REAL HOUSEWIVES OF ATLANTA RECAP
Season Five, Episode Seven… “I Do, But I Won’t”
by Sandi Duffy
This episode is supposed to be the one where Kenya hits Nene. I know Kenya is cray cray, but Nene has raised her hands to another housewife on more than one occasion, so what goes around…you know the rest.
We are back to Anguilla (and I still don’t know where the hell this island is) and back to Kenya, who is looking rather mannish by the way, asking Phaedra if she let Apollo sleep with a friend, who would it be. Phaedra is PISSED, and I don’t blame her.
Nene smells something rotten in the state of Denmark, when it comes to Kenya and Walter’s relationship, and I think it’s already been revealed that Walter was not really her boyfriend when this was filmed.
Greg is cooking dinner for everyone, and while what he’s grilling looks delicious, when I’m on vacation, they last thing I would want to do is cook.
Cynthia and Peter renewing their vows after only two years of marriage is stupid, almost as stupid as Leeann Rimes and Eddie Cibrian renewing their vows after only one year of marriage.
Unlike other Housewives shows, I actually like all the “husbands”, except Peter, of course. But even he isn’t as horrid as say, Joe Gorga, or Slade Slimey.
We discover that Kandi and her man got busy in the hot tub the night before and eeeewwwwwwwwww!!!!!!!! I’m totally with Phaedra about not getting into hot tubs.
Kenya and Walter go off for a walk together and Kenya thinks he’s going to propose, but we all know that’s never going to happen because Walter is not really Kenya’s boyfriend. He’s someone she promised 15 minutes of fame if he came on the show and pretended to be her boyfriend. Now that I know he was never her boyfriend, I like him. I was suspicious of any man who would put up with that kind of crazy.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Walter’s “big surprise” is telling Kenya that Peter and Cynthia are going to renew their vows.
Nene is stirring a big pot of shit, when she comments about how Porsha and Kenya got off on the wrong foot. Porsha foreshadows a bit, when she TTCs that Nene doesn’t know what she’s getting into because Kenya is crazy.
The women go to a spa and Nene, who used to be a stripper, is all embarrassed about getting undressed for a massage.
The women talk about marriage and Kenya says her and Walter may elope. Nene TTCs about this and it is hysterical. Then Nene says to Kenya’s face that her and Walter don’t seem like a couple to her. Us neither, Nene.
Peter pretends to be throwing a “white” party (although Nene didn’t get the memo and is wearing a lot of blue), but really he arranged their vow renewal.
Everyone gets a wish lantern to make a wish. If I had a wish lantern, I’d wish for this season to be over because I am bored out of my mind.
Nene again stirs that pot of shit, stating she couldn’t wait to go on the trip with Kenya because she heard so much about her. Porsha tells Kenya she is very different on this trip. Then Porhsa tells the story about what a diva Kenya was at her event I give Porsha credit for telling the story in front of Kenya. Then things escalate, of course. Phaedra’s face, watching this disaster unfold, is priceless. I wish the camera would focus more on Phaedra. Nene gets in between them. Phaedra TTCs about it and she’s hilarious. THAT’S the Phaedra I love. Just when everything calms down, it gets started again. Kenya goes after Porsha and Nene grabs her to hold her back.
Kenya says she will go “Detroit” on Porsha. Hmmmmmmmmmmm. Could Kenya have heard Trailer tell Kim she will go “Oklahoma” on her? Then Kenya starts twirling around and talking about how she’s all “Gone with the Wind” fabulous. Okkkkkkkkkaaaaaaay.
On the next RHOA… they’re still in Anguilla!