REAL HOUSEWIVES OF ATLANTA RECAP
Season Five, Episode Three…”Call Me Miss U.S.A.”
by Sandi Duffy
This episode opens with Nene and Greg getting pedicures. They argue about Greg wanting a key to Nene’s house…and heart. This is boring and is playing itself out.
Lawrence walks in and I like Lawrence. He’s over-the-top, but he seems like a decent person.
Phaedra and her hot-looking husband are at home. I know he’s an ex-con, but he is one good-looking man. I’m tired of the donkey-bootie talk from Phaedra. Her and Apollo are developing a video to help women get a donkey-bootie. Who the hell wants an ass like Phaedra? It’s huge. My butt is probably the only part of my body that has not grown as I hit my 40s and I’m thankful every day for that. Now, I wish I could say the same for my thighs…and mid-section…and pretty much everything else.
When did Kim hire Sweetie back? Kim is being a total bitch about the fact that she has to move. Her 5000 square foot townhouse is too small for her, Kroy, four kids and 2 dogs. Kim is ridiculous, and I have no use for her.
Yay! We have Krazy Kenya. Finally, I should have something interesting to write about. Kenya meets the other new housewive, Porsha. Porsha invites Kenya to some charity thingie her grandfather created. Kenya says she has her own charity, the Kenya Moore Foundation. So Kenya has a charity in her own name. Ooooookkkaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyy. Porsha grills Kenya about marriage and children. Porsha offers to hook Kenya up with a fertility doctor. That’s a bit presumptious for someone you just met. Kenya and Porsha discuss Nene, Phaedra, and Kandi as if they are Atlanta Society. We all know that they are as much Atlanta Society as Teresa Guidice, Melissa Gorga, and Caroline Manzo are New Jersey Society.
Porsha appears to give Cynthia competition in the “not the sharpest knife in the drawer” contest. Porsha is married to an ex-football player I never heard of.
Cynthia joins Nene in New York, while Nene is promoting her new show, The New Normal. The New Normal is an awful show. As I said in my last recap, it tries to be Modern Family, but fails miserably. Not even Ellen Barkin can save this mess.
Nene acts like she is too good for the subway. Nene used to be a stripper, yet the subway is beneath her? Puhleeeaaaasssse.
Kandi and her mom are packing up her old house to move into her new house. Why doesn’t Kandi hire people to do this for her like Kim doe?. Kandi definitely has more money than Kim. Of course, maybe that’s why…because Kandi doesn’t piss money away, so she can be a princess.
Kenya and Phaedra meet for drinks and you just know Phaedra is going to get all the crazy out of Kenya.
Kenya offers up her production company to film Phaedra’s “work-out” video. Kenya talks way too much about how she wants to get married and have a baby. Apparently I wasn’t seeing the same lunch date that Kenya did because her “boyfriend” did not seem that into her.
We get the story of Kenya’s background, which is kind of sad. Her mother never wanted her and her grandmother raised her. Her mother was also mentally ill, and I have a feeling the whole apple/tree thing may be proven.
Kroy gives Kim and Sweetie lessons on how to use a fire extinguisher. I’m pretty sure my 8-year-old can do it.
If I weren’t recapping this episode, I would have already tuned out and turned on something else. I am so bored.
Nene and Cynthia take the subway. I can’t believe an entire plot line revolved around these two women taking the subway. Nene meets a bunch of acting students on the subway who recognize her from Glee. I’m really bad about recognizing celebrities. I once sat across from Rob Lowe at a restaurant in Beverly Hills, commented to me husband about how good-looking the guy behind him was and didn’t realize it was him for about 20 minutes. And for the record, he was even better looking in person than on the screen, something you wouldn’t think was possible.
Porsha’s charity event takes place with all the “A-List of Atlanta Society”. I have to agree with Krazy Kenya on this one, where all the celebrities? The biggest celebrity is Porsha’s husband… and he’s not even supposed to be there. It’s a women’s event.
Porsha announces that Kenya was Miss America. Kenya is pissed because she was Miss USA, not Miss America. Honestly, I have no idea what the difference is myself.
Kenya runs out on the charity event. Porsha comes out to find her. Awkward! Kenya tells Porsha she should have known which pageant she won and what year. I hate that I’m saying this, but Kenya has a point. I mean all she had to do was “google” it.
