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REAL HOUSEWIVES OF BEVERLY HILLS RECAP: Season Three, Episode Two… “The Higher the Heel, the Closer to God”

THE REAL HOUSEWIVES OF BEVERLY HILLS RECAP  

Season Three, Episode Two… “The Higher the Heel, the Closer to God”

by Sandi Duffy

Before I begin my recap of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, I want to let SH readers know that I loathe Trailer.  I will never say anything nice about her, even if she donates one of her kidneys to a small child in a third world country.  There is nothing this woman can do to make me say anything nice about her, so if anyone is a fan of Trailer’s, I am warning you now to stop reading immediately.

I would also like to add that it is completely irresponsible of Bravo and
the Richards’  family to allow Kim to film this season.

Now for my recap.

I realize Adrienne is getting the bitch edit this season, but Adrienne isn’t evil enough, or relevant enough, for me to muster up that kind of hate.  I will admit to having a bit of a crush on Dr. Paul, though.

Kyle is shopping for her daughter’s birthday party and Adrienne tags along.    The camera pans to a shot of the price tags and a dress for a little girl is $311.00.  Whatever!

Kyle and Adrienne discuss Lisa.  Adrienne says she will apologize if Lisa does.  I am not quite sure why Lisa needs to apologize, but I do believe Adrienne accused Lisa on national television of talking to the tabloids, which could have ruined Lisa’s business.

Ugh, Trailer is up next.  How does this bitch keep her house AND have a housekeeper?  Kyle, Mauricio, Portia, and one of Kyle’s other daughters shows up.   Why do I get the feeling Mauricio’s name is really Maurice and he just spiced it up for TV.  I have a friend who went to high school with Jill Hennessey’s husband “Paulo”.  He was “Paul” in high school.

Adrienne and Paul show up and Paul gets on Adrienne for barely putting anything on her plate.  Everyone comments on how much better Trailer looks since she put on some weight.  Paul, why don’t you offer to do something about those ridiculous lips?  I mean Lisa Rinna got hers fixed and she looks a thousand times better.

Trailer blah, blah, blahs about her mission in life, blah, blah, domestic violence, blah blah, she’s full of shit.

Basically the men are supposed to walk a mile in high heels for domestic violence.  Is there a charity for broke-ass grifters because that’s the charity Trailer needs to connect herself to.

Adrienne and Paul go shopping for high heels so he can compete in Trailer’s charity thingie.  Paul has a great sense of humor about it, and my crush is growing.

We see Yolanda with her daughter next.  Yolanda is beautiful and her daughter is even more beautiful, which I wouldn’t think could be possible if I weren’t seeing it for myself.  Yolanda kind of won my heart when she told Kim they would be water buddies at The SUR party.  It was one of the very few acts of kindness I’ve ever witnessed on any of these housewives shows.

Yolanda’s daughter is also a model.  I would never, ever want that life for my daughter.  I would never want a life for her where everything is based on her looks.

Trailer, Mauricio, Paul, and Adrienne are on a private plane heading to Sacramento for the race.  Trailer should never, ever pull her hair back off her forehead.  The woman is not very attractive to begin with and between her Klingon forehead and her duck lips, the women looks like a freak.

Back at Kyle’s there are people standing around making balloon animals. I could swear I’ve seen Kyle wear that same ugly green dress before.  I see she is still shopping at Forever 21.  It almost appears that Kyle has taken a page from the Trailer book of kids parties, by hiring “unicorns”.

Mauricio, Paul, Adrienne and Trailer arrive at the domestic violence walk and I am trying to figure out what reputable charity would tie themselves to a lying grifter.

Lisa arrives at Portia’s party with Ken.  Lisa is also wearing green, rather than her signature pink.  Portia is freakin’ adorable.  Lisa is all about the llama at the party and I feel like we could be BFFs.  I LOVE llamas.  I tried to convince my husband to get pet llamas when we bought our house.  He thought I was nuts.  For the record, you actually need two llamas because they are herd animals and get very lonely if there is only one of them.

