This week’s episode is one that I wished had never happened. I actually have not watched this episode and most likely will never. I have just returned from my daughter’s destination wedding, and I am still on “happy thoughts.” This episode tonight featured a strong exchange between Briana and myself, which was painful when it happened and I don’t know if I am ready to re-live it again.
My children are my driving force and my reason, actually, for my own success. I want everything for them, and I want them to have everything I never had. Isn’t that what all parents want? As parents, we (even I) do not always get what we want at all. Every parent that is divorced and enters the dating world will come across resistance from their children. This is inevitable. No one can hurt you more than your children, and Briana said some things to me that were shocking, but also painful. I have come to realize over the last couple of months, that Briana is still processing my separation from Donn and most likely her biological father. As you saw, this week my daughter and I hit a wall full speed ahead and it hurt. It hurt bad!
What you didn’t see is I left her home in tears, and just sat in the street and prayed, cried, and prayed some more. I realized it was not the end of the world if my daughter does not like the man I am dating.
I say dating — because Brooks and I are “dating.” We are not living together. We are taking our relationship slow. We enjoy spending time together. We haven’t comingled any finances (nor do I ever plan to), and I sure the heck am not ready for marriage or even an engagement. I’m taking the relationship for what it is, which is two grown people who love and respect each other. I’m dating Brooks because he makes me extremely happy, doesn’t lie to me, and is treating me with the respect and love that I deserve. That’s it.
If you would have heard my entire and complete toast, you would have heard me say that this party was not about all the frill and fluff, it was about celebrating two amazingly strong, healthy princesses who had a very difficult entrance into this world. Not a single day goes by that I don’t thank God for what he gave us. When I think about how easily we could have lost either one of our girls, or myself, it puts a lump in my throat.
And not only did I not lose them, but they are healthy and truly growing into good-hearted people. I’m also grateful that the Lord shined his light on me as well during the time. I too may not have made it. It’s not that uncommon to have a pulmonary embolism during a pregnancy of multiples, but that doesn’t make it any less scary! Lo and behold, all three of us pulled through! Thank you God! NOTE: Who gives a “toast” at a party for four-year-olds??? Oh yeah…. Alexass does. Wouldn’t you LOVE to hear the unedited version???
“I’ve had the big diamonds, big houses, fancy cars, etc. Of course, I would be lying if I said I didn’t enjoy that lifestyle, but I have definitely learned that lifestyle isn’t ultimately what make me happy. What makes me truly happy is that I have a man who loves and adores me, protects me, builds me up when I am down, is the calm in my storm, and makes me feel like the most important person in the world every second of the day. Our love is the kind of love I have dreamed of having since I was a little girl. It’s the kind of love I have prayed for my whole life; a love that fulfilled me emotionally, mentally, physically, and spiritually. God finally answered my prayers when he gave me Slade.
March 29, 2012
Now, I’m sure all your jaws dropped when Slade asked Gabe at Newport Jewelers if he could get a CZ stone until he could afford the real thing, but the truth is once I thought about it I realized it was very sweet and showed his vulnerability. He wants to get me a beautiful ring, but knows he just can’t right now. That is hard on a man’s ego no matter what way you slice it. I’m so proud of the fact that he is not just pretending to be someone he is not; it’s a very brave thing to admit on national television. Slade is working so hard right now to get out of debt and working multiple jobs to do so.”
“…I also had a hard time with fact that Simon had moved in with his girlfriend (who the kids love) and when he had the kids she would pick them up from school. Sharing custody is one of the many struggles of divorce. I want to be the one picking up my kids every single day from school. I want to tuck them in to bed every night. I just don’t have that option anymore, and it took me a long time to get over the pain. . . I’m still struggling with it. I wasn’t lashing out at Simon for being happy and moving on, and NO his girlfriend is not half his age — just much younger. I just couldn’t understand how it was so easy for him to move on and so hard for me. After all, I wanted this divorce. I often wonder, do the strong people stay in an unhappy marriages or is it the strong ones that leave?
Eddie is an amazing man and has helped me with my divorce every step of the way. He is so kind, considerate, and thoughtful. He makes an effort to make my children feel like they are loved by him every day. Eddie grew up without his father, and his mother bounced in and out of his life. He understands more than anyone what its like to come from a broken home. He told me today “Babe stop worrying, all these kids need is love and support. They will adapt to all the change.” I just don’t understand how I got so lucky.
We now live together as a family, and nothing makes me love him more than to see him and the kids running around the house being goofy. I know in my heart that I’m in such a good place, but at times I feel guilty for being so blessed. The past two and half years have been the most difficult and rewarding time in my life.”