Kenya TTCs that Porsha has no identity of her own, and again, I think she’s got a point. Kenya was a little less crazy tonight.
This episode was a real snooze. The only good thing about it is that I will have no trouble falling asleep tonight. It was all I could do to keep my eyes open while I watched.
On the NEXT RHOA…
Ok . I think Miss USA goes on to compete for Miss Universe. Miss America is a seperate company. I must say that Kim is a cranky pain in the a** while pregnant. She was much funnier during her Big Pappa days IMO.
I think you are right on the Miss USA thing pj. And I want to back hand Kim as she’s acting like a spoiled child.
Kim is totally vapid. Feel sorry for Kroy, but he can’t have much going on upstairs to have chosen her. Feel even sorrier for his poor mother.
NeNe was the only one who really would & now she won’t have anything to do with her. Hmmm….
Right? So sad.
Kim needs to get checked!
I also think Miss America has a talent portion… I think, I’m not too sure.
Miss USA is more on looks, right? Isn’t the Donald Trump pageant? I’m pretty sure that Miss America is actually way way more legit.
I was born in the South, so I can only go by what I have heard family members talking about when they did pageants.
Correction Sandi… Kandi’s aunt Sue and uncle Robert and cousin helped her pack not her mom Joyce.The show was a snooze fest.The storylines are boring.Phadrea doing a workout video and she is busting out at the seams in her skin tight clothes.Kim needs to go with same storyline as last season moving and pregnant.Gregg chasing NeNe when we all know they never really got divorced.Cynthia acting like she grew a set of balls this season when she was a doormat last season.
Yes, Kenya was Miss USA, not Miss America. Oh my goodness WE GET IT!! While of course Porsha should have researched this & she seems very silly & naive I thought she had the very best of intentions. Kenya was extremely rude talking about how much it stank like manure outside & how horribly she was disrespected. Get over it, Kenya and get over yourself too.. SECURITTYYY. Ugh!!!!! Prime example of beauty only being skin deep. She’s vile.
I don’t think she’s beautiful on the skin level either… blech! While she was looking for the Adam’s Apple during that fashion show (on one of the models) I was looking for hers (Kenya’s). She has moments of being beautiful, but any good tranny can pull that off
ITA. The Bailey/Jet girl search was an atrocity. All I heard was someone screaming “coochie crack”! Who says that in professional company? Tone down the sailor voice in professional company. I would expect Miss USA to be in the business of empowering other women, not tearing them down.
She looked gorgeous in her pageant video. I feel like, now, the makeup is way too heavy. These women go overboard on the makeup.
Professional Company!?
ITA, Chem Geek.
There was probably fresh mulch on the flower beds, which Kanye, oops, I meant Kenya, was standing next to, which definitely has a manure-type odor.
Why is lazy ass Sweetie back.All she does is walk around in full makeup and weaves.She is so trashy looking.Poor Kroy is there for the 150 BJ’s Kim owes him.Sick people.Face the fact downsize and be happy with your family and finding love.$$ is not everything but to Kim it is.
Kim is played out with her vulgar mouth and storyline.Let all your rented/leased furniture and cars go back and get normal like the rest of America.
Yes that Sweetie looks like a hot mess!!! I like her hair it covers the majority of her face, and it wouldn’t hurt if got a hat too!!
Sweetie is the low budget version of Malika, Khloe Kardashian’s sidekick.
Remember when they (Kim and Kroy) moved into the house and Kim made a big ceremony out of unpacking the VERSACE china? And I think she set the table with it, instead of putting it away in a china cabinet like a normal person. Reminded me of homes that are on the market to be sold, with the dining room tables decked out with dinnerware, cloth napkins, etc. (don’t even get me started on that–I find that incredibly tacky).
Okay this was a tired show…your recap was more interesting, thank you ! I googled Miss Who Cares and what a surprise she has a sextape, it is on youtube google it, (p.s. you’ll never get that 2 minutes back and the ending is well pass the eye bleach). I wanted to see if there was any news about her foundation and really could not find anything except that she founded it. Really boring show and was it really necessary to see Greg’s feet? they didn’t have any spare footage of Aidan playing?
Thanks for the heads up about Greg’s feet. I’ll be sure and FF through that part.
I think those were nene’s feet – they were pretty busted!
RHoA’s next spinoff should be: Finding Bigfoot! Starring Nene Leakes and KoKo Kelly. “I saw these feet and they were huge…!”
