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REAL HOUSEWIVES OF ATLANTA RECAP: Season Five, Episode Six… “Hold On To Your Weave”

REAL HOUSEWIVES OF ATLANTA RECAP:  

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Season Five, Episode Six… “Hold On To Your Weave”

By Sandi Duffy

Before I start my Atlanta recap, I want to admit that I watched part of the Leann Rimes interview on E and all I have to say is, wow, she is really an unfortunate looking woman…and batshit crazy.  It’s a really good thing she found a handsome douche bag to steal away from his family and be willing not to ever work and live off of her fortune.  And a big FU to Gulianna Rancic.  Would she go that easy on someone who had an affair with her husband?  Where’s Diane Sawyer when you need her?  Oh yeah, getting drunk on election night.

Now, onto RHOA.  I hate Kim.  Besides being a whore, lazy and foul-mouthed, she is one of those chicks who dumps her girlfriends once she has a man.  That is probably the most unforgivable quality a woman can have.  Don’t let the door hit you in the ass on the way out, Kim!

All the women talk about all the opportunities they passed up to make plans with Kim.  Well, that makes then all fools because Kim ALWAYS cancels on them.  DUH!

RHOA kandi

Kandi starts asking Kenya about Walter and when Kenya tells her what he does for a living, Kandi is all like, “I KNOW  HIM!”  Old news Kandi.  We all know Walter once asked you out.  I would love to know why Kandi turned him down.

Nene is funny when she starts telling the girls she can’t go on the trip because she’s cutting an album and going to law school.  Nene has been very funny this season.  Her show still sucks, though.

RHOA nene

Kandi is talking to her mom about Kim.  Can we just all STFU about Kim?  Then they flashback to Kim’s wedding.  I didn’t watch her wedding show, you know because I can’t stand her and all.  Anyway, Kim had security remove her own parents?  What did they do, steal the silverware?

Peter and Cynthia are going out with Porsha and Kordell and Peter is all excited to meet Kordell.  Kordell ends up not showing up.  Hahahahaha!    Peter invited Porsha and Kordell on the trip.  That’s because Peter has a big ol’ man crush on Kordell.

RHOA kordell

Peter is positively giddy when he meets Kordell.  Men crack me up when they meet their sports heroes.  My late husband was a huge NY Ranger Fan and once met Mark Messier at a bar and bought him a drink.  Like Mark Messier wasn’t making millions of dollars and needed my husband to spend his hard-earned money buying the guy a drink.

Kenya shows up at the airport and in a display of 4-year-old immaturity, totally ignores Porsha.  Kandi’s boyfriend “surprises” her by coming on the trip.  Luckily he was able to get a seat on the same flight right next to Kandi.  It’s really convenient how that worked out.

RHOA todd kandi

Oh, did they take a boat to Anguilla, not a plane?  My bad.  I still don’t know where the hell Anguilla is.

Anguilla

Why is Kenya driving the ship?  Why do I think that’s not very safe?

There’s a bus to take them to their hotel and an escalade.  Cynthia, Peter, Greg and Nene take the escalade.  I guess they are all too good for the bus.

Kenya is already bitching about her hotel room.  When I go on vacation, I spend only enough time in my hotel to sleep, shower and change my clothes.  Who the hell cares?

Phaedra won’t get in the hot tub because she is skeeved out.  I am totally skeeved out by hot tubs, too.  Apollo and Phaedra call her OBGYN about the hot tub and he agrees with Phaedra and me about hot tubs.  I KNEW IT!

RHOA Apollo

This episode can end right now because Apollo looks fiiiiiiinnnnnne in a bathing suit.  Kenya, very inappropriately pushes Apollo in the pool and then Apollo picks up Kenya and jumps in the pool with her.  Phaedra has steam coming out of her ears.

Everyone is sitting at breakfast and Cynthia and Kenya are actually getting along.  Then Phaedra arrives in a thong, which is something I didn’t need to see.  Porsha is funny when she TTCs wondering where Phaedra’s clothes are.

