Real Housewives of New Jersey Recap: Season 3, Episode 5 … “Stick It”

        Season 3, Episode 5


JoeyG:  Did youz hear dat???  What the hell was that!?    
Melissa:  That was me singing, Joe.     JoeyG:  Oh, I thought lil Gino was strangling the cat…

                                This is great… maybe I’ll find some antique buttons or some of Albie’s cufflinks… hope Christopher remembers to pick me up.

                                Kathy was tellin’ me about some other job at Bravo… maybe I’ll ask her about it.  I am so sick of playing the ‘level-headed’ relative.  I wanna get back to my old Vegas self…

                              Tree:  Ain’t dat great, Joe?  Huh, Joe?  I’m a ouwther!  Didja ever think dat your wife would be a NYTimes best-selling awther?  Huh, Joe?  Huh?   I only need to sign another 8 million books and we can keep the Mercedes.                  Juicy: Tree, how many times I gotta tell ya… fuggetabout da Mercedes.  The first thing we gotta do is get one of dem special bootcamp babysitters for Milania…

                                Other than me, my husband and my two kids gettin’ paychecks from Bravo, I have no idea why I’m on this show.  Isn’t there an opening on Shear Genius?  I know I can speak English better than that girlfriend of Matthew McConaheyhey.  I’m gonna tell Andy that I want a transfer…  

                              When I get my Grammy Awards, I’ll mention that you sold me this coat.  OK?  Deal?  I’m tellin’ you right now that I’ll be gettin’ a Grammy, and that should be worth at least two coats.  Yeah, just me tellin’ you dat… ’cause right now it’s a huge Housewives secret.  My voice ain’t been unleashed on the public yet…

                                Yeah, I can totally back her up on that… she can sing!  She’s gonna win more Grammys than Mary J. Blige and Britney put together.  Go ahead, Missy, sing something’…

Aaaaa-haaaa-maaaayyyy-zzzzing  Ga-raaa-a-aase….   Daaa-aaaaat saaaaved aAAa wren-ch li-Ike a meeeeeee.    Now that was worth that coat that I tried on and at least five more.  

                              Would you like to hear it again???  Are we good wit da five coats for now and when I gets my Grammys, I’ll come back for as many as I can carry out?  We good?

 Listen… I’ll give you a 20% discount off one coat right now.  When you bring me back your sister-in-law’s autograph, then I’ll give you 25% off your next coat.  That’s my final offer.  When you get some voice lessons, come back and we can talk again… but don’t forget that autograph!

                              Mom!  I’m working… I have to order titanium knitting needles.  I’m not the only one who loves my hats and I’ve been making them so fast that my aluminum knitting needles wore out.  

                                Yeah, piano guy, I wrote all da words myself… how do ya like the way I rhymed ‘display’ with ‘my way’ and the best one… ‘give up’ with ‘buy me a pup’?  Good, huh?  It’s like I’m writin’ Grammy Award songs already…

                                  Aaaaahhh-haaaa-maaay-zing Gr-aaaaace, hooooowwlllll awoooooooo… didja like dat?  I did a little improvisation on Amazin’ Gracie… see I’m changin’ it to be more like me.  It should be more of a funk R&B tune…

                                Joe, hurry up and grab da kidz… dats a fire siren I can hear it.  But it kinda sounds like it’s playin’ Amazing Grace.  Dats weird.  Ok, nevermind… it stopped.

                                  Rich, did those kids ever get done with their contract to us?

 That’s a beautiful letter, Victoria… beautiful.

Now Joseph, how can you write a letter AFTER we had Thanksgiving last week?  Ohhhh… sorry, Andy.  I’m new here.  Oh, so that’s what’s called editing…

                                  Chris, isn’t Ashley a great entrepreneur?  She is knitting hats and that’s how she’s gonna pay for her car.  Well, she has to make 87 hats a day to make her monthly car payment, but she can do it…

                                Now do I got the job?  And I start next week?  Thank you.  Now I will give you some advice, ’cause that’s what I am… a know-it-all advice person.  Here’s what… for all the money my Albie ‘donated’ to this station, you oughta be makin’ me the Queen of 101.5 and throw in free lunches and put a satellite station in my house.  I’ll be givin’ you more advice after I start working here…

                                Juicy:  Hey, Tree…  Ya know yer brother is right behind us.   Tree:  Just ignore him, Joe.  He brought dat skank wit him…

                                I heard what you just said Ta-reesa and my husband ain’t gonna take you talkin’ like dat about me.  Tell your sister, Joe.  Joe!  Tell her!

                                While you guys are just standing around, how about goin’ out and gettin’ me a juicy-style pizza… Just pepperoni for me…

                                What kinda pizza do you want, Gia?

                                Awww… see, my brother’s back.  He knew dat I wanted some pizza and he’s taking orders.   I knew he’d come back…

                                If you wanted to get pizza for your sister, then you shoulda told me that’s what you were gonna do.  I mean, slicing all those onions and all dat flour flying around is really gonna mess up my instrument.  It hurts me, Joe.  It just hurts… my instrument will have to rest for at least a week.