Kyle wants to host a dinner to get Lisa and Adrienne together.  Lisa tells her not to get involved.  Methinks Kyle is not going to listen and get involved.

We are more than halfway through this episode and no Brandi sightings.  Brandi is the most dangerous housewife because she is completely unfiltered and if you are someone who has anything to hide, you are not going to like Ms. Brandi.  She won my heart when she told Trailer at the reunion it’s been a hot minute since her husband committed (was driven to) suicide and she wrote a book.  Other classic Brandi moments, calling Kim out on her addiction; outing Paul and Adrienne’s troubled marriage at the reunion; calmly admitting to slashing her cheating husband’s tires.

I spoke to soon.  Brandi now arrives at Portia’s birthday party.  Her only friend and ally is gone and she didn’t bring her kids because her d-bag husband won’t let her film with them.

Camille is back.  I kind of forgot about Camille.  This is a good opportunity for me to say that 1.) I think Camille was telling the truth in season 1 and Kyle really did ask her who cares about her without Kelsey (proof is that Kim witnessed the exchange and never once defended her sister; 2.) Camille was correct about the Beverly Hills pecking order.  Kelsey Grammar is way above Mauricio; 3.) I think Kyle totally set up Camille for the bitch edit that season.

Ugh, Dana is at Kyle’s party.  Why is Dana back?  No one wants to hear from Dana.  NO ONE LIKES DANA!

Kim shows up at the party and Kyle has to immediately get all up in her face about where her kids are.  I will say it again.  It is disgusting and irresponsible of Bravo and Kim’s family to allow her to film this show at this point in her recovery.

Brandi leaves the party after being ignored by everyone.  I’ve been in that situation.  I had a friend who lived in an “exclusive” area.  I attended all her kids’ birthday parties and would be introduced to the same people every time who all acted like it was the first time they ever met me.

So Kyle hires all these animals for the party and then acts all shocked that the animals pooped on her property.

Paul and Adrienne arrive after the race.

Trailer goes around telling everyone that Brandi told Yolanda she slept with every guy in Beverly Hills.  Brandi did NOT say that.  Brandi made a joke that it’s a small town and everyone has slept with everyone.

Paul brings up Lisa.  Adrienne says they need to talk.  I think Adrienne needs to apologize.

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129 comments on “REAL HOUSEWIVES OF BEVERLY HILLS RECAP: Season Three, Episode Two… “The Higher the Heel, the Closer to God”

  1. I wonder what Adrienne wants an apology for, even before the Villa Blanca party she was b*itc*hing about Lisa owing her an apology. For what? Because Lisa and her husaband are self made, not trust fund brats that “work hard”, that they have a 30 year old solid loving marriage, that Lisa has a personality or could it just be the fact that Lisa is older than her and looks beautiful without major enhancement. Also is it me or is Adrienne looking more like plastic surgery cat lady this season?

    And pathTraylorlogicical liar pretty much summed it up with her tagline this season: “I worked to hard to get to this zip code now to leave it”. Should have been “I worked to hard screwing people out of their hard earned cash to leave this zip code now”. When she calls herself the voice of DV I want to vomit.

  2. Adrienne apologised at the reunion!! How much more does she need to apologise? Adrienne getting the bitch edit is ludicrous… Lisa is being as much of a drama queen. They both need to let it go.

    • At the reunion show, it was OBVIOUSLY so scripted to have Adrienne attack Lisa the entire time. It was unlike her and not believable. She was relentless and without merit at that. It was DUMB. Adrienne offered a mild apology, but nothing can make up for her barrage of attacks towards Lisa that was so unexpected. But then again, Bravho needed something to plump up the script for this season, right?? Why not focus on the pseudo “fight” between Adrienne and Lisa (and take away the REAL goings-on re Adrienne’s divorce!).

