REAL HOUSEWIVES OF NEW YORK Recap
Season Five Episode Thirteen… “Pirate Booty”
by Sandi Duffy
I am actually kind of excited tonight for the St. Barth’s episode of Real Housewives of New York. I know I’m going to be disappointed, but I can’t help being an eternal optimist. So here goes…………
Aviva is conspicuously missing from the plane ride. Carole, being the UnAviva, doesn’t want to bring attention to the fact that she doesn’t like small planes, so just throws on a set of headphones. Then she ruins my warm and fuzzies for her when she TTCs that small planes remind her of when her friends “John and Carolyn” died in small plane crash. Hmmmmmm………….I have no idea who she is talking about.
Heather tells Luann that Turks and Caicos is her vacation spot. Whatever. Vegas is my vacation spot, so there.
Ramona gets the master suite because no one wants to see her throw a hissy fit if she doesn’t get it. Ramona’s BFF, Sonja is sharing it with her.
I am distracted by how absolutely unattractive Heather looks with her sunglasses on.
I’m also trying to figure out why Carole is wearing white Nancy Sinatra boots.
Heather walks right into a glass door and possibly breaks her nose. That’s kind of funny. It’s totally something I would do. OK, so it’s totally something I’ve done.
THERE’S A WINE VENDING MACHINE AT THE HOUSE!!!!!!!! It’s like a dream come true for me…and Ramona.
Oh damn, we are back to photoshootgate and Sonja’s stupid toaster oven. STOP. I was actually enjoying this episode. Luann is the smartest one in the room and gets up and walks out. Ramona and Carole follow. Yet we, the viewers, are stuck listening to this stupid conversation.
Thankfully, Carole’s boyfriend shows up, so hopefully it’s the end of the conversation. Her boyfriend is kind of cute and I have always had a thing for musicians.
I can’t make any sense out of what Ramona says to Carole’s boyfriend’ Russ. If he were my boyfriend, I’d do something about the hair. Hello….1976 called and wants its hair back. It’s still not as bad as Aviva’s hair, though.
Luann, again, is the one who gets everyone out of the room so Russ and Carole can be alone.
I’m starting to think the good stuff isn’t happening until Crazy-ass Aviva shows up.
The next morning Ramona shows up in bathing suit I think she borrowed from Melissa Gorga.
Ramona has her panties in a bunch because it’s a girls trip and Russ showed up. Carole puts her in her place when she says that she is always around the women and their husbands.
Did Carole really date George Clooney, like Sonja said? Can anyone confirm this? Girlfriend gets around.
The ladies go out to a bar and meet Johnny Depp, not really, but this guy is a dead ringer for Johnny Depp 10 years ago.
Johnny Depp gets the women to all participate in some sort of S&M Burlesque-type show.
The next morning the ladies are all really hung over and I’m thinking this girls trip to St. Barth’s is not all that different from my girls trips to Vegas.
Heather tells Carole that Luann came into the room with a man. Everyone knows Luann is actually a big whore, so this shouldn’t surprise anyone.
Just when everything was fun and games, Aviva skypes the ladies. Aviva is going to take a bottle of xanax, put her big girl panties on and get on a plane to join the ladies. But she has to bring her husband with her. Damn, Aviva annoys the crap out of me.
Ramona and Heather are both discussing that they heard Luann come in and a man’s voice with her. How did they know that the man’s voice wasn’t actually Luann?
Ramona and Sonja have their panties in a bunch because Aviva is bringing Reed. I agree with them this time. Carole having Russ come by is totally different than Aviva bringing her husband. Russ isn’t staying with them and she hardly ever sees him. Aviva is up her husband’s ass every single day. Aviva is pathetic.
The ladies give Luann a hard time about the man’s voice they heard. Luann lies through her teeth that she brought home a bunch of Italians. Riiiiiiiiiiiiggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhttttttttttttttttt.
Heather knows Luann was with Johnny Depp. Luann gets on the phone to get someone to cover for her. Yet the phone call is recorded on camera. And I finally realize that Johnny Depp’s real name is Toma, not Thomas. I can’t blame Luann. I’d cheat on David Schwimmer with Johnny Depp, too, although I’m not really into dudes who wear eyeliner.
Next week, Aviva brings the crazy.
Everyone seemed to be enjoying themselves and having a great time…..yeah. It shouldn’t come as any surprise that that was possible since someone was missing….mmmm who could that be? We saw how thrilled ramona was when she heard PT and reid were coming.
Funny how Carole said I heard 2 MALE voices, one was LUMANN…..LOL!. Kinda sweet that Ramona and Sonja truly care about one another, aaawwwwwwww.
