REAL HOUSEWIVES OF ATLANTA RECAP: Season Five, Episode Five… “No Excuses For Excuses”


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Season Five, Episode Five… “No Excuses For Excuses”

by Sandi Duffy

I am really not enjoying this season.  I’ve heard this is Kim’s last episode, so maybe there’s some hope.  Although, for reasons completely unknown to me, Bravo is giving her her own show.  Who the hell is going to watch that train wreck? An entire hour of Kim complaining and cursing. Sounds like fun to me.

Ugh!  This episode opens with Kim and her daughters…and Kim is bitching about the temperature.  YOU LIVE IN ATLANTA!  IT’S F-CKING HOT IN ATLANTA!  MOVE TO GNOME, ALASKA IF YOU DON’T LIKE THE HEAT!  Kim says she’d rather live in a box than live with her mother.  Kim should really say she would rather sleep with rich men who buy her homes than live with her mother.

Phaedra and Apollo are double dating with Kenya and her “boyfriend” Walter.   Phaedra knows Walter from doing legal work for his organization.  Kenya shamelessly flirts with Apollo.  Phaedra has no storyline, so she is playing up her “exercise video”.  I think this video is going to be like Sonja Morgan’s “toaster oven”.  I just can’t help using those quotation marks.

Everyone drives around in go carts.  Kenya is racing, Phaedra is taking a Sunday drive and Walter is bitching.  Walter is kind of cracking me up.

Cynthia and her controlling, arrogant, gold-digging husband are having drinks.  Cynthia is really a beautiful woman.  She may not be the sharpest knife in the drawers, but she is gorgeous.  Nene and Greg show up.  I like Greg.  Greg and little Ayden are the only two people I like on this show.

Cynthia says she is confident that her and Peter will grow old together.  HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Peter wants to have a vow renewal…after two years of marriage.  In my best Phaedra voice, “Everyone knows that whenever a housewife renews her vows, she is going to get divorced.”

Porsha is at the gyno to have her uterus checked out because she lost a pregnancy six months earlier and is nothing sacred when it comes to these housewives?  Do any of us want to be privy to this?  Porsha is so stupid she wants to have twins because she wants four kids, but doesn’t want to be pregnant 4 times.  What a friggin’ moron.

Kandi is looking really good this season.  Kandi is meeting Cynthia for lunch and wants everyone to go on a couples trip to Anguilla.  I had to look Anguilla up on a map.  Kandi says her man has to work, but the truth is that Kandi’s man doesn’t want to be around all the ladies because he doesn’t like the drama.  I am now officially adding Kandi’s man to my very short list of people I like on this show.  Kandi brings up that it will be weird having Kim and Nene on the trip.

Porsha is having Cynthia and Nene to her home to talk about her charity.  I know Porsha is dumb, but she seems to be at least nice…and really into charity work.  I love when she states that a year is 265 days.  I love Nene’s reaction to it even more.  Cynthia and Nene agree to do a PSA for her charity.

Porsha then brings up Kenya.  This should be a good conversation.  Cynthia and Porsha share notes on Kenya’s behavior at their respective events.  Cynthia says what we are all thinking.  Miss America, Miss USA–who the hell cares?

Kandi and Phaedra go shopping together.  Kandi gives Phaedra “Kegel balls” and if you didn’t watch to get the explanation, too bad.  I’m not going there.

Cynthia and Peter have scheduled the entire Anguilla trip around dates  Kim and Kroy gave.  We all know that Kim doesn’t go because we’ve read the interviews and seen the footage.

Kim is claustrophobic in her 5000 square foot home.  Kim is an entitled bitch.

We are now at the much unanticipated meet up of all the ladies planning their trip to Anguilla. First, though, we have to deal with “F–k-gate” between Phaedra and Cynthia.  Phaedra gives Cynthia flowers and apologizes to Cynthia right away.  Wow, two Atlanta housewives acting like ladies and not blowing this out of proportion.  Somewhere out there, there are pigs with wings.

Kandi invited Kenya to come on the trip.  Um, it wasn’t Kandi’s trip to invite Kenya.  It’s Cynthia’s.  Oh hell, I can’t even do that with a straight face.  It’s Bravo’s trip and we all know it.  I’m just wondering how they’re going to work Porsha into the trip.