Everyone is going on a boat ride, but they need to take a small boat to get onto the big boat.  People pretending to be rich are weird.  OK, Nene agrees with me about the whole taking a boat to get to a boat thing.

rhoa on boat

All the couples go off alone and where do these people find beaches with no one else on them?  Is it 6 am or something?  Kenya brings the marriage issue up again.  Why is she so desperate to get married?  I mean, there is absolutely no chemistry between her and this man.  Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes had more chemistry than these two.

Kandi and her man are at a bar where every drink has the word “F–k” in it.  Kandi’s man is pretty fine, too.  He runs a close second to Apollo and the fact that he’s not an ex-con makes him surpass Apollo.  I’d also like to add that my 6-year-old daughter is now laying here watching this with me, which is completely inappropriate, but she just woke up puking.  This is after my son spent all of yesterday puking.  Ah, the pleasures of parenting.

Phaedra arranged to have the Minister of Tourism come with a dance academy to entertain everyone.  It looks like a combination of Zumba and pole dancing.

Kenya starts dirty dancing with Peter.  Kenya is all over everything with a penis.  I really did not need to see Walter’s erect penis.  Thanks, Bravo.

rhoa phaedra

Hey, I just noticed that Kenya has the skin disease where she has lost her pigmentation in some spots.  Kenya is also flirting AGAIN with some other guy.  Kenya is pathetic.

Peter stirs the pot by bringing up Apollo picking up Kenya and jumping in the pool with her.  Kenya takes a poll wanting to know if Phaedra gave her husband a “gift” of two of the women, who would she choose.  WTF Kenya?

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137 comments on “REAL HOUSEWIVES OF ATLANTA RECAP: Season Five, Episode Six… “Hold On To Your Weave”

    • I know but I think the real reason why she didn’t want to go into the hot tub was the same fact that she didn’t wear any swimsuits that showed her belly. Her body wasn’t looking good and she was self conscious about it. Also Kenya wants to get married because she wants that mans money pure and simple. Also that guy is in love with Kandi’s money like all the rest of the guys she acted like a sugar momma with. In regard to Kim, she is who she is. It’s amazing seeing Kroy get out to take on production when they didn’t do anything, in fact no one did anything. If he’s this much whipped to the point that he will attack anybody he perceives as a threat to his wife he’s going to kill someone one day and Kim will have whatever money he has left in his accounts.

      This guy is going to have a major take down in his life and Kim won’t be there including his money.

      • You are so right about Kim and KornfedKroy!! She has him wide open to the point that he’s blinded to her messiness. And I know he has to be catching major flack from his teammates about being with her. He’ll have his A-Ha! moment real soon – but probably too late to save his finances.

  1. Hope the kids feel better soon!

    I loved this episode. I actually watched it, not just had it on in the background. The scenery was beyond beautiful!

  2. Kenya Moore aka KenyaMoron or KM for short, only a suggestion. She sickens me as she brings #BatShitCrazy 2 another level. Bravo needs to double dose the Xanax to her

  3. Kim, you want a friend,1st you have to BE a friend! ..anyway, Miss Joyce nailed it “Look at the way Kim treated her own mother; like a common criminal.” and publically to boot

    • Same here Lisa, I just gave it up because I watch The Walking Dead on sundays but it’s in hiatus so I watched about 10 mins tonight and changed the channel.

        • I can’t dislike her cuz she as you stated Porsha is harmless. Not sure she should be left alone with matches but that’s another story. I also hope she has a driver. Yikes Made she has plans to procreate !

          • She is definitely not the brightest bulb but she doesn’t seem to be a biotch or mean so I can tolerate her. I am a wee bit scares that she is planning to procreate. Then again I guess she needs someone to help her organize her colored blocks and learn her ABC’s.

            • ROFL at Made and Bizzy. Porsha is clueless but harmless. I hope she can cross the street by herself by the time little one is born.

              • Maybe Porchetta will learn a few things as little one progresses …. he can teach her how to operate the popcorn button on the microwave and how to operate an iphone. Well maybe not the iphone ..babysteps yall, babysteps.

              • she said she wanted 4 kids in 2 pregnancies while she held up 3 fingers to indicate the 2 pregnancies. did anyone else catch that? but i like her!

