You look ‘different,’ Jax… what happened to your face?
I can tell you, Andy. Jax has had NINE… no, ELEVEN… face transplants.
That’s how dumb you are, Teresa-Honey… I’ve only had TWO face transplants! See… I’m holding up TWO fingers…
So, you’ve been lying to me, Jax? You told me that CAROLINE had two face transplants… not you.
No, Andy… it was ME who told you that Caroline had two face transplants. Leave poor Jax outta any drama… I’ll take the blame for her. She has too much to deal with now…. and I wanna play da victim here.
Jax lies, Andy. Jax told me that she had FOUR… no, FIVE whole body lifts. Oh, DAMMIT… I can’t count wit my fingers dat good. I’m gettin’ all mixed up wit my Eye-talian/English languages. How many is dis in English, Andy?
OMG!! Teresa is dimmer than me.
No, Jax… what you MEANT to say was, “Teresa is DUMBER than me.”
We can’t help it, Andy! We have to laugh… it’s just waaaay to funny!
Here’s some Kleenex for both of youz. Can we get on with this train wreck of a goat rodeo?
I’m sorry Andy. But, dat wasn’t what Jax was to say. Me and Jax went over doz lines for weeks. Well, minus her tweeting time, we really went over her lines two minutes before starting dis reunion show.
Yeah, Andy… let me tell YOU something…. let ME tell you something… let me TELL you something…
Pssssst… LapBand…I mean “Lauren.” What the hell are you doing here? You’re making us sound like sub-human morons. Shut the f up already… I’m givin’ youz two seconds to SHUT THE F UP… or my your CatfaceSaloon will have the locks changed.
But, MOM! That’s what you told me to say! You wanted me to keep mentioning your advice book, ’cause you said that there were no pre-orders on Amazon… even Amazon said dat nobody wants you to tell them somethin’!
(Written by Kevin Dickson)
See! I told you dat da Don ain’t never gonna git her book on da NYTimes Bestsellers list like MY books. She’s makin’ her own daughter plug her book on OUR reunion show!
Melissa: Dis is MY reunion show, Tree… not YOURS. KomaKathy: Yeah… you tell her Melissa! I’m yer wingman… all you gotz ta do is tell me when to step in to yell at Tree, and I’m right there. Can I start to yell at her now?
Andy: OK… CUT! CUT! Stop the filming! You just broke your contract, Koma…. uh, I mean KATHY. You can’t blab the REAL reason we hired you. What the hell is wrong with you?
UnseenBravoProducerBellowing: Which one a those broads broke their contract? Who was it? You better tell me… I’m gonna rip their damn TONGUE OUT! That Bravo contract is UNTOUCHABLE!
We aren’t too sure if Koma… I mean Kathy will be back. Koma… I mean KATHY… even bores the hell outta me! But, DonCaro and your puppet… I mean BubbaJax… I mean Jacqueline… don’t have to worry about saying anything you want… ’cause this is your last reunion show. We put a muzzle on that producer, so go ahead and pop off!
Well, I gotz LOTS to say about HER. SHE caused every single one of my problems… and every problem I have wit my hubbend. And wit Asslee… and wit my two other kids. And wit my dentist…. and wit any future problems which may occur… and she caused us to use private planes for “bizness” reasons!
Hey, Bubba… I mean Jacqueline….put the guns down. ME, MISSANDY We at Bravo are anti-everything, except being gay.
SHE did it, Andy! SHE told me dat da gun fingers were made by your gay friend, Lance Bass, and dat I could pretend to be shooting her. SHE told me that you allowed the gun fingers, MissAndy!
Hey… BubbaJax… over here. OVER HERE! It’s me, Kathy… You have to make the gun look gay… like this… or Andy won’t approve it.
Yeah… Bubba… OOOPS! I meant Jacqueline… Koma… OOOPS! I meant KATHY… is right about the correct gun fingers. You said that you were too sick to go to that meeting about the correct finger usage…
What??? What day? I’m my own person… I would remember if I was sick…
You HAVE to remember that day, Bubba… sorry, but BUBBA is just fits you better! That was the day that you sent out 8,382 tweets and your fingers were so swollen that you couldn’t turn the pages on those books… the books that you were “studying.” Well, you were tweeting that you were “studying” them. Now do you remember?
