Gallery

CAROLE RADZIWILL: Carole’s BravoBlog…

August 27, 2012  10:10 pm  

Welcome to the Caribbean! You’ve waited some time for it. You’ve all taken the bumpy plane ride with us to get here and now I hope you enjoy your stay as much as I did.

I have some history here, in St. Barths. It was the first Caribbean island I’d ever been to, and that was a trip I took with my husband, Anthony, in 1993, the year before we were married. We spent our first married Christmas together here, too. This is us out on Saline beach with a topless girl.

Not the same beach Sonja ogled my ass but on this very same property.

I knew we had booked a house on Saline, I didn’t realize until we arrived that it was the same property where we stayed on that first trip, and many subsequent ones. Anthony’s mother, Lee, rented it with her husband Herbert Ross, a legendary choreographer and movie director. The house, then, was much smaller. It was a French country-style home, not modern, but equally beautiful. There was a chicken coop and wild gardens.

Our St. Barths, in those days, was much quieter and simpler than Pirate Booty Call. We started our mornings with a slow walk to the beach, and then lunched at Tamarin at the end of the road near the house. LuAnn’s friend Cat owned it then. She and her parrot were there every day. In the afternoons we’d hire a boat and swim at Columbier beach, or sometimes Flammand beach and we’d stop for Rose spritzers at Isle de France. We went on long drives through the windy French roads in our open air mini Moke, and ate almond croissants at the bakery in Lorient. It was really wonderful, all of it.

I don’t know if you heard it in the first scene but the woman who gave us the tour talked about the old house, the one we used to stay in. I was very surprised to find out it was the same place — a flood of memories came rushing back. It was very emotional. I hid this from the girls because I didn’t want to distract from the fun we were about to have, but being back on the island under such different circumstances affected me more than I was prepared for. But I’m getting ahead of myself.

Day One, Monday. . .
I don’t like small planes. I never minded that little flight to the island before the accident in the summer of 1999, but now I do. Now I don’t like small planes anywhere.

The house was amazing, and I arranged to have a chef on the property for the ladies, plus a butler for their every need. I would like to say I installed the wine dispenser as a special treat for Ramona and Sonja (what a good hostess!) but it came with the house. I knew Ramona and Sonja wanted to share a room so I gave them the master suite, which worked out fine because I wanted to be away from the main house. So did Heather. I don’t know why, we just had a feeling. This trip I kept my door locked.

This trip was eye-opening. It introduced me to TurtleTime which I thought was urban legend. It’s not. I went to London with Heather and LuAnn and Sonja and yes, Luann got on my nerves a bit there, but I have to say in St. Barth’s she was a breeze. We got on swimmingly.

Heather endeared herself to me the moment we arrived by smashing her face into the window, fracturing her nose and keeping her humor. That was such a sweet scene, with LuAnn to her rescue. In the main house, Ramona and Sonja shared underwear drawers,engagement rings, and drank champagne. That sums up our first afternoon.

By dinnertime Sonja wasn’t happy — no dip for her spring roll, where was the dip? Jean Batiste! Dip, maintenant, or you’re fired! Or else what Sonja said.

The toaster oven rears its non-existent head here, again. I had to excuse myself from this, it’s too hard to follow. I challenge any of you to keep track of who said what to whom and when in the Toaster Oven War. Why is Sonja bringing it up again? If anyone can explain it to me I’ll send you a round-trip ticket to St. Barths. Heather listens. She’s the only one who’s listening. None of the rest of us can listen to Sonja say one more word about fonts or logos or crumb trays. Even Ramona is tired of listening to it and she never seems to tire of anything.

Big Guns didn’t want Lunch Friends at the photo shoot. We know!

I confided in Ramona that I was nervous about bringing Russ around. I asked her to please not to say anything crazy. I asked her to please not be herself. And then, guess what? She wasn’t herself. Where did Ramona go? What happened to Ramona, she turned into Queen Elizabeth. Funniest scene of the show.

This scene of the ladies worrying about embarrassing me makes me feel bad I ever said anything about ovens or Ramona’s craziness or ever went anywhere near anyone’s back. It’s sweet the way they make Russ feel welcome. . .uh-oh, schreeech! I spoke too soon.

“I never met a cuter guy than you…tonight.” Sonja needed to eat more spring rolls, and maybe drink less champagne. It might have been the missing dip. The ladies started sweet but got louder, but LuAnn came to the rescue, and Russ and I made our escape.

Did you all get the double entendre in my comment about the Loud family? The girls were loud, yes, but the Louds were also the first family to do reality TV. The were filmed for a show that aired on PBS in 1973. James Gandolfini starred in the movie version. Do you remember what happened to them? It didn’t end well. Maybe one day someone will make a movie of our trip.

I want to remind you, here, of the two reasons I invited everyone to St. Barths.

1. I finished the first draft of my book.
2. Russ is playing in the Blues Festival.

So, yes, Russ came to spend time with me. What didn’t Ramona get about that at my M&M lunch? Invite your husbands or your significant others, I don’t care. I just want everyone to be happy and leave me alone. I like when the husbands and boyfriends are around, there are more people to talk to.

