… “SEALED WITH A DISS”
Episode three of the Real Housewives of New Jersey starts with Rich Wakile asking Kathy how her night at the fashion show was… Kathy explains what took place at the Brownstone while Rich is slurping soup and talking. Just eat your soup, Rich! Kathy wants to have a sit down with Don Caroline.
Teresa Giudice Tree JOO-DICE… oh, no, sorry Tree, but SH is not accepting your attempt at a name change. You’ve been pronouncing your last name ‘Joo-dice’ since day one of the RHONJ, so it’s sticking. Tree JOO-DICE goes to a meeting with her ‘book people’ to review and approve photos of her new cookbook and talk with the people who are putting the book together.
Tree tells two women from her publishing company that when she was just married, she would buy cookbooks, but they had millions of “ingredientses” and she couldn’t make them. And the recipes had things in them like “come-in.” Yes, Tree JOO-DICE, cookbook ‘author’ just said ingredientses and come-in instead of “ingredients” and “cumin.” Tree is a total idiot. I’m sure that whichever bastion of higher learning Tree attended is proud of their alumni. Oh yeah, it was the Berkeley School of Fashion Merchandising… never mind, they’re probably very proud of Tree, ’cause she’s a TV star.
While Tree’s at the cookbook meeting, she gets a call from juicy that ‘mysteriously’ goes dead… could the editors have dubbed in their conversation?
Lil Joe comes home in a bad mood and rejects Melissa’s affection. Interesting that baby Joey in the high chair is wearing the same outfit as he did from episodes 1 and 2. Lil Joe is pissed that Melissa came home from the Posche fashion show looking all sexy, but she didn’t want to have sex with him. Melissa goes over all the events at the fashion show… which is just talking again about the events at the christening. Lil Joe saw juicy leaving the gym and they didn’t talk to each other.
Jackie visits a tarot card reader and makes a direct hit when she tells Jackie about her struggle with Ashley. The psychic tells Jackie that her problems with Ashley will be going on for a while. (Note to Jackie: Your relationship with Ashley will have ups and downs for the rest of your life, so deal with it and send me the $500 that you would have spent on a session with that phony psychic. I could tell you much better crap than she ever could and you could do it over the phone! No need to get all dressed up to cart yourself to a psychic’s lair… think about it.)
Poor Lauren. Don Caroline is sad ’cause her little boyz have moved into their apartment in Hoboken and Caroline is musing about her boyz being on their own in front of her only daughter, who is still living with Don Caro and Big Al, like Lauren is invisible. Lauren gets back at Don Caro by informing her that she and Vito are going to get engaged and move in together. So there, Mom! Hey, Albie and Chris, have fun with that stripper pole.
Jackie’s parents are visiting and she has a talk with her dad, Jerry, about Ashley’s problems because she came from a broken family. Oh boo-hoo. Ashley needs to have a limo pick her up so she can get to work on time and Ashley needs to have some plastic surgery because her nose wasn’t exactly right and Ashley needed to go totally blonde because that will boost her self-esteem and Ashley misses her little brothers in Texas ’cause one plays football real good and she can’t go to his games… because Ashley is from a broken home. This segment just caused my eyes to mist up and tears roll down my cheeks. The pain poor Ashley suffers day in and day out. It’s almost as bad as poor Bethenny’s recollection of her terrible childhood. Heartbreak and more heartbreak.
But, it was good use of Jackie’s parents on the show… and Jerry and Bonnie got a free trip on Bravo to visit Jackie in New Jersey. Yes, Ashley needs her entire family’s help, ’cause she just doesn’t know where she fits in… oh, the heartbreak! Chris and Jackie could help Ashley out by getting her a new car in the color that she wants instead of just giving her a new car or they could give her two new cars and a duplex close to her non-paying job at Lizzie Grubman’s, but even that could never erase the awful life that girl has to lead. Ashley’s story is so sad… (Note to Bravo: No one is buying this scenario… get a better storyline for Jackie.)
Kathy Wakile goes over to Don Caroline’s with a huge bouquet of flowers to apologize for her actions at the fashion show. And another rundown of the christening events takes place at Don Caroline’s. Don Caroline basically tells Kathy that she’s not interested in hearing her story, to shove it and gives Kathy ‘head of the family’ advice, which is: keep me out of your and Tree’s mess. Now get outta my house.
Melissa gives the kids a bath and Lil Joe makes a sex appointment with her.
At Kathy’s…Kathy’s in the kitchen and says that she’s disappointed that her sitdown with Don Caroline didn’t go well. Rich has a surprise for Kathy.. a white Mercedes in the driveway with a big red bow on it. For no reason, just because Rich feels that Kathy should be treated like the queen she is. Bravo must be getting more generous with their contracts.
Caroline, Teresa and Jackie are visiting Kim D’s, the owner of Posche Boutique, wholesaler to do some shopping and to show them where she gets her clothes for the boutique.
Tree introduces herself to the owner as have being involved in the fashion industry and then Tree also says that she’s an ‘author.’ Does Tree have any idea of how many real actual authors she just insulted by describing herself as an ‘author?’ Compiling a cookbook does not an ‘author’ make… I don’t care how many cookbooks you’ve sold to your ‘fans.’
Caroline tells the group about Kathy’s visit to her house. Tree says that she wanted to find Lil Joe after the christening but couldn’t find him and it is suggested that Tree write a letter to Lil Joe… with Jackie’s assistance, ’cause Tree can’t write… she’s lucky she can read, ’cause she sure can’t speak correctly. Let’s see how well Tree does at her letter-writing skills… this should be exciting.
Tree is at Jackies house to write the letter. Tree says that she wants to put her thoughts down on paper. (Note to Tree: Definition of a letter: putting thoughts on paper.) As Tree reads her letter from her cell phone, Jackie points out that Tree left out mentioning Melissa in her letter.
Tree says the best line of this episode about Lil Joe and Melissa…”They’re both stupid.” OMG! Tree: look in the mirror. If there was ever a stoopid person who got lucky when they were cast on a realty show, it’s Tree JOO-DICE, not Joo-da-chay or Joo-de-che-ay. Tree JOO-DICE: YOU are STOOPID.
Tree drives off to Lil Joe’s, letter in hand, in her white Mercedes SUV with Jacqueline along with her. Tree knocks on Lil Joe and Melissa’s door to hand deliver her letter, but they’re not home, so Tree leaves the letter stuck in the door.
Very conveniently, Lil Joe and Melissa were out jogging when Tree came to their house. Melissa asks Joe if he’s willing to never talk with Tree again. Joe says that if she’s Tree Gorga, the sister that he’s always known, he’ll take her back with open arms…
Part II of “Sealed With A Diss” coming up…