REAL HOUSEWIVES OF NEW YORK RECAP
Season Five, Episode Twenty… Reunion Part II
by Sandi Duffy
Last week on the RHONY reunion Luann got all insulted that Carole told her she wasn’t A-list enough to wear her friend’s gowns. I’ve got a newsflash for Luann, not only is she not A-list, but she’s AA-list. That means she went through the entire alphabet and now are starting all over.
We begin part 2 with Luann and Tomas. I have never seen anyone so excited that she f-ed someone who looks like a celebrity. My late husband looked like Cal Ripken Jr, but I assure you, I never went around bragging that I was f-ing someone who looked like Cal Ripken Jr.
Bravo invited Jacques on the show and he declined. Maybe he isn’t such an idiot. Luann claims Tomas just gave her a ride home. He gave her a ride, alright. She is still going with she was hanging around with her “Italian friends”. Why the cover up on the phone, Luann? Why were you speaking in French on the phone? If you didn’t f– Tomas, why were you speaking French on the phone? Andy calls Luann out on speaking crappy French. Hahahahahaha. Andy also confronts her with the “I never change” line.
Andy then asks Ramona to comment on Luann’s partying ways. Luann alleges that Ramona didn’t behave like a married woman in St. Barth’s. Luann is a big ol’ slut and we all know it.
Luann accuses Carole of judging her. Luann hates Carole because Carole is a princess and very secure in who she is. This is the Carole I wish we had scene during the season instead of waiting until the reunion. I’m all for anyone taking on Luann, except maybe Aviva. I would even take Charles Manson’s side over Aviva and her leg.
Andy actually asks Sonja if she took it in the rear from Tomas. Sonja never really answers the question. Sonja is divorced and not in a relationship, so she can do whatever and whomever she wants.
One viewer calls Aviva out on her hypocrisy–criticizing Sonja for bringing men home, yet her father is scum who sleeps with women younger than his daughter. Aviva claims she didn’t understand the idea of a girls trip. Aviva is full of it. Aviva is a killjoy.
Andy wants to know if Ramona and Sonja swim in the lady pond. STFU, Andy! You know they don’t. He’s so desperate for a gay storyline on each Housewife show.
Gross, they are doing a George montage. My skin is literally crawling from this disgusting old perv. I can’t believe these women laugh him off.
The viewers hit Aviva with some good questions about her father. Sonja is insulted that Aviva was willing to set Sonja up with her father, but wouldn’t set him up with Carole.
I am grossed out by all the George conversation, but am glad Aviva is being called out on her two sets of rules.
Oh crap, we are now discussing the stupid toaster oven again and I think Andy Cohen is reading my recaps because he calls it Toastergate. We’re only half way through part 2 and I am officially bored. This reunion should have only been one episode.
Oh, holy hell, Heather and Sonja are back to arguing about this crap. Sonja even brought sample logos. THE VIEWERS DON’T CARE ABOUT THIS! I SPEAK FOR ALL THE VIEWERS! I’m not listening anymore.
If I ever do reality a TV show, I can tell you right now, I’m coming out with my own slow cooker and recipes. I love my slow cookers. I had a Superbowl party where I made everything in six slow cookers. I tossed all the ingredients in the cookers in the morning and by the time guests arrived everything was done.
We get a montage of Sonja falling apart. Aviva comparing her to Ann Nicole Smith was uncalled for. I know people disagree with me, but I feel badly for her. She was married to one of the richest men in the world. I don’t care what her pre-nup or original settlement was for, he can come up with more. Seven million to this guy is like a hundred bucks to the rest of us mere mortals. The way Sonja talks about her ex makes me feel even worse for her. She seems to still really care about him.
Aviva tries to back paddle on the way she treated Sonja. Sonja wants Jacques and Luann to get married so much. Newsflash, Sonja, Luann will never re-marry because she’ll lose her Countess title, and we all know how much she loves being The Countess.
I’d like to marry an English Lord because then no one can tell me I’m not a Lady.
Sonja makes me even sadder when she talks about her dog dying.
This reunion show is soooooooooo boring. Right now I’m missing Alex telling Cindy she needs to get laid and then hyperventilating, that’s how bored I am right now. I wonder if Couples Therapy is on now. What is up with that train wreck?
OMG, I’m so bored, I’m doing Jacqueline Laurita non-sequiturs.
We do a Ramona/Aviva montage. Didn’t we go over this in part 1. I need to go back and look at that recap, but I’m pretty sure we already went over this.
I still can’t believe that she told Ramona her father shouldn’t have been thrown out of the party because he didn’t rape anyone.
I think Aviva had her lips done by the same butcher who did Carole’s lips.
I am LMAO when Ramona tells Aviva her father f–s 20-year-olds, so he doesn’t act like an 80-year-old. Ramona calls out the “thousands” Aviva gave to the charity and it was only $500. Aviva thinks if she or her father don’t raise their voices, they are not being cruel. She’s an idiot. Even Andy can’t figure out what Aviva expects Ramona to apologize for.
Aviva then discusses how her mother died from alcoholism and she’s very sensitive to drinking. Aviva needs a psychiatrist desperately. Her mother was a drunk; her father is a perv; she doesn’t have a leg; she’s afraid of everything. TAKE A XANAX!
Ramona goes after Andy for picking on her about drinking. She tells him he can pick on her for having a big mouth, but she doesn’t drink anymore than anyone else. Go Ramona! I’m all for anyone calling out Andy. Where is Teresa Guidice to ask him if she’s speaking Chinese?
Sonja talks about her interns. I need some interns. I could use people working for me for free. We find out that Carole dated George Clooney. I still don’t see that, but I admit I’m jealous.
Andy asks who changed the most and Sonja says Heather got more attractive. I think she honestly meant it as a compliment, but it’s a little backhanded.
Aviva tells the story of how SHE decided to cancel her first wedding in Jamaica. I’m pretty sure that HE is the one who took off on her.
Ramona is so batshit crazy, she gets up to leave while Andy is still asking questions and the cameras are on. I am laughing so hard, I can barely type.
What would we do without Ramona and her antics?