We over on dis sofa are fambly. We are as tick as teeves… well, except for this one who scratches in the ChristmasTree dress. So, let me tell YOU something, MissMelissa… I TELL Jacqueline what to tweet! I’M da tweeter! AND… all us Manzoids tweet for her! If youz gotz somethin’ to say about her tweetin’… youz gonna haveta go through ME… and den da rest of all da Manzoids…
UnseenUnmuzzledBravoProducerOffscreen: CUT!! CUT!!! Bubba’s tweets are PROTECTED! NOBODY says nuthin’ about Bubba’s tweets! NOBODY! Bubba’s tweets are UNTOUCHABLE! I’ll CUT THE TONGUE OUTTA the next person who sayz anything about Bubba’s tweets!! OK… continue wit da reunion…
Lapband’s hair looked so greasy.
She looks pregnant. That was very funny, Ms.Sh.!
I think she put in too much serum, trying to make it shiny but instead came out greasy.
It happens to me sometimes, but I do not own my own salon or have a cosmetology license!
I don’t remember Lauren going to Beauty School. Just her Mother telling her to go. Can someone help with this question?
I think she took requisite minimum course work to sit for the state cosmetology licensure exam.
They did show her going to school to become a make up artist. I can’t remember the name of the school but it was in NYC.
LOL! “Kathy… You have to make the gun look gay… like this… or Andy won’t approve it.”
Paula,
That’s when I lost it… The whole post was hysterical… I will enjoy the comments tonight I won’t be watching… MsSH is so much more entertaining …
This whole post is awesome.
didn’t ANY of those women, apart from Teresa, try on those dresses, or see how they’d look in them sitting down, before the day of the reunion?
I know, right? I actually think Melissa looks okay too, but Chuck, Jac and Katfiish look like sh*t…eerrrrr..I mean 8 lbs sausages in 5 lbs bags!
Teresa and Melissa look good and know how to sit on a couch. Lauren, Chuckie, Jax and Katfish are all just horrendus. Their dresses are WAY too short, tight and unflattering to their shapes and sizes. Lauren’s make up looked like a Halloween demon.
Kathy should have had a darker colour – her hips appear HUGE in that dress. There are ways to dress to appear more flattering. Some people are able to pull off the glamour and others aren’t – Kathy and Caroline just can’t carry it off
Neither of those four larger gals should go anywhere near tight mini dress. There are other flattering glam clothes for them – dare I suggest flowing yet classic cuts such as arm covering sleeves on a pretty evening type of tunic with palazo pants. Or a pretty gown like Teresa’s with arm coverage – show your decollete not your hip and belly rolls. Lauren could have worn a loser cut chemise dress cut just above the knee and still look young and cute (when she’s no scowling and yelling).
And what happened to Koma’s neck? It disappeared.
I won’t miss Carowhine’s face…..
Barb who are you telling!! She has a face only a mother could love.
LOL did I use a poor choice of words. Ok Let’s see… I will not miss Caroline on the HWofNJ!!
Hilarious, Ms. SH!!
I never notices how nobby Jac’s knees are.
Wth is wrong with Jax’s face? That is her, right? KomaKathy is so lame! Lapband came out there and made a fool of herself. I know she doesn’t like to read, but she should do it anyway; for her own good. Just a suggestion.
I love MsSH’s photo recaps!
I’m beginning to think none of the Mazoid ‘kids’ can read. Albie is ‘dyslexic’ or just illiterate as is Lauren. I doubt Critterfur has ever tried to read.
That is beyond funny!!! and most of it is probably true.
JAc is virtually unrecognizable from Season One She has done so much weird shizz to her face. It hardly moves either.except when she talks to Teresa. Who she is clearly obsessed with. Fun photo recap MsSh.
I am dying over “CatfaceSaloon.”
BRAVO!!!!! clapclapclapclap(Pun intended) Ms. SH!! Well Done!! This is the stuff that helps put a smile on my face while reading and watching all the BS they are doing to each other.
I agree about their dresses. I am 51 and my sisters and I are all within 8 yrs w/myself being the oldest and we have a rule when wearing a dress. If we have to put our hands on our lap and hold the hem down or keep our legs crossed the whole time while sitting in order not to flash anyone then you don’t wear the dress it get’s donated. I am so glad that I am not in the 20 something age group my nieces are in right now although they don’t wear the super super mini dresses like a lot of girls are now days it’s a fad I can’t wait to go away. Some of my tee shirts are longer than these mini’s you see in the mags today.
ITA.
Hilarious recap. Trees boobs are lopsided.
Not to be confused with square ala danielle
I LOVE LOVE LOVE it Ms. SH!!!
