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Real Housewives of New Jersey Recap: Season 4, Episode 3… “Sealed With A Diss”, Part II

                               I’m sorry… but I really thought that after all these years you would have figured out that I’m Jeff Goldblum.  Come on, Kath, don’t look so shocked. Howz about I get you in my next picture and you can thumb your nose at this Housewife crap?

                                What iz dat thing?    It’s called ‘New York Strip Steak.’

                                  I know, Joe… I told him that it’s ‘New Jersey Strip Steak’, ’cause dats what we always call it.  Hey, pitcherman… I know my ingredientenses… now change dat to ‘New Jersey Strip Steak.’

                                Should we tell her the difference between lamb and Spam?   No, let her keep talkin’… I want to hear how she made the mint sauce…

                                   Did you fill out the questionnaire before you came here?  And you already paid $750 on your Visa.  OK… now we can start…

                                  You are a complete dumbass.  Tell Andy that you need a new storyline and once you get that, everything else will fall into place.  You’re still a total dumbass.  Now leave.  But don’t forget to leave the usual $100 tip…

                                 I don’t know what my boyz will do with this stripper pole you gave them, Jacqueline.  Christopher has seen them before, but he thinks they only work in car washes.  Yeah, it’s good that he’s gonna move here with Albie… he would never make it on his own…

                                     Does your mother know about us, Albie?  ‘Cause if you don’t tell her, I will.  I mean it.  

                              Oh yeah… I always knew, Fluffly-guy.  Now outta my face… leave.

                                 You don’t need a psychic to tell you that you need a new storyline.  I mean look, Jacqueline, they pulled me and your mother in here to beef up your part on this show.   When’s dinner gonna be ready?

                                You know that your mother and I are the most boring people in the world, so how’s that gonna help you?  You need to tell that Andy-person that this Ashley boo-hoo story ain’t gonna fly.  You know, I’m still on Las Vegas time and I would have had dinner two hours ago…

                                   Damn.  Why did Bravo do this to me?  They could have made my storyline ‘finding out which escort service I worked for in Vegas,’ but noooooo it’s all about Ashley.  

                                   And who the hell are you?

                                 My Christopher did not get you pregnant.  No way, no how.  Well, you do what you gotta do.  Trust me, honey… if you even try to drag my Christopher on the Maury Show, I will find you and you will need to use a walker for the rest of your life.  Now get outta here…

                                   Geez, this ‘reality’ show stinks.  They got me in the kitchen cookin’ potloads of food.  I never cooked this much food… ever.  Like, what are they gonna have me do next?  It would be great to get my ’84 Honda replaced.  They want me to ride my bicycle everywhere, but hell, I’m gonna have to drive my car at some point…

                                      Hey, look what Bravo I leased for six months bought you, Kath…

                                    Mrs. Wakile,  sign here and here.  This is just a standard form that says that you will not take your ’84 Honda out of the garage as long as you appear on the Real Housewives of New Jersey.  This is a ‘reality’ show and we have to keep it real…

                                I did!  I wrote a cookbook!  Me!  By myself!  Teresa Schmu-day-cha-cha-chay JOO-DICE!  Dat makes me A OUTHER!!!

                  Honestly, Teresa, how did you even get through grade school?  You can’t talk, you can’t read and you can’t spell.  And I have to pretend to like you on this f’n show for the rest of this season?  

                                Caroline:  First, Teresa, it’s ‘author’ and you aren’t one.    Tree:  But doz peeple at Andy’s office tole me dat if I wanted to tell everybody dat Ima outher, then I could.   Caroline:  Teresa, stop talking.  I don’t care what they told you.  You are not an author.  An author is one who practices writing as a profession, and looking over what other people wrote about pictures of recipes does not make you an author.  KimD:  I think Caroline is right, Teresa.  Jackie:  I’ll stay outta this one.

                                 Oh, God, what did I get myself into? Teresa can barely walk and talk at the same time… but, she swears she’s an author, so this letter might be easy.

                                OK… here’s my letter to my brother, Lil Joe.  Tell me if you like it… “To my only brother Joey”   “My Dearest Joey”   “To Joey”  “Joe, your my brother”  “Dear Joe.”  That’s as far as I got…

                    Teresa:  But I AM a outher.   Jackie:  If you’re an author, you should have no problem ‘authoring’ a simple letter to your brother.  Now please stop talking about Melissa and the christening and how you didn’t leave your kid in the stroller all by herself (even though it’s on tape that she was crying in her abandoned stroller) and write the damn letter.

