July 10, 2012 5:00 pm… This RECAP was lost… until November 4, 2012!!
In celebration of the Real Housewives of Atlanta taking over Sunday nights from the seemingly never-ending Real Housewives of New Jersey… a photo recap and a final good-bye… for now… to the RHONJ!
Tree: “Our kid has been shown flashcards of Melissa with no makeup on and she goes into earthquake-like spasms… the doctor suggests at least another six months of intensive therapy. Wot are we gonna do, Joe? Joe? Huh, Joe??”
“Tree! Do not bother me wit all dat psycho bullsh*t! Ya just tell dat doctor to stop wit da flash cards! Now go git dat kid outta wherever she is… and git her back here. ‘Cause if I haveta pick her up, doz flashcards will be stuffed where dat doctor won’t like…”
“I never wear makeup… I’m a natural beauty, all natural! My fambly tells me dat every day… before I give them their $647-a-day allowance and I make dem der bacon, eggs, homemade Eyetalian bread, ham and freshly-made-in-my-own-kitchen Eyetalian sausage for breakfast…”
“Shuddup Joe! If Bravo is gonna pay for a makeup guy, I’m gonna get my makeup on to open da front door! Anywayz, ya never know who could be at da front door… maybe even onea doz SoulDiggaz could be at da door, ready to shoot me to stardom!”
“On Display is MY song! I wrote it and I’m singin’ it… and
I bought I’m gonna be auto-tuning singin’ three more songs for the show! If I couldn’t sing, I wouldn’t have a story line be able to breathe!”
“Why would we have to BUY songs, when my wife is totally natural? She has natural beauty and she’s a natural singer; she’s all natural… and she WROTE all her own songs. She’s another LindaThompson… a natural ‘lyricist’!!”
Kathy: “UH… Jax. Are you there, Jax??” Jax: “OH! I was just thinkin’ how I’m gonna put all this in a 140 character tweet! Wasn’t LindaThompson married to DavidFoster and he gave her writing credit on a couple of songs so she would have that money rollin’ in for life? Didn’t LindaThompson just change some words around in a song for “TheBodyguard” and, ’cause she did that, she calls herself a world-renowned lyricist?”
“I can only communicate with people using twitter, Kath. So, If I’m writing tweets all day, don’t that make me a tweetacist? OR… if I SING my tweets does that make me a socialistic lyricist? ‘Cause I’d give up tryin’ to sell all that acne cream crap if I could make money from singin’ my tweets…”
“Hey, MOM!! Look wot I just dragged in to your house… it’s my phony baloney girlfriend dat I just met last night! And we’re here to feast on yer every-Sunday-big-blow-out Eye-talian Sunday Dinner dat you make EVERY Sunday!”
“But, I’m NOT gay!! Some chick named ‘Cat’ told me to go along with all this and it would be a BIG boost to my acting career… and that some Andy guy would have me on his clubhouse talk show. Don’t mean to be rude, but these plates are very dusty…”
“MissAndy likes Gia better? My Precious … I mean my LapbandLauren has
banded dieted herself down to a sample size, so there better be a ModelChallenge… a rigged one in da Clubhouse, just like dat MeatballChallenge was rigged on RachaelRay! Da Manzoids will crush Gia… at least in the WWHL poll. FEBUS!!!”
“OH! That was so ingenious of you to celebrate Lapband’s weight loss with a CAKE! I woulda done the same thing, but I’m tryin’ to change my image from SexyStripperPoleVegasChick to MotherlyAutismExpert… lotsa people are fallin’ for it!!”
As TinaFey said… these New Jersey people are sub-human!