REAL HOUSEWIVES OF ATLANTA RECAP
Season Five, Episode Three…”Call Me Miss U.S.A.”
by Sandi Duffy
This episode opens with Nene and Greg getting pedicures. They argue about Greg wanting a key to Nene’s house…and heart. This is boring and is playing itself out.
Lawrence walks in and I like Lawrence. He’s over-the-top, but he seems like a decent person.
Phaedra and her hot-looking husband are at home. I know he’s an ex-con, but he is one good-looking man. I’m tired of the donkey-bootie talk from Phaedra. Her and Apollo are developing a video to help women get a donkey-bootie. Who the hell wants an ass like Phaedra? It’s huge. My butt is probably the only part of my body that has not grown as I hit my 40s and I’m thankful every day for that. Now, I wish I could say the same for my thighs…and mid-section…and pretty much everything else.
When did Kim hire Sweetie back? Kim is being a total bitch about the fact that she has to move. Her 5000 square foot townhouse is too small for her, Kroy, four kids and 2 dogs. Kim is ridiculous, and I have no use for her.
Yay! We have Krazy Kenya. Finally, I should have something interesting to write about. Kenya meets the other new housewive, Porsha. Porsha invites Kenya to some charity thingie her grandfather created. Kenya says she has her own charity, the Kenya Moore Foundation. So Kenya has a charity in her own name. Ooooookkkaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyy. Porsha grills Kenya about marriage and children. Porsha offers to hook Kenya up with a fertility doctor. That’s a bit presumptious for someone you just met. Kenya and Porsha discuss Nene, Phaedra, and Kandi as if they are Atlanta Society. We all know that they are as much Atlanta Society as Teresa Guidice, Melissa Gorga, and Caroline Manzo are New Jersey Society.
Porsha appears to give Cynthia competition in the “not the sharpest knife in the drawer” contest. Porsha is married to an ex-football player I never heard of.
Cynthia joins Nene in New York, while Nene is promoting her new show, The New Normal. The New Normal is an awful show. As I said in my last recap, it tries to be Modern Family, but fails miserably. Not even Ellen Barkin can save this mess.
Nene acts like she is too good for the subway. Nene used to be a stripper, yet the subway is beneath her? Puhleeeaaaasssse.
Kandi and her mom are packing up her old house to move into her new house. Why doesn’t Kandi hire people to do this for her like Kim doe?. Kandi definitely has more money than Kim. Of course, maybe that’s why…because Kandi doesn’t piss money away, so she can be a princess.
Kenya and Phaedra meet for drinks and you just know Phaedra is going to get all the crazy out of Kenya.
Kenya offers up her production company to film Phaedra’s “work-out” video. Kenya talks way too much about how she wants to get married and have a baby. Apparently I wasn’t seeing the same lunch date that Kenya did because her “boyfriend” did not seem that into her.
We get the story of Kenya’s background, which is kind of sad. Her mother never wanted her and her grandmother raised her. Her mother was also mentally ill, and I have a feeling the whole apple/tree thing may be proven.
Kroy gives Kim and Sweetie lessons on how to use a fire extinguisher. I’m pretty sure my 8-year-old can do it.
If I weren’t recapping this episode, I would have already tuned out and turned on something else. I am so bored.
Nene and Cynthia take the subway. I can’t believe an entire plot line revolved around these two women taking the subway. Nene meets a bunch of acting students on the subway who recognize her from Glee. I’m really bad about recognizing celebrities. I once sat across from Rob Lowe at a restaurant in Beverly Hills, commented to me husband about how good-looking the guy behind him was and didn’t realize it was him for about 20 minutes. And for the record, he was even better looking in person than on the screen, something you wouldn’t think was possible.
Porsha’s charity event takes place with all the “A-List of Atlanta Society”. I have to agree with Krazy Kenya on this one, where all the celebrities? The biggest celebrity is Porsha’s husband… and he’s not even supposed to be there. It’s a women’s event.
Porsha announces that Kenya was Miss America. Kenya is pissed because she was Miss USA, not Miss America. Honestly, I have no idea what the difference is myself.
Kenya runs out on the charity event. Porsha comes out to find her. Awkward! Kenya tells Porsha she should have known which pageant she won and what year. I hate that I’m saying this, but Kenya has a point. I mean all she had to do was “google” it.
Kenya TTCs that Porsha has no identity of her own, and again, I think she’s got a point. Kenya was a little less crazy tonight.
This episode was a real snooze. The only good thing about it is that I will have no trouble falling asleep tonight. It was all I could do to keep my eyes open while I watched.
On the NEXT RHOA…