REAL HOUSEWIVES OF BEVERLY HILLS RECAP: Season Three, Episode Five, ” Girls Gone Ojai’ld”


RHOBH cast no Shana

Season Three, Episode Five, ” Girls Gone Ojai’ld”

by Sandi Duffy

We are back in Ojai where Brandi tells Adrienne to STFU!  Kyle acts all shocked that Brandi used such language, but if I recall, Kyle called Camille a F–king Liar.  There is way too much talk about Brandi’s language.  The good thing is that Brandi and Kim make peace.  Somehow, though, Trailor and Yolanda end up in the ladies room with the two of them.  Kim is way too fragile to be on this show.  Brandi apologizes a million times for saying Kim was doing crystal meth, yet Kim never apologized for hiding Brandi’s crutches.  Brandi goes back to the table and apologizes for using the “f” word.

brandi book pg

THEN, Brandi announces her book deal and Trailor looks pissed.  Brandi wonders aloud why the women can’t be happy for her.  Kyle jumps in with Brandi for calling out Trailor for writing a book about her dead husband.  Apples and oranges, Kyle.  Brandi’s husband is still alive to defend himself.    Yolanda is just plain confused about how all the women treat each other.  I’m with Yolanda.  I’ve never gone out to dinner with girlfriends and had a fight…ever.  THEN, Adrienne announces SHE has a book deal.   Listen, we all know they have ghost writers because these women can barely spell their own names, never mind write an entire book.

The next day the ladies go out for a hike.  Lisa, Brandi, Kim and Trailor stay behind.  Lisa, like a mother hen, tell Brandi she should have just told Adrienne to butt out, not to say STFU.  I’m all for saying STFU.   I am now done with STFU-gate.    I still want to know why no one made a huge deal about Kyle calling Camille an F–king Liar.  And for the record, I totally believe Camille and think Kyle is the F–king Liar.

The ladies race golf carts.  By the way, is it me or does Kyle kind of look like a man?

The ladies go out to play badminton and OMG, why is Kyle wearing such a short dress?   Are all Kyle’s clothes 6 sizes too small for her?  Then Kyle has the nerve to criticize what Lisa is wearing.  At least her dress fits her.  Yoland is the only one dressed appropriately, in workout pants and sneakers.  The rest of the women look ridiculous.

Next are spa treatments.  Lisa TTCs about STFUgate, and I just want to point out that I wrote STFUgate BEFORE she TTC’d.  They are getting a mud treatment and are rubbing the mud on themselves and each other.  What kind of crappy spa is that?  I live within a mile of a really nice spa and resort and they put the mud on you.  You don’t put it on yourself.  Yolanda throws a pitcher of cold water on Kyle as a joke and I am loving her for that.

kyle facial

I don’t understand why Kyle insists on wearing short, tight clothing or why Trailor insists on wearing her hair pulled back off her Klingon forehead.

Yolanda is having some freaky back treatments and can’t drink for three months.  Brandi asks about birth experiences and Camille feels badly because she had her children via surrogate.  Yeah, Camille, you missed out on a lot of pain and blood.  Don’t feel badly.

Yolanda goes to bed and the women start to get trashed.  Yolanda is kind of a killjoy.  Kim also excuses herself, which is exactly what she needed to do and how healthy is it for her to be on this trip where the women engage in hard drinking?  All I can say is that if MY sister was newly out of rehab, and we were away on a trip, and everyone started drinking heavily, and she excused herself, I’d leave with her as a show of support.  That’s all I’m saying.

Brandi and Trailor arm wrestle and then really wrestle.  Trailor is starting to get that crazy in the eyes look and I’m getting excited because when Trailor gets that look it is blogging gold.

Shana Brandi

Brandi and Adrienne arm wrestle next.  I can honestly say I’ve never arm wrestled my girlfriends.    The ladies all start to get out of control and do all kinds of flips and cartwheels and do any of them wear underwear?  And that’s when we get the infamous Trailor ass shot.  Excuse me while I go bleach my eyes.

