REAL HOUSEWIVES OF NEW YORK Recap: Season Five, Episode Eleven… “This Party Is Toast”

REAL HOUSEWIVES OF NEW YORK Recap  

Season Five Episode Eleven   “This Party Is Toast”

by Sandi Duffy

When the show opens and I see Carole, I think oh shit.  I like Carole as a person, but her storylines are boring.  Then Carole brings up Aviva’s dad, George and I’m really like, oh shit, not that awful, old perv again.

Sonja looks less than thrilled to see good ol’ George.  Carole has a white elephant Christmas party and I know I’ve seen this somewhere before, but I can’t remember where for the life of me.  It’s a stupid premise.  I knew Carole’s storyline would be boring.  Pervy George turns every gift into something pornographic and sexual.  Someone brings a live lizard to the party.  Aviva tells her how brave she is for holding the lizard.  Yes, Carole should win a Medal of Honor, Aviva.  Although I guess compared to Miss “I’m Afraid of Everything”, it is really amazing that Carole held a lizard.

Next we are at Sonja’s photo shoot which Heather is running, but Sonja is MIA.  I get distracted by Heather.  I really think she used to be a man.  Sonja shows up one hour late.  This toaster oven thing is even stupider than Carole’s white elephant party.

I honestly don’t know anyone who had a toaster oven.  Why would anyone cook in a toaster oven when you can use a regular oven?  If Heather is so busy with her own business, how does she have so much time to help Sonja, gratis?

It’s really too bad that Kelly got kicked off this show.  When she was on it, no one realized who dumb Sonja was.  I really don’t need to hear the details of Sonja’s menstrual cycle…and why is there a man in the bathroom with her when she is changing her tampon?  That was truly disgusting.  Between George and Sonja’s period, I’m disgusted.

Heather gets on the phone with London.  I’m thinking she has a friend named London, but it’s someone from London.  I just got a call from New Jersey.  I’m on the phone with New Jersey.  I guess that just doesn’t sound as pretentious as being on the phone with “London”.

On top of George and Sonja’s period, we now get a look at Sonja sniffing her armpits.  I am waiting for Molly Shannon to show up.

Carole had yet another boring gathering at her home.  She wants to order a pizza and none of these pretentious bitches eat pizza.  Give me a friggin’ break.  They all want a salad.  There is nothing I hate more than going out to eat with someone and they order a salad.

Carole invited everyone to St. Bart’s.  Uh oh.  We all remember the last time everyone went to an island together it didn’t go well.  Aviva doesn’t want to go because, wait for it, she’ afraid of flying on a small plane.  Isn’t she afraid of big planes, too?  Aviva doesn’t know if she’ll have the strength to go without her husband.  I am so over Aviva and her anxieties.  If she is seeing a psychiatrist, she needs to fire him and find a new one.

Ramona is launching a red wine at the Pierre.  I couldn’t care less about the wine, but the Pierre is amazing.  I stayed there once, back when I was in advertising because I certainly couldn’t afford a room there on my own dime.

Ramona is on the cover of two magazines that I never heard of and on one, it looks NOTHING like her.  Holy airbrushing Ramona!   NOTE:  Ramona’s Cover… from SH February 2, 2012.

Sonja and Heather are having a boring argument over the photo shoot for Sonja’s stupid toaster oven.  Didn’t Heather do it for free?

Then Ramona and Heather have ANOTHER boring argument over the photo shoot.  WHO CARES ABOUT THE STUPID PHOTO SHOOT.  THAT STUPID TOASTER OVEN IS NOT GOING TO SELL AND SONJA IS NOT GOING TO HAVE ANY SORT OF A CAREER.  All I’m hearing now is blah, blah, blah.

Later, Sonja invites everyone to her “jet setting” friend’s party.  Aviva brings up the wine tasting to Luann. Aviva that was so 3 episodes ago.  For the first time ever, I find myself agreeing with Luann when she TTCs that Aviva is so annoying.  Oh hell, then they drag the French David Schwimmer into the argument.

I didn’t think David Schwimmer could be any more annoying, but slap a French accent on him and believe it or not, he’s even more annoying.  Ramona thinks the French accent isn’t real.  Ramona may be onto something.  She’s even more on the money when she says all Luann knows how to do is marry well and divorce well.

                    Ramona Singer… “I need my Pinot…”

Heather gets all offended that Ramona said Jacques’ accent is fake.  Heather is just upset she wasn’t in on this fight, so she has to stick her two cents in to get her camera time.  It’s probably the same reason Heather is wearing that stupid Drop Dead Gorgeous shirt.