As for the Lumann intrigue, well Lumann confirmed to the world that she nothin but a HO. On the phone to her friend cat when she was tryin to cover her own a** she said, ” I never change”. Meaning I always been a HO, a HO on the sly, and you know that and thanks for always covering for me. Lovely, and her chinless Jacques is still with her?
Well first of all; the ladies look great in their bathing suits, they all have great bodies and no hang ups and hiding like some of the other shows. On the note of LuAnn’s guest (wink, wink) do you all remember Season 3 when Kelly was calling Bethenny that name……HO BAG. Hey, more power to Luann!
Did you catch Ramona talking about someody being “comma toast”?
YES! “Coma toast” was a classic!! LOL
I did catch that! I almost fell off my couch, I swear that woman can not function without that Pinot. I thought it was too funny how excited Ramona and Sonja got when they saw the wine “vending machine.”; bet Ramona got one ASAP when they got back to New York. Then again, if she had one of those I don’t think she would ever leave her house again.
Holy sh!t is all I have to say, for now. I thought it was going to be some Bravo trickery and not Lu messing around with JohnnyD! I’m gonna watch it again bc I missed half of it. PT is worthless though.
Wow Carol dated George Clooney for a Year? Adore Carol and how brave she is going into that tiny plane after what happened to John and Carolyn. I don’t even pay attention to why TP can’t fly in a small plane, is this somehow connected to her leg?
It’s PT, for papertowel
Hey, girlfriend toilet paper is a good name too! hahah
sorry, for the slip. hahaha
Just read PTs pitiful blog. She whines, complains, cries, and trashes the women and she wasn’t even there. BEST part caught her in another lie!!!!! Here is a quote from her bravo blog from tonight , ” Not to mention that one of the women I counseled recently lost her limb in a boat accident in St Barths (no doctor or hospital to be found during a horrific accident — terrible story).” PT says recently ? As recently as the year 2000!!!!! That was 12 yrs ago. And this is the 3rd time she mentioned it, cuz it’s the only one she counseled!!!!!!
She is certifiably insane, someone help her please!!!!!!! I am vomiting in my mouth right now!
I am really wondering what this one time counseling consisted of.
Bahahahahaha. Hehehehe. LMAO! Keep wondering MP……..
I bet she will try to look up that chick and talk her into being on the show to prove how she has been at this counseling thing for years and years. Use her just like she used that kid.
Yeah that poor little jake, wish him all the best.
MP, and it wasn’t of her own choosing this so called counseling
whaaaat? do tell? court ordered? sounds delish. whats the skinny?
Let’s put it this way, she can’t even find her own amputees
She didn’t hit Harry with her water leg and get sentenced to Public service?
LMAO!!!
LuAnn,
Patsy need to have a word with you lil missy.
Love,
Made
Love Patsy Cline ! She was my my Daddy’s heart throb!
M.P., Patsy was always my favorite, but the fights we had were too much, and always over silly things. She didn’t trust me, but she also knew of my obligation to go away on short notice, so it ended, always with so much regret from both of us, but she was always a little nuts. She sang this song about us. Sigh…………………….
awwww. I am sure she must have sang this song too every time you had to go away
But when I’d go away, the sheriff would pick her up late at night on rt. 41 just singing her heart out. she wore the heels down on a lot of boots.
Oh my, I forgot to insert the video in the last post. No worry, here it is.
ok now that is just tooo good. we post same video at same time.
chilling really aint it?
You are the ultimate muse Miles.
Yes, but I think the Vevetones said ti best.
NIIIIICE!
But………………………Sigh……………I guess this says it best about me…………………….
I haven’t heard that one in ages. Its weird how somebody can actually forget what great music sounds like. No doubt you have heard this one a time or two
Too Bad I can’t access this because it says the video player is too small. You’ll have to start another thread with this.
Respectfully,
Miles
I grew up in the era of great music ranging from the classics, where we had to attend concerts to boogie woogie to the best of rock and roll. Since it’s late, I’ll leave you with one of my favorites from the 70′s.
I’ve been to Boston. Rude cab drivers.
Ooohhhhh Thanks MP – love me some Patsy!
Thanks for that Made. I love me some Miss Patsy.
“We wanted the pink champagne, my love.” Then why didn’t you tell him?! Bloody hell
She is clearly one of “those” people. Horrid to servers and does it for sport.
Yeah can you imagine how much SPIT she has swallowed while dining in restaurants
LMFAO!
who thinks LuLu’s Jaque knows just how much of a ho Lu really is? I mean she talked all about “Johnny Depp” on camera just saying
Barbara, not just Jacques, everyone in NYC know. It’s a fact she also ran around on the Count. She a low rent HO , nothing more, that’s y she has the need for all that pretense
Ya Russ’ hair has to go. He needs a haircut cut. I’ll do it! Just change it…
Maybe not a haircut cut. Just a haircut. Oops
I love Russ’s hair!
