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REAL HOUSEWIVES OF NEW YORK Recap: Season Five, Episode Eleven… “This Party Is Toast”

REAL HOUSEWIVES OF NEW YORK Recap  

Season Five Episode Eleven   “This Party Is Toast”

by Sandi Duffy

When the show opens and I see Carole, I think oh shit.  I like Carole as a person, but her storylines are boring.  Then Carole brings up Aviva’s dad, George and I’m really like, oh shit, not that awful, old perv again.

Sonja looks less than thrilled to see good ol’ George.  Carole has a white elephant Christmas party and I know I’ve seen this somewhere before, but I can’t remember where for the life of me.  It’s a stupid premise.  I knew Carole’s storyline would be boring.  Pervy George turns every gift into something pornographic and sexual.  Someone brings a live lizard to the party.  Aviva tells her how brave she is for holding the lizard.  Yes, Carole should win a Medal of Honor, Aviva.  Although I guess compared to Miss “I’m Afraid of Everything”, it is really amazing that Carole held a lizard.

Next we are at Sonja’s photo shoot which Heather is running, but Sonja is MIA.  I get distracted by Heather.  I really think she used to be a man.  Sonja shows up one hour late.  This toaster oven thing is even stupider than Carole’s white elephant party.

I honestly don’t know anyone who had a toaster oven.  Why would anyone cook in a toaster oven when you can use a regular oven?  If Heather is so busy with her own business, how does she have so much time to help Sonja, gratis?

It’s really too bad that Kelly got kicked off this show.  When she was on it, no one realized who dumb Sonja was.  I really don’t need to hear the details of Sonja’s menstrual cycle…and why is there a man in the bathroom with her when she is changing her tampon?  That was truly disgusting.  Between George and Sonja’s period, I’m disgusted.

Heather gets on the phone with London.  I’m thinking she has a friend named London, but it’s someone from London.  I just got a call from New Jersey.  I’m on the phone with New Jersey.  I guess that just doesn’t sound as pretentious as being on the phone with “London”.

On top of George and Sonja’s period, we now get a look at Sonja sniffing her armpits.  I am waiting for Molly Shannon to show up.

Carole had yet another boring gathering at her home.  She wants to order a pizza and none of these pretentious bitches eat pizza.  Give me a friggin’ break.  They all want a salad.  There is nothing I hate more than going out to eat with someone and they order a salad.

Carole invited everyone to St. Bart’s.  Uh oh.  We all remember the last time everyone went to an island together it didn’t go well.  Aviva doesn’t want to go because, wait for it, she’ afraid of flying on a small plane.  Isn’t she afraid of big planes, too?  Aviva doesn’t know if she’ll have the strength to go without her husband.  I am so over Aviva and her anxieties.  If she is seeing a psychiatrist, she needs to fire him and find a new one.

Ramona is launching a red wine at the Pierre.  I couldn’t care less about the wine, but the Pierre is amazing.  I stayed there once, back when I was in advertising because I certainly couldn’t afford a room there on my own dime.

Ramona is on the cover of two magazines that I never heard of and on one, it looks NOTHING like her.  Holy airbrushing Ramona!   NOTE:  Ramona’s Cover… from SH February 2, 2012.

Sonja and Heather are having a boring argument over the photo shoot for Sonja’s stupid toaster oven.  Didn’t Heather do it for free?

Then Ramona and Heather have ANOTHER boring argument over the photo shoot.  WHO CARES ABOUT THE STUPID PHOTO SHOOT.  THAT STUPID TOASTER OVEN IS NOT GOING TO SELL AND SONJA IS NOT GOING TO HAVE ANY SORT OF A CAREER.  All I’m hearing now is blah, blah, blah.

Later, Sonja invites everyone to her “jet setting” friend’s party.  Aviva brings up the wine tasting to Luann. Aviva that was so 3 episodes ago.  For the first time ever, I find myself agreeing with Luann when she TTCs that Aviva is so annoying.  Oh hell, then they drag the French David Schwimmer into the argument.

I didn’t think David Schwimmer could be any more annoying, but slap a French accent on him and believe it or not, he’s even more annoying.  Ramona thinks the French accent isn’t real.  Ramona may be onto something.  She’s even more on the money when she says all Luann knows how to do is marry well and divorce well.

                    Ramona Singer… “I need my Pinot…”

Heather gets all offended that Ramona said Jacques’ accent is fake.  Heather is just upset she wasn’t in on this fight, so she has to stick her two cents in to get her camera time.  It’s probably the same reason Heather is wearing that stupid Drop Dead Gorgeous shirt.