  4. I have not watched. I tuned into Sin City Rules instead. Will catch the re-run in about 20 minutes. I stated last week I’d stop watching this but I’m being pulled back to watch Kim get da boot from the show.

  5. Kenya is trash and desperate as hell. If I was Walter there would be no way I would want to be near her. She was like a dog in heat coming on to everything with a penis. If I were Phaedra, judging by what we have seen and the preview of what is to come, I would be opening a whole big can of whoop ass on Kenya. She is a disrespectful ho. If she had asked me about which friend, I would have told her first off bitch you ain’t my friend then I would have bounced her ass somewhere.

    • Amen, Kenya is nothing more then a trashy bitch. She would break up a marriage in a new york minute. Walter run like the wind as far away from Kenya as possible.

      • Did you see at the mixer when she asked the guy that was from the hotels PR dept if he was married? The guy says yes and then she proceeds to tell him how fine he is and if he ever went to a sperm bank. Like wtf this heffa has no filter in place. They guy looked uncomfortable as hell. The only time I ever saw any sort of reaction from Walter towards Kenya was when Nene had her backing her ass up on him. Otherwise nothing about her seems to interest him. He would easily take a dip in the cooch but he is not putting a ring on it or taking her home to meet his family.

          • Nope meant Coochie. Walter like a lot of men would take her to bed and then run like hell after. As crazy as she has acted, once she started working the stripper move Nene was teaching he was getting turned on. I definitely think he would take a taste if she gave it to him.

  6. Great re-cap Sandi! I am so happy that I wasn’t the only one trippin over the LeeAnn Rimes bullcrap interview. LeeAnn is a mess and all over the place. Her karma is showing BIG TIME! Depression my ass…..its GUILT! This interview/PR ploy isnt going to sell any of her new CD’s.

  7. Well if this episode wasn’t taking the ghetto to Anguilla. Just nasty. Have to admit that most of the men even looked embarrassed. Again, lots of conversation about the women’s big butts. Porsha is so dumb and Kenya is so desperate. Walter is barely there; he so obviously not interested in Kenya and everyone knows but Kenya who is too busy touching every man she can. The native dancing girls was awful but not nearly as bad as watching the nasty women esp. Nene showing off her pole dancing. Just gross, gross, gross.

    • I have to say one thing, I do like that Nene owns that she was a stripper and doesn’t act all new. I hate when they want to act like they never. I believe that we have to learn lessons to get where we are in life and there is nothing to be ashamed of when you have improved yourself.

  8. Miss SH, I will never understand the whole “blaming the other woman” (LeeAnn) thing. You say “she found a handsome douche bag to steal away from his family.” Men are never “stolen” — they go away willingly. It’s such a retro view of things. Eddie was a married man with a family and was not a “victim” of a woman’s wiles. It makes me ill when people call the “other woman” a “home wrecker.” Nope. The homewrecker is the man who cheated with another woman and betrayed his family. I’m not a fan of LeeAnn’s morals (or lack thereof), though I am a fan of her voice (which is outstanding), but please, let’s start holding married men responsible for their actions.

    • I have to disagree with you on this one. Leann was photographed several times stalking Eddie (suddenly showing up at a restaurant he was at for example). Some women really know how to work guys. I think leann loves getting someone who belongs to someone else. When Eddie finally leaves (and we all know he will) what you bet she goes after some one else’s man? She said in her E interview that “something” came between Eddie and Brandi. Well yeah, Leeann, it was you. How do you pretend to be someone’s friend and then go after her husband? You know, like Kray Kray Kendra Bensimmon is going after Apollo?

        • I’m with you on this one. Men are dogs. We sorta expect them to be horndogs and when they turn out to be true blue faithful princes well that’s just a happy accident. I think its up to women to not be the two in the tango if you know what I mean. They have the ability to think clear headed and I expect them to.
          Whores,
          Don’t try to validate your pitiful existence with married men. It will be a hollow short lived victory I assure you.
          You’re welcome,
          Made

      • I do see what you’re saying, but good looking (married) guys will usually have women after them, as sad as that is–that’s nothing new. The point is, he needs to act like a committed married man and refuse the come-ons of these women (like LeeAnn), so that he remains faithful to his wife. If Eddie is so easily lured away from Brandi, then 1) he was a terrible cheating husband who couldn’t keep his pants zipped up and/or 2) Brandi was a nagging, unpleasant, unloving wife. Either scenario means he is an asswipe. If you’re married, you have to reject other people’s advances–that’s MARRIAGE 101. If your wife has morphed into a horrific shrew, then you need to get marital counseling, and if that doesn’t work, GET A DIVORCE BEFORE SHACKING UP WITH THE OTHER WOMAN.