Me too Kate! I don’t understand all the hate on his hair? It’s shiny and bouncy- I wish my hair did that naturally lol. I never liked long hair on men, but my hubby (Russ) has hair similar to Carole’s “Russ,” but it’s straight, and I’ve since changed my tune. There is something really sexy about running your fingers through soft, silky hair. Plus, it gives you something to grab on to…..TMI? Sorry, lol. A suggestion for all the single gals out there: try out a long-haired fella- I highly recommend it
Was warming up to Luann this season. She seemed to get side swiped a lot and was becoming the underdog. Still think her feigning ignorance during confrontations is her way of taking the high road…(polite avoidance). Then she goes and telephones her alibi, before a camera crew; believing her choppy French = camouflage!! Pompous and STOOPID.
I loved what Carole wrote in her blog…..so much talk about a toaster oven that does not even exist! I mean seriously, Sonya (a very drunk Sonja) started up the whole toaster oven photo shoot again…..Sonja……No One Cares about that damn toaster oven that doesn’t exist…..enough already! Sonja is such a sloppy drunk! It looks like next week we will see Sonja chasing after LuLu’s sloppy seconds with “The Italians”….LOL, that was rich!
I couldn’t believe Sonja flat out admitted it was “her turn” with Captain Jack- gross!
More like Captain Morgan!
I believe we should be referring to lumann and Sonja as sloppy seconds
i love carol, she is funny as hell and i do enjoy heather, although she needs to not get involved in luanns relationship as i think there are enough people in that one. samonja is perfect for the 2 bimbos although i am very happy sonja stuck up for carol about her boyfriend showing up. i think aviva is a turd, a useless turd, the more i watch her the more i am disgusted by her behavior and screaming.
I agree- Carol is fantastic and Heather has really grown on me. “Samonja” (love that BTW) are dumb bimbos and Aviva is a “turd.” lol
Just looking at papertowel and Reid makes me cringe, they oooooozzzeeeeee, we’re sooooo boring!!!!
Aviva states: “they knew we were coming!!!” So all the girls are supposed to sit around in their best dresses sipping tea so they will be ready to bow down and worship at the alter of Aviva and her doormat when they arrive. This woman is so self absorbed it’s becoming very hard not to despise her.
I ‘spect her issue is she didnt want reid taking a gander at SonJa’s floatation devices in da pool. So when they teased that they were nekkid it must have sent her into jealous orbit..
Too true, she must have had flash backs of her marriage to the infamous Harry, who it would seem liked SonJa’s floatation devices very much… oh and Luanne’s and well I guess the list goes on.
Yep. She also tweeted to remind everyone that the camera guys are all men too.SOOOO? Whads wong PT? Friad someone else is gonna get a better edit by flashin some tit?
I agree with you MP that it was the fact that the ladies knew Aviva and Reid were on their way and were topless. I would think that was inappropriate if it were my husband.
Yes but that’s what a jealous, lying, selfish, self promoting,manipulating, meddlesome,backstabbing,wicked piece of garbage deserves, papertowel needs a dose of her own medicine.
Oh yeah did I mention deeply disturbed. And that codependent husband, ewww
Am I the only person who thinks Ramona is a terrible dancer? Especially when her arms starts flying around. As far as I am concerned the only person who looks more ridiculous than Ramona when dancing is Hugh Hefner.
And oh dear lord I just realized Sonja’s nips are blurred out of that group pirate picture.
Yup and yuck.
@Kiki Bu that is what is so great about her dancing,she dances for the love of dancing, moving her body, she doesn’t care about how it looks, she’s into how it makes her feel!
I havent seen the episode yet, but cant wait to watch it online tonight. This post really made me chuckle out loud during a lesson at school. Too funny!!!
Cant wait to see Lu being tipsy and flirty, haha. Soo busted.
Hats off to Luanne’s obviously new PR person. She is acting like the mom of the group. The mom who sleeps with her daugHters boyfriends, that is. But ya know what? I LUH…LUH….LUH…LIKE LUANNE. There. Its out now. Never thought Id say that.
I dont
Ok Girlfriend, I getcha. I used to really dislike her air of superiority. I think she has toned it down a little. And I actually think she has really tried to get along with Ramona…whom I like. Im not so sure that whole wine thing was a set up…stoopid thing to do, yes, absolutely. But ya know Im not particularly emotionally invested in RHNY so I dont really have a horse in this race. Its pure entertainment…watch it when I feel like it kinda thing. You will likely turn out to be right. But for now, Im appreciating her improvements. Opinion is subject to change without further notice.
No one is emotionally invested except for the HWs
I kinda like her too… although I’m on the fence with the pirate thing though. Tis possible he just came back for a nightcap but I have to doubt nothing happened. It’s her business and if her boyfriend wants to let her do it… ok…
LOL
Sleeping with daughter’s boyfriends?!?!? What the heck did I miss?