Kim, her wig and her belly show up last.

Kenya asks Cynthia if she’s invited.  Cynthia doesn’t answer, so Kenya invited herself.  Everyone is fine with the dates that were chosen around Kim’s schedule, and then Kim has a million excuses why she can’t go.  Kim’s due dates are more confusing than Phaedra’s.

Nene calls Kim out on her chronic excuses.  Everyone else jumps in and Kim can’t handle being called out on all her lies.  She takes off her microphone and walks out.

It looks like we find out next week how Porsha gets invited on the mandated Bravo trip.


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100 comments on “REAL HOUSEWIVES OF ATLANTA RECAP: Season Five, Episode Five… “No Excuses For Excuses”

  1. And we have a winner! Porsha wins stoopidest HW hands down IMO. This show is just snoozerville, everything is perfectly contrived, right down to Kim taking off her mike and walking out and pushing the cameraman away. Nothing surprises me anymore when it comes to these shows.

  2. Thanks for the recap Sandi, but fortunately for me RHOA is in the trash can with BH!!! I only watched the first two episodes of each season. It wasn’t planned just not interested anymore..

    • I’m right there with ya girl and Jersey is next.I quit OC due to Tamara 4 seasons ago. Bravo is so tired n played the shark has jumped their ass.

    • I hate to agree because I usually like RHOA, but this season is a bust. I am tired of hearing Kim complain, groan, and curse every second. Get rid of her, please! I hope the next episode will get better. Kenya is annoying, but she might keep this season interesting. Can’t wait to see Apolo in his swiming trunks!!!

  3. Sandi, thanks for the heads up about the kegel ball part between the usual suspects Kandi and Phakedra. I’ll know to FF through that part. Ugh.

    • Exactly….I FF through it. I am not condemning them just don’t find talking about them entertaining.

  4. Thanks for the re-cap Sandi a wonderful job as usual. The Kenya is so into herself it’s nauseating. It makes me laugh that she truly believes she needs a vacation. As for Kim walking out I guess that was the best way to end her role. Always leaves an opening to come back.

  5. Why such hate she was on the show about five minutes and it should make u happy some of us love Kim and the family so u watch ur show and see who likes Lima show, gosh can’t people be happy 4 anyone I guess not

  6. RHOA is a bust. The storylines are has-beens. Kim moans and groans: “I want to eat fried doughhhhhhh” “Give me more pizza” “I want to drink beer it but I can’t cuz I’m pregnant.” After that, I lost interest. The highlight: I heard some NeNe one liners and laughed.

    I’ve changed my mind about Christmas. I no longer want Santa to bring me a bar of the darkest chocolate available. I want all the hours of my life back that I have wasted on RHOA.

  7. Kenya got on the go cats with a red dress.Bet she showed some coochie crack.Can not stand her.Poor Walter better run while he still can.

  8. Sandi, I apperciate your sacrifice. I can not bring myself to watch ATL any longer. I check in on your updates and leave it at that. I remember watching ALL franchises religiously, no more. I can barely watch NY or OC anymore. I still watch BH and I am on the fence with NJ because I belive it might be making me mentally ill! lol. If you gave up covering RHOA I would not blame you, sorry you had to watch it.

    • I am with you. I appreciate the hard work of Sandi for watching the drowning-in-its-own-sh*t shows. I tried to do it (again) and I just couldn’t.

  9. Andy on WWHL I guess is trying to look like Justin Bieber with the haircut.Too bad his eyes are showing his age with them being washed out.

    • Fornication Under the Consent of the King. Learned that one many moons ago in my 7th grade Spanish class. The teacher had it written in big letters on the chalk board, and proceeded to enlighten us all. Ahhh…God Bless the late 70′s.

  10. Bravo must be furnishing the leased Range Rovers.Seems white is the vehicle choice this season.Kim and NeNe both have one and black was the color choice last season.

  11. Is this RHOA or Real Housewives of QVC? This used to be a funny , faux drama show about HW and now it is a marketing tool. If I have to hear about Kandi’s sex toys, Phaedra’s donkey bootie video, Cynthia’s school, Nene ‘s acting career one more time I will click the off button on the remote. Now the HW bestie goes out of the way to help promo the product. Ok we get it y’all are selling crap.

