REAL HOUSEWIVES OF NEW JERSEY RECAP
Season Four, Episode 24… “Lost Footage”
by Sandi Duffy
I can’t believe there is yet ANOTHER episode of this shitstorm. The Real Housewives of New Jersey is like herpes–it won’t friggin’ go away.
So this is the “Lost Footage” episode. Bravo really knows how to drag things out.
First, we get to see more of the reunion where Andy AGAIN calls out Joe for his derogatory use of the word gay. In the interest of full disclosure, I am a full-on gay activist. I have to say, though, however wrong Joe Guidice’s use of gay and homo is, I do not think, for one instant, Joe Guidice is homophobic or anti-gay. I think he is uneducated and ignorant, but those are much more forgivable traits than homophobic, and Andy really has to stop trying to portray him that way.
The next lost footage is a tank pull for charity. This is completely stupid. Teresa and Joe show up with a bunch of juiceheads and it’s pretty funny. Caroline is all critical about it. STFU, Caroline and go buy yourself a sense of humor. Caroline goes and recruits some army guys to try to beat Teresa. We are really supposed to believe that these guys were just hanging around and happened to be recruited by Caroline–and I just fell off the turnip truck yesterday.
Remember Field Day? DonCaro was all FEBUS… the same as the tank pull…
Everyone is all critical that Teresa is so competitive. I don’t know when that became a bad trait? Caroline’s army team wins. Teresa is yelling it’s not fair. Um…Teresa, you brought a bunch of juiceheads.
We get a montage of the kids acting like kids and the adults acting like kids. You know, I forgot that at one time I actually liked Rosie…you know before she became Andy’s gay pet project.
Milania is hilarious. Jacqueline had the nerve to criticize Milania and Teresa, saying Milania acts out when she craves attention. Yeah, Jacqueline, my kids do that, too. All kids do. Jacqueline is the last person who should criticize anyone’s parenting.
Teresa goes into a Manhattan book store and sees her book is no where to be found, so in a completely unscripted scene she harasses the 12-year-old working the cash register. She also pronounces her own last name wrong.
We are back to the In Touch magazine apology. Jacqueline TTC’s a blown up text message she sent to Teresa. Jacqueline is nuts. And she looks like the Bride of Frankenstein when the TTCs. Jacqueline acts like an 8-year-old. Teresa calls out Caroline and Lauren for encouraging 24-year-olds to get a lapband and I’m cracking up.
Jacqueline and Chris act like they met in Chicago when they go to Jamie’s wedding. We all know Chris met her at a strip club in Vegas, so they really need to stop this charade. It’s just plain embarrassing.
Jacqueline and Chris decide to get a real wedding picture in regular wedding clothes because they got married in a non-ceremony, probably because Chris’ family hated her and the fact that she was a Vegas stripper with a child and broke up him and his fiance.
We see more of Joe Guidice getting the asshole edit as they show him in bed on Father’s Day, while his family is up and making cards and breakfast for him. Bravo loves to portray Joe Guidice in bed sleeping.
Kathy drags everyone to the beach to remember all their dads on Father’s Day. I visit my father’s grave on Father’s Day; I don’t go to the beach.
Teresa gives Joe a new wedding band for Father’s Day. Joe doesn’t wear a band. My husband didn’t wear a band either. It never bothered me. My husband was NEVER going to cheat. As he liked to inform me, trying to please one woman was hard enough, why the hell would he want a second one. I don’t think that was a compliment.
I swear the diarrhea commercial I’m watching right now is more interesting than this “Lost Footage” episode.
Kim D. calls Joe Gorga “Josephine” and that’s hilarious. Then she takes shots at his diminutive size. I take everything back I ever said about Kim D. I am now officially her biggest fan.
We are back to the Napa trip. The ladies have a cook-off. I can’t believe everyone criticizes Teresa for being competitive. Like the rest of them aren’t. Ok, well Lauren isn’t. She’s just lazy. And Caroline comes across as the most competitive of all. I do have to admit, these beotches can cook. Everything looks really good. I’m hungry now. What I don’t understand is why the men are standing around doing nothing. My husband was always my sous chef. He was also a master on the grill. Not so much in the actual kitchen, though.
They find two poor bastards in the RV park to taste everything and judge the food. Teresa wins and Caroline is pppppppppppppissssssssssssssseeeeeeedddddddddddd. She lost again to Teresa.
Dina gets dragged back into the drama, despite the fact that she left the show two seasons ago. This show loves to resurrect old housewives (Dina and Danielle). Jill, Kelly, and Alex were not mentioned once during New York (I don’t even mention Cindy, she never counted).
Caroline is all pissed that Teresa went to her good friend Dina’s house after her and Jacqueline ambushed Teresa. Caroline and Jacqueline still blame Teresa for Dina not speaking to them. I am so sick of this. I don’t believe for one instant that it’s Teresa’s fault Dina isn’t speaking to them.
Is it now FINALLY REALLY over?