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LISA VANDERPUMP: BEAUTY TIPS… MORE OF WHAT YOU “SHOULD HAVE”… ACCORDING TO LISA VANDERPUMP RUMP… THE SECRET PRODUCT THAT ONLY BEAUTY INSIDERS KNOW…

March 23, 2012  2:00 pm    Lisa Vanderpump’s Dose of Divine

Lisa Vanderpump… “Top secret beauty tips… available only on my site for $538.99 for EACH of my recommendations.  You DO want to look just like me, don’t you??  Tips from Giggy are $784.50 each.  Giggy’s tips are more because there’s a doggy translator involved…”

Lisa Vanderpump is at it again!  Another LisaVanderpumpRump newsletter telling everyone what they should have!  

This time it’s BEAUTY PRODUCTS!

LISA’ LIST OF ‘MUST HAVES’… Lisa will NEVER tell you her must-have TOP SECRET beauty must!!!  

BUT… keep reading to find out Lisa’s top secret beauty product revealed…

5 Beauty Products Every Woman Should Own

With the plethora of beauty products available at our fingertips, it’s hard to know which ones to love and which ones to leave.  There are countless products available at every price point, making it somewhat of a daunting task to decipher which ones will truly benefit our looks the most.  We’ve taken some of the guesswork out of the process for you and lined up our top beauty “must haves” – and most of them are getting back to the basics.
1.  Moisturizer with SPF - The right moisturizer can dramatically change the quality of your skin.  Beauty companies have really tailored their products over the years and there are currently many formulas available to address the variety of skin types, so don’t be wary even if you have breakout-prone skin.

2.  Lip Balm - We know – it sounds entirely too mundane and simple, but please, we beg you – do not underestimate the power of a great lip balm!  There are few things as distracting and unattractive as peeling, cracked lips – or as uncomfortable!

3.  Hair oil - There is a barrage of hair oils suddenly available on the market, with Moroccan and Argon oils being the most popular right now.  No matter your hair texture, applying a small amount of oil after showering dramatically changes the look and feel of your hair.

4.  Hand Lotion - We spend a lot of time, energy, and money making sure our faces and hair look as young as possible, but quite frequently the body part that shows the earliest signs of aging is completely overlooked – your hands.

5.  Mascara - Unless you’re blessed with your own fan-like eyelashes, you’re most likely not new to mascara.  It’s the single most important step you can take to ensure that you look awake and refreshed.  Try applying your mascara first when you’re doing your make-up and you’ll see what we mean; even without a stitch of any other make-up on, having lush lashes dramatically changes the look of your face.

It is incredibly easy to be drawn in to the latest beauty “must have” fads that we encounter at every turn during our waking lives.  Some of them are great additions to our beauty box of tricks and others are simply passing trends.  Sticking to some excellent quality basics, however, will never do you wrong, and are completely worth spending your hard earned money on.  What are some of your favorite beauty must haves?!

LisaVanderpumpRump has NOT shared her most secret beauty tip…

This product is TOP SECRET …only Lisa’s immediate family and her favorite painting know!!

Lisa’s top secret beauty product is used by every woman in the entertainment industry… and every man in the fashion industry… and ALL the HouseHusbands!!!

 Kyle’s husband, John Turturro, got that LizardLipLickin’ thing goin’ too!

WHAT IS THIS SECRET PRODUCT????


 

TUBS OF SOLID CRISCO!!!  

Crisco is Lisa’s SECRET … and is the main ingredient in all the Housewives skin care products!!!  

Why pay $349.50 for LisaVanderpumpRump’s new skin care line when you can buy a tub of Crisco for $2.79???  

Lisa slathers Crisco over every inch of herself… including her hair… every evening before bedtime.  Upon awakening each day, it’s Rosia’s job to scrape all the Crisco off of Lisa.

                                                                                        The rendered Crisco scraped offa Lisa…

The scraped Crisco is used by Rosia to deep fry Lisa’s favorite English fish and chips… it’s a Wednesday weekly treat!

Who DOES NOT use Lisa’s secret ingredient??   Hagface Kyle would not listen to Lisa and refused to incorporate Crisco in her beauty regimen!  

LizardLipLickin’ Kyle  is now awaiting Dr. Paul to re-schedule the necessary 27 weeks of surgery… twenty weeks required for LLLKyle’s face and seven weeks just for her “ManHands!”

  YIKES!!! Kyle gotz da “ManHands!!!”

WARNING: Do not substitute BUTTER Crisco.  

Kim Richards used Butter Crisco, went to Hawaii and ended up looking like this…

 Lisa’s beauty secret has begun to leak to the other Housewives franchises…

TAMRA BARNEY HAS BEEN SPOTTED AT COSTCO PURCHASING PALLETS OF FIVE-GALLON TUBS OF CRISCO…

Just hope Tamra bought the straight Crisco and NOT the Butter!!!   Wonder who will be scraping off Tamra’s Crisco???

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11 comments on “LISA VANDERPUMP: BEAUTY TIPS… MORE OF WHAT YOU “SHOULD HAVE”… ACCORDING TO LISA VANDERPUMP RUMP… THE SECRET PRODUCT THAT ONLY BEAUTY INSIDERS KNOW…

  1. I MUST respond to this. Whether this entry is satirical or not, I’ve got to tell you that one of Hollywood’s most famous makeup artists, the late George Masters, taught my mom nearly 40 years ago to moisturize with Crisco shortening. Long story short….I have the most beautiful 83-year-old mother in the world, whose skin feels as soft as a baby’s behind. It’s greasy as hell, but the results are spectacular. Just use a tiny dab after washing your face, and you’ll never need a face-lift!

  2. Lisa’s other beauty secret is a copy of the industrial strength version of Photoshop.

  3. Dang Crisco can be used for more then cooking …..I went to a Adult toy party years ago and guess what the Lady said you can use Crisco as lube ..I was grossed out and thought the lady was a nut job i guess she was right ….Btw i didn’t buy anything i went for the free food lol

  4. they brought up Crisco “secrets” in “The Help”….remember rubbing the bottom of your man’s feet? ugh….I’d do my face before I’d rub my man’s feet………….Point is…..the old stuff still holds true…just like bag balm…made in the late 1800′s for animal t*ts when it was cold (or that’s what my family used it for in Montana when it was 100 degrees below zero)….great for healing sores too or a sunburn….my kiddos (teens) will say they need that stuff out when they need to heal a sore any day before anything else….the funny thing was there was a story in a mag a few years back about this GREAT NEW product called bag balm….HUH?

  5. anybody remember that club waaaaaaay downtown called ‘crisco disco’ …
    that was the first time i heard about the ‘goings on’ with this crap…
    whew!

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