I am sorry but in these pix my eyes go straight to Jax rolls. How many spanx did she put on? geez. This is motivation enough for me not to drink. She should have worn a dark colored dress like Chuckie. Trea has her bubbies on display and her baby SIL copy-catted once again. So funny that Tre wore this same exact dress in her talking head except in a different color with feathers.
I notice them too, she looks like she should feel uncomfortable but she’ll never admit, they’re Teresa’s fault anyway. I also can’t stop staring at Kathy’s face, her face matches her manly voice now. She looks like a transsexual
They all look uncomfortable in those mini dresses trying not to show their chuckies and rolls. This is one of the times when a long dress or skirt is much more appropriate attire.
Yes!
So true Teapot, if you remember Tre also wore a long dress last reunion. She knows or her stylist knows.
And I thought Teresa looked fantastic in that gorgeous green dress. My only criticism is that she was too orange. They all were, but especially Tre.
Could it be the lighting? They all looked greasy and orange ESPECIALLY Lauren. Chuckie looked WAY more orange than Tre in a fan’s picture taken at the Borgota, but she looked less orange on the set. It is like a day & night comparison! Also Melissa looks Puerto Rican, no disrespect to the people of Puerto Rico.
Maybe?
http://stoopidhousewives.com/2012/09/08/real-housewives-of-new-jersey-what-we-know-about-the-rhonj-reunion-part-i/
In this post there is a pic of how orange Chuckie was when she first came to the Borgota. What did she do, shave her skin off?
Must have been the lighting?
Okay, I know that Lauren lost weight with her surgery, but I just don’t think she looks better. First of all, even though I think she’s acting vile, she has a very pretty face and lovely hair and skin. I think her Mother is HIDEOUS for all the negative crap she says about her and I think she shouldn’t have had the surgery EVER. IF she exercised regularly, ate moderately well and was a normal healthy weight (which is NOT always a size 2 Caro-lyinsackofshite-line) then she should have been focusing on her good attributes and not so dang stressed out about her weight. The fact she underwent major surgery with this result as a so-called “successful outcome” is just so sad to me.
I think she has a pretty face, but when she morphs into Mommie Dearest, in training, not so much. Look at the side by side scene above with the Don. Facial scowl, hand gestures and manufactured hate seeping through those CatFace scrubbed pores is eerie.
She posted a Tweet a week or so ago in black & white. Topic something about “this is one of my favorite photos.” Brother Chris on one side of her and a girl on the other side. I swear she looks just like her mother only younger. Scowl & anger seeping through again. Go take a look. I follow & read some, but don’t know how to Tweet so can’t post the link here.
I will say this… Teresa is a lot braver than I am! No way would I be sitting on that couch next to Caroline! I’d be scared witless.
Caroline is all bark and foul anger. Tre could toss her lard ass across the room if push came to shove, literally.
Da gun fingers! Good stuff. *the hemlines would bother me if my eyes could get past all those big Beefy McBeefalot arms!! Kathy, Jax and the Don should ban the word ‘sleeveless’ from their collective vocabulary. Jax’s biceps just might be bigger than BGGreggy’s.
I couldn’t help but stare at her caves omg!! Jax has a very distorted body and her younger children won’t be able to recognize her in about a year!!
Love this!!!! Within the last hour on twitter Jaco posted 1. An inspirational tweet 2. A tweet about Autism and her son and 3. A post referring to the reunion and giving Tree a taste of her own medicine. My my my. Ain’t she just the poster child for mental health.
Yeah…she is all over the place. I get the creeps reading her tweets.
I actually just started following her today to see what all the fuss was about, and I have to agree with you about getting the creeps when reading what she writes. I get the heebie-jeebies, Her moods change every thirty minutes.
Yes! I hope that mothers with children on the Autistic Spectrum pay attention to her nonsensical tweets and realize that they should not take what Jac has to say about Autism as the gospel.
I am disgusted with Jax. Leave the autism treatment to the professionals who specialize and have actually attended a university. She isn’t spreading information Jax is spreading misinformation. What if a parent decides to follow a recommendation from Looney Tunes Jax and the child suffers a reaction as result ? Awareness? Give me a break! Jax has a
career if she would attend to it and that is taking care of her son. Is it really that hard Jax? I know being a parent to a special needs child isn’t glamorous, doesn’t bring fame or “million dollar deals” but it is the only job that really matters. Get off twitter and FB , resign from Bravo and care for your son.