      I didn’t watch this episode (I won’t, with SWINE on it), but I caught snippets online. LOVED the fact that Lisa left early and wasn’t interested in hashing anything out, much to Kyle’s sadness. Did you notice how many times Kyle mentioned how she wished that all of her friends would smooth everything over to make HER life easier? I read that as: “Give me something to work with this season–some drama and fake arguing scenes between the women!”. Lisa wanted no part. Adrienne played into it because it seems that she’s jumped the shark (into the middle-class wading pool) and is willing to whore herself out for more airtime, arguing with the women. Kim didn’t really want to listen or argue with SWINE about Brandi (good for Kim). SWINE had NO right to *repeat* a story she heard at the previous party about Brandi (that was out of context anyway). This was a child’s party (not even on her real bday, but that’s besides the point!!), and you have adults who are late, people leaving early, no-shows, potential arguements, alcohol and inappropriate talk/behaviour. Yeah, great parenting there, Kyle/Maurice!!!!!!!!!! Instead of walking away when SWINE was starting to drum up sympathy for the Brandi-hatred/disapproval, the host and hostess should have stopped it and said, “There’s none of that talk here at my CHILD’S party!” and they should have escorted the drunk moron out of there, asap! This show is soooooooooooooo moronic that it’s no longer entertaining, even in 3 minute snippets!! Be gone already!!!!!!!!!!!!

  3. I was scrolling up to move to the next topic and noticed the cast photo for the first time. Love the little block over SWINE’s face. Thanks for that!

  4. Portia is just about the cutest kid EVER.
    Kim looks like she is barely hanging on.
    Dr. Paul was so adorable trying on those shoes, and when he did that la-di-da walk in those pink feather mules even Adrienne was charmed.
    Loved how Lisa was so smitten with that llama, and walked it through Kyle’s house. That was a really funny moment that had me lauging out loud.
    Mrs. Armstrong’s hair needs a good scrubbing. Also, if she thinks that talking bad about Brandi is going to get people (the fans) on her side AGAINST Brandi, i would like to remind her of what that kind of schtick did for Caroline Manzo and Jacqueline Laurita when they went after Teresa.

  5. How can these women be in the same room with Shana, knowing what she is? Does Bravo make them be nice to her or are they just so stupid they actually believe the bile that comes from her mouth? I’m not watching the show, btw, just catching up with these recaps because I will not back down on my promise to not give Bravo my time as long as Shana is around.

  6. Has anyone noticed that Adrianne and Paul now look alike? Who is doing Adrianne’s hair, the extensions are atrocious and her hair looks very much oily. As for Traylor, having a housekeeper in LA is not expensive at all if you hire a cash only illegal, if they work M-Sat, its between 175-350 depending if they are live in or not. Now Camille, on the other hand, had four white nannies.

    Kyle is a producer on the show, she wants Kim to have a paycheck because she has no other income. Kyle needs to understand that everything is not about her and she needs to let her sister recover. THere is a medication given to alcoholics called Antabuse, it makes them have the worst bellyache, diarreah, fever, vomitting within in instants of taking just a sip of alcohol or even eating something with a wine reduction sauce or wine vinegar. She may be on that medication. I think if Kim needs a paycheck, they should have continued filming her aside from the HW’s showing her recovery, there are many women that are suffering from the same and it would have been interesting to watch.

    As for Brandi, that poor girl has no filter. I like her but she is becoming that stupid friend that says “just kidding” after every sentence. In her defense, she did not say I slept with everyone in Beverly Hills, She said this is Beverly Hills were everyone has slept with everyone, Yolanda, owes Brandi an apology for starting that one.

    • Yes, I’ve noticed about Adrienne and Paul. I think they’re starting to look alike due to two things in common — Middle Eastern heritage and nose jobs.

  7. Oh my, you got me at your comments about Trailer….I love it!! Trailer and constant comments about Brandi at this 4 year old’s birthday party were disgusting, but yet in her latest blog she claims that she doesn’t have time to waste on Brandi. Actions speak louder than words, but Trailer hasn’t learned that lesson.

  8. When you mentioned that you’d seen that green dress before on kyle it got me thinking….did she wear it before, it was floor lenght and she had it shortened?? I too remember that blousy top not being flattering.

    • I think she wore a dress that was the same color to Pandora’s bachelorette party but I don’t think the top was the same as the dress worn to Portia’s birthday party.

