August 7, 2012 10:40 am
Carole Radziwill and neighbor Tripp… “You look like you’re ready for some ‘bossin’ around,’ Trip!! After we’re done with this coffee, you can wash my hair…”
Dear Readers,
We’ve come so far, we’ve seen so much! This week marks the halfway point of the season so let’s recap.
Since our first episode, “A New New York,” we’ve learned some things.
The ladies toast to everything.
I like to wear capes.
My boyfriend Russ is cool.
My boyfriend Russ writes me songs.
Heather is Jewish by injection.
Sonja likes handymen.
I like my boozy brunch.
Aviva likes things on the ground.
Millsaps can fix anything.
My downstairs neighbor is Tripp.
Tripp knows how I like coffee.
Heather talks a lot.
Ramona talks a lot.
Ramona wasn’t invited to London.
LuAnn’s mother gave birth to seven kids.
LuAnn gave birth to two kids and a book.
I only gave birth to two books.
I am better than everyone at croquet.
Aviva has the same leg bag as Eric Clapton.
Aviva has three legs, or maybe four. NOTE: Hope Aviva don’t see this! Carole forgot to mention that Aviva is super sensitive!!!
I learned how to tweet.
I almost married Tom Cruise.
We talk about friends when they’re not there.
I invite everyone to the party.
Heather has an assistant.
I am looking for an assistant.
I am looking for between one and three interns.
My sister, Teresa, has morning meals.
Aviva’s dad has lots of sex.
Aviva’s mother-in-law does not have sex on Sundays.
Heather Hollas.
Heather doesn’t flinch when she’s waxed.
Heather wears and sells shapewear.
Ramona drinks and sells Pinot.
Ramona knows a lot about wine.
Ramona knows nothing about real estate.
Mario is bottling his calming scent.
LuAnn is taller than Sonja.
Sonja knows her crumb trays.
Cara Quici’s booty pops.
Don’t forget the notepads.
Vanity, Pride and Prejudice
Harry is back! Woo-Hoo! And everyone at our Le Cirque table has slept with him, including Jacques and the blonde sommelier.
LuAnn de Lesseps… “Holy crap, Carole… I just said I was Indian! And it’s not nice to throw corn kernels, or as we Indians call it… maize! Anyway, you missed!”
Dinner was a little. . .awkward. Wasn’t it? And I’m not just talking about my hair. Mario and Jacques played “Yes you did, No I didn’t” and LuAnn. . .well, LuAnn is not an Aborigine.
Sigh. The term “Indian” is a pejorative term, here and in Canada, too. I have Indian friends. Ranjana and Naeem are Indians, they’re from India. Luann’s just messing with me, right? She has to be. Columbus thought he landed in India and called the people he saw Indians. He didn’t and they’re not. They’re Native Americans. It’s not complicated.
It seems to me that LuAnn calls attention to her background not out of pride but out of vanity. Pride is about your opinion of yourself. Vanity is how you would like others to see you. In this case LuAnn wants people to think she is exotic, so she refers to her background without knowing much about it. We have a shameful past with Native Americans in this country — we nearly annihilated the native population and have a long history of negative stereotypes and discrimination toward them. Call me crazy, but I think jokes about scalping and rape and pillage are inappropriate.
No one uses “darling” anymore but I can because I am an Indian? WHAAAAAT?!?
The Trick of the Ramona Pinot. . .
This sounds like the title of a Nancy Drew mystery. I’ve decided I want a husband. I want a husband to fight my battles. I’m on Team Mario.
Things got a little uncomfortable at dinner and when that happens, Housewife Rule #28 comes into play: Go to the bathroom. We do it all the time but you usually miss them. You’ve missed a lot of bathrooms.
Speaking of Bathrooms, Holy Poopy the Pig, it’s Harry Dubin! The man of rebounds and bubble baths and, apparently, quite powerful charm. It must be very potent charm because to see him is. . .well. All I’ll say about Harry is his son Harrison is one of the sweetest kids I’ve ever met.
Brokeback Mountain Out of a Molehill. . .I Can’t Quit You!
TOW (The Oven War) ignites! And Big Guns is Back! Do you think he has a sexy “J”? Who buys toaster ovens, anyway? I think Big Guns is right. I’d buy one with the naked guy on it and keep it in the box.
What other meeting earlier? Once again, they didn’t bring notepads. If everyone would just bring their notepads, no one would be confused. No wonder it was a waste of time.
I like the term Lunch Friend, I want more Lunch Friends and fewer clients. Sonja is not a client, she is a friend. Poor Heather. No good deed goes unpunished and Heather is being punished — maybe for not inviting Ramona to London.
Two set ups, two photo shoots, but no one on the set? Sonja’s not a good negotiator, she’s bankrupt. Her lousy ex-husband Mr. Morgan took all the cash and the yacht. Did you see Heather tacitly agree with Big Guns about the closed set? Good luck with that one. Lunch or no lunch, friends like a photoshoot. That’s all I’ll say about that.
I Need Splenda and Milk
Tripp is the best neighbor. And guess what? I hired an intern! He’s the first of my one to three. His name is Eric. I met him on the sidewalk one night — he recognized me from the show. He is a social media genius and he puts two Splendas in my coffee. Now if anyone wants to contact me they must do it through Eric. I’m like Heather in Episode 2, I’m having my intern book my play dates.
Jingle Bells. . .
This party was nuts. All I have to say is: I Love my dress! Naeem and Ranjana gave it to me for the party and then let me keep it. I’m holding the fifth.
