REAL HOUSEWIVES OF NEW JERSEY Recap
Season Four Episode Seventeen… “Hot Tub of Sour Grapes”
by Sandi Duffy
I’ve had one of the worst days ever today which included, in no particular order, a car accident, a broken nose (totally unrelated to the car accident), and an infestation of black flies in my home. This doesn’t bode well for tonight’s recap of Real Housewives of New Jersey. Even in the best of circumstances I want to punch any one of these people in the face.
This week picks up with “toastgate”. Blah, blah, blah, Teresa didn’t mention Kathy in her toast, so to make things better, Joe Gorga takes his clothes off and gets in the hot tub. I can honestly say that seeing Joe Gorga naked in a hot tub would never make me feel better. Melissa and Teresa put on dueling stripper bikinis and get in the tub, too. Kathy brings up the toast in the hot tub. Give me a break. Let it go! No one cares about toastgate!
Caroline, Lauren and Caroline’s boyfriend, PrinceAlbie, gossip about Teresa on the couch as they watch Teresa and Kathy discuss toastgate in the hot tub. I was officially bored with toastgate last week, so this is the last I’m going to mention it.
Oh no, girlfriend did NOT go there. Caroline overhears Teresa telling Kathy that Caroline and her sister, Dina, have issues. Oh, Caroline is pissed now! Newsflash, everyone knows you don’t speak to your sister, Dina.
The men are just as gossipy as the women, watching the two of them in the hot tub. I don’t know why Kathy is taking up for Caroline. WTH, Kathy? How the hell did such a nice dinner and a nice toast go so wrong? Oh, wait, I know why…because Caroline and Kathy are shit stirrers, and Lauren is going along for the ride.
For the first time ever, I find myself agreeing with Melissa when she TTCs that Caroline should drop it. Unfortunately, Melissa is too much of a coward to say it to Caroline’s face.
As Caroline and Teresa begin to talk, I can actually see Chris Laurita’s stomach drop. Now we are over toastgate and onto magazinegate. Everyone has a big problem with Teresa’s magazine articles. I can’t even keep them all straight and have never actually read a single one of them. From what I can ascertain, however, Teresa has not harmed anyone, except maybe herself and her own immediate family, with those articles.
Caroline is now back to cookbookgate. Shit, this woman is grasping at straws to have a feud with Teresa. I don’t think she said anything awful in her.
Jacqueline passive-aggressively pretends to be asleep. Like anyone could sleep through that, although Jacqueline does like to hit the bottle hard, so maybe she’s just actually passed out cold.
Next Caroline tries to take credit for Teresa making up with her brother and his wife. Obviously that isn’t true because if she did make that happen she wouldn’t now be sabotaging it. Caroline is feuding with half her family and doesn’t want anyone else to have a complete family. I’m glad Caroline isn’t my friend. I have a great relationship with my brothers and my sister-in-law. If she were my friend, she’d do her damndest to ruin that.
Caroline calls Teresa a disgrace. Did Teresa sell drugs to middle schoolers or commit child rape and I missed it? Exactly how is Teresa a disgrace?
Chris Laurita confronts Joe Guidice for telling someone that Chris is shady. Um…we’ve all read the bankruptcy filing…if the shoe fits, Chris. The men actually kiss and make up. The women are giving us women a bad name. I feel the need to go on record saying that I have never had a fight like this with a friend, ever. Caroline and Teresa agree that they each suck. That’s the first thing either have them have said that I agree with.
Oh, man, Joe Guidice is going after Caroline. You go, Joe Guidice. Why am I siding with Joe Guidice so much this season? Albie jumps in and we all know Albie is just a big Momma’s Boy and ain’t going to do a thing. Now Al Manzo jumps in. They are back to bookgate. Lauren brings up the “Caroline is 1/16 Italian thing” and the whole stripper car wash thing. STFU, Lauren. And I agree with Teresa about Chris’s idea for a stripper car wash. It is stupid. I can’t believe we are back to bookgate and magazinegate. At least we are over toastgate. Seriously, if it weren’t for bookgate, the Manzos would have no storyline.
Caroline then TTCs that Teresa is a sociopath. I am going to ask the question again. Did I miss it when Teresa was selling drugs to kids or committing child rape? No, then how the hell is she a sociopath? Calling someone 1/16 Italian does not make one a sociopath. Joe, very smartly, books a flight out of Napa for the that evening, so they can both get the hell away from these people. It’s a sad day in Housewife World when Joe Guidice is the voice of reason. And I damn well hope that Caroline is happy for ruining her own birthday.
Caroline lists all the things she had heard in the past from Teresa about Melissa—gold digger, whore, home wrecker, stripper. I have yet to see any of these accusations disproven. I’m just sayin’.
I have to give Joe Gorga some credit. He and his wife are going to leave with Teresa and Joe. If that’s not a show of solidarity, I don’t know what is
Kathy is STILL looking for more by going into Teresa’s room and continuing the “conversation.”
Caroline has her panties in bunch because Jacqueline just laid there and pretended to be asleep. Caroline goes into a room by herself and pretends to cry.
This episode is so long, drawn out, boring and ridiculous.
Next week, Dina is back, and it doesn’t look like she has anything nice to say about her own sister.