REAL HOUSEWIVES OF BEVERLY HILLS RECAP:
Season Three, Episode Five, ” Girls Gone Ojai’ld”
by Sandi Duffy
We are back in Ojai where Brandi tells Adrienne to STFU! Kyle acts all shocked that Brandi used such language, but if I recall, Kyle called Camille a F–king Liar. There is way too much talk about Brandi’s language. The good thing is that Brandi and Kim make peace. Somehow, though, Trailor and Yolanda end up in the ladies room with the two of them. Kim is way too fragile to be on this show. Brandi apologizes a million times for saying Kim was doing crystal meth, yet Kim never apologized for hiding Brandi’s crutches. Brandi goes back to the table and apologizes for using the “f” word.
THEN, Brandi announces her book deal and Trailor looks pissed. Brandi wonders aloud why the women can’t be happy for her. Kyle jumps in with Brandi for calling out Trailor for writing a book about her dead husband. Apples and oranges, Kyle. Brandi’s husband is still alive to defend himself. Yolanda is just plain confused about how all the women treat each other. I’m with Yolanda. I’ve never gone out to dinner with girlfriends and had a fight…ever. THEN, Adrienne announces SHE has a book deal. Listen, we all know they have ghost writers because these women can barely spell their own names, never mind write an entire book.
The next day the ladies go out for a hike. Lisa, Brandi, Kim and Trailor stay behind. Lisa, like a mother hen, tell Brandi she should have just told Adrienne to butt out, not to say STFU. I’m all for saying STFU. I am now done with STFU-gate. I still want to know why no one made a huge deal about Kyle calling Camille an F–king Liar. And for the record, I totally believe Camille and think Kyle is the F–king Liar.
The ladies race golf carts. By the way, is it me or does Kyle kind of look like a man?
The ladies go out to play badminton and OMG, why is Kyle wearing such a short dress? Are all Kyle’s clothes 6 sizes too small for her? Then Kyle has the nerve to criticize what Lisa is wearing. At least her dress fits her. Yoland is the only one dressed appropriately, in workout pants and sneakers. The rest of the women look ridiculous.
Next are spa treatments. Lisa TTCs about STFUgate, and I just want to point out that I wrote STFUgate BEFORE she TTC’d. They are getting a mud treatment and are rubbing the mud on themselves and each other. What kind of crappy spa is that? I live within a mile of a really nice spa and resort and they put the mud on you. You don’t put it on yourself. Yolanda throws a pitcher of cold water on Kyle as a joke and I am loving her for that.
I don’t understand why Kyle insists on wearing short, tight clothing or why Trailor insists on wearing her hair pulled back off her Klingon forehead.
Yolanda is having some freaky back treatments and can’t drink for three months. Brandi asks about birth experiences and Camille feels badly because she had her children via surrogate. Yeah, Camille, you missed out on a lot of pain and blood. Don’t feel badly.
Yolanda goes to bed and the women start to get trashed. Yolanda is kind of a killjoy. Kim also excuses herself, which is exactly what she needed to do and how healthy is it for her to be on this trip where the women engage in hard drinking? All I can say is that if MY sister was newly out of rehab, and we were away on a trip, and everyone started drinking heavily, and she excused herself, I’d leave with her as a show of support. That’s all I’m saying.
Brandi and Trailor arm wrestle and then really wrestle. Trailor is starting to get that crazy in the eyes look and I’m getting excited because when Trailor gets that look it is blogging gold.
Brandi and Adrienne arm wrestle next. I can honestly say I’ve never arm wrestled my girlfriends. The ladies all start to get out of control and do all kinds of flips and cartwheels and do any of them wear underwear? And that’s when we get the infamous Trailor ass shot. Excuse me while I go bleach my eyes.
I don’t know. Arm wrestling in Ojai doesn’t seem nearly as much fun as bringing home Johnny Depp pirates in St. Barths. I’d rather go away with the NY women.
Yolanda is becoming the Aviva of Beverly Hills when she tells Kyle there is nothing more “unclassy” (is this a word) than drunk women. Uh oh. Yolanda doesn’t ever want to come to Vegas with me.
The ladies all leave in a stretch hummer. When I go on vacation I make my entrance and exit in a taxi.
Lisa is a great imitator of the other women and she has me cracking up doing Kyle and Kim.
On the car ride we are back to STFU-gate. I wish they would STFU over STFU-gate. Why oh why isn’t Bravo showing footage of Kyle calling Kim and F–king Liar? Kyle is such a hypocrite.