Well both women are amazons, you couldnt expect much less.
@Missha50 — True. All these amazons gotta have big feet.
Or, “Searching for Sasquatch”! Yuck. Any feet, ALL feet, gross me out.
Me too. I took a pilates class for awhile and was gagging the whole time at the sight of everyone’s bare feet.
I guess I really don’t have to watch it but I will. It does sound quite interesting even though it also sounds boring. If I get time tonight I will run through it fast. Thanks for the re-cap
No wonder Kenya was in the Miss USA pageant, instead of Miss America. Miss America requires a talent portion, unlike Miss USA. We all know, talent isn’t something she possesses.
And Kordell was actually a pretty successful player, with a good career. “Among NFL quarterbacks, his 38 rushing touchdowns ranks second all-time, behind Steve Young’s 43. The NFL Network named him #6 on its list of the 10 most versatile players in NFL history.”
And he was the starting QB for the best team in the league for a while too! How can you NOT know about him, SandI?!
Not my all time favorite QB, but he had heart and (as Moka Latte mentioned) had some success as well.
Well if you’re not into football, like me , then you won’t know who he is. lol
I’m Steeler obsessed Patti…. My comment to Sandi was tongue in cheek
I’m not really busting her (or anyone else’s) chops. I know most people wouldn’t recognize him unless they followed football. Hope you don’t think I was being a jerk! 
Never thought you were being a jerk, Stlrfan8. I actually do follow football ( not the Steelers, though, sorry folks), and now that folks have talked about him on here, I do remember the rumors.
Stlrfan: Finishing up a post re Kordell… he was VERY controversial while he played for the Steelers. Rumors floated around for a long time! Coming soon… TFC!! SH
Now THAT I can’t wait for! I couldn’t wait for them to get rid of him, but I had to be fair and acknowledge that he tried while he was QB. I just know your article is going to tell me that being standoffish about him was right!
I remember when ‘ol Kordell played for CU!
Am I the only one that LOL’d watching Kenya run down the driveway? That booty shaking was hilarious/hideous!
OMG, I noticed the same thing. Like Jello, jiggle, jiggle
I was thinking more like two basketballs being dribbled to the free throw line!
That’s one odd-shaped boot.
Question……does anyone know from the last five years who was crowned, Miss USA, Miss America?
I bet the answer is NO! Miss KenYuk, shut the heck up, if you are still using your crown from over 20 years ago, you’re saying you haven’t accomplished anything since? The only Miss USA I remember is Vanessa Williams, who became an actress and singer and back in that day we know why she was very famous. KenYuk get over yourself! As for Kim, she is acting very inmature and still don’t get it; with her so called money and Troy’s contract from the NFL, you’re moving back to your townhome? What ever?????
I know right!!! Have you ever heard Vanessa bring up that title? I haven’t, it’s maybe because she has accomplished so much since then!
could be because the organization took that title away from her after her nudie girl-on-girl penthouse spread came out
Yes.
Either way who walks around holding on for dear life of a title that was almost 20 years ago??? She needs to have a \_ (seat)!!!!
Vanessa L. Williams was MISS AMERICA
Yes, but I think the point was Miss America, Miss USA, who cares. Most people just don’t care.
The sence of entitlement that Kim shows (especially during the wedding show) sickens me! She and Tamera of the OC are my least favorite of the HW’s!!! Kim’s mouth is FOUL. She sure likes the “F”bomb!!! Phaedra’s been talking about her “DONKEY BOOTEY” for 2 years. Don’t know how you all feel about it, but Im sick of hearing about it! Did you see Kenya’s face @ the charity event when Porsha’s hubby came out and was complimenting his wife’s beauty —JEALOUSY— was all over her face, undeniable!!!
Porsha is really not bright. Yes dear, it is Eastern medicine. No dear, the Chinese calendar thing is not accurate. And it is a sash, not a satchel. It is really sad when you see the ancestors of great men turn out to be total wastes of space. At least she has a charity she works with, otherwise it would be sad.