Day Two, Tuesday. . .
I wander up to the main house for coffee and blueberries and Bam Wow #*@! I get ambushed by the girls. They can’t last the week without their men, now, because of my boyfriend. Seriously? It’s going to be hard to get through the week? Am I the only one who doesn’t need a man by me 24/7? Am I the only one who doesn’t need the constant drumbeat of testosterone poking me in the back?

Am I a genetically modified female? Oh wait, Heather’s okay without her husband. Phew.

Girl’s Trip. Oh no. Those two dreaded words, “girl” and “trip.” I told you I would regret saying them at the M&M lunch. I didn’t even mean it, it slipped. Yes, call Jacques! Call Mario! Call the boys! If it will save me from two days of the most uncomfortable moments in the history of “girls” or “trips,” by God get all the men on some planes. Millsaps, round them up, STAT!

So here is my moment to lay down. I’ve been waiting for it all year. RAMADRAMA! The girls are going to fight with me about Russ. Were they talking behind my back about Russ spending the night? Are they upset I didn’t invite them to my party of two? Ramona got on my case, and I told her to shut up.

Then I braced myself, closed my eyes, held onto something steady and took a breath. Ramonacoaster, here it comes. Wait, what? Nothing? Who would have guessed the way to shut up Ramona is to tell her to shut up. #Letdown.

Tuesday afternoon, Boozy Lunch
Ramona has spilkes. Sonja has sex on the brain or maybe she’s drinking Sex on the Beach. And are we all drinking Captain Jack Rum? Foreshadow music here.

Whaaaa? Telling secrets. Can I translate Sonja-speak “did me” = dated, right. Oh Sonja. OK, I don’t kiss and tell, but if I were to tell I’d say Clooney was a very good kisser. But I’m not telling, or am I?

Tuesday night, even boozier. . .

We all get ready to go to Le Ti St. Barths. Yes, Sonja, it will be a night we won’t forget. That is certain.

Pirate of the Carribean: The Curse of the Missing Italians
You know the old motto: It’s bad luck to sing about pirates in a fog. Well, we were singing on the way to Le Ti. And a dense fog rolled in off the moors of the island’s south side. Something like that. . .

We arrive and I’m reminded of Keira Knightley’s character, the young Elizabeth Swann who said, “I think it would be exciting to meet a pirate.” Because just like that a pirate-waiter appears. And, oh, he looks like Johnny Depp.

We all had too much Captain Jack, and LuAnn might have even had more. She engages in a little Captain Jack Rum-running of her own.

I was here at Le Ti on its opening night with my husband, Anthony, and his mother and a table of our friends. Isn’t that crazy? That was almost 20 years ago. I could never have imagined I’d return in 2012 with a cast and full camera crew. Ever.

It’s tradition at Le Ti to dress up in their costumes and dance on the tables. Who are we to buck tradition? We got the costume, the tables. . .But where’s LuAnn? We didn’t know. Now, watching the show, we do. She was working her special introduction. Which Captain Jack pirate-waiter failed to give her. So I will do that now:

“Ladies and Gentleman, for the first time ever at Le Ti St. Barths, the one, the only PocaCountess.” [crowd cheers]

Pirate Code: Any man who falls behind is left behind. LuAnn fell behind, and was left behind.

Day Three, Wednesday morning. . .
Dead men tell no tales but hungover girls on a girls weekend? That’s a different story.

Poor Heather. She knows the story. She doesn’t know what to think. Old Italian friends? You can’t walk two feet without stepping on some Italians. The island’s lousy with them. Like my Italian Grandma Millie always said, “The Italians were eating with a knife and fork when the French were still eating each other.” Mario Batali actually said it, but whatever.

LuAnn says “Johnny Depp” a dozen times and counting and she says “Italian friends” even more than Ramona and Sonja say “girls’ trip.” Did you see me in those pictures make the Sonja sexy face? Watch again.

Heave Ho Maties, until next week.

Here’s another memory of the island, from long ago. I’d give anything to find this film.

“Christmas 1993 we are back in St. Barths. This time Lee and Herbert have invited a few friends including Count Giovanni Volpe who has flown in from Venice to join us. We decide to shoot a short film and call it the Kakadopoulis Story. For the life of me I can’t remember why but is was a satirical Greek tragedy about a murder and a double cross. Herbert directs and the rest of us make up the cast. Anthony plays the reporter trying to crack the murder case. Hamilton is hilarious as a misguided gay hairdresser and Lee turns in a riveting performance as his mother. Count Volpe plays the murdered tycoon, naturally. I take a leading role as a rival reporter who seduces Anthony to get the story. Anthony and I have a love scene but I can’t stop giggling. I remember Herbert yelling at us to keep a straight face. We finally managed, and he got his shot.” from What Remains

 

RIP Herbert. I miss your laugh.

About these ads

25 comments on “CAROLE RADZIWILL: Carole’s BravoBlog…

  1. I feel for Carole, and think anyone can see it was much harder for her to get on a small plane and fly to an island with so many memories than it could have been for PT. Tragic losses for her. The small plane And her old friends, Her late husband,and her lost family. Very sad. And unlike the other basket case she kept it cool and handled herself well. BTW Carole looks better today than she did 20 yrs ago, good docs I guess.