Does anyone else think that Heather needs a stylist? The purple bikini top with shorts looked like a great outfit for mowing the lawn.
My favorite comment was “I wear a 32C”…. Uh… in which language? Cuz in MY world Carole is a 32 – Ramona is a 36 – probably B or C…
Stlr: Certainly MissAndy will be interested in Ramoaner’s bra size… the ONLY one interested! TFC!! SH
32C. I loved it! Maybe if she weighed 100 lbs, she’d be a 32. She’s more like a 36C. And, why does her stomach look flatter sometimes (like in that blue bikini), but then in the white dress (in next week’s episode, where she’s talking to Toma), you could see her big belly and even her bellybutton? I’m obsessed with the HW’s tummies since they ALL seem to go for that tight skimpy dress?? Even Alexis (OC) looked like she had a tummy most times. It’s a bad look.
I think Ramona walks around with her gut sucked in most of the time, then she drinks enough to forget about it and there is that gut again. And the whole thing with the make-up on the hips before they went to the beach?!?!? Ramona’a belly looked weird to me when they first showed her in that multicolored bikini. And what was the “Do you approve of this bathing suit? I’m working in.” thing.. ewww . I do have to say Carol does have a kick ass body maybe Ramona is feeling a little insecure around her.
You’re right. Who would think to put bronzer on your stomach or hips while wearing a bathing suit? And, that’s an awful-lot of booze to make Ramona’s belly inflate like a pregnant woman!
It’s part of menopause, trust me. One day I’m my usual flat then, BLAMO, I look three months pregnant. It’s your weight shifting from the hormone shift. Sucks big time…
I’m almost 52 and haven’t experienced this yet….. I hope this isn’t one more crappy thing I have to look forward to!
You may or you may not…some women breezy through and others get hit with everything, I fall in the later category and it is NOT fun…watch Ramona’s boobs too, they go up and down as well and it is painful…she even mentioned last year that she was having breast pain and that they got bigger. It’s a freakin’ Ramonacoaster! Oh, and you can get quite psychotic, you are totally aware you are being psychotic but it’s as though you’re possessed. People are use to me being smiley and sweet all the time and now that I am going through this they have noticed and, thank God,realize it isn’t me. I’m trying to get through it by taking great care of myself but I have always taken care of myself, not much wiggle room. I am now trying to approach it like puberty, yeah, my body is going to be out of control for a while but there is an end to it and I should come out the better on the other side. Best of luck!!!
Thanks, AD. What we women go thru isn’t much fun sometimes!
So Brawny called Ramona and Sonja white trash because Reed saw their boobies. I would have thought all rich, sophisticated New Yorkers, especially NATIVE, new yorkers would be so comfortable with nudity. It is very European. Maybe she should have called them Euro trash. If Reed got excited over Ramona and Sonja’s boobies when they weren’t jacked up in a push up bra then he will probably love Brawny forever. But I don’t guess Brawny sees it that way.
I don’t like Aviva but let’s be honest here: MOST women would not want their friends taking off their bikini tops in front of their husbands! I know I wouldn’t appreciate it. And Sonja and Ramona just come off as SO desperate! It’s really embarrassing and annoying.
they are pathetically in need of attention and validation … agreed .. embarrassing and annoying
Yep. Dont you think the whole bare breasted thing was punishment for PT bringing Reid? Kinda like….If you hadnt brought your husband…he wouldnt see our naked breasts! This was to be a girls trip! (as if it is normal for girlfriends to swim topless together).
my brain doesn’t even work like that so it never occurred to me but, i wouldn’t put it past them. They are deluded enough to think that a glimpse of their droopies would do anything other than revolt the unfortunate person who had to look at them
I agree Parkview, it is a totally passive/aggressive move on both Ramona and Sonja’s part. They didn’t want him staying there, so they made sure to be in the pool and topless to cause PT discomfort and I am sure they were trying to make him want to get a hotel room else where.
Can anyone explain the Ramoana Turtle Time thing to me? I don’t get it?
The Turtle Time was when Ramona drank and did her little dance. Nothing more to it than that, other than the fact that she looks like a turtle when she dances!
Hi there- I obviously can’t confirm that carol dated clooney for a year, but it seems plausible.
George lived with his aunt Rosemary and honored her every suggestion. Rosemary was a massive supporter of the Kennedy’s. Perhaps there was an evening (or many) when the Clooneys and Kennedy’s hung out. Then Carol married into knowing clooney. Clooney probably LOVED Carols brave journalistic efforts. She calls him a “close friend” implying that they have known each other for some time. He probably inspired some of her widow book. I believe all of this happened in the early 2000s back when clooney wasn’t flashing the ladies around and actually hid them.
Just a thought.