REAL HOUSEWIVES OF NEW YORK RECAP
Season Five, Episode Six… “Blinded By Wine”
by Sandi Duffy
This epidose opens with Ramona, Sonja and Carole at lunch. Carole tells them about Luann’s one-upping habit. Note to Luann: Carole is a princess and you are only a countess. Carole wins.
Aviva and her overbite join them at lunch. Why douldn’t Aviv get her teeth fixed. She has tons of money. NOTE: It looks like Aviva had some dental work done!
Aviva invites Ramona, Mario and Sonja to her home in Miami. Carole is also heading down there to visit some friends. Aviva wants to set Sonja up with someone. Then she drops her first bomb–he’s a sex addict. The second bomb is even better–he’s Aviva’s father. When my friends start wanting to fix me up with their father’s it’s time to pack it in.
Next we see Heather at the Yummie Tummie office. I never heard of Yummie Tummie. I’ve heard of Spanx. I love Spanx. Spanx is a woman’s best friend. Spanx makes me look like I actually took those last 10 pounds off after having my kids.
Heather is helping Sonja with her “brand”. I have a headache from my eyes rolling so far back in my head. Sonja brings a toaster oven. I guess it’s her prototype for the toaster oven she’s developing. I really don’t know anyone who even has a toaster oven. It seems to be all about the slow cooker nowadays. I love my slow cookers. I have two. When I had a Superbowl party I borrowed two more and made everything in the slow cookers.
So the guy who is supposed to be helping Heather help Sonja has no idea who Sonja is and has never been to her website. Sonja is pissed he doesn’t get her “sexy J” in Sonja. I know I’ve said it before, but it bears repeating. Nothing is sadder than an aging party girl.
Oh cripes! It’s David Schwimmer with an annoying French accent next doing a wine tasting for the ladies. I love that Carole doesn’t even pretend to know what the hell is going on when tasting the wine. I guess when you are a princess and related to the Kennedy’s you don’t have to put on airs.
I think everyone, including me, expected Ramona to have to clue, but she really knew her stuff. The joke is on Schwimmer and Luann. They tried to set her up by serving her her own wine, but it totally backfired. It almost makes me want to try the Ramona Pinot Grigio.
Aviva’s AlienHands… Aviva is not afraid in her sky terrace, ’cause if she topples over the terrace railings, she can reach out and grab a railing going down…
Aviva and her husband are in their apartment in Miami. Aviva isn’t afraid down there, but doesn’t love being out on her balcony looking down. I hope this woman is seeing a good psychiatrist because she is a total mess. So far she’s afraid of flying, elevators, heights, and the “end of days”. We meet her father, the sex addict and all I can say if anyone ever tried to fix me up with a guy like him, I would no longer be calling that person my friend. First, he tells his daughter that if she weren’t his daughter he’d hit on her. Then he insults where Aviva’s mother-in-law lives. Even stranger, it appears that her mother-in-law has the hots for Aviva’s dad. Dude gives me the creeps. There is way too much sex talk between Aviva’s dad and mother-in-law.
Aviva and her husband are getting ready for the arrival of Ramona and Mario. Aviva describes Ramona has high maintenance. That’s the understatement of the century. There are huge pictures of Aviva, her husband and kids hanging all over the walls in their home. I find that bizarre.
Heather and Luann meet for coffee, but stop to get their eyebrows waxed. Isn’t threading the in thing now? I can’t believe Bravo didn’t edit out this segment. Who the hell wants to watch women get their eyebrows waxed? Isn’t that the business that chick who looked like Chrissy Hynde last season was in?
Heather has her panties in a bunch that she wasn’t invited to Miami. Then there’s a whole tall/short conversation going on and I think I’m watching the Real Housewives of Atlanta–only less yelling and more passive aggressive.
Watching Aviva and Ramona get ready to go out with so much input from their husbands cracked me up. What do they call men like that, metrosexuals? Honestly, I could have thrown on a garbage bag and flip flops and my husband would never have noticed.
We get a glimpse of Carole visiting with her jewelry designer friend in Miami. Carole describes Luann as having a big pumpkin head. I have to say that her huge head had gotten past me. I now need to look closer. Luann asked Carole’s dress designer friend to loan her a dress. Luann needs to read her own etiquette book. Carole calls her a friend jumper. I like that. I may have to steal it from her.
Aviva and the gang go to a fancy steak house in Miami and Aviva orders a $25 hot dog. WTF?! We also learn that she’s afraid of tap water. So let’s count it up: flying, heights, elevators, end of days, tap water. You know what I’m afraid of? Snakes. End of list. I have an Indiana Jones fear of snakes. I can’t go into the reptile house at the Bronx Zoo, I’m so freaked out by them.
Mario kills me imitating Jacques. He says he sounds like Pepe Lepew. He’s right. Thank you for that, Mario.
Aviva’s $25 hot dog arrives. It looks like a giant penis.
Now I understand why a hotdog would cost $25.00?
Kobe beef is not sold in the US. That whole Florida dynamic needs to play out a bit for me to have an opinion. Well, other than Aviva’s Dad is not amusing.
It’s really nice of everyone to offer their business expertise to Sonja, but they need to listen to her. They all want to just jump in and take control, pushing Sonja to the side. How can that graphic designer even presume to create her logo without knowing anything about her or her business vision.