    Like

  2. So Carol has banged Russ on her late mother-in-laws couch… now at the St Barths house she used to share vacays with her late husband Russ has had her seven way to Sunday… She is just christening the crap outa him aint she? Her body is bangin.

    Like

    • Oh no MP, the mother in law very much in the present, bless her’. Always like that you pull no punches. Unfortunate choice of property, I think; yet she truly is a cool cucumber. Sounds like she had a lovely marriage. Heartbreaking.

      Like

      • I couldn’t figure out the correct way to phrase the living mommy of someone’s dead husband. He was some kinda pretty that is for sure. I enjoyed the book.

        Like

        • Sadly Lee Radziwill suffers from the advanced stages of Alzhiemers. I am sure this must be difficult for Carole as well, especially visiting this place that was so special to she and her family.
          In a way it is kind of nice that she has all these wonderful memories there, but at the same time, the changes breathe new life, and allow for new memories for her. The circle of life…

          Like

          • So sad about Mrs. Radziwell. Honestly I think Carole handles it as best as possible. She was fearless in What Remains in that she laid it bare.. how she sometimes felt stifled by her husband’s illness.. resentful even… the very human reaction of succumbing to the flirtations of a healthy man… she was not afraid to share it all and I am sure the honesty of her book has laid to waste a lot of normal guilt that some people feel who have had to go thru that. Or at least let them know that others feel those feelings too.
            The most powerful part of the book for me was how she honored the life of Carolyn Bessette-Kennedy by letting us know what kind of friend she was. After all, the kind of friend we were able to be in life is truly all that remains when we are gone. Carolyn became more than a tabloid picture of perfection to me in that book.
            I was just bustin Carol’s chops over her boinking Russ in any and all places she deems fit. I am really looking forward to her next book… prolly for that reason. ;)

            Like

            • You know Made, I so agree about “What Remains”, Carole had such courage to show the truly raw emotions and cycles that one goes through when a loved one is dying of cancer. I admired her honesty and her ability to paint the story of her life at that time with words.
              Like you I very much appreciated the story of her friendship with John and Carolyn Kennedy. The friendship between Carole and Carolyn was so amazing. They were each others rock one moment and quite the comedy team the next. The bond between John and Anthony was also such a special peek at the wonderful, gentle soul that was John Kennedy Jr. Reading this part of the book was like reading “Romeo and Juliet”. As I was falling in love with all of these wonderful people, I knew how it would end and I wanted to do something, something to change the ending. I still cannot even imagine what all of this was like for Carole to endure. It is so good to see her finding love and joy again.
              I too am looking forward to her new book! I keep checking Amazon to see when it becomes available for pre-order!

              Like

            • The part about the note Carolyn left for her over her shoes(?) or was it her pants(?) saying sumpin like
              “You must get rid of those or we can not develop this friendship any further” cracked me up.
              Having said that , Carole is just as messed up as a football bat… just like the rest of us and I adore that about her. Cause she knows it. That’s cool.

              Like

  3. I can sorta understand what it could have felt like for Carole upon arriving at that island.

    So many memories of family, friends, the history of the locale, etc., but once you set foot on it again after 20 years time, it’s a tad bit devastating to know that all that has been virtually erased from it’s face. It’s eerie, really.

    Like

      • Wow, this guy reminds so much of Busted Lemon Tree the three fingered blues man that I can hardly believe it’s not him. Obviously it can’t be since this cat has all of his fingers, but then again……………….????????????????

        Like

  4. Always love Carole’s blogs…especially like “Who knew the way to get Ramona to shut up was to tell Ramona to shut up?”

    Like

  5. I do love Carol, if only Bravo could find 20 more like her for the shows it would really be somthing. Carol puts the real back into reality. The others are always posing for the camera’s and starting petty drama’s because they think that is what is wanted. Really I could watch Carol by herself and be entertained. I mean this new Luann drama, is this just a big set up to get us all to think she cheated on frenchie. I mean the phone call come on, like Bravo cant translate french and she has a mic pack on. It just smells of storyline bullshit.

    Like

    • I adore Carol and am just wondering how the hell Bravo got her to be on this show?!?!?! She is way too smart and classy for this bunch, or any of the other RHW for that matter. She is the only reason I am even watching New York, so glad she won’t have to deal with Jill or bat-s**t Krazzy Kelly. I do love watching her reaction when the drama gets out of hand. You can just see it on her face, “how the hell did I get here?” I have started only paying attention when she is on screen, no Carol, I’m doing something else. LoL.

      Like

    • Love your writing Carole, it just takes you to that moment, that place. You seem so out of place with this group of women..as in ‘you are up there, they are down here’,.. wink! Waiting for next week’s chapter….

      Like

  6. carole is great, read her book long ago. a great writer. she is definitely cool. she and heather are
    my favs this year. so over rom/sonja. really annoying old loudmouthes. can take luanne. look forward
    to caroles next book.

    Like

    • “Am I the only one who doesn’t need the constant drumbeat of testosterone poking me in the back”. Funny chit!!!

      Like

Comments are closed.