    • True but remember, Leanne was also married at the time she started her relationship with Eddie. So she assisted in the demise of her own marriage and another….she’s a home wrecker, like he was/is. Crying about how difficult her life is after she made the choice to cheat with and MARRY Eddie is mind blowing. She’s actually quite sad to watch.

    • Stacy: ChemGeek is correct, Sandi Duffy is the author of the recap. However, SH stands behind Sandi’s words. There is much more to the Eddie/Brandi breakup… Brandi is not the innocent she portrays in the whole mess. TFC!! SH

    • Miss SH didn’t write that, I did. And I agree. That’s why I called Eddie a douchebag. They are both equally responsible, but it was Leeann being interviewed and trying to justify her actions. If Eddie were being interviewed, I have a whole lot to say about him, too.

    • I agree with you, Eddie is a dog. but the way LeeAnn rubbed Brandi’s face in it, that is what I find to be disgusting!!!

  9. Face it Eddie gets off scott free while these two ladies look dumber than dirt for continuing to battle over a d-list celebrity. He is useless and cray cray Lee Ann is fighting over someone no one else wants. Lordy! grow up ladies. Dear Brandy , Lee Ann did you a huge favor. Let Big Dummy support Eddie for the rest of his life while you move on and have a fabulous life. But please stop feeding Eddie’s massive ego by tweeting about him or Lee Ann, you can’t fix stoopid.

    • Yup, I agree with you–these 2 chicks have no pride or dignity to be slamming each other on the internet–and yes, he is likely lapping it all up–his ego is being fed by all this nonsense.

      • @Stacy his ego is as bloated as lee Ann’s checkbook. Don’t ya know he feels all kinds of studly as these two duke it out on social media? Their fighting is all that keeps Eddie relevant. Brandy you won! Enjoy it because Lee Ann probably has to wright out those child support and alimony checks every month. Girl i would laugh all the way to the bank cuz really Lee Ann has the Big L on her forehead plus she gets Cheatin’ Eddie plus has to pay your bills. frankly i would send her a monogrammed bread and butter thanking her for taking him off your hands. As long as brandy fights with Lee Ann she is only making Eddie seem even more valuable in Lee Ann’s eyes. And Smooth Eddie? He is just basking in all the attention.

        • I wonder if her checkbook is all that bloated. You doesn’t appear to do any work, but goes on a lot of expensive vacations. Remember Brandi said Eddie and her lived beyond their means? Eddie doesn’t know boundaries with budgets. I’m sure he is going through Leann’s money pretty darn fast. And with little income coming in, it won’t last long.

            • I’m thinking it is “Eddie and she” but I’m not 100% positive. Regardless, I totally understood your comment, so that’s all that matters ;-) .

          • Eddie and Leeann seem to be on perpetual vacation. She will be broke and he will be gone. Both Eddie and Leeann are to blame. Eddie owed his marriage more loyalty and Leeann is just a ho bag of bones. It’s ok because Karma is a bitch. She is already stressed out wanting to be by his side 24/7 because she knows he can’t be trusted. I for sure wouldn’t want to live that way. The second punishment for her will be when he blows all her money and leaves her for his next meal ticket. Honestly she is not in the least bit pretty.

            • Thank you! How many vacations can a person take? Also, Eddie is a gigantic tool, with his crowning glory being his role in Lifetime movies. Lifetime movies are fine and I’ve had many a hangover Sundays of watching those movies (long ago). I did not know who this douche was until cheating rumors emerged and wasted space in my rag mags. LeeAnn couldn’t act in her Lifetime movie and she can’t act now.