  9. Dear Sandi: Bravo! This is a great recap. I agree with your opinions on everything in this ep.
    Traylor-Park Trash was trashed at the party (& I think in the morning on the plane). The men were forced to do the charity by TPT (even though she was aware of Portia’s party). When she arrived at the party (sloshed), she told Camille that SHE was sweaty from doing the walk. Osmosis rules in her mind. I hate the sight and sound of her also (like you). Brandi only said what the majority of viewers were thinking, while TPT tried to go for the jugular when she previously ridiculed Brandi about slashing ex-hubby’s tires. I agree that Kim shouldn’t be filming but for another obvious reason: she doesn’t really care for her sister or the other women all that much.

  10. seriously – what the eff is trailor drinking? I have two glasses of champagne and BANG – I gain 3 lbs, this woman is guzzling back tons of booze and still maintains her crack-ho figure! Anyone else notice her shrieking about Brandi saying she slept with everyone in BH while there was a little boy right in front of her?

  11. It appears that Kim has gained a ton of weight. When she walked into Kyle’s party, you could see that her legs have gotten huge. Later, in a close-up, it appears that her midriff and face have also swelled. At the end of last season, Kim admitted to being an alcoholic, and now she claims to be in recovery. So how does a person gain weight when they give up drinking? It usually works the other way around (they gain weight from all the alcohol).

    Personally, I think that Kim was also addicted to some other drug (maybe cocaine or crystal meth), although she has never admitted it. I think that other drug caused her to lose weight, and now that she’s off that drug, she’s gained a lot weight. Unfortunately, RHOBH is her only source of income, so she has to be filmed on this show. But it’s tough to be in the public eye during this recovery period.

    • Maybe Kim is on an anti-depressant which can put on the poundage. To me, Kim still speaks in half sentences. She’s simply not all there, IMO. That said, if I have to pick my poison, I’d rather be stuck with Dim-Kim than screechy, shrill, buzz killer SWINE.

    • Actually, severe alcoholics are often thin and malnourished. Alcohol injures the liver’s ability to use B vitamins, for example. Also, alcohol often causes the stomach to secrete more acid, so alcohol abusers feel less appetite and eat less. Plus, alcohol is a big risk factor for various abdominal cancers, which in themselves cause one to lose weight.

  12. i don’t believe T and her abusing story for one second, cause every time she opens her month she is lying about something, why the hell do we have to believe her now? And what are the women suppose to learn from her or her story, to change ur name and go after rich man in most expensive places? I’m pissed that she is still on tv, cause media shouldn’t promod this kind of behavior, she should be publicly humiliated not promoted. I love Brandi for calling her on her BS. I hate that the other cast mates playing nice and don’t dare to say something. Brandi may not be perfect as non of us are, but I applause her for daring to confront T, and if T is telling the truth she shouldn’t get mad at B, she should just convince her that she is wrong but ofcourse she can’t do that cause she is lying like a pig so she get mad at B .

  13. OMG Camille… I really, really like her but I couldn’t listening what she was saying because her forehead was flashing 2 much botox.
    And Shana…. with the rumor about Brandi sleeping with all men in Beverly HIlls. . IT WAS A JOOOOOOKE, GET IT? I can’t wait to see next episode, seems like it will be the beginning of Shana’s Train Wreck.

    • Yep the train wreck is coming. Swine looked like an unhinged psychopath in that private plane. For one thing, she had the hair of a deviant and there was a moment when the camera panned to her that was downright chilling. It absolutely caught her for a second forgetting to imitate normal human behavior, then she noticed the camera and very quickly put the mask back up.

      • she did look completely unhinged. unkempt, disheveled, and sweaty by her own admission. It was offensive to me that they took a private jet. They should have stayed home and donated the money instead if it was truly about the charity. (Is ‘charity’ code for ‘stick it to em’??)

      • Dear Madepiley, I noticed that as well. Fish Lips tries very hard to appear normal, but can’t pull it off. She’s like a scourge — “Typhoid Mary” had fewer victims than SWINE.
        All the friction on BH is “Taylor-Made”.

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