My SIL has two severely autistic children, ages 5 and 11. She has a lot of professional help with the children and still she never has any time to herself and never has time to tweet, read tweets and she is a wonderful mother. Oh, and she doesn’t have any time to get botox, drink, etc – how does Bubba do it?
I couldn’t agree more, AintP. One of my nephews has autism. He is an amazing little guy. I have to say that the treatment and schooling is not cheap (as you know). My sister surely is not spending money on botox and fillers or trashing people on twitter.
I am completely baffled by any of this “autism awareness” . IMO there is almost too much information and it is hard to sort through it all . A loving parent, grandparent, any concerned relative can drive themselves crazy . Our family knows from experience that counseling is a great benefit and helps put the diagnosis and fears in perspective. Our dear one is almost 5 and was only recently diagnosed. Jax really needs to work very hard and dedicate herself to his progress. I cannot imagine how Teresa is even on her radar. And you are both right there is not any time to be obsessed about cosmetics. There isn’t the money to spend on botox and fillers. In the scheme of thing how shallow and unimportant. How will that change anything that genuinely matters?
One of the many reasons I love this site is the innovative and clever way Ms SH uses humor to both enlighten and entertain us. I thoroughly enjoyed the clever captions to the obvious screenshots. Laughed a lot thanks.
I also really enjoy the comments section on SH topics which gives me others ideas often expanding on or differing from mine. This also adds so much to my daily entertainment. So a big thanks to Ms SH and to all those who comment.
ITA — thanks all!
When women use to much filler they end up with a moon face. Jac is prime example. She has stretched and distorted her face so badly now has anyone else noticed the excess skin around her neck? She’s too young to have done that to herself.
All of the women’s dresses were gawdy except maybe Mego as much as it pains me to say. (not a fan) Yes, even Tre….she has such a good figure….out of the millions of dresses in the world why? Loved the dress she wore last reunion…she had never looked better. Their stylists must be having a big party to laugh at what each of them agreed to put them in! There are mirrors in Jersey right? Oh, Could it be that they are using the ones that make you look thinner? I had one of those and didn’t know it! A gentelman bought the mirrors out of a very old and fancy department store they were tearing down and made big cheval sp*? mirrors from them to sell. I guess in the old days rich women would have them made for them….I much prefer to know what I really look like myself.
Looking forward to hearing about who’s hubby is doing what and someone (hope its Caro’s)…..maybe Jac admits they had been a stripper. *I think?* Ahhh last weeks was awful to watch….Why do we do this to ourselves? Asking crazy self Why??? I wouldn’t admit to anyone I watch this except for you guys. Kinda like AA for Housewives!
Your humor is crazy funny Ms SH. Love it! Thanks for all of the laughs you work so hard to give us here! xo
Yes Jax neck baggage is too hard to ignore. They remind me of the rolls on back of Rick Ross’s head. I was not sure if it was from constantly losing and gaining weight, or eating too much processed food and binging on alcohol. Your theory about the fillers makes sense. Maybe the fillers just melt after a while and slide down your face into your neck,lol.
BubbaJax’s neck looks like a package of hot dog buns.
For someone who went to beauty school, opened and quit one job at a Salon in less than a day, and now owns a cosmetic store, you would think she would look better? What the hell is she even doing on the reunion show? So glad the Manzo’s will not be back next year!!!
That was classic Ms SH, those captions were hysterical
I thank the day I got laid off and found this site! It gives me a reason to get out of bed and onto the couch. I read every single post. I’m tearing up…..I love youse guys. Sooooooeffen funny!
I”m glad your here but sorry you got laid off. A good laugh is the best medicine for just about anything. Warm thoughts. Cyn
Hang in there, Anita. And back at ya!
Regarding looks, all of the women look awful when their faces contort with rage; sadly especially Tre. I think all the venom that they spew on each other makes them all look and sound hideous. No amount of make up, hair styling or designer dresses can hide it.
My nephew has autism. My sister does not live in a mansion, get botox, or go on fancy vacations. My brother in law does not drive a maserati, make empty offers to buy friends items up for auction. When my nephew was first diagnosed, my sister took her son to several therapy sessions per week, endless dr’s appointments, for the first 5 years. She never had to wait for insurance, like Jacqueline claimed. My sister just sucked it up, did what she had to do, gave up what she had to give up. Jacqueline needs to get her priorties straight. She needs to lay off the booze, stop obsessing about Teresa.