REAL HOUSEWIVES OF NEW YORK Recap
Season Five Episode Fifteen… “All I Ever Wanted”
by Sandi Duffy
When last we left off with The Real Housewives of New York, Aviva Drescher was proving how completely batshit crazy she really is. The woman makes Ramona look sane. Why do I think that somewhere in Hollywood, Fran Drescher is speed dialing her PR team to separate herself as much as possible from this nightmare that married into her family?
The girls trip now includes Reid and Russ. Carole and Russ and Aviva and Reid are all planning to have dinner together. I’m going to say it again; I would be seriously pissed if significant others showed up on my girls trip.
Ramona doesn’t know what white trash is. I guess she’s never watched that Honey Boo Boo show (oh yeah, I totally went there). As Ramona and Sonja google white trash, the chef looks like he’s trying not to laugh his ass off listening to these two morons.
Ramona corners Carole about the two couples going out to dinner. I like Carole, but she is pissing me off in this episode. Uh oh, here comes crazy Aviva. I blame Carole this time. Having the two couples go out to dinner leaves out everyone else.
Aviva gets all judgmental because a lot of partying is going on. Um, yeah, that’s what a girls trip is all about. I tend to drink my weight in Vodka when I go away with my girlfriends. If some bitch on our trip was judging me, I’d be pissed. Who cares if Ramona and Sonja are drinking and partying? Are they hurting anyone?
Aviva pulls a whole Jack Nicholson “You can’t handle the truth!” Really, Aviva?
Aviva goes on about how hard it was for her to get on the little plane again. I have since discovered that there is a ferry that can get her to St. Barths.
Aviva thinks they didn’t want Reid there because then they can’t pick up men in bars. Only Luann and Sonja did that. And who cares? Luann and Sonja are slutty. Everyone knows that. Aviva is a judgmental bitch and with that perv of a father, I can’t believe she is commenting on other people’s sexual behavior. And I can’t look at her over-processed dried out hair or that horrid overbite anymore. Go away, Aviva.
The ladies all go out to lunch and everyone looks miserable. Aviva announces she’s not in St. Barths to dance on tables and party. THEN GO HOME! Heather basically tells Aviva to STFU, in a nice way. I am liking Heather on this trip.
Aviva goes on and on about the plane trip. Ramona goes to the bathroom. Luann TTCs that Aviva likes to talk about her phobias. As Aviva goes on about the plane, Carole gets upset because talking about the plane reminds her of the John Kennedy Jr. plane crash. Aviva says she doesn’t want it to be all about her anxieties because it’s embarrassing. Heather TTCs that Aviva says she doesn’t want to be it about her anxieties, but she always talks about it. THANK YOU, HEATHER!
Aviva and Carole go to a place where the fish eat the dead skin off their feet. Isn’t that illegal here? Gross. So a woman who is afraid of everything lets fish eat the dead skin off her feet. I don’t have anxieties and am not afraid of much (snakes, that’s it), and I would never let fish eat the dead skin off my feet. That has to be so unsanitary.
Heather just discovered that the couples are going out and the other ladies aren’t invited. Now Heather is getting pissed, too. In this season‘s biggest shocker, I think Heather has just joined Team Ramona. Ramona announces she has the runs and heads to the bathroom. Is Sonja going to pass gas now?
I have decided that I loathe Aviva so much, I am also joining Team Ramona. First I’m siding with Joe Guidice on RHONJ, now I’m Team Ramona.
I give Heather credit for approaching Carole and Aviva about being left out of the dinner plans. She doesn’t talk about them, she talks TO them. Aviva totally ruined this trip.
Back at the house, Sonja is hitting on the chef. Get to him before Luann this time, Sonja. Aviva doesn’t get that Sonja bringing home a man and having sex with him totally makes it a girls trip. It’s not a girls trip if someone doesn’t get laid. Listen, Aviva, you take the guy home at 2 am and he’s out by 7 am. It totally doesn’t interfere with the dynamic…and it gives everyone something to talk about.
Aviva tells Sonja she’s a bad example to her daughter. Like Aviva and her craziness is a good role model for her kids. Oh wait, she went to Vassar, law school and speaks several languages.
Sonja tells Aviva that she’s going to call Reid and tell him to take the package home. That’s a good one.
I also have to comment here that while Carole plays the widow card a lot, isn’t it weird that she is having sex with another man where she has a lot of memories with her late husband? I mean, I’m not judging, but I can’t eat at my favorite restaurant or go to a Springsteen concert because I have strong memories with my husband, never mind take another man to these places.
Reid calls the ladies overweight. WTF Reid? There is not an overweight woman on this show and that’s a really shitty thing to say. Reid and Aviva are a match made in hell.
Aviva tells Heather, “you are a much stronger person than me.” Who isn’t Aviva?
Luann kisses Aviva’s ass and makes a toast to her for getting to the island. The ladies
are all getting ready to go to Russ’s concert. Ramona and Sonja blow it off. That was kind of rude, but I get on their last night they don’t want to be around Aviva the downer. You know what would be great, if Kelly showed up at the last minute.
When the ladies get back from the concert, Ramona and Sonja are loaded, obnoxious and rude. In one scene, you can really see the bruises on Sonja and I’m repulsed. Were those from Tomas? At least she admits to it, unlike the Countess, who plays all innocent.
Aviva TTCs that Sonja reminds her of Anna Nicole Smith and for the first time, I agree with something she says.
The ladies all jump in the pool with their clothes on (except for Sonja, who takes all her clothes off before jumping in).
Next week, Luann tries to make it up to Jacques that she cheated on him.