”You people are L-A-T-E…LATE! What happened this time?”
“In these emails, which I told your dumb staff to get for me, you told us to go to Vicki’s house for this reunion…”
“Pay atten-shun, Tamballs!! We would have been here on TIME, but Andy told us to go to Vicki’s house! Weren’t you listening???”
”I ain’t listenin’ to you, Alexis… I gotta finish this first…”
“OK!!! Let’s start this massacre!! You DID say for all of us to go after Alexis this season… right, MissAndy???
“There’s nothing in writing…”
“What’s your problem, Alexis??? We went after Lynne Curtin and Jeana Keough much worse than we went after you!”
“I really thought you were my friends…”
“Friends?? Do you even know which show you’re on, Alexis?”
“Is Wretched allowed to say that to me, MissAndy?? It’s not even in the script!!”
“Hey… HelmetHead! Didn’t you tell Alexis that bashing her was the deal I agreed to… to get on this show?” “Talk to the hand, Dull-BRO… I ain’t sayin’ nuthin’… I got a wedding spinoff to think of…”
“No one tells ME to ‘talk to the hand’… I’m a college-educated, VERY intelligent Housewife!” “And, I’m NOT?” “No, Wretched… you’re even dumber than Tamballs! I’m the smartest outta ALL the Housewives… EVERYWHERE!!”
“Let’s ignore that side of the room for now. What’s goin’ on with you, Briana??”
”My mom told me that gettin’ bigger was just a side effect of my thyroid surgery…”
“Shut up, Briana! And don’t tell them about my plan…”
“What plan? You know you’re mic is still on… “
“It wasn’t any big deal… it just involved keeping Briana in her room. Me and my Crooksy just wanted to make sure Briana gets through her pregnancy…”
“Lemme take it from here, m’lady Vicki. Ya see, MissAndy…we wuz gonna keep Briana drugged for nine months and then take the child as our own. It’s the Suthen way… the way we do thangs in the South. Ima Suthen gentleman and we like to…”
“Shut up, Crooks! Here’s what was happening, Andy… Crooks was arranging for ME to be on another reality show called “I Didn’t Know I Was Pregnant”!! And… he was doin’ all this behind my mother’s back with some kinda guru people!!!”
”No, Briana… I knew everything… we just thought that we’d let you lay around for nine months; then wake you up to have the baby; then send the ‘you being shocked havin’ a baby tape’ to the ‘Pregnant’ show. Me and Crooksy would keep the baby and you would use the money from the show to go on a honeymoon with your soldier boy…”
“Isn’t that illegal or somethin’, Vicki?” “Whatever, MissAndy… I thought you liked Housewives with felony convictions!”
“Don’t you worry none, m’lady Vicki. Ima be here forever to protect you from evil eyes and Ima give you a childa yer own very soon! I think there’s an ‘extra’ one in Indiana I can go git right now…”
“I’m smarter than everyone in this room, so I must ask Vicki this very intellectually superior and vastly important question: Is yer boyfriend fer reelz?”
“Of course, he’s for reelz!!! He was right here… didn’t you see him? He was even talkin’!! I even saw him… I swear, he was right here. What kinda dumbazz question was that? And, that question wasn’t in the script!!”
“OMG! My head is killin’ me! You people keep adding lines that weren’t in rehearsal! Get me some pain relievers outta my purse! NOW!!! I don’t care which one of you ‘small people’ do it… just do it!!”
“The floor guys couldn’t find your bag, Alexis… are you sure you brought one?? Anyone else need some pain relievers?”
“Yeah… I hid her bag, just like you told me, Dull-BRO! You’re SO smart!!”
“Actually, I got the ‘bag hiding’ idea from KimRichards… when she hid Brandi’s crutches. Kim Richards is sooo smart… or was it Kyle? They are BOTH the epitome of bein’ smart! I even have a journal of all their quotes from the show! Hand wrote it myself!!” “OMG, Dull-BRO… you can write?? WOW! You ARE smart!!”
“I’m sick of you saying you’re the ‘smartest ever Housewife,’ Dull-BRO… Let’s ask MissAndy!! Hey, MissAndy… which one of us Housewives is the smartest??”
“I know he’s gonna say one of us is the smartest Housewife…”
“I’ve known MissAndy a lot longer than either of youz… he’s fer sure gonna say that I’M the smartest Housewife.”
”If I wasn’t smart, there wouldn’t be no trampolines for all the kids in Anaheim to be jumpin’ on all day!! That right there should prove that I’m kinda smart…”
“Well? We been sitting around for an extra FIVE hours waiting for your answer, MissAndy…”
“UH… what was the question again?? OH…who’s the SMARTEST?? As soon as I get back to my office, I’ll look into what that word means and then I’ll send you all a tweet, OK??”
“I’m the smartest”… “I’m the smartest”… “I’m the smartest”… “I’m the smartest”… I got the best dress”…
Them’s some cheap looking ass clothes……….
I know, right!? And with South Coast Plaza at their disposal, you’d think at least one of those pigs would have donned a frock from Chanel!…Heather, I expected a lot more from you!