I don’t know.  Arm wrestling in Ojai doesn’t seem nearly as much fun as bringing home Johnny Depp pirates in St. Barths.  I’d rather go away with the NY women.

Yolanda is becoming the Aviva of Beverly Hills when she tells Kyle there is nothing more “unclassy” (is this a word) than drunk women.  Uh oh.  Yolanda doesn’t ever want to come to Vegas with me.

The ladies all leave in a stretch hummer.  When I go on vacation I make my entrance and exit in a taxi.


Lisa is a great imitator of the other women and she has me cracking up doing Kyle and Kim.

On the car ride we are back to STFU-gate.  I wish they would STFU over STFU-gate.  Why oh why isn’t Bravo showing footage of Kyle calling Kim and F–king Liar?  Kyle is such a hypocrite.


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105 comments on “REAL HOUSEWIVES OF BEVERLY HILLS RECAP: Season Three, Episode Five, ” Girls Gone Ojai’ld”

  1. This sounds so crazy. I haven’t seen it but from what I get they get stupid except Yofo and Kim. Brandi is correct in saying that if my sister was just out of rehab I would support her and leave with her. Vyle what the heck is wrong with you. All in all I guess I would say they had a good time. I will chime in again if I have anything good to add to someones comment.

  2. OK, I’ve officially gone from tepid to warm on YoFo. Dresses sensible, teetotaler, hates drama, goes to bed early, threw water on Kyle – my kind of girl! Well except for the getting up at 6 am part. IMO she’s not a killjoy, she’s a breath of fresh air, much needed in the stuffy, stanky confines of Bravo.

  3. Kim is too fragile to be in the group.YoFo is too classy to be in the group.If I were David I would not want her to go out on girl’s outings if they act like High School girls and get drunk.I would be afraid it would corrupt her.

    • Ad too! She was so “worried” about Kim, but kept her butt in the chair when Kim went to the bathroom! After that it was all about Ad and how Brandi had the nerve to put her in her place!! Ad’s so selfish…and stupid…

    • Yep. And if Adrienne was soooo concerned about Kim, why didn’t she go check up on her when she left the table? Everyone ended up going except Kyle, Adrienne and Camille.

      • ITA and I love your name; it cracks me up and so unique; how did you come up with that; do you have horses?

    • kyle and the traylor are well on their way to drinking themselves to stupid, but it’s my experience that people who gang up on others take huge leaps in logic by twisting facts and reality to meet their needs.

  4. I have too say that at least these ladies can have fun even after bickering! Unlike the ladies of rhonj, were I almost needed therapy after each and every show. LOL!

  5. What in the HELL is going on here!!?? We know, from leaks, that SWINE got super wasted in Ojhi and screamed like a banshee again, we also heard that she made an ass out of herself at Porsha’s b-day party and they hardly showed that either! Why are they editing out all of SWINE’s bad behavior???

      • No, no. For some reason, they decided to give her a good edit and keep her longer than the expected 3 episodes.

        • I think you’re right. This season has been less than interesting and it feels like an editing issue to me…

    • Dunno sd, but on WWHL tonight ol’ Mandy was a lot more snippy than his usual high school girlish self and directly referred to Swine’s “manic-aggressive” behavior during that weekend get-away and he kept sending over little needled barbs her way.

      He also asked Swine about rumors that she was quitting the show, and she chirped that the owners were selling her house so she was just renting a house in Aspen for the holidays and Mauricio was in charge of finding her one when she gets back.

      He also asked her about spreading the gossip about Brandi sleeping with all of BH and she gave a really lame-ass reply, like it was her Miss America platform…..”doing it for the good of mankind and all…..”

      All, in all, I got the impression, her ticket’s been punched.

      • great. she’s looking for a new sponsor in aspen. how original. & the photogs are always there in groves because of the ‘real’ celebrities that go there for the holidays. she’s a desperate wanna be.

