REAL HOUSEWIVES OF NEW JERSEY RECAP:
Season Four, Episode Twenty-Two… Reunion Part II
by Sandi Duffy
This is the season that won’t end of Real Housewives of New Jersey. I swear, if I weren’t recapping this show, I’d do what most of the SH readers are doing…skip the show and read the recaps.
Before I start on Part 2 of the reunion, which promises to be painful, I’d like to mention that I checked out Couples Therapy to see what the deal is with Simon and Alex from RHONY. Not that anyone has asked, but in my opinion nothing is wrong with their marriage–they just want more TV time. I could be wrong. That pervy 51-year-old guy and his 16-year-old wife are so jaw droppingly disgusting that the rest of the couples pale in comparison.
And now for the reunion. My number one complaint is that Teresa’s dirty laundry has been aired all over the place, and I’m totally ok with that, but why isn’t the Manzo dirty laundry addressed? Why has there been no mention of the fact that Al Manzo has been screwing the taxpayers of New Jersey for years by lying about his primary residence and being paid six figures as Water Commissioner until Governor Chris Christie caught on and fired his ass? And why isn’t he forced to pay back the salary he collected for years? As a New Jersey taxpayer, I’d like someone to explain this to me. Shame on you, Albert Manzo.
So we pick up with Rosie, or as I love to call her, Pat, threatening Teresa. I can’t believe I am saying this, but Caroline is actually trying to mediate Kathy and Teresa for the stuff they said about each other’s parents. For the record, what Kathy said was worse. Caroline is actually making sense when she tells Teresa this is 15 minutes of fame and she’s going to find herself all alone. Methinks Caroline may have seen the error of her own ways. Could it be? Or am I giving her too much credit?
Oh great, a Kathy and Rosie montage. We get to see Rosie “come out” again. I think Rosie has “come out” about ten times. There is no way in hell that Kathy’s kids didn’t know she was gay. And there is no way Kathy was supportive of it until she got herself cast on this show. Teresa actually outed Kathy as not being accepting of Rosie. That’s got to piss off Kathy, who is trying so hard to be the “nice one.” Hey Kathy, you blew that cover when you started picking on old, sick people.
This bullshit storyline that Rosie just came out to her niece and nephew is pissing me off. When I was a little girl, my mom had a really close friend, Mary (may she rest in peace) who was a lesbian. I didn’t know what a lesbian was, but I intuitively knew that Mary didn’t have boyfriends. Kathy’s kids are teenagers. They totally knew Aunt Rosie was gay.
Oh crap, now a montage of the RV trip and toastgate. Toastgate is ridiculous. Kathy apologizes for calling Teresa’s mother a liar. Teresa moves her seat back to wear Melissa and Kathy are sitting. Teresa’s ass looks huge in her dress. Caroline tells Andy she didn’t have a good time on the trip. Caroline is a succubus. Everyone had a good time, except Caroline. They rehash the last night of the Napa trip which I don’t ever need to see again.
Teresa admits to regretting the way she treated Danielle now that she is getting it from Caroline. In all fairness, Danielle is a sociopath. Let’s do the math. Caroline has bullied Danielle, Kim G., and Teresa.
Teresa makes me laugh when Caroline says she was horrible to Melissa and Kathy because of Teresa ,and Teresa says that’s how Caroline is and being horrible to them had nothing to do with her. Truer words have never been spoken.
Dina and Caroline still aren’t speaking. Caroline isn’t speaking to several family members. Caroline’s family is as fractured as Teresa’s.
Andy calls Melissa a “star in the recording studio” and I am laughing so hard I peed myself. My son’s guitar teacher asked me to sing in his band and I had to explain that I can’t sing a note with handles on it. I could sing like Melissa though, with the magic of autotune.
Teresa dares Melissa to sing without autotune and she does and she kind of sucks. Teresa imitates Melissa singing and I’m hysterical. It’s a good thing I peed earlier because I’d be peeing now.
