REAL HOUSEWIVES OF NEW YORK Recap
Season Five Episode Fourteen… “Slutty Island”
by Sandi Duffy
When we last left those crazy bitches from New York, Luann had hooked up with a Johnny Depp look-alike; Heather was upset because she likes Jacques so much; and Ramona was pissed that Aviva is bringing her husband on a girls trip.
I can’t believe I am saying this, but a agree with Ramona. My girlfriends and I do a girls trip to Vegas every year and my one friend wanted to come with her husband. We all told her no way. Of course her husband is an asshole, so that was part of the problem, but seriously, bringing your significant other on a girls trip changes the whole dynamic.
This episode begins with some cocktails at St. Barths with Tomas, the dude Luann slept with the night before, but is vehemently denying. Ramona corners him and tries to get him to admit to being with Luann the night before, but he’s not taking the bait. Luann looks really uncomfortable the more time Ramona spends with him. I’ve decided that French accents are annoying. I hate the way Jacques speaks, but I thought it was because I can’t stand Jacques, but even when a guy who looks like Johnny Depp speaks with a French accent, I am annoyed.
Now we discover that Tomas is only 29. Luann, the cougar! Luann needs to STFU about the Italians she brought home the night before. Everyone knows she is full of it.
I decide I love Heather when she TTCs, “Which one of these ladies gets to take home the greasy prize?” 100 points awarded to Heather.
We are finally done with the Tomas scandal (Sonja won the greasy prize the night before and apparently there was backdoor action…something I totally didn‘t need to know), and the ladies go out on a yacht. Everyone is having fun, even Ramona and Heather are getting along…and then crazy-ass Aviva shows up. We have to hear AGAIN about Aviva losing her leg at the age of six. Take a xanax, Aviva and STFU!
Ramona and Sonja change bathing suits. The ladies make fun of that. I think it’s funny, but that’s only because when I go to Vegas on my girls trip, I pull a Beyonce and make many outfit changes. Sonja feels the need to announce that she farted. Does she have her period again, too?
Heather and Carole are talking about discovering that Pat Tillman’s widow wrote a book. I just finished Where Men Win Glory by Jon Krackauer, about Pat Tillman and Afghanistan–it was a great book. I highly recommend it. Heather asks Carole some poignant questions about her late husband. As a fellow widow, I really appreciate with people ask about my late husband. One of my friends’ husband just sat down and asked me what my husband was like. I never forgot that.
Aviva’s husband is all proud of her for surviving the plane trip. He treats Aviva like a child…and she obviously enjoys it.
Ramona goes to a realtor looks for another option in case everything is a disaster when Aviva and Reid show up. That’s a bit extreme. Of course, I’m not the one stuck with nutty Aviva for two days.
Ramona and Sonja are skinnydipping in the pool…and Heeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrrrreeeeeeeeeeeee’s Crazy! Aviva goes on and on about how really hard it was to fly down to St. Barths. You know what’s hard Aviva? Fighting in Afghanistan, having a chronic, terminal disease, being a single mom making minimum wage. I can think of a million things that are harder than traveling to St. Barths.
Luann stirs the pot by telling Aviva they were all discussing how to ask Reid to leave. If I remember correctly, Luann didn’t want him around either.
Then Aviva pulls a Lizzie Grubman and calls Ramona and Sonja white trash.
Aviva puts Carole in a rotten position and tells her either she kicks out Ramona and Sonja or her and Reid are going. That would be an easy decision for me. Poor Carole.
Sonja cracks me up. She thinks if she hugs Aviva all will be well because it worked with crazy Kelly.
I am loving Heather more and more. She basically tells Aviva to suck it up… in a really nice way. Aviva says she expected a party when she showed up. WTF?!
Luann plays all innocent, like she didn’t stir the pot or ever say she wasn’t happy about Reid coming either. Just like Luann brought a bunch of Italians home and didn’t sleep with a 29-year-old Johnny Depp look-alike.
Aviva throws out her law school education, her Vassar education and the fact that she speaks several languages. What a waste. Has she used any of her accomplishments?
Ramona apologizes and then TTCs that she apologized to calm Aviva’s crazy ass down. Listen if I had to choose between Ramona and Aviva to go away with, while they both would be a nightmare, Ramona seems like if you plied her with enough Pino Grigio she would be fun and Aviva is just a mess who would bring her husband along.
Actually, out of all the women, I’d travel with Heather in a heartbeat. She brings no drama and no judgment, unless you cheat on your significant other and lie about it.
Next week. More St. Barths drama.