No, Andy… it was ME who told you that Caroline had two face transplants. Leave poor Jax outta any drama… I’ll take the blame for her. She has too much to deal with now…. and I wanna play da victim here.
Jax lies, Andy. Jax told me that she had FOUR… no, FIVE whole body lifts. Oh, DAMMIT… I can’t count wit my fingers dat good. I’m gettin’ all mixed up wit my Eye-talian/English languages. How many is dis in English, Andy?
I’m sorry Andy. But, dat wasn’t what Jax was to say. Me and Jax went over doz lines for weeks. Well, minus her tweeting time, we really went over her lines two minutes before starting dis reunion show.
Pssssst… LapBand…I mean “Lauren.” What the hell are you doing here? You’re making us sound like sub-human morons. Shut the f up already… I’m givin’ youz two seconds to SHUT THE F UP… or
my your CatfaceSaloon will have the locks changed.
But, MOM! That’s what you told me to say! You wanted me to keep mentioning your advice book, ’cause you said that there were no pre-orders on Amazon… even Amazon said dat nobody wants you to tell them somethin’!
Melissa: Dis is MY reunion show, Tree… not YOURS. KomaKathy: Yeah… you tell her Melissa! I’m yer wingman… all you gotz ta do is tell me when to step in to yell at Tree, and I’m right there. Can I start to yell at her now?
We aren’t too sure if Koma… I mean Kathy will be back. Koma… I mean KATHY… even bores the hell outta me! But, DonCaro and your puppet… I mean BubbaJax… I mean Jacqueline… don’t have to worry about saying anything you want… ’cause this is your last reunion show. We put a muzzle on that producer, so go ahead and pop off!
Well, I gotz LOTS to say about HER. SHE caused every single one of my problems… and every problem I have wit my hubbend. And wit Asslee… and wit my two other kids. And wit my dentist…. and wit any future problems which may occur… and she caused us to use private planes for “bizness” reasons!
You HAVE to remember that day, Bubba… sorry, but BUBBA is just fits you better! That was the day that you sent out 8,382 tweets and your fingers were so swollen that you couldn’t turn the pages on those books… the books that you were “studying.” Well, you were tweeting that you were “studying” them. Now do you remember?
We over on dis sofa are fambly. We are as tick as teeves… well, except for this one who scratches in the ChristmasTree dress. So, let me tell YOU something, MissMelissa… I TELL Jacqueline what to tweet! I’M da tweeter! AND… all us Manzoids tweet for her! If youz gotz somethin’ to say about her tweetin’… youz gonna haveta go through ME… and den da rest of all da Manzoids…
UnseenUnmuzzledBravoProducerOffscreen: CUT!! CUT!!! Bubba’s tweets are PROTECTED! NOBODY says nuthin’ about Bubba’s tweets! NOBODY! Bubba’s tweets are UNTOUCHABLE! I’ll CUT THE TONGUE OUTTA the next person who sayz anything about Bubba’s tweets!! OK… continue wit da reunion…