                              Missy, I mean your instrument is precious and I love your instrument and I am 100% behind your instrument, but do you see all the pizza orders I got here???  And dis is just from the gymnastics meet.  I love you and all dat, but I’m a big businessman, maybe the biggest businessman ever on dees Housewives shows and I’m holdin’ a gold mine here.   We could have a great thing goin’… me makin’ pizzas and you singing while you deliver them to the tables.  Missy?  What do ya think?  Missy?  Missy?  Missy, yeah, there’s a Grammy category for entrepreneurial singing…

12 comments on “Real Housewives of New Jersey Recap: Season 3, Episode 5 … “Stick It”

  1. Aww, man. Ms SH had to go and make Mad Cow in her Barney the Dinosaur dress the background!! Now I have to stare at her man-hooves and jelly belly for the next 24 hours. And judging from the size of her teats, it’s time to milk this cow.
    Well at least this gives everyone a chance to see what a “size 6″ body looks like.

    Assley the Giant’s stoopid hat is angering me, too. I don’t get it – is the point of the hat to make you look like an authentic, poor, hobo? Because that’s what ALL the hobos are wearing nowadays. And we SO want to fit in with that crowd. I just want to rip that hat off her Bratty, pouty, emo, spoiled-rotten, Giant-Head.


    • HH: Why all the hatin’ on ginormous Jeana? Vicki likes her… Anyways, I’m thinkin’ that Bravo has been getting sloppy with their editing and maybe this Ashley footage (some not all) with her sloppy hat was spliced in. Just sayin’ because she had moved on from that look. It’s weird, as Kelly would say, weird, just weird. Now, getting back to Jeana… ya know that koo-tour dresses are sized to accomodate the woman wearing the dress, so maybe Jeana is wearing strictly koo-tour frocks. Maybe Allasses Bellino made Jeana some koo-tour dresses out of that high-end fabric of which all koo-toor dresses are made. Now that is unbelievalbe… Alexis still does not know what couture means. I look forward to the day when Alexass’ brain comes alive…


  2. MS.SH: Nice catch on the “time-shifting” editing!!
    My alter ego is whodothesepeoplesoundlike? And I think Missy is channelling Olive Oyl–“If Aayyyyyy were Prayseeedent….”
    When she does her Grammy appearance, she can copy GaGa and emerge from a giant wool cap like the ones she and Stump, Jr. wear all the time, even at home–have they lost their heat?? I kept watching to see if I could see their breath.


  3. ok i live on a golf course and I HAVE NEVER SEEN them let anyone on wearing what caroline was wearing ESPECIALLY the heels, wtf bravo please make this a little more realistic!!!!


  4. I don’t know how much longer I can watch this! So now they should call, “Joey’s Angels” This show gives Trashley more airtime tha she deserves, and I’m so sick of Wench and Toey!


    • Click: The big deal being made about Melissa’s singing… JoeyG lying there, suddenly awakened by the sound of angels. Oh, wait! Am I hearing this right? No… it couldn’t be. But it is! It’s my wife’s amazing voice! Shhhh, Mommy’s singing… oh, dat’s bee-yoo-tee-full hun and I’m gonna back you up 100%. What a phony setup that was! Just because Melissa’s father thought she had a great voice, and her sister’s think she has a great voice and her father video-taped her all the time ’cause she’s a ‘star’… just because your RELATIVES think you got it goin’ on, don’t mean you got it goin’ on. The girl can’t even sing on key! I am so glad that MS SH included the video of her wrecking that song, because although I laugh every time I hear her sing ‘wench’ instead of ‘wretch’, I notice more and more how off-key she was singing. Is there any daddy that doesn’t think their little girl is a star??? Melissa’s pathetic..


  5. Love the recap! My kid when thru a knit cap phase… about 5 years ago! Big NYC Ashley needs to get wit the times!
    Does anyone know why Toey doesnt drive? And whats with the “I want to be her father” line? That was creepy. He aint but 6 or 7 years older than her!! And what the heck was Antonia being “fresh” about? and who the heck uses that word anymore?


  6. And the we’re getting ASShly a car, again eventho she doesn’t deserve it scene, and Chris asks her for the extra set of keys and she throws a hissy! Chris, hon… WTF you asking HER permission for a set of keys for a car that you freakin paid for? Why is she signing the title? Then the bitch balks on him and says she doesn’t WANT the jeep if Chris has the extra set. And he gives her the car anyway?! Hell to the no! THAT my friend, dear Chris, is one of the reasons why ASShly is such an ingrate! I could not believe after her display of disrespect she drove off with a shiny, new car… nice lesson Lauritas! Chris, lesson time: yes you should have a set of keys and you should have assertively told that fool, “This is yours, be careful, here’s your payments, make them once a month, one chance if missed and it’s mine.” the other set of keys shouldn’t have even been discussed. WTF is wrong here? When do the parents become in charge and quit goofing around? Jaqueline is always snickering or too busy with her friends and where is CJ btw? I’m getting off subject … Seriously, ASS didn’t deserve a car to begin with and she’s throwing a ‘tude? I would of told her, sorry you were so close but you blew it, we’re leaving without it. And help me out, why did Chris buy her a new car… bc she cleaned her room, washed after dinner and walked their dog WTF mate?


  7. If all these so called “reality” shows are the meat and potatoes of Andy’s career I FEEL REALLY SORRY FOR HIM –


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