July 8, 2012 11:30 pm REAL HOUSEWIVES OF NEW JERSEY RECAP
Season Four Episode Eleven… “The Sniff Test” By Sandi Duffy
I was on vacation last week and that also meant a vacation from all things Real Housewives, so tonight I had to catch up on what happened last week in order to make sense of this week. And for this I am missing Masterpiece Mystery on PBS, which is the total opposite of Real Housewives. It’s intelligent and interesting, and I’m a sucker for a good mystery. That may be why I keep tuning in to the mess that is RHONJ–to solve the mystery of Joe and Teresa’s feud. After Teresa and Joe’s visit to the therapist, I am no closer to solving this mystery.
This episode opens with Antonia’s birthday party. Melissa is having her make-up professionally done for her daughter’s 6th birthday party. My daughter just turned 6 in March. We had it at a gymnastics place for 12 little girls, got a pizza and called it a day. Oh, and I did NOT get my make-up professionally done. I probably didn’t even wear make-up. I also didn’t wear hooker shoes.
Lauren is looking at space for her newest business venture that she will probably give up on in a day again. How pathetic. Mommy has to put up the money for her daughter to have a job. Why can’t Lauren go do make-up at a salon like every other make-up artist I know? Heaven forbid Lauren Manzo work her way up from the bottom. Although, Lauren is right, the name is stupid.
Has anyone told Caroline she has major boundary issues? I mean, I thought my mom had boundary issues. Every time I go away my house is re-organized and re-decorated, but Caroline makes my mom look subtle.
Joe describes his “horrible” therapy session. I don’t think it was the therapy that was horrible, just the idiots involved.
Teresa has the same distaste about therapy. Hell’s bells, if any two people need therapy it’s these two and they think they are fine.
Teresa and Melissa agree to have Sunday dinner with both families. THAT should work out really well.
I have to admit that as far as over-the-top Real Housewives children’s birthday parties go, this is probably the least over-the-top. I mean in comparison to Trailor’s $60,000 Mad Hatter Tea Party, this one isn’t so bad.
Rosie and Melissa discuss the woman Rosie picked up in the gay bar and blah, blah, blah. You know, these idiots are acting all accepting about Rosie being gay, but if they really were, they wouldn’t have to discuss it so damn much. The fact that my gay friends are gay NEVER comes up. And I don’t feel the need to go to gay bars with them to prove that I accept their lifestyle.
Major awkwardness between Teresa and Jacqueline and Jacqueline’s breasts.
Is this dude who is Melissa’s producer legitimate? I need to look him up during the commercial break because I find it so hard to believe that anyone legitimate would produce Melissa. So he has her lined up to perform at “Beatstock,” whatever the hell that is. I am really into music and I never heard of this. Another commercial break research project for me. I feel like I’m back in grad school.
Greggy is chastising Chris about his late night out. I know SH readers thing Greggy is Al’s boyfriend, but I think he’s Chris’s boyfriend. Albie’s girlfriend has spent the night at the apartment and Mama Manzo must be pissed that Albie is cheating on her. She is a football cheerleader and I didn’t realize that is actually a career. I mean aren’t there only 10 games a season, and do cheerleaders even go to away games?
I didn’t realize that Teresa is still pushing her daughter into show business and the dance routine I witnessed was so disturbing I thought I was watching Toddlers in Tiara’s. And holy shitballs, there’s J-lo’s ex Chris Judd with Melissa. And how far has he fallen? Back to Gia…she is also heading to Beatstock. Kind of like when Gia and psycho Danielle’s daughter were both at Fashion Week. I would like to add that my daughter has also been taking dance since she was 2 ½ , but since the last thing I want for her is to follow it as a career, I purposely put her in the worst dance school in the area. Melissa says she just doesn’t want to make a fool of herself, and I say “too late.”
Kathy and her mom are preparing dinner for Rosie’s make believe girlfriend whom she picked up at the gay bar. This doesn’t seem manufactured at all to me.
So we have Albie’s girlfriend meeting his mom, and Rosie’s girlfriend meeting her mom.
Here’s what I found on Wikipedia about Melissa’s producer during the commercial break:
Soul Diggaz are a R&B/hip-hop production duo composed of Karriem “K-Mack” Mack, Shaun “Bless” Owens and songwriter Corté “The Author” Ellis. Corté Ellis, who is currently putting the final touches on his debut album, is the younger cousin of Hip-Hop Superstar Missy Elliott. They have recently added celebrity choreographer Bijan RythmiK Williams to the group as talent manager and A&R.
Back to the show: Lauren and Jaclyn are taking Greggy out for his birthday and they are meeting Albie’s “girlfriend” and Chris. Where’s Vito? Did he wise up and run for the hills? So the Manzo’s set up the Mommy/girlfriend meet-up at a gay bar.
That’s where I’ve met all my former boyfriend’s mom’s, too. It’s much more common than you think. Whatever happened to the chick Patti Stanger set Albie up with on Millionaire Matchmaker?
Back to Rosie’s “girlfriend”. She wanted to be a pediatric cardiac surgeon, but instead runs a restaurant in the city. Those two occupations are very closely related, so I can see how that happened. Ritchie is so friggin’ crude when he TTCs that I won’t even comment. Why is he TTCing?
Oh good, the Gorga’s are attending Greggy’s birthday party, too. I think Lauren is an even bigger bitch than her mother. Well, I guess she learned from the best. The competition between Lauren and her brothers is sickening and the funny thing is, they are all losers. Hell, I’m more successful than all of them put together.
Melissa is giving relationship tips to Chris’s “girlfriend”. Is taking one’s clothes off for stranger men the way to land a man?
Ok, another commercial break. Let’s see what I can dig up on Beatstock.
So Beatstock is “The Greatest Dance Concert Ever” according to their website and last year the only band I heard of that performed was Big Time Rush because my kids, ages 6 and 7, love Big Time Rush, a Nickoledeon-created boy group. It’s sponsored by WKTU, a New York dance music radio station. I’m not into dance music, so that explains why I never heard of it. NOTE: Tree and MeGo were “Special Guests”…
Back to Greggy’s birthday party. Melissa is in stripper shoes dancing on stage, looking right at home. Lauren once again blames her “genes” on the fact that she is fat and her brother’s girlfriend has a great body. Hey Lauren, stop eating so much and exercise.
Caroline TTCs that Albie is not ready for a relationship because he is so focused on work and I am laughing so hard that I can hardly type this sentence.
So, what the hell is Mike Tyson doing on Watch What Happens Live? Poor Mike Tyson.