I have to wonder about Aviva’s HUSBAND’S underlying psychosis…I know I know…They both seem so sweet and loving blah blah blah.
But Aviva’s neurosis’ have got to be exhausting…unless you’re into that “wounded helpless bird type.” Anyone else wonder if he’s got a ‘hero/savior’ complex?
Yes. I think he absolutely has a hero/savior complex. Who else can live with all that neurosis?
I thought he is a wimp… Just silly.. She loves herself way to much,and she should have kept her thoughts about Lu, to herself… They played a trick on Ramona, and it back fired.. They, Lou & sort of French guy, looked foolish, Ramona should relish in that..
I really can’t stand Ramona. Of all of them I find her the most irritating, like a spoiled child who must be the center of attention and is so inappropriate for her age. No, make that her gender. She is insufferable and this is including both LuAnn and Jill for comparison.
And what’s with this “sweetness” bag of bullshit uttered at each one as they enter a room? The kissing drives me nuts as does the word “babe” but “sweetness” is beginning to jangle my last nerve for the sheer phoniness it churns up.
And Mario was spot on with his imitation of Jacques. I can barely understand him half the time and the Pepe LePew reference was priceless.
LuAnn is her usual horse’s ass self but Carole is beginning to grow on me. Can’t say why unless it is because she is the real deal when it comes to “NY society” and the others just make her laugh out loud at their pretentions.
Yes, you are right about Mario pointing out Jacque…..I like Carol as well, I am happy to see she is figuring out LuAnn as well as Aviva, I am happy to see Aviva saw the malice in Luann when she pulled that fast one on Ramona at the wine tasting. Luann doesn’t seem to be as proper as her book, asking Carol’s friend for a loaner dress; WTH?
She is on because of her books. I just noticed today that her 1st book about her husband and John K is back on the NYT best seller lists. I love her anyway. She is real.
Golly, this blog was soooo much more fun than watching the show. Thank you.
According to Aviva’s Dad theory Caroline and Lauren need to get laid and often!
Lol, I think there is something to that! When you are happy in your “relations”, you do tend to feel better about yourself and life, and less likely to look for drama! At least there’s still time for Lauren..
Kind of OT but… that explains a lot about Barnyard Barney!
Well, I don’t see that there will be many volunteers stepping up for that job. Maybe Carowhine and LapBand will have to take matters into their own hands, so to speak.
Heather didn’t annoy me this ep. Just thought I’d share. Y’all know how I feel about her…
Again, with do respect, I keep looking for an Adams apple on her throat, she looks like a guy. Her smile can be annoying when she’s trying to dig at people.
Lol, so that’s why she created her Yummie Dummie line.
She has something to hide…
She didn’t me either, Romo. I actually watched the show.. It’s her nose and huge facial expressions it drives me crazy..
She didn’t annoy ya’ll cause she had very few speaking parts…..
and yes, those overexaggerated (and possibly fake) expressions are what make me wanna open a vein….If I never hear “yummy” or “tummy” again….. yada
These women all act like they are in high school.Hard to believe they or some of them have businesses.I would not buy from them because of their childish/petty arguing on nothing.Ramona is the worst.I do not see how their husbands/BF’s can deal with all this backstabbing.I guess the men are just wimps looking for camera time too..
Morning All – This is off topic but I just finished reading Carole’s book “What Remains”. It is EXCEPTIONAL. I highly recommend it; it will make you look at Carole in a whole new way. That woman has been through A LOT and probably finds the make believe traumas the housewives conjure up absurd.
Good Morning….I finished Carole’s book a few weeks ago. You are right, it is an exceptional book. Carole is a remarkable women, a Free Spirit, with the depth of having lived through both great joy and pain. I too highly recomend this book. I think it is wonderful that “What Remains” made the NYT Best sellers list for a second time!
Oh, yes, we know…..Luanne “Knows the Family”…..OMG! every time The Countless says this I gag!
@Sandi, I love your reviews! Thought I was the only one who thought “the old party gal” thing.
I’ve also noticed they use a innocent/naive act. Guess the damsel in distress has worked before?
Watching these 50 something females behave with no self respect is gross!!
My 80 year old MIL LOVES her toaster oven! Has tried to push that thing on me for 26 years. I see no reason it would be helpful and honestly thought it went out with the microwave?
Watching Sonya using hers is funny because she dont often I bet.
Carole I think shes funny,smart, and what many believe is super cool. I’d enjoy her more on the show if it wasnt so painfully clear that she there for no other reason but to attack LuAnn. The HW producers are irritating me with all this fake mess! Does anyone know why Bravo builds up these women and tears them down? Does it make money? I want to know.
If one of these women becomes a fan favorite after a season or two they start ripping her apart until shes hated! Like Lisa V. in BH. I missed why Adrine and Kyle are hating and mad at her?
She always defended them and i dont recall her saying stuff about them?
i feel like all the producers/miss andy had an inferiority thing in high school/college. either that, or its a revenge of the nerds ordeal. they have to tear down the ones who most likely remind them of people who rejected them severely. jmo
Carole’s description of Lulu isn’t her own clever way with words…..down here we use the term friend hopper….she may have muffed it or they use another term in NY…..
Great recap Sandi! I enjoy your writing style, a cup full of wit with just a pinch of snark! Thank you!
Jerry Seinfield show came up with that term, he and Elaine were talking about level-jumping on friendships, etc, it is hilarious if anyone can find the tape, love to see it again!