What’s in store for the rest of our season? I’ve been watching the Olympics and I learned a new term: Outside Smoke. They use it in swimming to describe a swimmer who leads or wins from an outside lane. I know what’s coming up and I promise you there is a lot of Outside Smoke.
I’m also hoping that these important questions get answered:
#10: Did Sonja fix her drip patterns?
#9: Did Noel pass French and Math?
#8: Will Sonja ever produce a toaster oven with a crumb tray?
#7: Will we get to taste a mac and cheese truffle?
#6: When do I get to walk first into the room?
#5: Is “egg drop” a real expression, I couldn’t find it anywhere.
#4: What else can you do with a bidet?
#3: Are there any documented cases of women accidentally birthing books and not babies?
#2: Will Aviva find her swimming leg?
And the #1 question inquiring minds want to know:
Will Sonja ever get her sexy J?
Check out face yoga here. As always, you can buy What Remains here. Contact me on my website here.
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Luv, Luv, Luv, Carols, blogs! Once again she nailed it with Witt and grace!
Columbus was never in America.
What does Tripp do? He’s sweet on Carole, right? That ain’t gonna happen…
I got that vibe too, Romo! Maybe when Poopy Pigs fly!
Wait a minute Carole. It is a time honored rule that members of an ethnic/racial group can refer to that group by a nane others would not use. Luann is right. Period.
I refer to myself as German/Blackfoot. I’m not from India so I wouldn’t be an Indian.
This is interesting. An article on Indian Country media states that the word “Indian” is not considered a racist term by, ummm… “Indians.” That said, the article agrees with your observation that if one wants to address an Indian’s identity correctly, one should discover that individual’s tribal association. I live in a state with lots of indigenous peoples and from now on I will make an effort to discover whether one is Inupiat, Athabascon, etc.
Sh can you help verify whether Luann truly has Indian/Native heritage? a fellow posted on another site (can’t remember where) that a geneology search did not show any Indian ancestry.
And, yet again, Carole needs to get over herself. The intern thing, I do not believe. This is the same set-up as Bethenny and her food blogger, who, if I recall, she met on the streets of NY. Carole is a very good writer, but the acting – not so much.
I think Carole is satirizing the whole concept of having “one to three” interns.
Yup, fakehousewife! Carole is nothing if not satirical. I think she’s hysterical. Love her.
Finally! Someone on any/all of the ‘housewives’ shows I can admire and respect who also has quite a sense of humor! LOVE HER!!!
P.S. Just ordered her book.
I agree, Conrad! I envy you getting to read, “What Remains” for the first time! You are in for a great read! I am anxiously awaiting her next book to finally come out!
I am reading it now too. She is profoundly gifted with words. Very good read even for people who have never had cancer touch their lives.
Fantastic book – read it a few months ago and still think about it.
You are dead wrong on the ‘native american’ thing. What do Tripp and Carole do all day, sit around, act cool and drink coffee?? Must be nice to be rich.
It is news to me that coffee breaks are a bad thing! LOL Would it be better if Carol wore a house dress and had a perm? (so as not to look remotely “cool?” )
I seriously doubt if Carole sits around all day. She is completing her second book and she is also in pre-production for a TV show. I admire Carol’s accomplisments. Came from nothing and has achieved a lot for herself, even before she married her Prince!
Agree. Her book is so well written and from the heart.
She is so fake,yeah o.k she wrote a good book,but she does seem to be on Lueanes back.Also she is only a princess by marrige,and she, mentions that she is a princess many times.I liked her in the beginning but i’m kind of getting sick of her.She thinks she is the cats meow,i don’t think so nice figure ugly face,sorry to all who worship her.
Well….Kate Middleton is “Only a Princess by Marriage” and none the less, one day She Will Be Queen! If you notice, Carole only brings up the princess thing as a joke.
I do find it offensive when women have to degrade a woman’s looks, simply because they do not like them.
I do not “worship” anyone. But, I do enjoy Carole on the show, I respect her impressive accomplishments and I for one am quite happy that she joined the cast this season!
Well said KateH
Here, here! Couldn’t have said it better myself!
Just chiming in to say someone should tell the Smithsonian about the “pejorative” term they are using: http://nmai.si.edu/home/
(link takes you to the home page of the National Museum of the American Indian)
This Indian/Native American thing is Crazy. I am of mixed race, white/black my father is from Africa and my mother is Irish so what the hell does that make me? African British or British African. I despise the the PC term African American all black people are not from Africa! When asked I say I am of mixed race and if pressed I am Black Irish (no pun intended).
I like Carole but I think she was getting her knickers in a twist over nothing. Luann can refer to herself as she pleases. Most black people get insulted by the term colored I have heard people say I am not colored I am black. I hate those stupid forms which ask Black White Asian or Other.
A friend of mine came to visit me from London he had a toothache so I took him to the dentist he was outraged that the form dared to ask him his race, I explained that it was probably some sort of census thing that the government was.
When he finished filling out the form he handed it to the receptionist who promptly started laughing
in answer to question about race he had put 100 meters.
That is how I feel about it, Luann is part Indian so she can do as she pleases Carole needs to chill out she just does not like Luann and is picking at everything she does.
Frankly I think they are ALL members of the Fuqahwee tribe. After a few glasses of Ramona Pinot, or champs, or the really expensive this-wine-is-so-old-the-freakin’-cork-is-disintegrating stuff, they sit around and wonder “Where the Fuqahwee.”
tee hee. I get it. My momma used to tell me that Falling Rock was the name of a squaw that went missing years ago and so those “watch for falling rock” signs plastered all up and down the mountain are the Native American version of milk carton missing child alerts.