Jacqueline goes back to sleep. Jacqueline is definitely on something. These “ladies” curse so much, I think I’m watching a Mob Wives reunion. Caroline is having a side conversation that Teresa has put down everyone else’s successes, Lauren with her lapband and her sons with their businesses. Hey Caroline, we don’t need Teresa to put down your kids’ “successes”. Their lack of success speaks for itself.
Melissa claims to be selling her home to get away from Teresa. Puhlease. They can’t afford that stupid mausoleum they live in.
Next we rehash Teresa telling her brother Melissa would leave him for a richer man. That happened THIS season? Damn, this has been a long-ass season. I get what Teresa is saying. I told my brother not to marry his wife…twice. He never told her that to keep peace in the family (they have since divorced). Joe really shouldn’t have repeated that conversation to Melissa.
Melissa is being called out for talking to Danielle. Danielle really was a sick trouble-maker. Teresa thinks Melissa wrote “On Display” about her. Um, Teresa, I don’t think Melissa really wrote that song. I think Melissa is only slightly more literate than Teresa and her brother. Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh, Danielle claims Melissa went to Danielle’s house to try to get on the show. Bring out Danielle. Let’s get to the bottom of this. Melissa claims Bravo found her and Kathy. Come on, Andy, are you letting that lie go?
Joe Guidice is on the couch chugging a Red Bull. I can’t actually believe I am saying what I’m about to say, but I think Joe Guidice may have become my favorite NJ husband. He’s the only one who doesn’t TTC and doesn’t seem to ever want to be there when the cameras are around. He’s the only one who is not a famewhore. But don’t read too much into this. He’s only my favorite NJ husband and that bar has been set very low. We all know my favorite Housewife husband of all time is Paul Nassif.
I kind of feel bad for Joe Guidice sitting on the couch. He so doesn’t want to be there. I can’t wait to see Joe Gorga and Richie Walkile. They probably got hair and make-up done to be on the couch.
Jacqueline and Caroline perpetuating the rumors about Joe and Teresa’s marriage, true or not, is disgusting. Why didn’t we see Joe and Teresa’s vow renewal?
Andy jumps right in with the phone call where Joe calls Teresa the “c” word. Joe claims it was his friend. Joe tells Andy that if he was talking to a girlfriend he would have taken his mike off. I guess Joe isn’t as stupid as The Countess. Joe bitches out Andy for showing that scene. Joe Guidice, the only one with the balls to stand up to Andy.
We find out that Teresa’s money is hers to spend and Joe’s money is hers and Joe’s. Ha, that’s how my marriage was. My money was mine and his money was ours. Jacqueline gets pissed that Teresa outs Chris Laurita for cheating on her and she starts in on Joe and Teresa hitting each other; Joe calling Teresa names (which I totally believe); and Joe cheating. Joe tells Jacqueline she needs to have her head examined. And this is why I hate these women. They have me agreeing with Joe Guidice.
All these accusation may be true, and if they are it’s really sad, but Jacqueline is so cray-cray, I don’t think she is the most reliable source. Even Caroline is trying to get her to shut-up. And while I’m on the subject of Jacqueline, I re-watched the Posche fashion show episode, and I still don’t know why Jacqueline had such a breakdown last year that she couldn’t go to the reunion. (NOTE: BubbaJax knew that Tree’s bankruptcy issues were going to be brought up at the reunion… BubbaJax did NOT want even the possibility of HER bankruptcy issues to be brought up.)
Joe claims he never cheated on Teresa. Joe tells Melissa no one gives a crap about her marriage. Joe called Melissa full of crap. Then Joe, oh so disgustedly, asks Andy why he’s even there.
Next week looks freakin’ awesome. It seems that Joe Guidice has the goods on everyone and Teresa tells everyone Caroline told her Jacqueline was a stripper.
RHONJ Reunion Part III…Preview
AND… KomaKathy gotz da “ManHands”!!!