I didn’t see Porsha do anything that would warrant this remark “It is really sad when you see the ancestors of great men turn out to be total wastes of space. At least she has a charity she works with, otherwise it would be sad.” Its not like she shamed her Nation by acting like a complete Ass on national TV with a title of Miss USA. Come on now…
Kel has a point in the fact that she is representing a very important charity and she doesnt seem to have a lot going on upstairs. She talks about her favorite thing to do is get together with her girlfriends who also dont work and have girls day, like shopping and going to lunch. Come on this women is riding off the coat tails of her grandfather and husband. I know if the charity is important to her she may want to represent herself and family a little better. Do I think it was a huge deal she got Kenya’s title wrong, no and Kenya should not have acted the way she did, but Porsha could have written a speach, did a little homeowrk and used note cards to help.
Yes, I don’t think her grandpa would be too proud of her scenes about being spoiled, not knowing how to clean, etc. And her usual day is having lunch? That’s it, all she does is eat lunch? When did being lazy and spoiled become a badge of honor in this country?
That seems to be a theme with most of these housewives they only see thier value wrapped up in thier husband or families money and very few of them I would consider housewives, since they have nannies, housekeepers, cooks and assistants. I think that is why Bethanny hit a cord with people, because she really did seem to be self made.
The most interesting thing about tonights episode is Sandi eating in the same resteraunt as Rob Lowe!
Wait, that was in the re-cap, guess there was nothing interesting about the episode. I am kind of excited about Rob Lowe though, back in my day he was a hot commodity. lol
Ya, I still think he is hot…. lol. Although he is gay, right? Or no? I know he used to collect antique dolls because my mom used to and she talked to him about some doll stuff once.
Porsha is really pretty. I love Kenya but she’s needs to stop taking herself so seriously, Miss U.S.A. or Miss America or Miss California Teen, people get them confused all the time. There’s a lot of girls that I know are like Porsha, so she doesn’t bother me.
Kenya and Kanya. LOL!
Vanessa Williams was the 1st black “Miss America”…then de-throned..yea, we all know that story which was a bunch of nonsense over a few pics. Donald Trump owns the Miss USA & Miss Universe pageants..He supplies the winners with a nice apartment in NYC for their year reign. Yea, back yrs ago, I used to always watch the pageants, both USA&Universe, but apparenty, I missed the 1 that Kendra won. I dont understand why Kendra ran out just because she was called Miss America…How many times has this already happened in the show so far anyway? She was looking 4 airtime, for sure. Now granted, Porsha is dingy as heck! Shes a big airhead bt I can actually look over that, however, I cant look over how RUDE Kendra is!! “Baaarrr Keeepp!” &then that dumb laugh-Phaedra was embarassed. Yea,K just has2play it up4 the cameras(not!)-I truly hope its all4show bt if not, her bf better run&run fast! Kim,who Ive always liked4some reason,is so obnoxious this season-Claiming shes homeless whn she has a 5000 townhouse! (cont)
Cont-Kim has a nice HUGE townhouse & is far from being homeless…and Oh Lord, she will have 2 lower herself to swim at the community pool! Saying SHE spent $40,000 for landscaping just 4 the wedding-I call BS! I believe Bravo paid 4 that. Im about 2 really dislike her…I just cant stand some1 wanting a pity party when they have more than a majority of the ppl watching the show-IMO. She sure doesnt remember where she came from! Not a humble bone in her body! She said she needs every inch of the 7000 square feet of that house..I believe I saw a few rooms that were just 4 show! Ill stop my rant now but shes really getting on my nerves..I believe I actually like Nene now & dislike Kim!! Wow!
So is this Porsha the new hw? Omg she is so dumb not just naive. If so, she has just lowered the iq of the entire franchise by 50 points or more. Truly embarrassing that she is Hosea Williams gdaughter. Mean ole Kenya was right when she said she needs to be more than the daughter of or the wife of. Probably some jealousy there but this Porsha is a walking embarrassment and she is too dumb to know it.
Is the sex tape of Kenya, the 1 with Mike Tyson (ugh!) or is it the 1 she supposedly (anonymously) released to get her name back out there? There is a reliable website from ATL tht says she had it released but who knows.
Kim is so ughhhh…Sit….Porscha a litte air headish….Kenya delusional much……Phaedra jack of all trade master at none…Kandi uncle is funny… Nene humble yo self chile…Cynthia needs her own identity…
I think Nene is making her identity her new found “stardom” and I think that attitude is going to come back to bite her. She better stop acting “above it” and get back to acting like that ghetto mess everyone wants her to be
agreed. nene is acting like she’s a queen that everyone’s in awe of. gross.
