REAL HOUSEWIVES OF NEW YORK RECAP
Season Five, Episode Nineteen… Reunion Part I
by Sandi Duffy
Here we are at the RHONY Reunion Show. It feels like this season flew by, unlike their NJ counterpart, which was endless.
Before I start, I want to make myself perfectly clear. I can’t stand Aviva and her leg. There is nothing this woman can do to make me like her. She is not going to be able to pull a Camille Grammar and redeem herself. I am Team Anti-Aviva, which, by default makes me Team Ramona. This makes me dislike Aviva even more because no one should be Team Ramona.
Here is my breakdown of the women: Ramona–a loose cannon who makes everything about her; Luann–a Countless snob; Sonja–no longer relevant in NY Society and it’s killing her inside; Carole–she reminds me of the rich fraternity boys and sorority girls in college who used to wear tie-dye and follow The Grateful Dead during Spring Break–total poser; Heather–Heather grew on me. I like her and her husband is really cute (but not as cute as Paul Nassif); Aviva–batshit crazy, phony, hypocritical beotch.
Now that I got that off my chest, let the games begin. I have to say that the NY women dress much better than the NJ ladies.
First we shockingly (this is sarcasm, people) discover that Aviva and Ramona haven’t spoken since they filmed the last episode.
Andy claims that Heather’s “Holla” was controversial. Really? Teresa and Joe Guidice throw around the “C” word on RHONJ; Aviva’s pervy father discussed squirting orgasms; and “Holla” is controversial?
Andy asked Carole why she did the show and she would have totally redeemed herself in my eyes if she had said, “To sell my new book, Andy.” Alas, this never happened.
We get a montage of Luann attempting to one-up Carole over the season. It’s pretty funny because Luann is painfully insecure and it really shows when Luann is around Carole. Luann has the nerve to claim Carole is jealous that she got earrings from Carole’s friend. Luann is freakin’ delusional. I know there’s been a problem in the past where Luann was trying to get clothes from the designers the other women wear. I think it was with Ramona. Luann, you can wear any of my Walmart clothes anytime you want.
Sidenote: Carole’s had too much restylane injected into her lips.
Heather goes after Luann and tells her that if she doesn’t hear what she wants to hear, you can’t talk to her. Oooo…..I thought this was going to be Aviva vs. Ramona and Heather and Carole were going to get seasick trying to play both sides, but it’s Heather and Carole vs. Luann and I’m loving it. Luann needs to be called out on her BS, and not by Ramona this time. As a matter of fact, I don’t think Ramona has said two words.
Luann is pissed that Heather isn’t defending her. Andy asks why Carole only talked about Luann to the camera. Because Carole is snide and pretends she’s just being funny, that’s why. Then Aviva speaks and kisses Carole’s ass and I’m not listening. Andy then asks why Carole doesn’t user her Princess title and Carole explains that this is America and no one cares about titles–are you listening Countess Luann?
Andy gets to how everyone has done Harry. Luann and Sonja call out Aviva for always talking about Harry and going to the papers saying he is a deadbeat dad. Aviva denies this, but I don’t think the NY Post is the Enquirer–they are not publishing stuff Aviva isn’t saying.
Aviva accuses Sonja of not being a “girl’s girl” and taking Harry’s side. Um, Aviva, Sonja was friends with Harry before she ever met you and you called her white trash. Whose side did you think she would take? I don’t know Harry, and maybe I’m going out on a limb here, but I’m guessing he never called Sonja white trash.
Next we get a montage of Aviva’s leg and her phobias. Aviva’s whole identity is her phobias and if she lost them, she wouldn’t know who she was anymore.
Oh have mercy, we get to hear the leg story again. Stop already! I’ve heard the story a thousand times. I’ve heard it so many times, I don’t care anymore. It was a horrid, tragic accident, but Aviva has talked about it so many friggin’ times, I have no empathy. And seriously, Aviva, why don’t you go talk to all our veterans who are coming back from Iraq and Afghanistan missing limbs? I’m pretty sure they don’t have a high heeled leg, a swimming leg, a take a crap leg.
A montage of Ramona vs. Heather is shown. Everyone is over this. I have to hand it to Heather, she says what she needs to say to a person’s face and not behind their backs. Heather handles herself well and I ended the season a Heather fan. Now she needs to do the smart thing and not come back for another season. Heather needs to pull a George Constanza and leave on a high note.
Poor Ramona is having a hot flash on the couch and freezing the other girls out of the studio. It’s hilarious.
I am interrupting this recap to give you the order in which I like the ladies dresses ( and I really like them all).
1.) and this is killing me, Aviva;
2.) tie between Ramona and Carole, although Carole’s is more my style;
5.) Sonja–it’s a little too short, that’s why I ranked it last.
FINALLY–we get to St. Barths. Ramona yelling, “Take a xanax!” is hilarious.
Aviva requesting a banner is even more hilarious.
Aviva apologizes to Ramona and Sonja. Aviva is fooling no one. She is only apologizing because the blogs went crazy bashing her.
Heather says that Luann stirred the pot when she told Aviva that Ramona during that conversation about asking Reed to leave and it was just playful banter. HOLLA!
I really think Ramona should accept Aviva’s apology and buy her a really expensive gift. Because of Aviva, everyone now likes Ramona. Aviva is the best thing that could have happened to Ramona. Kind of like Kenye West was the best thing that happened to Taylor Swift because let’s be honest here ,people—her songs suck.
Reed gets called out on calling the women overweight. BRING REID OUT! Let’s burn the bastard at the stake!
The reunion ends with Ramona telling Aviva she needs a new therapist and me laughing my ass off.
Preview RHONY Reunion Part II…