REAL HOUSEWIVES OF NEW YORK RECAP: Season Five, Episode Eighteen… “All’s Well That Doesn’t End Well”

REAL HOUSEWIVES OF NEW YORK RECAP

Season Five, Episode Eighteen… “All’s Well That Doesn’t End Well”

by Sandi Duffy

I feel like New York just got started while New Jersey went on and on forever.  This season of New York would have been a snooze fest if it hadn’t been for the St. Barth’s trip.  I said it before and I’ll say it again.  St. Barth’s looked like a lot of fun until that Suckubus, Aviva arrived.

The opening of this episode explains that odd exchange between Mario and Carole last week.  Carole is having some sort of ping pong tournament and Mario created the trophies for it.

The women all throw Ramona under the bus for having Vile George removed from her charity event.  Am I the only one who thinks George was out of line?  WTH is wrong with Heather, Carole and Luann?  George then has the balls to complain about Ramona to Mario.  Does George really think that Mario is going to side with him?  I think my previous theory is correct.  I think George is senile…and I don’t believe all these 20-something girls he dates truly exist.

We discover that Aviva sucks at ping pong.  Why am I not surprised.

It’s really cute that Mario and his daughter play as a team.  At the end Avery and Heather play each other for the championship.  Heather wins.  Heather’s husband is cute.  Why am I just noticing this?  Aviva tries to drag Heather’s husband into the drama and he’s having none of it.  I think I love this man.  LET IT GO, AVIVA.  HEATHER’S HUSBAND ISN’T GOING TO TAKE A SIDE!  Why is Aviva so obsessed with Ramona?

Heather very nicely tells Aviva to STFU. That’s why Heather and Ramona don’t get along.  Heather says the same things Ramona does, only in a much nicer way. She actually thinks it through before she opens her mouth, whereas Ramona just says what comes to mind with no filter.

Ugh!  We are back to Sonja’s toaster oven.  I am so over the toaster oven.  Boooooooorrrrrrrrrrriiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnnnnnnggggggggggggggggg!  Sonja is counting on this toaster oven to save her financially.  Um, I hate to break it to Sonja, but she might be better off buying a lottery ticket.

Carole is still comparing writing her book to giving birth.  I know this offends a lot of people, but I had 2 planned C-sections, so having babies was no big deal for me.

Aviva and her leg show up to model for Heather’s charity.  Aviva is so scared to be in the show.  Aviva is scared of her own shadow, so I’m not surprised.  Holy hell, Aviva, her one leg and her anorexic body are going to be wearing underwear.  I guess I’m slow, because I didn’t really catch that when she asked her to walk.  I thought she’d be in actual clothes.  I don’t think anyone wants to see Aviva half naked.

Oh, I need to bleach my eyes.  Aviva is so anorexic, I don’t even notice her fake leg.

You know, Heather had a really sick child and until she worked on this charity event, we heard about it once, when she told Ramona.  Aviva needs to take a cue from Heather.

Aviva tries to change what she is going to wear in the show and Heather tells her no way.  I like Heather;  She has balls.

Aviva claims she didn’t realize there was going to be 500 people at the event.  That’s because there were only about 10 at her event.

Sonja shows up wearing another one of those stupid headbands.  I used to wear those in 1982 when I went to the roller rink on Saturdays.  Hey Sonja, 1982 called.  It wants its headband back.

Ramona starts harassing the photographer who did Sonja’s toaster oven shoot.  OK, Ramona is really annoying.  I go back and forth on her, but I’ve finally reached the conclusion that she’s annoying.

Oh holy hell, Aviva took off the jacket that Heather wanted her to wear.  What an f-ing bitch.  I hope Heather goes after her, good.  Damn, Heather isn’t going to say anything.  That’s why Aviva gets away with shit.  No one calls her on it.

Sonja and Ramona are harassing Heather about that stupid toaster oven. So wrong.  Heather calls Sonja out about it, but doesn’t call out Aviva?  WTH?  Sonja deserves it, but so does Aviva.

Heather’s husband, whose name I don’t know, so I keep calling him Heather’s husband, shows up.  He seems like a really nice guy.  Not as nice as my Paul Nassif, though.

Carole is throwing a party for finishing her book.  Luann compliments Aviva on her runway debut.  You all know Luann is totally pissed that Aviva walked in Heather’s fashion show and not her.  Luann, has her annoying boy toy, David Schwimmer with her.

Heather is totally pissed that Ramona talked through her event.  Ramona apologizes and she actually seems sincere.  Aviva overhears Ramona talking about her and goes on the attack.  Ramona is right; Aviva actually does look possessed.  This woman is seriously mentally ill.  Aviva then starts yelling at Mario about Ramona.  Why do these people think that Mario is going to take their side against his wife’s.  Aviva tells Ramona not to be a drama queen.  That’s hilarious.  Pot, meet kettle.

Heather is so pissed at Ramona and Sonja, but isn’t pissed that Aviva changed what Heather wanted her to wear in the fashion show.  I don’t get it.

Aviva attempts to throw Ramona out of Carole’s party.  Carole has the nerve to tell Ramona she needs to apologize for having George thrown out.  Carole is really pissing me off. Before Ramona had security get him out, she asked him to leave herself and he wouldn’t.  I’m still going with he’s senile.  I think Aviva is senile, too.

I can’t believe Joel Schumacher is on RHONY.

This finale was rather anticlimactic.  I really hope Aviva isn’t back next season.