Real Housewives of New Jersey RECAP: Season 3, Episode 10… “There Arose Such A Clatter”

                              Didja see me wit Andy?  My boss??   I got a big bonus check from Bravo for that lap dance he got.   Git away from me, reddress… can’t you see I’m performin’ a major spine adjustment here?  Dis woman needs help…

                              Youz gotta play by da rules for right now, Missy.  Just until we can squeeze dem Manzos off da show.  You and me just gotta play along widdem and den we’ll take over.

                                Melissa, Melissa!   I just wanna know why you’re wearin’ that tiara??  Who toldju dat it would be OK??  Did you ask me first?  Huh?  We got rules on dis show… and you better start to follow ’em.  Did you ask me if you could do your singing?  You and me gotta talk…

                              Hey, Caroline… it kinda looks like there’s some problem goin’ on with Missy and Tree.  You want me to handle it?  Or what??   Caroline:  See that tall, gay guy behind us?  He takes care of all the lil women tiffs.  None of da big stuff, just the lil women spats.  Thanks anyway, greenbeans.

                                What the hell is she doin’ now?  It’s always about the Manzos.  Can I even have a party in MY house without all the Manzos gathering or callin’ a meeting!?

                                        Seriously, Joey.  You’re my brother and this is your house.  Do somethin’ about it… you gotta go over there and break up dat ganga Manzos.  

                              You see my big, green ring, Kim?  You must kiss my ring, Kim.   Don’t look so scared, it’s not gonna spray ya with nothin’.  Ya just gotta kiss it.  Now, go ahead, kiss my ring…

                            You now understand what I must do, Kim?  Just because you refused to kiss my ring?  No one refuses to kiss my ring, Kim… No one!  Greenjeans… get me my “tool kit.”

                                You are the only person to EVER refuse my hand, the only one EVER to not press her lips to my ringed finger.  YOU will pay for your refusal, Mrs. Granny-tell.  

                              KimG:  Oh, get the hell outta here with your “kiss my ring” bulls***.  I ain’t takin’ this from you or none of your little gang you got wit you here, Mrs. Manzoschevitz.  I been to Paterson and all the people in Paterson say that you and yer husband are just big thug posers.  Jax:  Oh-My-God, Kim!  You have NO idea what you just said.  Oh, you’re in huuuuuuge trouble!

                              What just happened?  What’s goin’ on??? Everything went quiet…

                               OH..                          MY…                        GOD…                          !!!!!  

                            Come on, people… Let’s keep the party goin’.   Remember, this is all for those poor little kids in da hospital.  That’s why we’re all here.  For da kids… da Little Children of the Hospital.

Big Al enters…

Can you believe it???   “BigAl” Manzo outta Paterson is here.  We’re standin’ 10 feet away from him!  Al’s da man!  I heard dat he don’t like loud-talkin’ people.  I heard dat he don’t like guys who wear red shirts.  Let’s go back to da bar…

 YO!  Da big man!  Big Al!  You came to my home.  I am honored and humbled dat you would come from Paterson and land on my doorstep and den enter inside my house.  I’m just gettin’ all nervous around you, Al. 

 I come to your home to break bread with you and to bestow my blessings upon this Christmastime party that I hear is for the Little Children of the Hospital.  Is that a church around here, in Montville?  

 I can no longer resist the huge hunka gold wit da big emblem in da ring which lays upon your finger on your hand.  I don’t know what I’m sayin’ here.  I’m so nervous.  But, I bow to you Big Al of Paterson…

 And I kiss your ring.  My allegiance is now to you and your family, Big Al!!!  Do you need a funeral done?  I mean if you knew someone who died and you asked me for a funeral, I would give you the greatest funeral dat you ever seen.  I mean, I’m not sayin’ dat you woulda hurt anyone or anything like that, ’cause you, personally, would never done nothin’ like dat…  

Come on, Joe… stop kissing my ring.  I’m not a ‘big guy.’  You’ve been hearin’ too many stories.  But, I have to say that you do have quite a way with your lips and your ring-kissing technique is excellent.  Not that I have anything to compare your technique to, because no one has ever kissed my ring before…

Hey!  It’s Denzel Washington at da Gorga’s!!  (He’s totally in love with Caroline and has been stalking her since RHONJ began.)  Oops… that was wrong information.  Denzel has been stalking DINA, not Caroline… sorry.

                                Mrs. G….  You know I must do this to show my family that I am worthy of being one of them.  I cannot accept your offer of a new house in Franklin Lakes.  Oh, a Bentley and cash in perpetuity?   Uh, you’re not makin’ this easy, Mrs. G…

                                Hey, what did you do with Christopher?  Ya didn’t “get rid of him,” did you???  I heard what you did wit Dina’s first husband… is he on I-28 or in the LIE???  Anyway, it wasn’t that I didn’t wanna kiss your ring.   I mean, I’ll go ahead and kiss it… but, couldja spritz it with some alcohol first?  I got nothin’ against you eye-talians, ’cause I usta be married ta one and he’s da one who told me to spritz everything with alcohol first and then if ya could spray it with Pam so my lips don’t catch on your cheap setting, then I’ll go ahead and kiss your ring. 

Joe… I coulda swore that these shelves were filled.  What happened? Whata we gonna give to the Little Children of the Hospital???

Don’t worry about it, Missy… we got enough toys to pose with.   Ain’t dat da most important thing?  Just ta show everybody dat we meant to fill up all the shelves… deez pitchers should be good enough for the Church of the Little Children of the Hospital.  Yeah, all kids love pictures wit lotsa colors in ’em…

                                Tree, you got all dos presents?  You just grabbed all da wrapped ones, right?  ‘Cause I ain’t wrappin’ no presents for dos kids dat you hadda have… especially da one dat comes after Gia.  Eh, I forgot her name… you know da one I’m talkin’ about.

Did your Dad forget your name again?  I’m really sad for you Melvonia… but look at all the presents dat you got.  And you got all different wrapping papers!  You are so lucky…

16 comments on “Real Housewives of New Jersey RECAP: Season 3, Episode 10… “There Arose Such A Clatter”

  1. OMG!!! GREAT recap, Ms SH! “Little Children of the Hospital… is that a church in Montville?” And poor lil Melvonia!!!! Oh yeah, spray that ring with Pam first…don’t wanna snag my lip. HEY! What’s Denzel doin’ here??? Fun-nae!

    If I was eatin’ breakfast or drinkin’ coffee while readin’ this, my keyboard woulda been totally messed up!


  2. Ahhhh……….good stuff S.H.! Those frames of Don Caro’s hand gestures; JoGo kissin the ring, MeGo dressed like Santa’s little hootchy bride. *That slap Milania’s got looks veeery familiar—the speed, the precision……….I’m going with Godfather 1………..or maybe it was 2.


  3. MeGo’s BiL has a gay stance going on in that pic which would explain why he is always in JoGo’s back pocket… ;-)


  4. I noticed how skimpy the presents looked, I’m sure what ever charity they were supposed to be donated to would have prefered the $$$ that was spent on the original party. I never understood that, if you have that much cash to spend why not just donate it out right??


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