  6. Clearly Ad has spent her entire lame life being pampered and never being told to STFU and being put in her place!!! I find it very telling that after drawing attention to Kim and “feeling bad for her”, Ad continued to sit in her chair as Kim went to the bathroom, and turned her fake concern for Kim over onto herself!! “it was rude, it was inappropriate, omigosh”, blah, blah, blah… AD STFU!! Hey lets sit at the table and complain for ten minutes about the STFU comment instead of checking on Kim!! Then Ad has to point out that Tayliar is meditating, “breathe, just breathe, thru the nose, out the mouth”, yet again, stiring the pot knowing full well it would kick up some drama!! Ad’s a shit starter! She’s almost as unbearable to watch as Tayliar! Brandi will never be able to do anything right in Vyle, Ad, Tayliar’s eyes, they feel that she is beneath them… they’re wrong.

    Why does Vyle feel the need to fight Tayliars issue with Brandi?? Tay can speak for herself, as she turned into the devil within seconds of Brandi’s book announcement! Hahaha Kyle needs to mind her own business, just like Ad, and let others work things out for themselves! Wow what a concept! Must be hard up for storylines..

    Lisa may have looked like a beekeeper playing badmitton, but at least she didn’t look like a complete idiot like the other ladies in heels! Idiots! Give me a break….

    As Kim was rambling on about something in the mud room, Vyle and Tayliar shot a look at each other and snickered, as if they were laughing at what Kim was saying. Kim knows that Vyle is not sincere in her love, support and understanding that’s why she’s holding her at arms length, as she should…

    Lastly, what I find inappropriate is going on a spiritual weekend to support Kim in her sobriety, and the ladies (except Yo) spend almost the entire weekend drinking or drunk! How supportive! Keeping it classy!!

      • Haha! I do tend to get long winded… :)

        Forgot to add, seeing Tay’s drunk bare butt and Ad sniffing up on some thongs before putting them on, made me want to gouge my eyes out with a fork..

    • Agreed. A normal person might ask themselves, what did I do to deserve that? And think about…what they did to deserve it. “Oh, look someone’s crying” is what you say to a five year old child. And even then, it’s condescending.

      • Ad doesn’t think and she treats everyone like small children. Ever notice how she’s always saying no, no, no, no and waving her hands trying to get people to do what she wants? She reminds me of the child that hits their sibling and when they hit back, she runs and tells the parents, excluding the fact that she hit first! Ad dishes it, butts in where she’s not welcome, and then is all up in arms that someone tells her to shut up! Brandi keeps poking holes in that bubble Ad lives in and I’m loving it…

        • Again, Brandi has no filter so she just keeps yapping like when going with Kim to the bathroom and telling Kim those people don’t care about you; so inappropriate. She really lacks any social skills.

          • I appreciate that Brandi says what she means and all but telling Kim people want to see her fail was mean and couldn’t have made her feel better. It was weird. Well, a lot about this show is weird. And yet I tune in next week!

  7. Something tells me that Taylor knows her days are numbered…When she gets booted off of this show it’s either the cosmetics counter at Carson’s or another reality show….Since NO ONE wants to watch her on TV I see only one option….OH DR DREW…WHERE ARE YOU?

    • Brandi’s choke hold with her legs was impressive! If she would have accidentally hurt Tay, you know the ladies would have said it was intentional…

  8. None of them hussies lot their mind over Kim saying the gd word at game night but all the sudden the eff word is rude and unclassy?

    • So funny you should mention that. Not long ago my family was having dinner and it came up, GD vs. The F word. The younger people at the table all felt The F word was the worst word while all the older people felt that GD was worse hands down. I wonder if that is a age gap or a regional thing?? I think GD is THE worst curse word.

      I know, I know we have strange dinner conversations!

      • Me too. I have been known to drop an eff bomb here and there from time to time. … I know I know not ladylike or very christian of me. I am a christian just not very good at it sometimes(He’s still workin on me) Anyways gd is my ultimate pet peeve. I cant stand that Bravo lets that one fly without beeping it out.

      • Oh please. I agree with you SD. It’s no contest. One is taking the Lord’s name in vain, which is breaking a commandment, and the other is simply a man-made word. I say the F word, but never the Lord’s name in vain. The reason Bravo lets it go by is because they apparently have no respect for many of their viewers.