              Brandi will always be hotter and wittier than LeeAnn’s ho bag of bones (I like that). Brandi needs to stop being an active member in the drama triangle (Brandi, look it up and use that knowledge to your advantage). Disengage, there is no more drama. It is that simple.

          • I hope he goes through it all and then dumps her. Sorry, I just have no use for anyone who goes out on their spouse. Get a divorce and then date whoever you want. As they say, Karma.

    • Agree with your post Aint, Eddie is as gulity as LeAnn for allowing this syco bitch to come between him and his family.

  10. Nothing makes me laugh more than that southern expression “unfortunate looking”. It just cracks me up for some reason.

    • I’m wondering if it’s strictly Southern–I am from the Midwest originally and we used that and similar expressions there. I agree, though, it’s a useful expression because it simultaneously sounds sort of uppity and detached, but also it is insulting with the precision of a laser beam!

  11. It looks like Kenya is fixin to go after Cythia in that preview. I recon watching the recommittal ceremony musta pushed ole Kenya right on up and over the edge

  12. Well, Cynthia & Peter just weren’t “having it” with Keny-uck anymore. they filled Walter in on the whole reason she wanted him there~& her pushing for that marriage on the island sent Walter packing!~yup, he left the island!~Would have so wanted to be there for that! LMAO

    • I am sure that at one point Phaedra would have been more than happy to administer it… with a pair of Brillo pad gloves.

  13. Surprised that Kim/Kroy’s departure got little comment. She/they could have driven off gracefully into the sunset but instead attacked the very cameras they have been courting for years. She was paid good $ to appear on camera so why the hostility??? Kroy’s mom must be so proud of the douchebag her son is becoming.

    • Yeah Kroy made an ass of himself last night for sure. But it was weird that Kim could be heard in the car as they were driving off that she was done I thought she took her mic off. Sloppy edit.

      • Why Kroy went after the cameraman instead of driving away is beyond me. He apparently (along with his wife) forgot this was her Job. Did they really think she was going to be paid half a million dollars to sit on her but and gripe. Let’s see what the reaction is by his coach if he does the same. Kroy at some point your Di*k can’t be the head your using in life!

    • Here’s what I don’t understand about the whole Kim/Kroy departure thing. If we are supposed to believe this was really their reaction to things, why would Bravo turn around and give them their own show? They storm out of the show they’re currently committed to, curse at the camera men, and come close to physically attacking the camera men. But now they’re going to have their own show. Doesn’t add up. This scene was staged just like everything else in these shows.

      I really feel sorry for Kroy’s parents. Seeing them on the show, I’m sure he was raised much better than this. If this was my son I probably wouldn’t be able to sleep at night knowing what he is most likely facing in the future.

    • To me their reaction to the cameras was way out of control. There was no need for that at all. Even though she quit the show, she was still technically employed and collecting their paycheck. So they were entitled to tape her departure. There was no reason for Kroy to come out and act like someone was supposed to be afraid of his ass. The camera man should have put down his camera and knock Kroy on his ass.

      • OKAY! If EYE was that cameraman, I would’ve said “You ain’t nothin but that ho’s personal assistant. Get back in the car and shaddap!”

        • I would have told him, although I know she has your balls in her purse, you best to check yourself. You can totally get laid out on your ass out here, I don’t care what position you play in the NFL.

          • YES! He’s nuttin but a back-up servant to Sweetie, just like he’s a back-up defensive end! He can’t even be a starter in his married life!!!

            • He obviously couldn’t handle her lazy ass on his own and that is why they brought back poor Sweetie. God knows Kim’s ass doesn’t warrant having a personal assistant, housekeeper and nanny.

              • Kroy is vah-jay-jay whipped ..I still say Kornfed was a virgin until he went to the big city and meet Kim and she popped that cherry and now he is IN LOVEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

              • As a mother to me the second worst part about her, although she claims to be a reformed Ho, is that she doesn’t seem to cook or do anything. A person can grow and mature, everyone makes mistakes, but if you say you are settled and doing the family thing then show that. Take care of your man and your children. Shooting RHOA is not all that where she can’t take care of her family. I can’t see why there is a need for the nannies, housekeeper, cook, personal assistant. You figure maybe Kroy’s parents might have given her the benefit of the doubt but I would be real pissy my son’s wife does nothing but sit around and whine and blow his damn money.