This is my favorite line.
“No one tells ME to ‘talk to the hand’… I’m a college-educated, very intelligent Housewife!” “And, I’m NOT?” “No, Wretched… you’re even dumber than Tamballs! I’m the smartest outta ALL the Housewives EVERYWHERE!!”
LOL!
Funny stuff. Mrs Heather Kent-take-a-joke Dull-bro is gonna love this.
MP: “Kent-take-a-joke”!! Funny… LOL!!! TFC!!! SH
Thanks Ms SH. I vote that we make that a permanent part of her name here on Stoopidhousewives.com We can even have a virtual cake naming party.
MP: It is now forever christened!! “Kent-take-a-joke” will live on!! Don’t forget… Heather KentTakeAJoke is married to Quagmire: http://stoopidhousewives.com/2012/07/25/heather-dubrow-tamra-barney-tamballs-goes-to-dr-terry-dubrow-for-freebies-video/ LOL!! TFC!!! SH
MP, I should know by now, not to have any coffee while reading your posts. Going through paper towels like crazy. lol
Love it, MP!
I call dibs on the virtual bow!
Uh…o There’s gonna be trouble..You kent-take-da-Bow!
Is Heather KentTakeAJoke official?
Antonella: Sure!! Along with Heather Dull-BRO, Heather DO-BRO, FeatherHeather… whichever you prefer!! TFC!! SH
uh-oh didn’t we go down this road with Cindy Barshop, car hop, lemon drop, ker-plop, chop shop, whatever? I mean I’m all for it so let’s not forget “who? bro” “d’oh!-bro” “duh-bro” “the Grinch” and of course “Mrs. Glenn Quagmire!”
Always a competition on these shows.Smartest/most beautiful/richest/most fashion labels.Comes down to who is the most fake to cover up what they really are like and how they really look.None of them look like God originally made them.
No lie, Susie! Gretchen’s face, at the reunion, was so sharp you could cut glass with it. Eat a burger!
The skinnier her face gets the more she looks like a horse! She needs to give those teeth back!
Mirror, Mirror, on the show who’s the smartest one………. Du Brow? Who would of thought…….I’m a poet!
That’s funny! I’m glad crooksey was included!
Ms. SH, I commend you. You have truly outdone yourself with this post! Hilarious!
In that last picture Heather’s dress looks like its about to slide off her boobs and makes her look so pale. The funniest of all is TamTrash with her little pin head under all that fake hair!!
Every single one of them looks like a wild animal: possum, squirrel, rat, giraffe, horse
Somebody said “smartest” and Mandy thought they said “fart test” and he needed to check out BGG’s loose butthole before he could answer. I can’t stand Mandy!!!
bahahhahahaha.
Care for a lil “Joy gets owned” video? Always a good palate cleanser.
Yeah!! BUT did she die a little like with a HW product?? I wonder which “little bit” of the book she read before her little pygmy brain made her eyes glaze over and she said “So what, who cares?”
MP: Of course, Joy didn’t read the book! What an idiot! Joy starts to talk about “moving on”… but she’s the one who brought up Bush! And Joy thinks she can hold a brain cell to Malkin!? It disgusts me when people start spats and can’t finish them… think the super-intelligent Heather Dull-BRO! LOL!!! TFC!! SH
ThIs is where Malkin tells Joy…”look around you, it’s time to lie down!”
Now that’s the WHO we know and Love!
Wretched has the evil clown baby look that Nicole Kidman had when she got too much filler. Yuck.
I find it creepy weird that Tamra copies Gretchen’s look all the time. It seems stalkerish to me. Not to mention the fact that a grown-up 40 something woman usually has more sense than that.
LOL SH you are Funnneee hee heee. heather is the only 1 I like but the line about the script was a scream. All those bleached blondes are gawd awful make up face pretty buy naturally uggsters with worse personalities no brains & less talent.
LOL this was great! m’lady…that cracks me up! Man, these women are, um, well….they’re just….I’m so embarassed for them, because they sure aren’t ashamed of themselves.
In the picture where Wretched’s (Bleeech) mouth is open and Pleather Kentakeajoke’s hands are in the air, Pleather’s back looks weird. Is that a bone beneath her shoulder or is it *gasp* back fat or what?
I noticed that too, also her chest bones are pronounced. Bearing in mind she had a baby about 8 months ago Heather is shockingly under weight. If she doesn’t have an eating disorder, she is doing an awfully good job of someone with one.
Loved the caption under Alexis about the email that the ‘dumb’ crew had to get for her. Right on the heels of her professing she is NOT rude to the ‘help’, she then proceeds to bark, ‘are you going to get it for me, or do I have to physically walk over there and get it myself!’. Perfect opportunity to call her out. Guess that’s why you appropriately named them ‘Stoopid’. Well….one of many reasons why.
Hard to look @Whoopie and think she did a Slim Fast commercial and never lost a pound just gained more $$.Same went for Queen Latifah.Never one lost a pound just paid to hawk the product.