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REAL HOUSEWIVES OF BEVERLY HILLS PHOTO RECAP: Season Three, Episode Three… “Don’t Sing For Your Supper”…

                  Hurry up, Ma, and add those grapes!  I love your “goin’ to the prom” chicken salad tradition…

                 But… WHY do we have Chicken Salad as a prom tradition?   Aunt Kyle’s prom tradition is givin’ her kidz a brand new Ferrari and $367,899… CASH!

                    Your Aunt Kyle stole my house… nuff said.

                   Who is this “Kyle” person… and do she have any daughters lookin’ fer prom dates?  I mean, I’ll hug ya and all that, but I really could use some new wheels…

              Thanks, Mrs. R!  As soon as I’m done takin’ Janice here to the prom, I’ll give Kyle’s daughter a call… I could really use that CASH!

 “DAMMIT!!  He just looked at the check I gave him.  MEH… he’ll make up the difference when he takes FrontPorcha to the KindergartenKarnival next month…”

                     You should also know that I’ve worked for many other well-known, big-money, snobby-people in the Hills of Beverlee…

                           If you plan on continuing to work for ME, you cannot work for any of those other people.  Do you understand?  Sprechen ze Deutsch?

                  Well, I could barely understand what you’re sayin’… but, you should know that I hate the following clients:  Camille Grammer and… well, just Camille Grammer.

                    Zat iz enuf for me to know!  As long as you hate Camille, I can tolerate your taking those four-hour “fatigue” breaks…

                 Since when did you learn spell??  And spell actual words that add up to sentences?  And… put them all together in a parental demand letter?  WHEN??

                      Aunt Kim taught me how to spell… and she told me about YOU stealin’ her car and ditchin’ it!  Aunt Kim promised me three gallons of chicken salad to drive down Mullholland and jump outta the driver’s seat…. and I LOVE her chicken salad!  Let’s roll!

                             I heard about your accident on Mullholland.  Wotz the big deal?  You only bonked your head straight through the bloody windshield… I doubt that anyone will realize that you’re brain damaged.  Keep a stiff upper lip, Kyle… oh, your upper lip IS permanently stiffened!  Just a bit of the old British humor!   Is Kim’s chicken salad really that good?  I might want to serve it at Villa Blanca…

               That butler guy is pizzing me auf!  Theez iz not my job…  

                  Where the hell is that damn butler guy?

                     OH!  Now I find you in zee keetchun!  You should be prank callin’ Camille like I told you!  Ask her if she has Prince Albert in a can… or even better… ask her if her refrigerator is runnin’!

                    Why am I always being escorted by you two?  You’re getting the bad edit this season, Adrienne. Oh!  You didn’t know that…

                       Oh, Kyle!  If you wanna be included in more of my “super dinner parties for the self-important”… you might want to inform your hubbend over there that MY butler takes no less than $1,000 to park a car.  He’ll need $10,000 to park your wrecked one.  Now, who’s this straggler wit da stringy hair…is she wit you?

                    You had to bring my sister, didn’t you, Paul?  Paul?  PAUL?   

                     You didn’t know that Kyle’s sister, Kim, has cooties? Yeah… Kyle did another surprise home inspection on Kim, just to make sure she’s not hiding Ken in her house… and she caught Kim washin’ her hair with RidX!  Kyle will NEVER get that Pantene endorsement deal now…

                     Oh, no… I can’t sit next to Kim… ya know, cooties and all…

               Tonight we’ll be serving all you high-falutin’, curtain-rods-for-brains, low-enough-on-the-celebrity-Zlist-to-agree-to-appear-on-a-reality-show, actin’ all happy to be here people… Nebraska-raised prime rib roast with an apricot confit stewed in triple-malt scotch…

                Love you!  Love you back more!!  That triple-malt scotch was a great touch!

                    HEY!  Morris, Maurice,  Reece-e-o!  YO!  Kyle’s hubbend! The guy who stole Kim’s house!  Yeah… you!  Git yer fingers offa my hubbend’s piano!  If you wanna play my hubbend’s piano, you better git yerself a Grammy first… only Grammy winner touch those keys.  

                     OK, Jeeves, it appears that our tony guests want MORE of the apricot stuff!  Just bring out the whole pot of the apricot confit WITHOUT the apricots… and ten straws.  And while you’re at it, get rid of the Morris-tainted piano and bring in one of the 7,287 replacement pianos from the shed out back.

                    Let’s have an intimate talk with me, David Foster.  As we do with ALL of our dinner parties, my lovely wife, Yolanda, and I only require ONE thing of our guests.  Are you all paying attenshun?  Do you understand what I’m saying?  Are you all still smashed on the apricot sauce?

                 Quick, David… play faster music so I can herd these lushes into the kitchen and make them prank call Camille.  It’s better when they’re wasted… if Camille ever asks them, they REALLY won’t remember!

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39 comments on “REAL HOUSEWIVES OF BEVERLY HILLS PHOTO RECAP: Season Three, Episode Three… “Don’t Sing For Your Supper”…

  1. How hard is it really to throw an elegant dinner party when you have the money to pay for every little detail? Try doing it on a budget….the food, drinks, flowers, cooking, cleaning and getting dressed and trying to not break a sweat…..that’s the way most of us roll, david….not a huge accomplishment in your wife’s situation. And is it really a success if you admonish your guests and then promplty kick them out (albeit, politely) at the end of the evening??? #notimpressed
    also….looks like kim’s daughter wore nothing from kathy’s line….I kind of thought she would go with something skimpier and more contemporary…..the white dress might have worked for confirmation.

