REAL HOUSEWIVES OF BEVERLY HILLS RECAP: Season Three, Episode Two… “The Higher the Heel, the Closer to God”


Season Three, Episode Two… “The Higher the Heel, the Closer to God”

by Sandi Duffy

Before I begin my recap of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, I want to let SH readers know that I loathe Trailer.  I will never say anything nice about her, even if she donates one of her kidneys to a small child in a third world country.  There is nothing this woman can do to make me say anything nice about her, so if anyone is a fan of Trailer’s, I am warning you now to stop reading immediately.

I would also like to add that it is completely irresponsible of Bravo and
the Richards’  family to allow Kim to film this season.

Now for my recap.

I realize Adrienne is getting the bitch edit this season, but Adrienne isn’t evil enough, or relevant enough, for me to muster up that kind of hate.  I will admit to having a bit of a crush on Dr. Paul, though.

Kyle is shopping for her daughter’s birthday party and Adrienne tags along.    The camera pans to a shot of the price tags and a dress for a little girl is $311.00.  Whatever!

Kyle and Adrienne discuss Lisa.  Adrienne says she will apologize if Lisa does.  I am not quite sure why Lisa needs to apologize, but I do believe Adrienne accused Lisa on national television of talking to the tabloids, which could have ruined Lisa’s business.

Ugh, Trailer is up next.  How does this bitch keep her house AND have a housekeeper?  Kyle, Mauricio, Portia, and one of Kyle’s other daughters shows up.   Why do I get the feeling Mauricio’s name is really Maurice and he just spiced it up for TV.  I have a friend who went to high school with Jill Hennessey’s husband “Paulo”.  He was “Paul” in high school.

Adrienne and Paul show up and Paul gets on Adrienne for barely putting anything on her plate.  Everyone comments on how much better Trailer looks since she put on some weight.  Paul, why don’t you offer to do something about those ridiculous lips?  I mean Lisa Rinna got hers fixed and she looks a thousand times better.

Trailer blah, blah, blahs about her mission in life, blah, blah, domestic violence, blah blah, she’s full of shit.

Basically the men are supposed to walk a mile in high heels for domestic violence.  Is there a charity for broke-ass grifters because that’s the charity Trailer needs to connect herself to.

Adrienne and Paul go shopping for high heels so he can compete in Trailer’s charity thingie.  Paul has a great sense of humor about it, and my crush is growing.

We see Yolanda with her daughter next.  Yolanda is beautiful and her daughter is even more beautiful, which I wouldn’t think could be possible if I weren’t seeing it for myself.  Yolanda kind of won my heart when she told Kim they would be water buddies at The SUR party.  It was one of the very few acts of kindness I’ve ever witnessed on any of these housewives shows.

Yolanda’s daughter is also a model.  I would never, ever want that life for my daughter.  I would never want a life for her where everything is based on her looks.

Trailer, Mauricio, Paul, and Adrienne are on a private plane heading to Sacramento for the race.  Trailer should never, ever pull her hair back off her forehead.  The woman is not very attractive to begin with and between her Klingon forehead and her duck lips, the women looks like a freak.

Back at Kyle’s there are people standing around making balloon animals. I could swear I’ve seen Kyle wear that same ugly green dress before.  I see she is still shopping at Forever 21.  It almost appears that Kyle has taken a page from the Trailer book of kids parties, by hiring “unicorns”.

Mauricio, Paul, Adrienne and Trailer arrive at the domestic violence walk and I am trying to figure out what reputable charity would tie themselves to a lying grifter.

Lisa arrives at Portia’s party with Ken.  Lisa is also wearing green, rather than her signature pink.  Portia is freakin’ adorable.  Lisa is all about the llama at the party and I feel like we could be BFFs.  I LOVE llamas.  I tried to convince my husband to get pet llamas when we bought our house.  He thought I was nuts.  For the record, you actually need two llamas because they are herd animals and get very lonely if there is only one of them.

Kyle wants to host a dinner to get Lisa and Adrienne together.  Lisa tells her not to get involved.  Methinks Kyle is not going to listen and get involved.

We are more than halfway through this episode and no Brandi sightings.  Brandi is the most dangerous housewife because she is completely unfiltered and if you are someone who has anything to hide, you are not going to like Ms. Brandi.  She won my heart when she told Trailer at the reunion it’s been a hot minute since her husband committed (was driven to) suicide and she wrote a book.  Other classic Brandi moments, calling Kim out on her addiction; outing Paul and Adrienne’s troubled marriage at the reunion; calmly admitting to slashing her cheating husband’s tires.

I spoke to soon.  Brandi now arrives at Portia’s birthday party.  Her only friend and ally is gone and she didn’t bring her kids because her d-bag husband won’t let her film with them.

Camille is back.  I kind of forgot about Camille.  This is a good opportunity for me to say that 1.) I think Camille was telling the truth in season 1 and Kyle really did ask her who cares about her without Kelsey (proof is that Kim witnessed the exchange and never once defended her sister; 2.) Camille was correct about the Beverly Hills pecking order.  Kelsey Grammar is way above Mauricio; 3.) I think Kyle totally set up Camille for the bitch edit that season.

Ugh, Dana is at Kyle’s party.  Why is Dana back?  No one wants to hear from Dana.  NO ONE LIKES DANA!

Kim shows up at the party and Kyle has to immediately get all up in her face about where her kids are.  I will say it again.  It is disgusting and irresponsible of Bravo and Kim’s family to allow her to film this show at this point in her recovery.

Brandi leaves the party after being ignored by everyone.  I’ve been in that situation.  I had a friend who lived in an “exclusive” area.  I attended all her kids’ birthday parties and would be introduced to the same people every time who all acted like it was the first time they ever met me.

So Kyle hires all these animals for the party and then acts all shocked that the animals pooped on her property.

Paul and Adrienne arrive after the race.

Trailer goes around telling everyone that Brandi told Yolanda she slept with every guy in Beverly Hills.  Brandi did NOT say that.  Brandi made a joke that it’s a small town and everyone has slept with everyone.

Paul brings up Lisa.  Adrienne says they need to talk.  I think Adrienne needs to apologize.