We cant have it both ways either NeNe gon be a hot ghetto mess or above the fray!!! Shrug
He still is Sd. Love rob Lowe. I agree, show was boooooooring! Sick of donkey booties all of them are sooo proud of them. I always liked nene, damn boring with stoopid Cynthia. Yeah, didn’t need to see gregs nasty feet. Kim is a useless mouth…..oh wait. Kenyak is kooky. Very bad show.
I think we’ve got a new contender for stoopidest housewife in Porsha.
Imma hold out it was her first ep…hmmmm lol
Gregg seems to be up NENE’S arse! IMHO — He wants NENE cuz she is on the Hollywood scene now & He wants to be a part of that lifestyle. Happens all the time!
Agree!
I’ve never been a fan of Nene! Her demeanor is just filled with jealously, she thinks she’s the only one that should be successful!! And this is just my opinion if you have louboutin’s throughout your closet you should own a home. There’s nothing wrong with renting but Nene needs to get it together and stop acting all Hollywood that new money got her stankin’ it’s obvious she isn’t used to much!
I used to be a fan-fool of NeNe. NOT anymore!
Have to agree with everything you typed!
Not a fan of Nene. She acted as if she was associating with the unwashed masses when she descended into the subway in NYC, as if she was a blue-blood from birth. Smart people take the subway there when there are traffic jams in the streets.
If I were Kenya I would prefer to be known as Miss America instead of Miss USA. At least 99% of Miss America contestants are college students who receive scholarship money and are required to have a charity platform in order to compete. Miss USA is a glorified bikini contest.
@Kiki — ITA. But consider the source.
Trivia: Dayanara Torres won Miss Universe in 1993, the year Kenya Moore competed as Miss USA. DT is who Marc Anthony was married to when Jennifer Lopez was fooling around with him.
Yes, and SHE’S a stunningly beautiful woman to this day (Dayanara Torres that is)
Great recap. Glad I didn’t waste my time watching it. Steeler fans know who “Slash” (Kordell Stewart) is. There was a rumor swirling before he got married that he shakes the tambourine. Not surprised he went and found a ditzy trophy wife. So Kenya’s mom is mentally ill? That explains a lot.
Sorry but Kenya and Nene are just too full of themselves. I kind of like Cynthia’s down to earth approach to things. Even though she was a model she keeps it real and wasn’t full of herself or acted like she was better than anyone. I have no idea why Nene thinks she is too good for the trains. Nothing wrong with the train. Funny thing is she rode the train for one stop.
I like Cynthia, too. I don’t think Nene thinks she’s too good for the train. I bet the reason was that she’s heard too many horror stories about crime on the subways and was hesitant for that reason. And I can’t blame her.
Kenya’s trying to be the next Marlo… and yet we see where that got Marlo – with the Bravo boot up her donkey booty. The only difference is that Bravo apparently gave THIS idiot (Kenya) a f/t Housewife role whereas Mugshot was only a ‘friend’. Doesn’t matter though…. Cindy Barshop only lasted one season.
It seems to me, Kenya stealing Bethenny’s life story. She desperately wants to get married and was talking to her bf about getting married last eposide and having a child (bethenny season 1 talking to Jason about moving in) and on this eposide she was talking about her mother being horrible to her. Next eposide we may find out she has a famouse father who hasn’t been in touch with her for many years
This may be news to some but some men in the black community love a big ole donkey booty… and for some women, their arse is their pride and joy, especially if you have a small waist.
I’m considered bless with booty…my skinny friends have been envious of my booty for years…now we are all in our mid 30′s and they are starting to get some booty….
There are so many women getting “ass shots” injections of some sort to get them a “donk” short for donkey booty. Nicki MInaj is the most famous offender of the ass shot.
I’m a curvy woman, (as you can see on twitter) so I have to eat well and work out. I do yoga, pilates, have a treadmil and work out with friends when possible. to try to keep myself fit at least. Its a lifestyle i chose years ago.
I understand that many men love a large behind, and that’s great, but the name “donkey booty” just sounds bad to me. I had never heard that until RHOA, and I can do without hearing it again. Not sure why a man would want to liken his woman to a farm animal. But you look great, Meadow.
lol….yeah im not that fond of the term….it is a lil strange..i’ve never heard a man use that term….lol
And Girl please….one more compliment and my ego will be the size of NeNe’s….lol…