We want you to have this… the keys to your Aunt Kim’s junker. You remember… the 1977 Ferrari that your mother stole and wrecked. It’s YOURS!!
OK… this isn’t funny any more. Get outta the car, NOW! You can’t have this car… we’re saving this for our favorite kid, lil FrontPorcha. Come on, Sapphininnia, unlock this door!
How lucky can a girl get? First, I got promoted to full-time Housewife… and then a BOOK deal! Which Housewife ever gets a BOOK deal??!! On top of all that, MissAndy is gonna love me ’cause I snagged a GAY book agent! Fer sure Ima be gettin’ more camera time!!
Hurry up with that water, Trojain! I can’t hold this sexy pose much longer.
This is MY restaurant, SUR… the sexy, unique restaurant. Just keep walkin’ JazzyJeffrey… I have to practice my sexy walk.
There’s nothing remotely “unique” about SUR, the restaurant, so I gotta keep posin’ in my best “sexy” poses all damn day…
Wonder if Lisa would hire ME to pose “sexy” in her restaurant. I know I could pose waaay more sexier than she ever could… look at how sexy I look just bed sittin’…
NO! I cannot and will not divulge the location of either of my parents so that you can drag them to this dungeon of a restaurant.
But, you’re Chelsea Clinton! I need at least one of your parents to show up for the tasting party… I promised my easily impressionable friends that a major, major high-up muckety-muck was gonna come by to taste the sexy, unique food at SUR!
My father would NEVER eat at SUR. He prefers cheeseburgers.
OMG!! Really, Lisa, really? If Bill Clinton shows up, I’ll just pee myself! Is Bill Clinton REALLY comin’ to your tasty-thingy party? OOPS… too late!
Yes, I’ve been with Bill Clinton several times. But, my mother taught us girls to keep our affairs private.
Were you with him, too, Kyle?? That will be another item on the list of things you stole from me.
Thanks, Kim. You DO know that John didn’t know about me and Bill. I don’t care that I said it first… YOU didn’t need to embellish it for John!
Help me out, here Brandi…I promised Adrienne that I’d wear her shoes, but I can hardly walk in them…
I’m in agreeance wit your boyfriend here… the one who doesn’t know what a Windsor knot is. You gotta ditch those shoes. Here, try Kyle’s hoofs… they’re already broken in…
Those Maloof Hoofs look great on your feet, babe! And, they match your dress a lot better. You still can’t walk? Well, there gotta be a concierge to carry you around!
I’ll be startin’ my new job as a concierge… a very special carryin’ concierge. Can’t tell you too much about it now, Kim. But, that’s why we haveta break up…. I gotta go into undercover training to learn how to advise, approach and then attend to those who need specialized carryin’ around. Maybe I’ll see you at a function that needs my special services… one day…
Hey! Uncle Paul! This is the perfect place for your “I LOVE ADRIENNE SO MUCH I DROP MY SCAPEL JUST THINKIN’ ABOUT HER” tattoo!
I really like the other tattoo I was makin’ you think about, Paul… “I LOVE BERNIE GUZMAN” across your chest. I really would like that tattoo better Paul. Really.
Is BernieTheInsultChef the same Bernie who took off when I said the words “cookin’ dogs on the grill”? And who bought this cartful of corn?
NOW do you know who I am, Lisa??
So, I told MissAndy that my book agent is gay and HE’S the one who cut your camera time… not me! Get used to it… or I’ll tell my producer boyfriend, and you’ll get zero camera time.
Where IS that carry boy concierge you hired for this event, John? I need him… and if Adrienne shows up and sees that I’m not wearin’ her hoofs, all kinda hell is gonna break loose.
UH… Camille… like uh… like uh wot is wrong witcher boyfriend’s carryin’ you around skills? Like, just askin’…
WOOOOOH… John! You told us that you were hirin’ a special carryin’-around concierge guy. If Camille wants the special concierge to carry her around, then Camille gets the special concierge. Otherwise, you’ll have to pay me my professional attorney goin’ rate of $645 for 15 minutes… I’ll be givin’ Camille legal advice while I’m carryin’ her around.
Did Dad really have to be filmed? This is kinda private and he looks very embarrassed…
Goodbye, cheerio and ta-ta for now. As for you, Pandorka… shut the bloody hell up! We have to show all the people who watch us that we’re as normal as they are… and to make sure that they know that your Dad’s hip replacement wasn’t because he’s old. The only reason he’s gettin’ his hip replaced is because of him playin’ rough and tumble on the polo ponies! There… doesn’t that sound much better than hip replacement caused by aging?
You have to write on the official medical papers that you had to replace Ken’s hip because of a bloody nasty, but very MANLY, polo match with Nacho. Otherwise, Ken will discover the truth… he’s just old.
And… we can’t thank you enough for cutting through all that red tape to get me and Ken our HoverRounds! We love racin’ with our old friend, Bill Wyman, up and down Robertson!
That is so funny, Camille! You really fell 59 times in the last 7 minutes? Maybe you should change your shoes again before Adrienne gets here… try these…
I heard you tell everyone that you used saccharin while you were pregnant… I heard you, Adrienne!
OMG!! Did Brandi just say that???
You’re a doctor, Paul… you knew that Adrienne used tons of saccharin while she was pregnant! You even put it in her coffee!
OMG!! Kim’s old boyfriend, Ken, is carryin’ Camille around! What’s he doin’ on this season of the RHOBH? Didn’t Kyle kneecap him?
This is bullsh*t!! Total horsesh*t!! I never substituted anything when I was pregnant!
You said that my wife used a substitute for her pregnancies! That is hittin’ below the belt!
Yeah, Paul… I said it! I’m sick and tired of her goin’ around and LYING about her methods while she was pregnant… so I told everyone that she used a SUBSTITUTE!
How dare you!! How dare you tell everyone who was held hostage during Lisa’s infomercial for SUR tucked into this episode of the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills that I used a SUBSTITUTE!?
You know that I’m a straight organic natural woman, Adrienne, and I can tell when someone around me is usin’ substitutes… and YOU used those substitutes while you were pregnant, Adrienne! Don’t try to deny it now!
If you don’t calm these chicks down, Kyle… and straighten out this whole “Adrienne Used Substitutes While She Was Pregant” fiasco… you’ll never see me at one of your phony-baloney selective reality par-tays again! Now… git back to your guests and tell them that I did NOT use saccharin… I used Truvia!
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