              • and pop out babies like she is pez despenser.
                I am sure they like their grandkids but i doubt they see them much unless they go to ATL no way is kim gonna be caught dead in Minn amung the corn fields

              • I didn’t see much wrong with the back to back babies, accidents happen and I really think Kim is way older than she admits to being and that is why she rushed them babies. I agree that I can’t see Kim out in Montana. Remember when he wanted to teach her to shoot the gun, he had mentioned that he wants his boys to be able to use a gun and do all the things he did. He seemed to have intentions to go open a sporting/hunting place when he retired. She didn’t seem all that thrilled at that prospect. His parents probably get to see the kids via skype unless they come visit them. With the fact that they didn’t even attend his wedding, I am not sure just how frequent they want to visit their home to be around her.

              • Yes there isnt anything wrong with back to back babies But sorry I dont think this was a accident i do think Kim knew exactully what she was doing when she “suddenly ” came up pregnant again.

              • Kim is definitely not stupid. She is too old not to understand how to use birth control. I am sure if she has her way he will be getting a vasectomy to prevent further accidents. She is making sure she locks down his $$.

        • Barb so much of this crap is staged that it really takes away from the whole thing. I really don’t understand these people. Kroy has a real career that pays him a nice salary, to go on and clown like he did, and let the world see what a skeeze his wife is just baffles me. Can you imagine the jokes that are told about him and his wife by the other players and their wives that might watch this show. Lord every episode makes me feel even more for his poor parents.

            • I really feel for them. First they get a gold digging tramp as a daughter-in-law, that everyone and their mother knows was all about getting what she could, then their son is stupid enough to impregnate her, not once but twice.

              • Remember the look on the mother’s face as she climbed the stairs of their home and saw the naked pictures of Kim plastered all over the walls? I felt so sorry for her.

              • Nothing wrong with taking some boudoir pictures to share with your spouse or just make you feel better about yourself, but there is a time and a place for everything. Takes all sorts of narcissism to display those things outside in the public areas of your home. Just no class whatsoever!

  14. Leea R. has always been a very homely woman, but it seems to me that some work has been done on her that made her even less attractive than she was when she was younger. Brandi should be shouting “Good riddance!” to her ex and “You asked for him, you got him!” to Leea because I think both women know that he’ll cheat again. I can not watch the Atlanta show because I find all of these women too embarassing. Every one of them degrades themselves and all women by the trashy way they act. BTW, this is a terrible drawing of Caroline (although I recognized her immediately), and I mean terrible in the sense that it emphasizes her worst features… ouch! Jowel (jowl?) problems run in my family, too, as we age, and it just isn’t pretty.

  15. I think Kenya is playing a part on the show, more than any other HW I’ve seen. We know Walter is a plant, and I also believe she’s acting to create a character and a job for herself on the show. When I saw the clip of her on Wendy, she seemed pretty bright to me. I don’t like her character, but I do think she’s playing one intentionally, to a large extent. That’s why I can’t get too worked up about what she does and says. It’s all play acting to me.

    • She may be playing a part but a whole lot of her personality is actually leaking out here. I think it’s also kind of pathetic, as a supposedly successful woman that wants to continue to climb, you should know that when you show out like that it will follow you for a long time to come. See how Nene learned that lesson and has reigned herself in some. Personally, if I were a business person, I wouldn’t want to be associated with them. Notice how Tre is also trying to clean up her act and hasn’t flipped a table? Caro also learned that the hard way and is trying to back peddle and clean up her image seeing as it was definitely affecting any future deals she was working on.

  16. This was a pretty fun trip. I like that Neigh Neigh mentioned that she was a stripper every five seconds during the performance with the local girls. Also, the thing i like about Neigh Neigh is that she embraces that she was a stripper unlike some people. (looking at you Melissa)

    Ms. Kenya Moore better tighten it up before Phaedra Gangsta Parks choke her with her prayer cloth, Phaedra don’t play those games.

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