          • Exactly Hers. I used to never cuss. But I can pretty much pinpoint how the habit got started(and it is a habit for sure) I was really mad one day and very frustrated that no one around me seemed to get just how mad I was. I busted out into a slew of cuss words a mile long and … oh the instant satisfaction of complete shock n awe from those around me was deliciously gratifying. The problem is, that moment can only happen once because the second , third , fiftieth outburst sorta loses its punch.

            • Sometimes, a good cuss word just gets the job done, doesn’t it? I just don’t like it when someone uses it as a part of every day speech.

              • True. That’s what Lisa was talking about when she said Brandi gave them a gift by using it. Kyle loved that she said it so she could do some pearl clutchin over it…. the more shocked she was over Brandi’s none BH table manners the more camera time Kyle could get out of it…. cause wearing a see thru bathing suit wrap to the badminton game wasn’t gonna do the trick. Kyle need to have a seat… I am just a small town southern girl and I know better than to ask the chef to carry my plate to the table. The nerve! That was a classless move ifn ya ask me.

              • Vyle doesn’t need a reason to be a mean girl hater, however, if Brandi throws her a little niblet, Vyle will make it the entire cob!! Ad and Tayliar too! Funny how they’re vicious to victims within seconds and don’t even recognize it!

                Vyle had so much food on her plate she couldn’t carry any more!! Hahhaha Please chef carry my plate for widdle ole me…it’s too heavy!! She’s such a heifer!

                Hope all is well with you in the eastern part of our beautiful state.. Callisto

              • Everything is good here too Made! Today was beautiful and we had an amazing sunset! Storms tomorrow, but warm. Enjoying the season, my favorite, and I hope you are as well :)

      • tee hee. If had originally typed Godless Jezebels but backspaced my way out of that one and substituted hussies.

  9. Kim did annoy me just a smidge by not accepting Brandi’s apology more gracefully. Truth be told Brandi’s apology to Kim was more in the same vain as the one she was conjoled into giving to Adrienne. Sorry she used the words she used but…. Kim’s reaction to it didnt do anything to change my mind that ole girl has/had substance issues.

    • ITA, Made. I’m not on the Kim train, by any means. I have a bit of a soft spot for her, as I think she was a talented actress and terribly got derailed in life, but I also think she’s a mean, self-centered girl.

    • I’ll know for sure Kim’s on the road to recovery when she admits all of her substance abuse issues. Those teeth aren’t naturally aged. Look at pics of her as a child. Something ate away all that porcelain. I feel badly for her, and want her to do well, but she needs to come clean with all of it and move on.

    • Someone nailed her with a question on WWHL about why they were drinking if they were supposed to be celebrating Kim’s sobriety. Thank you caller you took the words right out of my mouth. Swine spoke the only truth she ever has when she said “because we are a$$holes” She still could not bring herself to finish that assessment up with “…also I am an alcoholic.”

      • Truth. Did you notice on tonights show she sure did know how to defend herself ( with Brandi) showing to ALL that Swine and her book and her domestic violence crap is all lies! I know we all knew this thanks to Ms SH and she just gave us more proof how she was not a victim but the agressor! Wow..

        • Watching Traylor-Park flex her muscles, and attack Brandi with full force shows that she is no shrinking violet. Since she was bigger than her Casper Milquetoast husband, I always thought that she could totally take him, if necessary. Her “stories” of severe abuse just don’t ring true.

      • And that, indeed, was the $24,000 question given all the concern that Bile has expressed over her sister’s drinking. What a steaming pile she is. And what a hypocrite, as if that bit of four-letter Ango-Saxon language (and worse), doesn’t merrily trip off her tongue all the damn time.

      • She was on WWHL glad i went to bed early i wouldnt have been able to stomach her,.,,did any one rip into her, did her stans call in ?????

    • Hey Lisa, just read/red what happened to you OMG! Just know I have your back and I wish I was on here when you were. How is Clover doing? I hope he is doing great.