                                 Oh my God… Teresa… shut the f up.  

                                 Jackie, howz this sound:  “Dear Joe:  You are my brother.  That’s a fact.  You married Melissa.  That’s another fact.  You are mean to me.  You need to apologize.  Your sister, Teresa.”   Jackie:  That’s perfect, Teresa.  Don’t slam the door on your way out…

                                       My very first letter as a outher.  They should keep it, ’cause it will be worth a lot of money one day, but they won’t ’cause the both of them are too stupid.

                              When was the last time we went jogging together?  We ain’t never been jogging… I didn’t even know what jogging was, but the camera guys told us to get outta the house.  Like they coulda just said go runnin’…

                              Look!  It’s a letter from your sister.  Put dat down… come on, git in da house. Youz know dat I can’t carry around dis poison no more.  Open da damn door, Missy!

                                Dear Joe Gorga:  “You are being sued.  This letter is to advise you to seek legal counsel immediately.  If you cannot afford legal counsel, please contact your local Bar Association and they will assist you in finding an attorney who will take your case pro bono.”

                                “If you do not tell Andy that you don’t wanna be on RHONJ, you and your wife will never see me or Juicy or the kids or none of da Jood-de-SHAY’s  Joo-DED-che’s  JOO- day- shay’s Judy- cha-cha’s  JOO-DICE’s ever again.  Now da ball is in your coort, so whatcha gonna do, huh Joe?  I swear, if the two of you stoopid peeple say anything about me on the show, you will be ripped in two and you know I can do it, Joey.  Everybody liked me before you two barged in.  Yerz trooly, Yer sistar, Ta-reesa”

                               It’s just a letter, Joe.  And you can tell that Jackie wrote the first part… your sister won’t do anything… she can’t even spell or talk.    Yeah, but you never seen her get really mad… she’s like a freakin’ ape on roids.

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19 comments on “Real Housewives of New Jersey Recap: Season 4, Episode 3… “Sealed With A Diss”, Part II

  1. ROFL! Love it as always! Too dang funny!

    Also is it me or has PraiseMe gone wayyyyyy to far with the the teeth whitening thing?? Dang they looked wayyy to bright……..maybe Jill took her to the dentist too??

    And yeah, I thought it was very convienent for the Gorilla’s to be out jogging….hmmm….yeah right. Reality? think not.

    the one of Jack laying her head on the table is priceless…even watching the show I KNEW that is what she had to be thinking…..LOL!

    Don Caro and Tree…..too funny!!! You know she was thinking that…she going smack Tree soon (I hope) …..I bet Tree don’t flip no table on don Caro. Tree is living fast, loose and dangerous…she is letting this get to her head (well I guess it stuck cause there was not much else up there) and she is loosing friends fast….Even Jack who seems to have the patience of Job with her is getting sick of it…already and this is just episode 3…..

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    • its funny that when melissa was reading the letter, you could hear the kids in the background but bravo never showed them going to pick them up – this crap is getting old lol but oh so entertaining to talk about on here :-)

      ps: i have been trying to juggle this site and cnn/live to watch crazy(casey) anthony trial JUICY STUFF!!!!

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      • Vicky, I have a Live Feed to the trial on my computer. So I can see it and when I want to jump to Stoopid Housewives, I can still hear it. I’m just going back and forth.

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  2. MS.SH, ROFL!!! Great recap and I loved the captions!!! I knew that toe licker, Joey, Toey, Blow me, was going to make sure he is in every scene! I’m so sick of him already! Why did Kathy even think she needed Don Caroline’s approval? And who is paying for Princess Albie and Critter-fur’s apartment? Everyone just blows over that. And once again, it’s all about Trashley. So who is this girl Lauren? Everyone’s make-up artist? I think I’ve seen her in some of the episodes, but where does she fit in?

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  3. Very funny recap!!!! I liked when tree says Joey needs to change, then says, “I’m not trying to change him” Hahahaa – Jac called her on that one. I think Jac can’t stand the stupidity any longer either. It is getting burdensome for everyone.

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  4. Trashley demands attention, that new baby of Jackie’s needs it, so poor little CJ is another Lauren/ Gabriella/Antonia? Why do these families ignore 1 certain child?