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43 comments on “REAL HOUSEWIVES OF NEW YORK Recap: Season Five, Episode Eleven… “This Party Is Toast”

  1. Several Things I’d like to address abt this ep… Heather is growing on me yeah she did the photo shoot for free but, Sonja acts like she was entitled I dislike uppity ppl… The damn Bravo and the wine gate needs to go away alrady Bravo sure know how to run a fight into the grown.. Pinot is Crazier w/each passing ep.. I can’t watch any scenes with her in it She’s sooooooooo annoying.. Pinot The world revolve around u pls get a grip… Ughhhhh she makes me Cray.. Pinot did reveal she herself had Mental Problems Yes the first step us admitting, now all Pinot need is Professional Help… Lol

  2. Holy mf’n hell! This ep made me want to punch (insert HW name here)!
    Geez… I need to take a break.
    Maybe I’ll be back later.

  3. Seeing Ramona freak out made my Monday night. Bravo should do a special on the Top 10 Greatest Ramona Freak Out’s Ever!

    • Yeah, but I actually watched this episode so I’m also thinkin’ you’re brilliant. Bravo should retitle these housewife shows “Disfunctional egotistical matrons longing for their high school days”. Long title, but it sums up most of them.

  4. The last thing I wanted to see was Sonja waddling to the bathroom because of a tampon “malfunction.” TWICE!!! I feel sorry for the person who had to clean THAT bathroom that day. The stupidest thing about this episode was the fake eavesdropping by Heather and then Ramona. C’mon, they both knew the other was there, they were playing it up big for airtime. Boring and contrived. Now they need to hurry up and get to the Scary Island episodes!

  5. I am tired of hearing about the wine party. I am really, really tired of the none stop Ramona tirades and as for whimpy, Mario…..he is just plain boring! Why is he on the show, does he need the pay check?
    Sonja is just pathetic! Her Diva attitude at the photo shoot really put her in a bad light. Something tells me that Sonja playing all sides is going to end up biting her in the arse! I used to feel a lot of empathy for Sonja and her situation, but now I can see how much she brings on herself. Ramona is not Sonja’s friend, Ramona will be no where around when Sonja needs her.
    I like Heather more each week, I appreciate her sincere attempts at trying to rise above all the drama. I was very impressed with how Heather handled Sonja’s disrespect and nonsense at the photo shoot. I don’t know that I could have done as well!

    Oh…and, No Sonja, what is going on with you is not the sign of a healthy uterus…..it is the beginning of menopause! Start wearing underwear! LOL!

  6. Heather’s shirt was dumb. Maybe she threw it on because all of her yummy tummy was in the wash? I really dislike when people linger around a corner listening, and then decide to act terribly upset about what they heard. If Heather thought the jokes, (and that’s all they were, dumb harmless jokes), about Jacques were sooo sad and wrong, why didn’t she jump in and defend him during the conversation?

    • “maybe her yummy tummy shirt was in the wash” hehe good one Kel! I hated the shirt too, shed needs to throw it away it made her look like a linebacker in a wig.

  7. I’m going to stick up for the countess believe it or not. She was a nurse and being on knows what hard work is. Aviva on the other hand, has she ever been employed?

      • No, I like her too, I do however recognize her pompassness. There is just something about her I like, call me crazy. Most people hate her though so what can ya do?? :)

      • I like Luann well enough. She at least seems rational and knows how to handle an disagreement in a normal fashion or walk away. She does give me plenty of subject matter to call her on the carpet though. She’s has to love not being the target of Ramon’s rant this year.

  8. It is so disrespectful to your deceased mother to parade your sex addicted dad around looking for women/whores/any age on national T.V.? Most adult children would not want to see their mother/father whether divorced or widowed with another partner after 40 something years married.Says alot about Aviva’s character and what she thought of her mom.

    • I agree Susie. Aviva brought her father on and pushed him at Sonja as an attempt to jab at her. She was saying, hey tramp, you slept with my husband, do you want my father too? What she probably doesn’t realize, though, was that what she did not only disrespected Sonja, it disrespected all women, including Aviva and her mother.

      • Wow Kel good point! Aviva let Sonja know she’s best suited for the over 70 club. And that she thinks Sonja’s a tramp for sale.

    • i think aviva sealed her fate with whatever fanbase she thought she’d have …
      that was a biggie …not cool….

  9. The concept of Sonja feeling the perverted old buzzard’s hardon in her back on that bed is far fetched.Creepy falls in the same category as Midget Gorga with more of a vienna sausage penis.
    A person would think if Georgewhore is that horny at his age that Aviva’s mom could not satisfy him and he plenty of women mistresses of all ages.Aviva needs to get the Bravo da boot and her sick ass perverted dad that she is pimping out for camera time.

    • If George was a billionaire, Sonya would be in the sack with him, and probably have it on the show. Sonja is broke and desperate. I still like her because she refuses to have her daughter filmed. So I take back the desperate part.