    • LOL Ain’t! I watched a little of WWHL and talk about faux reality! I thought Kim got fired and the whole brunch thing was staged. I would never expect a pregnant woman especially in the last trimester to travel out of the country. if she is breast feeding, shed have to bring the baby too.

      • Is it just me or was there a noticeable chill from Andy to Kim tonight? Also since everybody knows the calls are staged i felt like WWHL staged more calls for Reza than Kim to sorta put her in per place. As in .. see how popular this second season persian from a third rate show is compared to you Kim?

        ps. I liked her dress.

  12. PLEASE, someone tell Kim and her daughters to close their mouths when they are eating. I’ve repeatedly witnessed, over the years, Kim and her family almost spewing out their food when they eat and I lost my appetite. This is not an attack on the children–this is basic Table Manners 101, and Kim and her clan fail miserably.

        • Sorry bout that. I should have stuck with the sketti footage. In a lot of ways Momma Boo Boo and Kim are similar. Multiple baby daddies and her current (sugie) works 7 days a week while she lays in bed til noon.

          • I don’t know, Made. I see June cleaning her own house and even finding time to save money by couponing. All Kim does is sit around, spend money, eat, and complain.

            • You have a point. Coupling does take time AND she organizes a charity event too…. pitiful as it was at least she did do that. But again sugarbear had to be the one in the santa suit when it was hot as blue blazes outside. She cleans? I must have missed that one. I seen her having her girls clean but that was when THEY made the mess of the yard.

              • Well, she has a tidy enough looking house, and she doesn’t have a maid, so it’s got to be her and the girls…

              • I suspect the girls do most of it. Dont get me wrong I like Momma BooBoo. I just catch a lazy vibe from her. It might have been just for editing but when she couldn’t figure out how to pop open the pack n play and just gave up till sugar bear got home, I doubt very seriously she fools too much with that kitchen sink and the bucket that has to dumped every time the faucet runs

              • You have a point, but at least her kids are keeping the place clean. She probably can’t move to well, being so heavy.

              • I agree.I am all for being a delegating diva. Shoot far, when my youngin got old enough to have chores I did a lazy girl happy dance myself. :) I think June is loosing weight. Every time I see her she looks like she is shrinking. I am pulling for her. Cant wait to see a glamed up June BooBoo.

            • You forgot to add smoking and drinking wine ..between pregnancies.
              Although the way Kimbo was lusting after that beer , it wouldn’t surprise me if she drank now and then .

  13. It is truly terrifying that people like Porsha and her husband reproduce. Her insane ranting about the yams and twins qualifies her for the dipsh!t hall of fame.

  14. It is amazing that these women never get together without discussing their donkey booty. This obsession is really disgusting. Guess they are totally unaware that there are women who don’t care.

  15. I’ll never understand the appeal of Nene. Seriously, after I watch her on TV, I feel creepy crawly all over and have the need to take a boiling hot shower to cleanse myself. I also feel the need to dump multiple jugs of bleach over all of these women to rid them of their awful germs.

  16. Well with Kim gone I have lost my dream RHOA scene. Picture this (Estelle Getty voice): Atlanta 2012. Kandi and Kim meet for lunch. Kim takes a break from whining so Kandi asks how she is enjoying the kegel balls she had given her. Kim says she loves them and has them in at this very moment. The meal ends. Kim and Kandi stand up and suddenly *clunk clunk* something falls to the floor. The camera jerks upwards quickly as the cameraman attempts to escape the rolling monstrosity. A sizzle is heard as a hole burns in the floor. End scene.

  17. I was amazed that Bravo didn’t enhance the scene, by adding sound effects for the kegel balls by adding clanking sounds as Kandi and Phaedra moseyed on out of that shop…..I guess her grin said it all.

    Kim’s reaction to the crew was totally uncalled for, it’s not like those poor men were trying to shift her wig. We needed She by Sheree for that and she was chillin’ in her chateau.

    • lol. Too funny. They DID manage to slide in a lil gong last night. I think its was right when Missus ‘merica just up in invited her self along on the couples trip. Didnt win congeniality indeed.

      • Me, too. I didn’t necessarily like her as a person, but she brought the entertainment factor. It was dumb to let her go.