      I agree SHUT UP BYLE with zits on your witches nose, haaahaaaa….catch ya later on here I hope. :)

      • Clover is fine he gave me Piggie kisses last night and it wasnt just because i had sausage juice on my lips he really likes me.. Byle drives me nuts she is so condesending.

    • IKR! The calls were ( as normal Andys favs) and he had to go thru so many of his tweet cards to find NICE questions to ask Swine/Shana/Shaft/Trailer cuz everybody knows, everybody hates her and so does miss Andy. She made me so angry I wish I could of put my hand through the tv and arm wrestled her and well you can imagine the rest ;)

      • ps did you see that picture of her with her left boob hanging out? She makes my skin crawl., and that voice and nails on a chalkboard laugh…makes anyone want to pull their eyelashes out!

  10. Ok help me out yall. Is my eyesight going or am I just so bored that I am seeing things? Did anyone else catch a pair of hairy legs during the mud segment? Also who was that phantom chick in the hallway when SWINE flashed us her mess?
    Speaking of people in hallways…..

  11. Do those ladies really not see the difference in SHAFT’s book (timing and content) and Brandi’s?

    And Adrienne! For someone who has been born, bred and raised in opulence, she sure doesn’t know how to act in social situations.

    Kyle….. Is there any particular reason you are so judgmental in your blogs and talking heads? Always somebody else’s fault. Never your own.

    I’m completely turned off to SHAFT. Every frame she’s in, my brain FFs as though she doesn’t even exist.

    • So true TO. I wish my brain had that ff mechanism. I find myself staring at her like I would a pimple that’s about to pop( I have mentioned this several times I know) so gross.

  12. Did Yolanda ride home with the rest of the cast? I don’t recall seeing her in the limo. Kim is very emotional, I’m not sure she should of filmed this season. I have never mentioned anything about how a person look’s but, Taylor’s big mouth and lips really make her ugly.

    • Speaking of Swine’s enormous fish lips….. I about bust a gut (or two) when Mandy on WWHL extended a compliment, of sorts, to Swine by telling her that the ten pounds she gained helped her ginormous lips fit her face better and that they almost looked normal. How is that for a back-handed compliment?! Reminds me of the fish-slapping dance on Monty Python. Do you think he likes her?

  13. it seemed to me that when in the bathroom, kim was crying and was apologizing to brandi for when she and kyle acted like mean girls to brandi, and kim hid her crutches. i remember her crying and saying how badly she felt about all that, and that is not what she is about. she was going on and on.

    • In the bathroom Kim said to Brandi, “What you said was so wrong. I never even knew what that was. I’d never done anything like that. It was just so mean I don’t know why you said that.” She wasn’t apologizing to Brandi she was still milking her indignation of being accused of using a common street drug. Kim can go scratch until she apologizes to Brandi.

  14. In every group of the housewives they have some very annoying characters. What I found very interesting is that doesn’t matter which city but the most annoying characters are those who desperately wanted to be rich but were not clever enough to get where they are now by working or using their brain, with other words annoying one are the gold diggers, Jill Zarin and Luann from NY, Melissa from NJ, Taylor trashy from BH, Tamara from OC. Luann clearly talked from experience when she said money can’t buy you class.

  15. ITA-Johnny Depp pirates all day!
    Kim should apologize for stealing Brandi’s crutches. It was a bitch thing to do. In regard to Brandi’s meth accusation Kim forgot or lied about not knowing what “that” was. Last season in the limo on the way to Lisa’s party Kim and Ken found a baggie in the backseat they recognized it as paraphanelia. So she knows what that is. Vyle should apologize for wearing clothes 6 sizes too small. That’s wrong too.

  16. Nice recap. But, you left out the most curious event of the trashed night: when Traylor-Park kissed Brandi on the lips, I thought I’d hurl. It was seriously ugly watching Traylor show her nekkid butt. btw: why did she hand over her thong to Adrienne (who then smelled it and put it on herself)? Vyle and her sanctimonious rehashing of STFU-gate shows her to be the petty, vindictive, broken record that she is. She has gotten on my last nerve.

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