  10. I love Heather because she is not afraid of – old loud ass drunk Ramona. Sonja is disgusting this season Sonja is just as bad as George. I am sick of hearing about Ramona’s winegate. Carole bores me to death. I can’t stand Mario and Heather was right to say ” your crazy wife” because it is true Ramona is crazy and her drinking just makes it worse.

  11. I’m surprised Aviva thought Carole was being brave with the lizard. I spent way too many minutes of my life looking through her before they were housewives album which consisted of 137 pictures. In one picture she is happily posing with Veronica holding a baby tiger and Harrison holding a monkey. In another she is dangling Sienna down to a baby kangaroo. Another features the whole family surrounded by kangaroos. And the one that shocked me the most since Aviva is apparently afraid of life was of her surrounded by the family and she had a huge snaked wrapped over her. A python I think. The one with the snake surprised me the most because that woman has soooo many fears.

  12. Well here’s my two cents, I am tired of Heather reminding everyone she is doing Sonja a favor for free, I feel Heather is waiting for some validation; we all know the rules, for Sonja, you don’t get something for nothing, Heather’s free gift; Sonja is not completely happy and that’s what you get for free, Heather, when you do friends a free favor, never expect anything in return that way you are not disappointed. Luann, she is one cool cucumber, this lady through the seasons has had her moments; but Luann knows when to walk a way and avoid a scene. Ramona, we all know she is a live wire and best not to provoke. I don’t think Ramona is a bad person and plots against people; I just think you cross a yellow with a green your going to spark her up, no matter where or when. Carol is also a cool cucumber or she just does’t want part of the drama. Aviva, I think she’s gonna call you out whether you like it or not. Heather is crazy for challenging Ramona; these two are water and oil, and last night who gives a hoot what Ramona said about Pepe Le Poo; when he left, this was an excuse for Heather to once again get into it with Ramona; with people like Ramona if you can remain calm and you know the saying; the one who says the least is the one in control. Heather shows no restrain and or control arguing with Ramona; you’re just not going to win.

    • I’m convinced that Pepe Le Poo is an actor. Lulu plays her role to a “T”, and she hired someone to keep her storyline relevant. Without Pepe, she got nothin’. . .besides being the spokesmodel for American Indians from Canada

      • Used to meet many salespeople from offices in France pushing product produced in foreign factories as “French fashion.” They would say they were “from France”, would call themselves “Parisians” -but would not say they were French. They were transplants from Isreal living/working in Paris. Many spoke French, I assume- but all spoke English with a very exaggerated quasi- French/Hebrew accent. My colleagues called them ‘the fake French.’ Just saying Jacques……….just sayin.

    • if heather truly wanted to ‘win’ against ramona all she had to do was completely ignore her ..no dirty looks , no words , no nothing …
      pretend to be completely deaf & blind whenever she comes near ..
      THAT is how ya’ make a narcissist bitch like ramona short circuit …
      works like a charm ..
      & ya’ don’t even have to do anything …

  13. would like to see ol’ george & joerapist have a ‘skank’ contest …
    don’t know who would win …
    joeG met his match !

  14. Just when you think Bravo can’t get any lower: Tamra nude in the hot tub, Joe Gorga exposing “Tarzan”, Danielle inviting her date into the bathroom for a “quickie”, Joe Guidice calling his wife a “bitch” and a “c#nt”, Aviva and the relationship with her sick father, etc., they never cease to add one more disgusting episode to the collection.

    Sonja and the male assistant going into the bathroom to change her tampon as he witnesses the amount of blood she has lost. This couldn’t get much grosser from any perspective as she is the mother of a young girl who certainly must live with the aftermath of something this stomach turning.

    These women have no shame. None. That scene was purely disgusting and totally unnecessary.

    • Pathetic. Sonja is circling the drain of lost self respect. She desperately needs to project herself as young and important enough to warrant attention during every aspect of her mundane life. Pity those poor interns who have to dote on her. *Cringed over the white jabot’ blouse/leather blazer costume…..no one thinks that outfit’s escaped your closet since 1988. She needs a modern make over and a designer fairy godmother, fast.

  15. Carole might be a writer who was married to a prince but she has no idea what she is doing. Who invites people to lunch and expects to order pizza then can’t even get the order right. Is she low on funds and didn’t want to pay for salads for everyone? Why would you invite people to come to lunch and do nothing to prepare?

  16. Sandie might be on to something regarding Molly Shannon. Perhaps Sonja can be replaced by Molly’s SNL character Mary Katherine and Aviva can be replaced by the one-legged, white trash, farting wonder played by Amy Poehler. Nothing could make me happier than seeing that charachter hop up to LuAnn, fart, then accuse her of being jealous.

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