should probably just get rid of the gates, but then the bad element that lives in Beverly Hills, the non-gate people, might get in.  Anyway, Ken is recovering from surgery and her friend Martin visits.  Am I the only one who suspects Martin is just waiting around for something to happen to Ken so he can have Lisa?

Martin arrow

Kim’s daughter Brook looks like a less slutty version of Paris Hilton.  Kim TTCs that Kyle started all the trouble, and I am LOVING Kim this season.  Kim is so right.  Kyle lit the fuse and knew shit would go down.

Apparently Kim is taking a trip to Vegas, which is a great place for a recovering addict to go.  There is absolutely no temptation there at all.

Kyle is having a dinner party for the ladies.  When she mentions Brandi’s name, Mauricio has a strong negative opinion about her.  I am going to say it again.  If Brandi had money, he would keep his mouth shut.    Camille and her “psychic” friend were talking smack about him having affairs with the Nanny, but he never said a word about her.

We get to see Faye Resnick who has had some of the worst plastic surgery I’ve seen since Jocelyn Wilderstein.  Faye wants to be a Housewife so badly…maybe even more than that horrid Dana.  And why the hell is Faye TTCing?  This is getting ridiculous.

We get another preview of Lisa’s new show when her Villa Blanca server, the one who was sleeping with Brandi’s ex-husband, shows up.  So Slutty Mcslutter wants to talk to Brandi.  Lisa put a stop to that.

Next we see Yolanda working out, and now I’m depressed.  She is super-devoted and looks great.  I am NOT super-devoted and don’t look great.  I guess there’s a correlation.

Holy Shitballs her trainer is 57!  Man, that human growth hormone is good stuff.

We are back to Lisa and Brandi, so Brandi can rehash what happened at Mauricio’s.  Brandi points out that she is all broken out from the stress. Honey, that’s nothing compared to former Miss USA, Kenya Moore’s face.

Kenya+Moore+33rd+Annual+UNCF+Evening+Stars+e0uC7bA40oNl

Oh holy hell, Ken pulls down his pants to show Brandi his scar.  That’s on my list of things I didn’t ever need to see after Richie Walkile’s erection and Joe Guidice shirtless.

Trailer is the first person to arrive at Kyle’s and I guess she never heard of being fashionably late.  We finally meet the new housewife, Marissa Zanuck.

marisa

I can’t believe Brandi comes to this dinner party.  Bravo must have made her go.  Otherwise, why would she walk into the Lion’s Den?

marisa tweet

Yolanda misses Kyle’s party because she’s at Donna Summer’s funeral (RIP).  Kim isn’t there because she’s in Vegas, where every recovering alcoholic should go.  Kyle takes shots at her when she’s not there to defend herself.  THEN, Kyle again stirs the big pot of shit, and says “We all know why Adrienne isn’t here.”  Brandi calls her on it and states that she called Kyle and said she will bail so Adrienne can come to the party.

Faye Resnick, as usual, inserts herself into the conversation.  Correct me if I’m wrong, but isn’t Faye’s only claim to fame being the late Nicole Brown Simpson’s bestie?  STFU, Faye.  Why does this woman have so much to say?

faye

When Lisa TTCs, she agrees with me about Faye.   The more I see of Faye and Kyle, the more I feel badly about not liking Camille season 1.  The new housewife has nothing to say.  She has the look Yolanda had in Ojai when the women went at it–that “what the hell did I get myself into” look.

WHY IN THE HELL IS FAYE TTCing?

Marissa sticks up for Brandi.  Faye is a total bitch and tells Marissa she doesn’t know Brandi.  And Faye does?  Come on Camille, say it!  Say the “morally corrupt, Faye Resnick.”

Kyle is the worst hostess ever for allowing one of her guests to be attacked.

NEXT ON THE RHOBH…