    • Woot!! Cherry, I absolutely agree! My ex and I would host almost all of our holiday feasts with the family (20-30 people), sit-down style, (always china and linens and table-scapes!!), and soup to nuts I’d do ALL the shopping, cleaning, cooking, decorating and entertaining. Of course I’d usually have wonderful David Foster music in the background (Chris Botti, Michael Buble…), but I’d do it all myself, with some help from the ex and our 2 children! I absolutely approve of her sense of style though!

      • yep, done… and you reminded me I left out the shopping which is two days at a minimum to get everything together….which can be a huge chunk of the time and energy…not to mention planning. bet you and your ex did all that yourself too.
        my mom and I always did holiday meals together and betweent the two of us, by the time dinner was served we were too pooped to even eat….

        • Cherry, who has time for shopping when you have to organize all the veggies and fruit in your see through fridge??!! lol Could you imagine the fingerprints alone? I think you have to be a real masochist to have a fridge like that or a sadist if your not the one cleaning it. Hmm maybe we just got some secret insite into the fosters!

    • @Cherry — ITA. Being a gracious hostess — not the money spent, but the food, and beautiful table, and the hospitality — is definitely an art, and doing it on a budget is an elevated art form. I thought the same thing about Yolanda kicking the guests out at first, but think about it — she was probably really fed up with the buffoons and just wanted them the heck OUT of her house. I really can’t blame her.

  2. If our guests behave tonight, maybe we’ll allow you in the ginormous adult$ house next time. For now we dine in the butlers chambers. And don’t touch anything.

  3. How many people are fed from that refrigerator? If they entertain a lot, I can see needing it to store the fresh trays of food. Otherwise, seemed like a lot of waste to me. Bushels of fresh fruits and vegetables would go a long way. Maybe it was stocked for the Bravo cameras?

  4. I’ve been wondering for awhile…isn’t Richard the same Gent. that did the deserts at Swine’s “Mad Hatter” b-day party for little Kennedy?? Ms SH. do you know? Maybe it was an English accent that had me questioning this…but I really did think I remembered a resemblance?! Just curious? Maybe it was the luncheon at Camille’s Tennis/swimming party. At any rate did we not see Richard at more then the crazy psychic party at Camille’s?

  5. OMGosh I think I LOLed all over myself, The person who wrote that gets ALL of Kim’s Chicken Salad ~ Funny Very Funny ~ Now I’m off 2 prank call Camille…HAPPY HOLIDAY’S 2 all & 2 all a goodnight…

  6. I lost my appetite when drunken Kim kept digging her whole hand/arm into the chicken salad bowl to mix it up while sitting at a table. Just gross and unsanitary. Food should be prepared in the kitchen (where one should frequently wash one’s hands), and not carried around from room to room with one’s hand in it. Use a big spoon to mix the salad, Kim!

    • Especially in a room where her daughter’s hair was being done….yugh. I could feel the hairs flying into the food. Which happens to be another of my pet peeves with these housewives…..with a few exceptions (yolanda and Kathy) these women all cook with their hair hanging down. The worst was the jersey girls during their cookoff….all that long black hair was hanging down into the food as they prepared it. I always pull my hair up when I’m in the kitchen.

      • Yup, I don’t think food safety is high on their list of priorities. One of the most horrifying scenes was a long time ago in Caroline’s kitchen. Vito and Lauren were preparing mozzarella cheese in the kitchen SINK! They put it in there, then took it out and squished it with their hands. I don’t care how well they scrubbed the sink (if they did at all), that was filthy!

        • ITA with all the comments on food prep and hygiene. The kitchen sink is supposedly the germiest place in the home. These people are gross.

      • Exactly–that chicken salad was a biohazard. Ick, just the thought of someone’s arm digging into that deep bowl with the mayonnaise makes me want to vomit. What high school kids would want to eat something before departing for the prom? Really weird of Kim to think they would partake of her gourmet “cooking” before the dance. They just want to get the parents taking photos thing over with and get out of there. And on top of it drunk Kim was admiring her own cupcakes under the glass dome. Who would want to eat that crap before a high school dance?

        • You are so right. Kids usually eat afterwards, and it’s normally not chicken salad and cupcakes at a mom’s house. The seniors I knew would have preferred Mexican or pizza…. kid food.

  7. If Kim hasn’t relapsed, she is on something that isn’t working for her.

    That entire scene was chock full of nutty behavior.

  8. Loved how Yolanda and hubby were seated together at the end of the table like a King and Queen! No one wants to eat on camera…what a waste. I really wanted Brandi, Camile and weirdo DD to show up!

    • Yes, that seating arrangement of the Fosters’ was really weird–I’ve never seen anything like it. Why wasn’t Yolanda at one end of the table and David at the other end? I said it before, and I’m saying it again, their marriage is not a warm harmonious one–their body language and interaction tells me all I need to know.

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