REAL HOUSEWIVES OF NEW JERSEY Recap
Season Four Episode Eighteen… “Dinasty of Denial”
by Sandi Duffy
This better be a good one tonight because I had to DVR a brand new Wallander on Masterpiece Mystery starring Kenneth Branagh, the second greatest actor in the world (the first being Philip Seymour Hoffman, whom I’ve been pseudo-stalking for the last decade).
I’ve seen the previews and it looks like Saint Dina is showing up in this episode…and I’m using “Saint” sarcastically because since season 1, episode 1, I’ve thought Dina is a bitch. I still do, I just think her sister is a bigger one.
And speaking of Caroline, what are the odds that she pulled a comb through her hair in this episode? Caroline, you are on television, hair extensions are your friend, and that shade of red is not.
It seems like this season has gone on forever. It started before the summer and now the kids are back in school and it’s STILL going on. End already.
OK, enough of my angry tangent. Now down to business. Joe and Melissa Gorga rehash the Napa trip. Joe calls it correctly when he says that Caroline ruined the last day at Napa. Yes, yes she did Joe.
Apparently, the Guidices are so broke, the three oldest girls share a bed now, or could this be a completely staged scene on a reality show when Teresa goes to wake them up and they are all in bed together? I do get a kick out of Teresa looking like a real mom when she gets her kids on the bus in ugly sweats.
At the Gorga residence, Antonia misses the bus.
Joe and Teresa Guidice rehash the Napa trip and Joe kills me when he says that Caroline needs to go dye her hair. He missed run a comb through it, too. This is a strange season. I have found myself agreeing a lot with Joe Guidice. Then Teresa tries to tell Joe that Kathy has pretty eyes. Joe tells her she looks like a frog. I am laughing my ass off.
The Walkiles are boring, talking about Victoria going away to college. If I have to hear that Kathy is “old school” one more friggin’ time, I’m throwing my empty wine bottle at the television.
Victoria set up her own tour at University of Maryland. I’m liking this kid and her self-starter attitude. Say what you want about Kathy and Richie, but their daughter has a lot more on the ball than all three Manzo kids put together.
Whacko Jacko arrives at Melissa’s house. Now that Michael Jackson is gone, can we hand over that nickname to Jacqueline? Melissa asks Jacqueline if she was asleep during the argument in Napa. Why the hell didn’t Jacqueline just go to her room if she didn’t want to get involved? Why did she passively-aggressively pretend to sleep? Oh, wait, I just answered my own question–passively-aggressively.
Teresa goes to Kathy’s house to pick up her flip flops. What, are they Manolo Blahniks? She has to enter enemy territory to get them? Damnit, we are back to toastgate. Kathy tries to backpeddle on all her shit-stirring. I can’t even listen to this crap.
I wish Teresa and Kathy and Melissa and Jacqueline will just STFU about Napa and toastgate and cookbookgate. I will no longer recap these two scenes. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
Melissa now arrives at Caroline’s house and if this is more, blah, blah, blah, I’m done. Caroline says she’s done. Well, I’m done.
Oh, Melissa calls Caroline out for playing victim. Ok, I wasn’t going to recap this part, but Melissa grew a set.
Melissa babysits Teresa’s kids while Teresa has her Fabellini party. And hell has officially frozen over. Ok, it’s really a nice thing Melissa is doing. Why Teresa didn’t call Rosie, though, after the great job she did at the Jersey shore, is beyond me.
Kathy and Richie and Victoria are on a tour at University of Maryland. Run, Victoria, run. Go to Maryland! Get away from these people. It’s the best chance you have of not turning into the Manzo kids.
Melissa takes the girls for manicures and pedicures because every three-year-old girl needs her feet and hands done. I can count and I think Melissa is missing some kids. So who is watching Melissa’s sons the other two Guidice girls? Melissa claims nothing can break the bond of having a sister or a cousin. Um…have you talked to Caroline Manzo?
The Walkiles visit Washington D.C. after visiting the University of Maryland, and prove how truly uneducated and ignorant they are.
The Manzos are heading to Sirius radio to do a radio show. I f-in’ hate Sirius. I got free Sirius for 3 months in my new car and if I have to listen to the Disney Channel for one more day, I’m going to hurt someone. I have two more weeks of Sirius and then I’m done.
While waiting to go on air, the Manzo reminisce about all the fat jokes they’ve made at Lauren’s expense. No wonder why she is such a bitch.
Teresa arrives at her Fabellini launch party. Has anyone tried it? Is it any good? I like the Skinnygirl Cosmo, not the Margaritas so much, though. Was Jaime Manzo there? I thought I saw him. Or was it another tall, bald, gay man? Teresa TTCs that she didn’t invite Jacqueline because she “hurted” her. Teresa’s command of the English language leaves me awestruck.
Dina Manzo arrives and falls out of her high heels on the way in. I love that video of models falling off their heels on the runway. I’m not a very nice person.
Is the Caroline Manzo show still on Sirius? I can’t believe they would actually pay her for this. She has nothing planned. She’s just counting on phone calls. Who the hell would call her for advice? That family is so dysfunctional, they can only give advice on what not to do. I have to admit, Caroline does have a face for radio.
Dina’s lookin’ real classy, chompin’ on her gum as she enters the room. How are you going to drink Fabellini with gum in your mouth?
Teresa talks to Dina about the last night in Napa. Teresa’s drag queen eye make-up is distracting. And once again cookbookgate is brought up. Dina had no idea Caroline was pissed about it. Yeah, and I just fell off the turnip truck yesterday.
While on the radio, BRAVO or Sirius finally call in to “save” the show. Caroline talks around a question about Dina. Her broken relationship with Dina is all Teresa’s fault. I heard 9/11 is all her fault, too. That’s right folks. You heard it here first. Osama bin Laden was not responsible for 9/11–it was Teresa Guidice. And Watergate–Teresa Guidice. Iran-Contra–Teresa Guidice. That woman is bad news.
Dina publicly picks a side. It would have been much bigger news if we all didn’t know this since the reunion show last summer. BRAVO gave away the farm at last season’s reunion.
Next week, the infamous Posche fashion show.