  18. I’m just pissed there won’t be any crazy Kim-Kenya moment. Anyone else find it weird how these 2 apparently get along just fine? I realize Kim spent so little time filming with the other women this season so she hasn’t really gotten to know Kenya, but I just can’t see their personalities clicking. I will not miss Kim as she is horrible piece of trash and I never understood how she had any fans. She is by far my most disliked housewife, with Tamra close behind. I’m hoping Kim’s solo show fails and then she’ll fall back into obscurity where she belongs.

    • Ohhhhhh, you are so right. I would have paid admission to see that mess. Maybe that’s the real reason ol’ Kim bugged out. Kenya would scare me a lot more than that moose NeNe. Kenya really is some kind of crazy and maybe that’s why Kim wigged off into the sunset.

  19. Even though I think Kim is funny & pitiful all at the same time I just wonder sometimes how Kroy could have been so stupid to impregnate her 2x in such a short time and then think of adopting the girls. Dont he realize if they ever divorce, Kim is going to take him to the cleaners with child support and alimony? What a dumb ass he is, but yet again hes young, so that may explain his stupidty when it comes to a little excitement in the bedroom. Bye bye to his football retirement funds. I hope he has a long career for his sake and someone who can manage his money.

  20. I loved it that Cynthia REFUSED to invite Kendra!!!! I would have felt put on the spot and would have invited her, then fumed and been FURIOUS at myself, and Kandi for inviting Kendra!! Good for Cynthia!! What the heck is Kim’s reality show going to be??? Her sitting on her butt, screaming SWEETIE over and over again? All she does is scream for Sweetie and complain, who wants to watch tat crap??

  21. Own who you are and own what you do……not knowing the complete background, planning a trip with the other HW’s with a major move, three kids, why not the truth? “I am getting kicked out of my house, I’m prego’s and I have to wash my wigs, cannot go on trip”. Remember you have 245 days a year to work on your Donkey-Booty! Kenya is still Kenyuk!

    • That whole dang thing was a set up. Kim says it filmed for over two hours. So are we supposed to believe that busy bee Kroy drove her there and waited out in the car on hot Georgia day for her to be “over it” remove her mic and storm off so he could rush the cameras?

      • Right! Who would expect a pregnant woman, one w a newborn to travel? Good catch on Kroy waiting the car in Hotlanta!

  22. i agree with what the previous blogger said about Kroy…set up! I liked him at first…thought he was a pretty nice guy…no more. He’s either whipped, or I was wrong in the first place. LOOK at the situations he’s gotten himself into on account of her. Lying to her starting up with camera men??? Who does that???? HIGH SCHOOL!!! This is a professional football player???? Wow. Also….I agree with alot of the others here….I’m tired of Bravo…tired of the Housewives….most of whose behaviors I can’t stand watching anymore.

    • Here’s what Wikipedia says about Kroy. Another nutty mother fascinated with the letter K, a la Kris Jenner. “Biermann was born in Hardin, Montana. Kroy’s parents and immediate family all have names that start with the letter “K.” Wanting to keep the tradition going, Kroy’s mom didn’t like the standard names that started with “K,” so she looked in the phonebook, found a last name that started with “K” that she liked, and went with that.”

  23. Kandi is staring to make me feel sick, she constantly has that shit eating grin permanently plastered on her face and is always talking about sex in some form or fashion.

  24. I watched the show last night but i always come here
    To read your interpretation. Love it

    Porsha is the biggest moron in housewives history!!!

    Wow @ kegel balls. Funny at the end when she holds her skirt and pheatra is searching for something…maybe balls. Hahahahaha

    • lol Yeah that was funny. I don’t want Kandi to mention them again until she gets her kegels so strong that she can get precision trajectory out of them and maybe not even then… unless she can do sumpin like this. Then I might be inclined to give her an”attagirl”

      And yes I demand the Rocky soundtrack.

  25. i didn’t realize how much kim swears until someone commented about it on here. now that’s all i hear when she’s on. f*** and s*** this and that — every other word out of her mouth and sweetie’s — really disgusting to be doing that while being filmed for TV that — way to set an example for your kids. so so so so so very very glad she’s gone!! can’t imagine anyone watching her show other than to feel sorry for kroy — she popped out 2 kids asap and now he’s so screwed!

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