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    • So they can create another generation of dysfunction, Click. Picture Antonia and Giuseppe fightin like uncivilized bratz on RHNJ 2030 and of coarse cousin Gabriella would HAVE to be on there to take sides with the most damaged one.
      Little wonder that Mel had to read Toey the letter. Ya reckon he can even read? Naw hes been “developing” since 19 yrs old… Developing roid rage, teeny nutz, unhealthy sexually deviant appetites.. but not his brain. I bet his teachers in grammar school thru high school were too fraid to fail him so he just got passed along. Would you want to call a parent teacher conference with Daddy Gorga? I think not. Classic example of too effed up to fail.

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  5. LOL! LOL!! Excellent recap, MS SH! Now that the RHONJ don’t have Danielle to focus on, they are all showing their real personalities. I’m thinking that Jackie regretted telling Tree that she would help and it seemed like Tree wanted Jackie to write the letter for her.

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    • Hi Bitterkitten :) I love how Tree attempted to read the “letter” from her phone..that if i heard correctly..someone texted her? Did anyone catch that? I wouldn’t doubt it! Tree can’t even pronounce her daughter’s name right, much less write a letter! Remember last season when she said her daughter’s name “Oudriana”, then spelled it out (and had to pause to remember how to spell it) too? I wanted her to then add, Hooked on Phonics, worked for me! I love how she ended her letter “your one and only sister Teresa” just in case JGo (isn’t he like a wanna be JLO with those velour track suits?) doesn’t remember who she is? Tree is like the scarecrow from the wizard of oz, but of NJ!

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  6. Whoa, whoa, whoa… Back to The Mister WTF??? Come on out Albie… I hear you knockin… And Don Caro has been on edge lately, Big Al has been awful quiet and the timing of BOTH boys getting their apt together as to cover things up… RomoHeDiNT! I think so… Watch what happens. Tick tock tick tock on Miss thangs perfect family… Ooooh

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    • @Romo “come on out i hear you knocking” ROFL!!! :) maybe he doesn’t wanna come out cuz he is helping Greg pop his zit?

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  7. Romo, There have been rumors that Princess Albie has a boytoy. I’ve read to watch closely on their trip to the Dominican Republic.

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    • Ms SH, I just LURVE when u do the recaps w/the pics&captions! makes it so easy to read! i can do it all by myself w/out having to ask someone to read it out loud to me! I luv the psychic bit! I am gonna call Ms. SH Dionne Warwick and we can all be her “psychic friends”. Seriously, Jackleen? u go to a psychic, who has watched all the episodes? Pay me and i will tell u all u need to know! Any of us on here could do a better job than the “heartache” bull crap. and the constant pms! R u kidding me? Jacks didnt know this? LOL! Hows about you take your daughter to someone who might really help, and u wouldn’t pay more than what u pay the psychic? I am referring to a therapist! They offer solutions too! mhmm! Instead of sitting around talking about ur messed up life, how about some family therapy ? As for the secret romance between Albie, and Greg, i have a feeling you are on to something MS SH and click/click! me thinks his “roomate” is more like a live in undercover lovah and they have a baby together. Enter, Deloris! @Click, now i’m gonna be anticipating the trip w/albie! OOH , i wonder if the reason Albie wasn’t happy w/Lauren dating Vito, is b/cuz maybe A secretly harbored a crush on V? Then his sister got him! Cuz it seems like A is still not accepting that relationship!

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  8. Thug, Lauren and Vito are broke up. MS.SH, Didn’t you say that? Please let us know. That poor girl can’t get a break. Maybe Tree acts like she does, because all these Italians treat women like lower class citizens, and I have a problem with that.

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    • LOL< Click, I remember u telling me that last week! but i'm basing my comments on what we r watching in Bravo time not current time! I do feel bad for Lauren! Doesn't Don Caro realize how she is dissing her own daughter by making a fuss over the boys, when her daughter is right there? You can tell who her favorites are, and it sure isnt Lauren! the Mommas Boys r Don Caro's faves. And poor Lauren can't even be a daddy's girl, cuz he hides,"works" all the time. I feel bad for her as she so obviously wants a relationship with her mom too!

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  9. Teresa needs to stop acting like she never does anything wrong and her brother needs to sit down and talk to her. He says he loves and respects his wife, then listen to her! Talk to your sister!!!
    Caroline, time to let your “boyz” be MEN! U cool in my book thou. U keep it real!!!

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